I’m facing a new horror. It’s not my health but it is personal. Don’t ask because I’m not telling…may never tell and certainly won’t tell now and ruin Christmas for people. I’ll tell you one thing, it’s as bad as anything I’ve ever faced. But I am doing okay because I have figured out, I’m clearly born to experience that which is unfathomable. I must be good at it by now, don’t you think?
In other words, I don’t feel sorry for myself. I’ve learned what a pit that is. If you get in that pit, you can’t maneuver. They called me, “Slick”, I was a kid. Easy choice, here.
So yesterday, I was researching. I was studying, watching youtube videos, mostly. The clinical stuff is important, but if you can find someone with personal experience, willing to share, it’s helpful.
This one gal made a short video, I liked her best. The subject is gut-wrenching but she had a cute haircut, green clothes and earrings. This was an ALIVE person talking about something that’ll kill you. Or depress you all the way into despair. Or it might make you feel or seem sad, helpless, pitiful or fearful. So she definitely was on top her situation.
She was outlining all this hard core stuff, but then she quoted, William Churchill, “Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.”
Whew!
I thought I should remember that. An hour later a friend called. She’s got some struggles of her own.
“It hits you like a wave,” she said.
“Oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh! Now I know why you called me,” I said. “I have something for that. I just heard it,” I said, excitedly. “I know what to do about your wave…”
I gave her the, Churchill quote and I felt really good about being alive. I felt good about having my problem, too. Because if I did not have the problem, I would not have come across the lady in green, who proves a person can deal with tragedy in their life, with grace.
Do you know how to rise against the wind?
Dear Elsa,
Omg! I hate these maneuvres of pluto in 12th ( like in my chart too, so I know)
I believe that after all you went thorough you are able to survive and thrive!
I send you lots of love!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thanks. I am very determined. I just want to be classy, not trashy and that’s a fact.
I know I´ve been training to withstand horrors since I was a child too – is there something special about us born in the early sixites warriorsouls? Have a lot of Pluto and I´m a cancer so I will face Pluto a couple of years. I am sorry that you have to struggle more. I think you should have some peace and harmony in your life now. Me too..-)
Yeah, that peace and harmony is never going to happen. I see this clearly now. However, I see an opportunity with this now too.
Thank God, I’m Catholic. If I managed things without an education, I should be able to manage them with an education!
Oh elsa. . wish you much luck and strenght…
I am right here going through it with you Elsa….my Cancer asc is taking a beating. And, so am I. I’m clearly born to experience that which is heartbreaking and I am stuck here to have it rip out my soul.
I literally asked God to take me home night before last. I have never felt the urge to leave before. I am tired. I am hurting physically and emotionally and find little pleasure these days. I thought…. they prescribed me all these pain pills and there are just laying in the drawer…I never take them.
I have never been in a place in my life where I just felt it was time to lay down, and just go to sleep. I am not sure I have what it takes to deal with this nonsense for another 6-7 years. I am too old for it, it hurts and I am tired.
This is some bad transit mojo!!!!!!!!!!!!! (the worst I have ever experienced to date)
I’m sorry, soup. I hate hearing you down so low. You’re such a Godsend to so many. A deeply decent person.
I am sorry to hear about this for you Elsa. I just cant believe it. It isn’t fair. And, its enough already now. You climb over one wall to find another one…as big as the last. At some point a person cant keep climbing walls. There has to be a place to sit down and rest for a while.
I include you in my daily prayers. And, if I could fix it, I would. 🙁
(((dearest Elsa and Soup)))
I do wish there is a way I could be of help… if there anything you need now that i can send you…you will recieve
Much love and prayers
Wow, that must be in the air! I was down last night too from my burdens and wished that I could just die. I am not suicidal, but I would very much like to be rid of this. And still, Neptune inches ever closer to my asc, inhabitor of my 8th house of Scorpio..
I have never been suicidal either Grace. But, I now understand why people are pushed to such an ending. They probably just cant see any way out. Or the way out is just too painful to imagine. A couple of days ago I felt like that. Used, defeated, heartbroken and in physical pain, then with all that going on, used some more by the very people I have supported physically, emotionally and financially for years.
There are people out there that will do the most hideous things to others. They will reach out and bite the very hand that feeds them. All you can do is wonder why?
