mudlikesubstance wrote on Facts Of My Life:
“…As for the lesson of assuming that others are like us. That strikes me as a very important lesson here. I make that assumption and it turns around and bites me. I am learning. slowly that not everyone means well, is nice and is trying hard…”
If you’ve been tracking in particular the Domesticating Elsa posts you may be realizing that I don’t come from anywhere normal. I really and truly do not and I’m telling you that you can’t undo this stuff.
If you have extreme experience you are going to be colored by that experience forever. You may look like the people around you but you are going to be forever out of step. They go click, click, click and you go clack, clack, clack.
Consider my husband, who grew up in various countries. They were trying to feed him stuffed grape leaves when he was a kid. “Why can’t we just eat normal American food like rice and beans?” he asked.
This was decades ago before Mexican food was popular in the US. You can see how jacked that is. It’s completely confused and when you’re confused like that it’s virtually impossible to de-confuse yourself. You can try, but you’ll still untwisting ten or twenty years later.
I’m another example. To this day I don’t really understand why people don’t want a boisterous card, game. I know they don’t and I accept, they don’t but why they don’t is mysterious to me. When you have some kind of braggadocio at the card table, the game is so much more fun.
As a third example, take men and women. Women routinely expect men to act like women and when they don’t they denigrate them.
Why is that? Why do so many people look at other people and have an expectation they are going to think and react the same way they would? This causes all kinds of problems.
People are disappointed in people who are not disappointing, but it also cheats you out of life. Because if you would or could stop projecting, you’d have the opportunity to discover who the people in your life really are.
Am I rude and hateful because I talk smack when I play cards? Well, no. Where I come from this is not bad manners, it is exactly the opposite! People came to our house when I was a kid. They drove all the way to the desert to be part of our game because it was fun. A chance to play cards with my father and I was coveted. Then I get to town and find I’m a pariah. Is that not confusing? It was completely bewildering.
If you gave everyone who read this, ten dollars, and told them to go buy something, would they all go buy the same thing? I doubt it.
I’m from the desert and I’m cold all the time. My son is from Colorado and goes shirtless when I am wrapped in a blanket. If I am going to expect him to be cold when I am cold, I am going to be sorely disappointed…
How often do you find yourself disappointed in other people? Better yet, how much of that is your fault? (and what is in your 7th house?)
Image courtesy Rob McGlade
It never fails to leave a knot in my throat when I see people unkind to their children. I just want to sweep them up in my arms and take them home with me.
This may sound silly but I am really only disappointed in other people, when I have an idea I am sooooo excited about and they re dismissive or indifferent about it. That gets me down.
I asked a friend about 7 years ago if she wanted to wanted to ride bikes around town and sneakily plant flowers, and her response was “What have you been smoking?”
I was SO offended! But you know what? I asked the wrong friend! And 7 years later there is a guerilla gardeners’ network in my city, which of course I lost all enthusiasm for joining.
To make a long story short: if I am disappointed it’s almost always because I’m asking something from people they aren’t able to give me.
Empty (Cancer) 7th House.
Haha.. those interesting/bizarre/exciting ideas are some of my best memories…
I would so have taken you up on that… haha… I’m trying to imagine it.
Well, I think I find myself disappointed alot – I am not sure why. 7th house Taurus, Mars in there.
Hmmmm – I expect people to live up to their obligations, and commitments. I have very little patience for selfish behavior, particularly when it has a huge affect on someone else. I also would suck as a substance-abuse counselor, because, again, I get annoyed with people who let an addiction run their life, and I know that does not jive with what an addiction is – especially when the addiction is physical. I project my own need to be in control at all times onto others, and I secretly turn up my nose at them when they get shit-faced drunk, succumb to an extra-marital affair, etc. I guess this makes me seem alot like a bitch, but just trying to be honest here. I have so many fixed signs (3 in Leo, 1 in Taurus, 2 in Scorpio), suppose this makes me too rigid.
Dorothy – I get you. I have a strong need to be in control of myself too, and I unconsciously project this onto others. Venus conj. Jupiter in Capricorn in the 7th.
Actually, I’ve been dealing with this a lot lately. I get really discouraged when I hear about my friends’ relationships breaking up either because someone cheated, or someone didn’t have the guts to commit. Only after seeing commitment-phobic tendencies in myself have I realized that I am projecting control onto others! I am guessing I’ll be learning allllll about projection in the years to come… pluto is transiting my 7th.
