Hi Elsa,
I’ve been through two disastrous marriages, and I’m wondering what fate has in store for me now. As I reflect on the past 35 years, I see a pattern of allowing myself to be a doormat when it comes to men.
Now that I’m am on my own, I’ve become independent and quite happy within myself. But deep down, I still seek that special someone to share my life with.
Does the future hold someone else for me?
Regards,
Searching
Dear Searching,
Do you know you’re a triple Aquarius? Sun, Moon and rising. You have some other planets in Aquarius as well, which means you’re like a classic Aquarius when it comes to love: an independent person seeking friendships. Aquarius is a cool detached intellectual, and I’m sure you relate.
But in your case there’s a wrinkle. Like spit in your soup – Pluto (intensity) sits in your seventh house (relationship) and guess what? When it comes to love, your cool head betrays you and you go for the burn.
It’s as if a relationship is a Roach Motel for you. You know, one of those boxes with the sticky bottom designed to catch bugs. The Aquarian roach walks in all nonchalantly, just an independent insect seeking friends. Then next thing she knows, her Plutonian intensity kicks in and she’s suffering, thrashing about, fighting for her life. It’s not pretty, is it? Are you sure you want to do that again?
Well I think you will, if you don’t get a deeper understanding of your own motivations. I’m just being honest with you. I don’t think it’s not enough to say you’ve been a doormat, so you’re not going to do that anymore, tra la la. Thirty-five year patterns are not broken in this manner!
If you’re serious about change, you’re simply going to have to get in there and dig. Why are you a doormat? What patterns from your childhood are you re-creating? Most importantly, you must have gotten something out of these relationships. What was your pay off? Because there had to be one. What did you get out of living on the edge for all those years?
And I don’t think this’ll come easy, because this is intense stuff which is anathema to an Aquarius – who prefer to stay in the head, and ignore the gut.
But you are not going to be able to amputate this part of your nature – the part of you that subconsciously goes for a man who makes you feel like you’re dying. But that experience can also make you feel strong, energized and ultimately empowered. Sort of like a roach coming out the other end of that box – if she makes it. She’s transformed after the experience.
You seek transformation in relationships. If you embrace this, you have hope of getting exactly what you need. You have to go into the motel, willingly. And the only way you’re going to do that is if you understand what’s in it for you.
Good luck.
Wow. I love that creepy roach motel analogy…
Good visual and good advice!
Minus the two marriages, I am just like the writer with relationships. For me, no amount of self-awareness, reckoning with my childhood or acknowledging that I got something out of being the doormat in relationships had made much difference. If this energy is part of who you are, if I understood your response correctly, is the answer to accept that you won’t ever heal? In other words, maximize the benefits of having the injury to begin with by knowing it’s there?