I always fancied myself stronger than this. But, things can only continue to go wrong for so long until the spirit gets tired.
Praying for everyone who is carrying a load. I cant stand to see anyone suffer.
It feels that way Soup but This too shall pass hang on
“If you’re going through hell, keep going. ”
Winston Churchill
My favorite of his quotes.
That wasn’t meant to be trite. I read his works for support all the time. A modern warrior.
Kites rise highest against the wind.
Beautifully put.
I think you’re flying so high above the mundane that you see things from a perspective that helps us all rise above our individual problems.
Thank you, Elsa, and G-d bless for sharing your wisdom and love.
May God bless you Elsa, and soup, and keep you both safe and strong!
(((Elsa))) Oh gosh you have been through so much. I never know what to say in times like this.
Thank you, Tam. Not sure what anyone could say. Cards be dealt and then you see ’em. Got to play them the very best you can.
I really see it this way. And I have played so many hands by now, I’ve got to be skilled.
I really think it’s better bad things happen to me then to someone who won’t or can’t come through it.
Well I am sorry to hear this. I know you have the strength and character to get through it, but I still wish you’d get a break and have some ease in your life. Hugs xo
Thanks, Elsa. I’m sorry you’re dealing with another horror. I feel the same, so it helps to know that a) I’m not alone. b) that there is a way to move through this with grace. I’m not really super good at that, but trying…
Much love to you Elsa and Soup, hang tough
OXOXOX
(((((Love and hugs Elsa!))))
I wish you all the luck in the world.
Elsa, so sorry to hear that you are currently undergoing a difficult issue. Pluto recently transited my 12th house ( asc is 15 degrees Capricorn). The transit decimated every semblance of structure, security, and safety nets in my life from A to Z. You can never go back “home” because “home” no longer exists. You feel immersed in Bosch’s panel of hell, there is no exit door. Like yourself, I resorted to imagery as my lifeline. The beauty of Pluto is that once it finally leaves your 12th house for good, you will be transformed forever like pure tempered steel. The slate of your life will be wiped clean like a tabula rasa. You will possess unshakable personal power and strength and the freedom to recreate and reconstruct your life on your own terms. Your quote reminded me of an old Bob Seger song “Against the Wind”. Let this be your theme song and fill your heart with lightness. I particularly like the youtube Bob Seger Against the Wind video by eeyea with the wild stallions. Last but not least you already exemplify class, grace and elegance. That is why you are so supported on here.
((Elsa)) I just recently stumbled across your blog but since then have been visiting it almost regularly. Such a nice meditative place your blog is. Sad to know that an angel like you is facing horror, that too around Christmas 🙁
((Elsa)) ((Soup)) ((Doralelu)) and all others who are in pain.. Here’s a line for you..
“The gentlest eyes have cried the most tears, the kindest hearts have felt the most pain”.
Sending you my deepest respect, positive vibes and will mention you in my prayers.
Peace to all.
nice reply Catalina
Thank you Anand…and thanks for sharing your quote.
I’ve absorbed your perspective, Elsa. If I’m not dealing with the horrible, someone else is – and so, my prayers are for them, whoever they are (many years, now). Actually, those prayers predate my conscious understanding, via here, that some suffer more than most others.
Sending you love, and prayers of course… and love, simply, for you, and Satori, and for everyone you – each – love.
I had read your story. It’s really sad and horrible. I wish you my best wishes and love.
Oh! I am sorry to hear you. I wish to get some else very good in your life.
Thoughts to you Elsa.
You truly are one of my favorite kites and a huge inspiration to us all ♥️
All the best for you Elsa. Here in The Netherlands often burns a little candle for you, sometimes to thank you for your comfort and for your wise words and sometimes for yourself when some things are not so good.
I’m so sorry to hear this, and send a prayer. Also have to say, what you said about “I really think it’s better bad things happen to me then to someone who won’t or can’t come through it” is something I sensed a lot around, growing up, especially from my grandmother. She is 95, broke her hip, had a surgery, and is going home from hospital for Christmas. This is not common, in her age, or even for people a decade her junior. When something like this happens, people just tend to fade away.
Oh Elsa. . .
Big hugs, love to you, soup and anyone who identifies with what u said . .
Wishing u grace and ease . .