I don’t think I expect other people to be like me at all – I have an empty Capricorn 7th. I do, especially with partners, sometimes get disappointed because I have either totally refused to acknowledge any flaws or I have projected flaws onto them, and fooled myself. But I think that’s Venus-Neptune – it doesn’t feel the same as believing other people are like me. That doesn’t seem to resonate.
I’m unique, dammit! 😉
I feel disappointed when friends don’t stick up for you in times of trouble (given you aren’t the trouble!)…because I always stand by the people I love…. and with equal house system, my Venus is in Aries in the 7th
Lindsey- me, too. I have Pisces on the 7th and my Sun in there, and I have and will do just about anything to help the ones I love, and I love my family, my friends, and my clients. One of the most disappointing times in my life was when I was the one in GREAT need, and my closest friends and family were too apathetic and selfish to reach out and help me, at all. It was a tough lesson, and I learned not to project that giving Pisces Sun on my loved ones. A bitter pill, but reality… Good thing is- I am a stronger person for it, and I have become much more aware of my giving, making sure it is really needed, not encouraging dependency, giving without ANY expectations WHATSOEVER (I had thought I had that one down already, hahaha!), and that the person isn’t just using me- a lot of very one-sided relationships have bit the dust- once I stopped being such a doormat. I miss those people, but am getting better at recognizing narcissists who always used to latch on like vampire bats and drain all my energy. I am a much healthier, happier person now (with more time and energy to focus on taking care of myself for the first time in 35 years)!!! 😉
“That doesn’t seem to resonate.”
Jessica, it may not resonate because it has to do with me. People are often disappointed in me because I can’t live up to their projection / expectation.
I am almost never disappointed in them which is why this is interesting to me.
Shelley…I also have Pisces sun so I suspect that’s a big part of the equation. Thanks for the inspiration!
Lindsey- Hello Fellow Pisces Sun! I’ve been studying Evolutionary Astrology lately and one BIG IDEA that I’ve really resonated with is realizing when NOT GIVING is the MOST giving thing to do. My parents, for example, have done a complete 180 degree turn since I stopped rescuing them from all their crises. Imagine that- they can make it on their own just fine, LOL! We have to keep a sense of humor about these things. So, it is also about helping others become stronger people, too. How cool is that (just don’t expect them to like it!!!)? And, using the polarity point of Virgo to discern and discriminate when it is better to give or not to give. It’s just amazing how many people can function just fine without my help, hahaha! 😉 ps- Elsa, love your blog! Just found it today (one more thing to add to my gratitude list)
Nice to meet ya, Shelley – welcome!
I usually get disappointed in when I expect them to work as hard as I do,lol. My 7th house is empty but I have Sag on the cusp and Cappy in there too.
They do not disappoint me b/c but they often surprise me.
Yeah. I’m often disapointed in people…7th house Neptune..damn it!
I grant others far too much emotional intelligence, sophistication and thoughtfullnes that they just don’t not possess.
So I’ve been learning to lower my expectations of others, actually having no expectations is far better!
My Neptune is highly aspected to the whole chart -squares, trines, sextiles, the lot.
i really don’t expect people to be cruel to each other. no matter how many times i run into it. i am simply incapable of _expecting_ it… only responding.
(although that’s probably one reason i take so long to trut. so, maybe, in some way i at least prepare for it. but it always surprises me.)
i have a pisces mars in the seventh. and some interesting oppositions.
like… i expect people to be practical and consider long term ramification of their actions more often than not. hah!
(trust)
I have venus in my seventh Pisces house….I guess I feel sometimes that people don’t understand the word love and to love …take all the good with the bad. Maybe I get disappointed when people are too careless with love.
People rarely surprise me, but they do disappoint me sometimes. Does that sounds strange? I am completely and always aware that people are different and don’t expect them to act like me, or be like me. But when a friend doesn’t show support when I need it, I’m disappointed and I can’t help but thinking “I would be there for her/him”. I suppose in the end, on some level, in some situations, I expect them to react like I would react. But, that is completely normal, because we are our own starting point, our reference point. It’s only though life experiences we learn how much we all differ. and it takes a long time.
I am Pisces sun, 7th house Taurus (empty). Venus in Aquarius.
Packed Gemini 7th house. Sun, Merc, Jupiter and NN. I love variety and hate to be bored. I think people are fascinating and although I am frequently annoyed when people are rude or short sighted, I am rarely disappointed.
