Crying Capricorn… In Public No Less

A true story…
frosted donut

This reminded me of an evening I spent crying. Man did I ever cry. I cried for 6 hours, then 8 and then 10 and then more. I probably cried for 12 hours and when I finally wound up, it was about 3 in the morning and I realized that I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten all day or if I had I didn’t remember. In whatever case, I decided I wanted a donut, a real donut from the donut shop. Actually I wanted 6 or 8 of them, so what to do?

Well, what?? The donut guy never saw tears before? People die, people cry.

I got in my car and drove to the open all night donut place. I walked in with my face not puffy, but swollen to misshapen with my eyes like slits, my nose raw from blowing and got my donuts. I’d decided if the counter person said anything I’d explain, “Don’t I look like I need a donut?”

He didn’t say anything though. He only kind of stared politely so it went pretty well.  My only complaint with this situation was there are slim pickings in the donut store at three AM. Very paltry. I should have went at five or six in the morning for better selection, but the point of telling this story, is to say I’ve cried freely, anywhere, any time since. I cried long enough that day to perceive the tears rolling down my face to be soothing and I’ve been a fan of my tears since.  Cry it out. That’s what they say, right? It’s so good to spill your tears.

These days I rarely go a week without a tear and I think this is one of my better qualities. I don’t stockpile tears anymore. I’ve learned to routinely release and renew. People ask me often enough, why I’m happy and I think one of the reasons is that I cry my tears out.

Is it possible to feel better about anything without crying? I wonder.

Do you cry freely?


32 thoughts on “Crying Capricorn… In Public No Less”

  1. hit or miss, sometimes I just cry, other times I can go a year without. I’m in a better state when I cry more, however, and for brakeups my tears are unstoppable, they just stream down my face and I can’t stop I can cry for days. Life is sad.

  2. elsa you really are an amazing story teller, thanks for the laugh (taurus loves donuts)…realized the same i’m hungry’ today but i had croissants!
    thank you for everything

  3. Elsa, I hope you publish these gems of yours.

    I cry, yes. Even over seemingly silly things, like the tragic look in my dog’s eyes when I didn’t have time to walk him one day.

    I cry along with my friends’ children (when their emotions are pure, not when they’re being bratty because they want candy or something).

    I found out you have to blink out the tears extra hard if you’re crying while driving. This way, they’ll hit your cheeks quickly without blinding you.

  4. I used to cry a lot, not so much anymore. When I do it’s generally a very non-healing kind of cry. This was a great story though and it reminded me of a Dane Cook bit about crying. Generally not a fan of his, but this little section of his routine is really pretty funny. I’ve done the “cry so hard you get up and watch yourself in the mirror” many many times!

  5. Thanks, dina2. Unfortunately I have no way to tell what is a gem and what is not so I plan to just die and let someone else figure it out.

    There are about 12-13,000 blog posts, a 660 page book and various other sundries…. I have no idea how many hundreds of thousands of pages I have written and I add to this stack every day.

    I realize it is baffling but I have no better explanation.

  6. Holy shit! I really hope you do regular downloads of your blog and then save to a remote hard drive. Do you write the posts in Word docs first?

    You have a book coming out, yes?

  7. How wonderful! Donuts and crying sound so yummy.

    I cry so much, you would never believe I have so much air. When I was a child, I never allowed myself to cry because I had to be strong for my mother, but I made up for that as an adult and now I cry (joyfully?) at every sad movie or song and every time I feel grief for a second. It’s so good. I feel so sorry for men who are told they can’t.

    kashmiri, listen to Cryin’ (one of my son’s favorite songs)! I hope it makes you feel better!

  8. I cry a lot, and I used to hate it with a passion (what Aries wants to look weak, crying silly little tears??)…I cry when I’m happy, when I’m sad, when I’m angry…you name it, I cry…At this point, I’ve gotten used to it. 😉

    And yes, it’s definitely good to get it out of your system…They’ve actually proven that your brain produces chemicals that are released when you cry, so holding in tears is definitely not good for you!!

  9. No, I don’t cry freely and I’ve cried more in the past nine months than at any other time in my life.
    The day I finally kicked my ex out of my life for keeps, I had just gotten done crying and couldn’t be in the house anymore, so I went to buy a pack of cigarettes, some gum, something. Anything. The guy behind the counter, who I’d “known” for a while, looked at me sympathetically and said, “How are you?” and I burst into tears. Not loud, uncontrollable sobbing, just the unstoppable flood of tears sliding down my face. I felt like such an asshole. *lol*

    I never feel better, I just feel empty. What can I say, I’m a weirdo.