I’ve had things happen to me that I find unbelievable. Logically they make no sense and they just wouldn’t happen to other people so I can empathise with you Elsa.
The last few years as uranus has transited into my 12H, I’ve read a lot of spiritual books like “The Untethered Soul” which have begun to give me insight into finding my authenticity for when it gets into the 1H. There’s a lot of false identity that needs to be shed to achieve that and I now see that many of the things that have happened, have happened because to fight them would have been to fight my inner self.
This is just the life path I’ve always been on. I’ve always followed my feelings at some level – even when I didn’t really understand them. Many people don’t stand up for what they believe in, preferring to take a safe path and compromise themselves, but it’s clear from your stories ELSA that you always have.
Many of the painful events I went through helped refine and open up good parts of me that would otherwise have stayed buried. And most importantly, I came to realise it’s only the stories I tell myself about events and how I want my life to be that really define whether they are good or bad. This is not to say that some of those events haven’t been genuinely traumatic – they have – but in those cases, it was an innate heartfelt emotion not just a personal self-pitying or desire to wallow.
Like the phoenix – we always rise up again from the ashes, stronger and reborn.
Thanks, everyone.
My dear Elsa,
This is very sad news and my heart goes out to you. Holding you in prayer before the Divine Mother.
I am so sure Elsa you have what it takes. I have read your biography “Circle K” and you were prepared by those events. My God though, I do know what the finding no rest feels like. Pluto is crunching on my Venus in my 2nd House, which in turn is affecting both my 2nd, 6th and 11th houses by sign ruler being Venus. My daily life, money structures and hopes, wishes and dreams are all being plowed up, once again, from under my feet. The antidote is not to run away, ground, pray and meditate and have faith in the process. It is exhausting though.
Best of luck Elsa and may He watch over you and turn this horror into a blessing.
Soup, I prayed the same thing the other night. How strange! Hope you pull out of it and feel stronger soon. I put my hope into the future. What else can we do? Take care!
Best wishes to Elsa, Soup, and all others suffering.
(((Elsa))) and (((Soup))) and (((anyone else suffering))), will be holding you in my heart and prayers
Elsa my number is on my profile if you need me.
here you go all this earth drama is for the blithering idiots/ me I get Hollywood movie out of these days. Yep those guys buy the log line cheap for hits they take credit for… so just wait you don’t have a giant audience like a writer then its easier or you won’t get dissapointed like a lucky catholic (wish I was one) but just answer to yourself The kingdom isn’t here but we are protected by the small rays of light… so hang on everybody. (praying now) Good work Elsa as usual your doing spiritual work the stars lead us only closer to God I believe.
Sometimes, just surviving is a win. Our family was hit with a tragedy this past month. It has been the most painful experience of my life. I wish that I could do more for my brother who was hit hardest. We will never get over this event, but we will survive.
You are an inspiration and guide to many, Elsa, generously sharing your wisdom, insight, understanding, compassion and humor. Definitely classy and elegant all the way, and your example is so appreciated! I am so sorry you are undergoing painful difficulties. May you have love and support to sustain you as you face these new ordeals, and may you be comforted from the Heavens in whatever ways you need. Wishing you only the best.
I relate to that feeling of “better me than somebody who can’t handle it.” Some years ago when I was going through a Saturn transit that felt like a ten-ton weight on the top of my head you told me that if I just kept pushing against that weight, at the end of the transit I’d be able to lift ten tons. I’ve seen that in operation a couple of times since, and while I can’t say it ever actively feels good, at least it’s some consolation to know I can function in those circumstances.
Fly high, Elsa. I’ll light a candle for you.
It’s also this – I have suffered and I have been made to watch others suffer. I prefer the former! For example, I have been beaten, I don’t like it. But I have seen my sister and / or my mother beaten, and that was a million times worse.
I’ve known this since I was a little child, so hey. If there’s a belt being swung and it’s going to hit someone in my vincinity, I totally volunteer.
It’s also this – I have suffered and I have been made to watch others suffer. I prefer the former! For example, I have been beaten, I don’t like it. But I have seen my sister and / or my mother beaten, and that was a million times worse.
I’ve known this since I was a little child, so hey. If there’s a belt being swung and it’s going to hit someone in my vicinity, I totally volunteer.
Hug.
