Blind Spots & Core Personality Traits – Yours & Theirs

double pinochleI had striking conversations with two clients this week, dealing with the same phenomena. It’s the fact you can know someone for years and miss a key point of their character. A person can also miss their own character! I’ll explain.

In the first case, I told a client that someone in their life loved to brood. Loves to brood? Whaaaat?

If you have a lighter character or just tend to be happy, the idea a person might enjoy brooding is not likely to occur to you. “Brooding” might not even enter your mind and this not a failure. It would be like me running into someone who was passionate about hunting. I have no earthly idea what that feels like.

Notice there’s no judgement here. There’s just a big void in this “hunting slot”, in my schema. Until I meet someone who loves hunting, considering it is not likely to enter my mind.

I thought this was interesting but then enter client #2. Competitiveness came up in this consultation.

Many of you know I have Mars conjunct Mercury my chart. This aspect is pushy and it wants to win. I used play cards with my father when I was a kid. I loved cards, especially Double Pinochle. My father and I played as partners, routinely beating people to a pulp.

Do you see how I’m talking? That’s the mindset. We took “in it to win it” to a whole other level. If you’re wondering, yes. My father also has Mars conjunct Mercury.

cardsSo the client is at the metaphorical card table with someone like me. Blood pumping. Straining to win. WANTS TO WIN,. Wants to be first. Wants to be on top and prevail. This is taking place behind their poker face. The client is playing cards but the Mars Mercury person is at war.

You see the picture there. Everyone looks normal. The person who is calmly playing cards does not realize the person they are playing with has adrenaline coursing through their veins. Raw male energy, raging.

The aggressive person (me) has no clue the other person’s heart rate is stable. I think you are trying to beat me at the same level of intensity I am trying to beat… everyone.

In other words, I think I am normal and standard.
You think you’re normal and standard and we’re both blind in this regard.

I no longer do this but it’s only because I stopped playing games. I don’t like the feelings that come up when I do. I hate the racing feeling and the easiest way to avoid it is to avoid competition. This is what I’ve done for decades.

These consultations made me think about this over the last couple days. I recall sitting at the card table; I’d have been ten years old or so.  We played, exclusively with adult men and while I’d been instructed to sit calmly and not tip my hand under any circumstances, my impulse was opposite that. I sat still but maybe you can imagine the stress.

The revelation here is in coming to understand the men I played with, outside of my father, were most likely just out for a night of cards. Yes, we played for money, but in general, the average person plays cards to relax and be social. It certainly isn’t life or death to them… and I sure wish I’d have known this at the time.  It seems a big piece to miss!

So I’m telling you so you can know it at this time.  The person you are dealing with is NOT you. Even when you’re related!  My father and I have this one thing in common, without a doubt. It does not mean we line up down the line. Clearly we don’t.

This is also a good example of the value of astrology.  Is competitiveness shown in a chart? YES. Is the love of brooding shown in  a chart? YES. But you have to be able to read a chart or you’re not going to see it.

Also, when you see something like this is a chart, it gives information but it’s not definitive. Am I competitive? YES. But I’m not competing and I go to great lengths to keep it this way, leaving this aspect of my Mars Mercury conjunction to play in other ways. Effective communication?

It’s a big deal when the veil drops and you see you’re constantly interacting with people whose insides are foreign to you.  A lot of things come from this. You might see the idea you’re going to remake them in your image is truly fruitless.

“Hey, Elsa!  Let’s play cards and just relax about it.”

Oh really? How? The minute I see the cards, my heart comes alive.  Open the pack and it escalates. The sound of shuffling? I’m  a boxer waiting for the bell to ring. Deal the cards and it’s steely concentration – kill, kill, kill!

By now you don’t want to play cards with me. I understand. I don’t play cards with me either, so there’s our commonality.  I had to reveal this to make my point.

Can anyone relate? What do you think of this?

49 thoughts on “Blind Spots & Core Personality Traits – Yours & Theirs”

  1. BRILLIANT helpful applicable explanation!

    Certainly one early Holiday gift if I have ever read one – thank you
    as always Elsa.

    thenewboy

    1. Thank you for your support. I like to write about things like this, but it’s not supported… say, by search? Everything has to be simple and tied to keywords. Consequently, something like this is created and shared, only to die within a day.

      1. It is nice to know that this can be retrieved as well as “”re-referenced” within
        the contents of the blog. Very often I find myself sparked by contemplation so it is invaluable to access the wisdom I garner from it here.
        Longer shelf life than you may imagine!

        thenewboy

  2. When I come across something like this, it’s so revealing both about me and people in general. I can definitely see things that are important to one person but when they see its absence or apparent lack of concern in another person, it seems it is one of that things that is not a priority or even on the horizon to them. Conversely, it can reveal something you might possibly want to work on. Or not.