  10. You wanna hear a sad story? They CLOSED my donut shop! Imagine rushing to your donut shop for a donut fix only to find it’s not there anymore! At first I thought that only one Dunkin Donuts shop was closing. Then the true horror of what was happening became clear: Dunkin Donuts was closing all three shops in the town where I live, Eugene, Oregon. Dunkin Donuts, in fact, was closing all their shops in Oregon and the entire west coast. Some shops reopened under other names, but it just wasn’t the same. I’m thinking that Dunkin Donuts must be taking the idea of the west coast falling into the ocean very seriously.

  11. Ah in the minority again! When I have to cry, I can’t not cry. It’s written all over my face anyway and affects my thinking if I stuff it.

    The best is to cry with someone who can let u cry and help u process

  12. it has been very hard for me to cry as of late. someone very close to me died 3 years ago and i have not been able to cry since then…i just get mad and yell at the universe… it is like the tears have dried up recently…

  13. crying is release, soothing, goodness.

    tears are beautiful. Being able to share them is also beautiful…

    ((( kashmiri )))

  14. Thanks, maureen.

    Dina, I do back up pretty routinely but no longer compose in Word because the formatting is incompatible with WordPress. I tried google docs but never caught on so I just compose in wordpress.

    The biggest problem I have is finding stuff I’ve written because there is just such a sea of it. I can usually recall a phrase in something I am looking for and word is very reliable in pulling the thing up. The situation now has me relying on google which is downright lousy on this front.

  15. I guess my comment got eaten. I was saying that I had the same problem with MS Word formatting and the WordPress conflict.

    In Word, I ended up un-checking all those boxes under “Autocorrect” so the thing would not format my docs for me. AND, I periodically hit the “clear formatting” button on the top left-hand side. Then you can take the “bare” text and format it in the blog post however you like.

    I lost a whole bunch of blog content recently, after switching to a new hosting company and forgetting to take my blog with me. So now I’ve tried to go back to saving the Word docs to a removable hard drive.

    You have a lot of amazing stuff here. This blog is BIG and JUICY – magnetized, really! I hope you do something great with it.

  16. I cry whenever I need to (behind closed doors), I find it doesn’t really bring relief .. I am usually left feeling completey drained afterwards, but its better than suppressing things and having them erupt in anger instead.

  17. I don’t cry often, but I try not to stop myself when I feel the tears coming on. I used to do that when I was a kid but now I usually don’t feel the need to stifle them. It is hard to feel that anyone would take me seriously if they saw me crying.

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    No, not freely. Behind closed doors, I’ll allow as that has sometimes happened.

    When I do cry in front of people, I end up being majorly P.O.’d at myself for showing weakness. Would rather eat nails, and it’s really a killer for getting through 1)whatever is actually happening at the moment w/the other person, as they rarely get that the 2)anger that’s there is self-directed and they get surprised that I’m so angry about whatever’s going on. So, then a third element is in the midst of what’s going on as I have to explain that 3)I’m not angry about 1), but at 2)myself for crying! Then what you have is a total mish-mash and it’s not that effective for getting through the initial problem. Hate it!

    Who me?? cry at movies and sentimental Hallmark commercials???? Nahhhhhh, I just got something in my eye!! Really, must have been a dam* rogue eyelash. Sniffle! Sniff!!

  19. Avatar

    …and if you tell anyone I’ve got rogue eyelashes floating around? I’ll kick you right in the butte!

  20. yes, cry often..have become a pro at making it seem i have had bout of hay fever or imaginary hurt from a contact lens…especially when at work or some other public venue

  21. I don’t cry much, lately, even though I do feel sad occasionally. I must stifle it. I cry freely at stupid shit. Like when so few people wished me a happy birthday on facebook last year, don’t ask (you did, Elsa, and it warmed my heart!) Or when I deleted all my email by accident. And I act like it’s my divine right when someone (read: my mom) tells me I’m being unreasonable and it doesn’t really matter.

  22. I think crying feels so good, to get that release. But it just takes a whole lot, or something really poignant , to make me shed a tear. But I have had my experiences while pouring it all out… like the toll booth guy who said he could give me a ticket if I didn’t stop driving under the influence of my emotions.

    Personally, I’m more familiar with vomiting in public! Embarassing AND disgusting! I usually throw up when I drink enough to have a really fun time…once that’s finished, it makes me feel so much better to get it all out of me. Like I was hung-over all day today, and wanted to throw up but I couldn’t… until I was riding on a train full of people and all I had was a brown paper bag. I did my best to be smooth about it, and got it all out. Ahhhhh… ha.

  23. It’s hard for me to cry when I’m upset. I feel like if I start I will never stop. I’m really over the edge if I do cry when I’m afraid or I’ve been hurt emotionally. I tear up a lot though when something moves me or I’m happy. Maybe I have a full on cry once a year or so.

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