I get it — I recently had to face my own mortality due to a diagnosis, and I handled/am handling that better than my mother’s death of last month.
the Churchill quote is a good one; quotes like this are inspirational if so spot on (and irritating if not). This is a good one.
I just watched a video last night by Doreen Virttue, who used to be a Psychotherapist and worked with people who had eating disorders (now she is an Angel Healer and Claireaudiant and Clairvoyant). Now it may help some folks here to know she learned that if someone has PTSD from a tragedy, (and she says there are many ways to get it -even watching bad news, violent movies etc) that certain foods can actually trigger that anxiety. If you want to experiment, stay away from these fooods which contain histamines (which can make us feel good but can also cause an addiction due to the fact that what is in them makes us feel good and we want more) but can also increase Cortisol and Adrenaline in the body. You may be sensitive if you feel calm but later agitated or get a migraine after eating these foods:
Coffee
Alcohol
Aged Cheese and meats
Fermented foods, such as Sauerkraut, yogurt, olives etc
Strawberries
wheat or wheat gluten
And of course white processed sugar and any additives or chemicals in processed foods. She says eat as Organic as possible
and as close to natural foods as you can.
Hope this helps anyone out there who is being triggered and may not know why.
I don’t have PTSD
but get compelled to try this myself just to see the difference it might make when feeling overwhelmed by events in life.
xo
Needed to hea that other strong and successful people are struggling too. I’m taking a beating from all sides, first time living alone at 37, single, depressed and struggling to start a completely new career in a new country and just make ends meet (that would be a success). Waking up at 3am to be at my menial job at 7.30.
The neighbors hate me since my dog barks and I’m away from home 18h a day.
Taking yet another beating from Pluto, this time squaring my Pluto and Venus. Fell in love with someone much younger also going through a Pluto square Venus transit since our Venuses oppose each other, my sensitive Libra Venus clashing with his nasty Aries Venus. My Libra Pluto getting in the mix and turning everything into an unhealthy obsession. Can’t move on although we’re broken up but I just wait for the next chapter of mutual hurt and suffering.
Miss my mum, I cry every day, it’s what keeps me sane.
Really glad you gals/guys are here providing comfort in this global community, love you all!!!
Much love and strength Elsa and others! Hang in there.
Hugs to all that are suffering. 🙁
Dear Elsa,
I am so glad that you know how to fly high! There is so much sadness and so many trials now.
I know that I am blessed but just can’t stop crying. Recently, after surgery, I found myself lying in bed wondering if I was really dead…how strange it all felt. Thank you Elsa for being an incredible
role model for us all. Much love, will pray for you.
Dear Elsa and Soup, too… I’d give you both hugs if I could <3
?❤️((Elsa))❤️?
?❤️((Soup))❤️?
*sends positive vibes to anyone suffering right now* <3
You are in my prayers Elsa
((Elsa)) I just recently stumbled across your blog but since then have been visiting it almost regularly. Such a nice meditative place your blog is. Sad to know that an angel like you is facing horror, that too around Christmas ?
((Elsa)) ((Soup)) ((Doralelu)) and all others who are in pain.. Here’s a line for you..
“The gentlest eyes have cried the most tears, the kindest hearts have felt the most pain”.
Sending you my deepest respect, positive vibes and will mention you in my prayers.
Peace to all.
Thank you. It’s much appreciated. 🙂
Elsa, so sorry to hear you’re dealing with another something and one as bad as you’ve ever dealt with! You have such a great strong attitude about it. I hope it resolves, and as rapidly as it can. Your elsaelsa online community supports you! To everyone else suffering…best wishes for your strength to get through. Keep going (to get through and out of hell maybe) and rise against the wind you/we’re all fighting in some way or another. I feel hopeful about 2017 for some reason. I’m hoping praying it’s a better year than 2016 has been.
Elsa…I am saddened that you must face another hardship. I will pray for you. I always read every word you write, I live by it and advise others of what you tell. I like that you are a realist. If you say it could be a sh___ day I carry extra toilet paper in my tiny bra. I don’t like mud pie covered with frosting. I just want the truth and nothing but. This is what you deliver. I live with a disability and it is my attitude that rises me above it. You are a strong,intelligent and beautiful woman that faces life head on. Plow through girl and we will look forward when your world turns to a warmer sunny sky.Take care and God Bless you for you have blessed us.
Thank you. 🙂