  3. I definitely have a blind spot for believing that people can do anything with the right resources and support, whether they really can or truly deeply desire to do the thing. I think I have learned, and probably still am learning, that as much as I love to offer any tips, resources, direction, cheerleading, I have to let go (in my head) whether the person follows through on their goals or not. It’s not my goal. People change their minds, ultimately want to do their own thing in their own way, or realize they didn’t want it as much as I thought. I mean, I’ve been on that end, too.

    I think this is my Jupiter, favorably aspected to my moon, Pluto, Uranus, Mercury and Venus. It’s also opposite Neptune.

    1. So it’s possible they actually can’t do the thing?

      Not to project onto you but I learned this the hard way. I envisioned great things for this family when I was young. I mean I was 22. It was an Italian family who made incredible sandwiches. I was convinced they could get a food truck… Eventually expand and even franchise the biz.

      I was persuasive. They mortgaged their house…

      They got the truck. They fought a lot. Within a year, the truck was broke down in their yard. The funny brother who was also crazy, had moved into a hole in the ground. Oops!

      I learned my lesson from this and have kept my big ideas to myself since. Because unfortunately this was not my first experience of this type. I realized I was dangerous.

      1. Yes, absolutely possible. I can understand how this can go horribly awry. I would like to think I’m not a very good salesperson, or pushy, just enthusiastic. But this is a blind spot that I’m learning to manage, and stay in my own lane, as they say.

      2. Maybe you were right about the sandwiches, but wrong about their ability to run a business. Either way, they decided with their own free will to do the thing. I don’t think it’s your fault, Elsa! I think people should take advice from people who have been there and done the thing. Not some 22yo who hasn’t been in the business, etc. Just like you should probably not ask someone without kids how to parent, and you shouldn’t ask someone who hasn’t had a successful relationship how to be in one, etc.

  4. I don’t have the aspect you do have Elsa, but when it comes to playing cards, specifically one game that I really love to play, in general people tend to get unpleasantly surprised by my character. I want to win. I have that adrenaline rush and I’m like a wild animal that wants to tear apart everyone at the table who is trying to resist me. On the other hand, I’m not competitive at all. It’s all or nothing for me. If something I’m passionate about, and good at, I like winning, I like to be first. But more than competing, I discovered this year, I like to lead. I’m good at it, people follow me and I didn’t know I have it. I’ll put my finger on Mars-Saturn conjuction I have. 🙂

  5. I do believe we inherit some intelligence from our parents, and it’s a huge advantage if one can further develop it. Understanding why it brings up so much energy, and what is contained in that energy, is so powerful. Blind spots are full of potential.

  6. I have HUGE respect for people who downright say that they’re competitive. I’m competitive too… but only when I feel that I’m provoked.. which is kind of lame and immature and I have to work on that. What I don’t like in people is when they actively seek opportunities to prove their worth to people around them yet pretend that that’s not what they’re doing at all. So I respect your honesty and choice that you actively stay out of competitions

  7. i’m so not competitive at all, and my husband is similar, we play board games with family and friends and we know who gets really competitive and angry if they lose; so we just let everyone else win because it’s less stressful and for us, its a win win if those who desperately want to win win and we feel relieved and happy. they are happy and we are happy, thats stress free right there ^^ better than meditation xDD and we are enjoying company and happiness with family and friends.

  8. I get the competition in board games but what about when it escalates or rather translates to real important things like knocking a friend over for personal gain, ruining a long standing friendship? Serious question – is that competition or selfishness? How is that line drawn? What a key differences?
    Looking for advice.

    1. well you dont do that to a friend honestly, then thats not friendship and crossing the line. It’s quite mean and selfish honestly. The most honest thing to do is tell the friend hey i also want to have that and get there too someday, can you help me too? No need to feel proud to get help from friends because friends help eachother ^^

      1. you mean psychopathy to ruin a friendship over it? ..that is putting personal gain over friendship? just looking for clarity?

        1. In my experience, if you are between the psychopath and what they want, you’re toast.

          I’m not saying this I’d the case in your story because I’ve not heard it. But emphatically, yes. A psychopath will roll over absolutely anyone.

          1. got it! thanx

            they claim honorable actions but i say primal actions which is all about self and their blood. Primal in my opinion equals brashness and lack of forethought/forsight.

  9. Hahaha
    I have to laugh because it’s Chinese Checkers (I’m Chinese but the casual observer would never know) that concentrates my competitiveness. Maybe that Mars Saturn conjunction. It’s like lay line magnetizes the moves licking in the pathways
    I don’t play often, and mostly I play with my husband He knows I’m Chinese.
    When I’ve played with my Sister in law we serve the legacy. I know she can be brutal, my brother taught me that about her. We’re thousands of miles apart these days and she is busy with 7 grandchildren to tap those checker moves. It’s a trip the blind spots and it helps to remind me to use all my mirrors while driving.

