I Crave A Stable Marriage But Think I Might Blow

Dear Elsa,

I have Venus sandwiched between Pluto and Uranus, and my love life has never been settled. Even after I got engaged, I had another man seriously pursuing me and another one proposing marriage. This was 10 years ago, and I wondered, “Why me? Why couldn’t I have been the girl who married her high school sweetheart? Why the endless short relationships, crazy situations, and just plain…well, nuttiness?”

Then I come to now. I’m craving stability, but I’m fed up with my Capricorn husband of nearly 10 years – and I’m afraid I’m going to blow and go back to being unsettled. But is being settled but bored really a good thing… especially for someone with a Venus that’s aspected like mine? Do people sometimes wish their Venus was more “wild” or more “settled”, depending on their life experiences?

Venus and the Outer Planets
United States

Dear Planets,

I think a person prone to being unsettled in relationship only settles in a relationship the way a volcano goes dormant. That thing can look innocuous for awhile or even for a very long time but when it blows… well you best stand clear.

As for your current situation, with Pluto transiting your conjunction Venus, Pluto, Uranus conjunction, I’d say disruption is a given. And this does not mean you are going to leave your husband but it does mean “buh-bye” to the status quo.

Outside of this: when I read your post with its plea for stability, I get the picture of Wile E. Coyote. Can he really stop himself from ordering from ACME… making contraptions and doing his thing? Not in my mind. But to answer your specific question, I do think people with stability frequently crave excitement and people with excitement want the opposite… the grass is always greener on the other side.

And is being bored and settled “good” for someone like you? I don’t think it is. But I also don’t think you are bored and settled. I think you are bored and unsettled and here comes a Pluto transit going to take care of that…

Good luck

Where is your Venus?

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5 thoughts on “I Crave A Stable Marriage But Think I Might Blow”

  1. Avatar
    Uncle Hannah Celeste Slattery-Quintanilla

    I guess it depends on what you consider settled. I don’t think anything is ever fully “settled”…there’s constant evolution, even in marriage if you allow it.

    I think it’s silly, actually, when people consider marriage boring. To me, flouncing around from person to person seems really yucky and unfulfilling to me. To me, part of why life is exciting and fulfilling is connected to another person in a lasting and deep way. You’d be surprised the interesting things that happen over the years…

    Venus in Aquarius, 2nd house (can’t remember aspects)


  2. On the surface mine is settled, but that’s not the reality so I picked “unsettled and I don’t like it”. I have Venus in Scorpio in the 8th widely conjunct Uranus. The stability problem, I’m slowly realizing, comes within me. I try to control and am a worrywart but am trying to avoid becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    I personally wish my Venus was more secure, I don’t mind the wild or the crazy, but wish it didn’t scare me so much.

    Do you ever think the excitement is what you think you want until it actually happens? If so, maybe there’s another outlet for it, rather than your love life.

  3. Not settled, nor unsettled…Saturn is suffocating my Venus in Scorpio. Pluto is there grinning mischieviously as well. I don’t want to think that I’ll never have a settled happy love life, but it seems highly unlikely.
    It’s easy to envy other people and wonder why we’re not lucky as well…but it’s not in our nature to be as settled as they are, we wouldn’t be happy with what they have, even though we think we would 😉

  4. I know what she means..with moon, jupiter, uranus & pluto in 7th and venus opp uranus I have had an endless supply of offers. But what i’ve always craved is that deep ongoing growing connection that Uncle Hannah speaks of. I thought i had it with my ex but we were fooling ourselves and realised after 12 years that we’d reached the end of our road. Amicable and still great friends (we had lunch just y’day) it was the right thing to do or resentment would’ve built up on both sides. I’m with someone now and theres lots of sparks, good & bad which can drive me crazy at times but it keeps me awake at least. Whether it’ll turn into that great merging i crave (nept in 8th) only time will tell. But i dont regret the break, even though it was one of the most emotionally exhausting periods of my life. You cant live a lie.

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