  10. In response to your “blindspot” headline Elsa, which I find so intriguing, I’ve found astrology and chart reading invaluable in helping me clear up and mature my blindspots, especially my rose-colored glasses filter of Neptune opposition Venus. I’ve found over the years that I’ve assumed the best (or projected) like little red riding hood, while missing the obvious features of a wolf, and also done the opposite in assuming the worst when someone was just being inept, etc. Tapping into Pluto in 12th on the ascendent and other aspects have helped me temper and fine-tune my vision and senses. I’m not a card player literally, but I’ve learned how to play poker in life (figuratively) and hold my cards closer to my chest, hang back, observe and learn from all the tells and variety of ways that people handle the cards they’ve been dealt. For example, people most often do not reveal themselves in the first card they show (ie their rising sign/Ascendent). There’s likely so much more going on. And yet, sometimes, it’s just that, and what you see is what you’re going to get. Astrology has been such an amazing teacher!

  11. What an amazing post, Elsa! You give an excellent perspective on the value of astrology. I would imagine you’d need to look at the house and sign the conjunction is in to see where and how the competition plays out?
    Could the sun also have something to do with competitiveness — like sun in the first or tenth house?

      1. … so this is where my desire to crush at Cluedo comes from! lol!! (though far too tired for that atm!) love your post Elsa … I’ve got to ask … markers for ‘love brooding’ … some scorpio in the mix??!!! or cancerian energy?!!

  12. Ahhh! Card playing! Such a great topic for me! My Uncles, my mothers brothers..were long shore man on the docks in NYC in Hells Kitchen on the west side. Card playing was what they did during down time…for money of course. This was pre and post depression days. My mom just passed last year a mere 102 year old.
    My Uncle Mike taught us Casino for points and this is how I learned math! I love math and numbers! What a gentle fun man he was.
    During our mothers last ten years as we took care of her between the 4 of her 10 chillins… the thing she loved most and would okay for many hours was cards!!! Her mind was waning big time… but cards and numbers??? No problem. Over and over Casino and Kings in the Corner… To this day I love to play with anyone who’ll play with me…winning? No matter… just for the one on one company and exchange. Person to person intimate exchange….Libra rising…Scorpio sun
    Love this place…Elsa you got a goody here. Thanks

    1. What a fun post! Reminds me of growing up – my aunts & uncles would play euchre (an Ohio thing). My aunt taught my sister & I to play canasta in our teens one summer & we’d play until 3 am. Cards are definitely great for logic & math. Nicely put too about enjoying the friendly intimacy! Can relate, that’s more important to me also. Leo Sun, Scorpio moon.

  13. What’s the astrology for your own blind spots .. I was just thinking about this . I came up with a character defect I haven’t known in my life and. I thought can I really be like this and never saw it before …I’m still trying to pin point exactly what it is. I can’t see others character defects either I see the very best or what I want to see probably that damn Neptune on my ascrendent!

  14. I have mars conjunct Mercury and have those exact feelings. I also avoid most games because I KNOW how I am, and it’s not something I like to show off ya know?? Lol…However, there are times I can detach from it all, I still feel it deep down, but someone can disconnect from it all. Not sure how I do it.

  15. Growing up as the younger sister, I recall my brother playing-for-the-win. Unfortunately, it was always. It took most fun away until we played roulette. He said I had no strategy, but I inadvertently broke the bank! He had a tantrum, LOL. I recall learning about both my husband and child in a single game of Risk. He insisted they gang up in an alliance. They blew me off the table! This 8 year old was competitive, still is as an adult, but not out to annihilate and refused to play again.

  16. i love this Elsa.. 😀
    i also love cards thanks to a few goodpoints of the destructive childhood i was offered.
    but noone plays todaY!!!
    i say im not competetive & im truly not – espec compared to peoples i live with [board flippers!] but as soon as im in a card -or any thinking game- my egos competitive side definitely is all in – but other people dont knoW 😉 😉

      1. Oh boy… I had a board flipping incident when I was a young girl playing Monopoly with my brother. That’s probably got something to do with why I stick to Solitaire!

            1. oh yes. it was monopoly! and i was very young. I think it felt unfair, playing against my older brother, and maybe my parents or other family? It’s good that I learned at a young age, not to act like that. my Libra brother would still make fun of me for it today!

  17. I was thinking about this more…my blind spot, the undying belief that people can do anything, Jupiter in my grand earth trine, feels as natural as breathing, it feels like the first default, even despite my Capricorn Mercury.

    But I have learned how to get around it, or accept limitations. I realized this when training with people. If someone has a physical issue, back, neck, you have to work around that, do some other variations, or not at all. And there are people that simply do not like to do some things. Depending on the goal, you assist, offer a path or options, or you have to drop it.

    It used to be I would have rose colored glasses for others but sometimes it’s the wrong prescription, or people don’t want to need them. While it can feel instinctual, that Jupiter, I have learned, perhaps always learning, to let that go.

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