I take full credit for my ability to find the world an interesting and exciting place 99% of the time. Boring people are bored. 😀 No Taurus anywhere (except just barely on my descendant – cruel joke to make a Gemini attracted to Taurus) but my self esteem is just fine.
I try to have very low expectations of people. It actually helps a lot! I’m a lot less pissy at people when I wasn’t expecting them to be better, and it’s pleasing when someone goes above my expectations.
Sun/Chiron/Venus in 7th.
I’m not seriously disappointed in people very often, maybe once or twice a year? and about 60% of the time I’m willing to assume I’m disappointed because I’m the asshole – I didn’t communicate clearly (or at all), someone misunderstood, ect.
However, once I’ve been disappointed if it turns out I’m not the asshole I find I am disappointed much more frequently regarding the other person. Its very hard to win back my good opinion.
Small disappointments I just tend to ignore. They’re more stress than their worth. Oh noes! The wrong flavour ice cream! Life is hard.
Taurus Mars conjunct DSC. Men disappoint me.
I don’t know whether I’m disappointed or not. Can’t figure it out but then make the assumption that it’s me and that I disappoint myself and then grab that knife (don’t know if they’re holding it or me but I grab it) and stab myself good.
No surprise there – neptune in 7th 😉
Definitely a pattern I’ve been working to break. Working hard. Thankfully that neptune has it’s advantage of giving me a very kindly and forgiving partner that tries to tell me when I’m stabbing myself and it’s really the other person.
I am struggling with this right now – being disappointed by people I care about – people I had hopes of having a great relationship with. This is the curse of a Neptune seventh house transit. I am really naive about people some time. I know it’s something I need to work on but it still hurts. Natally, I am Leo rising and we sure do have high expectations but I also am moon in Scorpio conjunct Neptune in the 4th and Saturn conjunct descendant. Ouch!
I’m disappointed in people all the time, especially lovers. Especially when they tell me they don’t know what love is anymore, or if they really ever loved me. The veil drops big time for them, and for me too, and both parties leave wounded. Neptune in 7th oppose Ascendant.
Disappointment happens for different reasons. Sometimes it’s because you expect someone to be like you and they aren’t, other times it’s when someone lets you down by behaving in an uncaring way. I agree that getting upset with a man for not being a woman is a pointless exercise in frustration. Either it’s worth it to stay around or it’s not.
I get disappointed and annoyed with people who try to change me as it suits their agenda because it’s the only way they can ease their anxiety about their own flaws and shortcomings. Had quite enough of that growing up.
I get disappointed and annoyed with people who try to change who I am as it suits their agenda because it’s the only way they can ease their anxiety about their own flaws and shortcomings. Had quite enough of that growing up. I have many flaws, but trying to change people is not one of them.
“As a third example, take men and women. Women routinely expect men to act like women and when they don’t they denigrate them.”
I did this! I’ve been terribly unappreciative of men my entire life. I didn’t understand. I had no way of knowing except to figure it out myself as I’ve gone through life. For whatever reason, I came into this world clueless.
My significant other has always been where I struggled with disappointment.
As for other types of people, like friends, living abroad and studying astrology really helped me to understand, accept and most importantly appreciate differences.
Family I had trouble feeling disappointing with, too.
I had a lot of ideas about what family or what marriage SHOULD be like… this might be an issue of idealism.
I’ve got Jupiter in Aquarius in the 7th house.
Elsa, I grew up playing cards too. I feel ya. My husband and I were over at some friends house to play poker a few months ago and we took my kid along with because ideas thinking he could play too… Well the people were like “kids don’t play poker for money” that’s just baffled me because when I was a kid I played for money. I don’t think it was bad. Irs not like I’m teaching my kid to be a thug or something.
Elsa, I grew up playing cards too. I feel ya. My husband and I were over at some friends house to play poker a few months ago and we took my kid along with because i was thinking he could play too… Well the people were like “kids don’t play poker for money” that just baffled me because when I was a kid I played for money. I don’t think it was bad. Its not like I’m teaching my kid to be a thug or something.
Over the years I have learned to lower my expectations that way I am less disappointed.
I have Venus opposite Neptune across my social houses and Aquarius on the unoccupied 7th house cusp. I have been sorely disappointed in people all my life; not because I expect them to be like me but because they misrepresent themselves or I’ve misread them somehow. I’ve learned to no longer have high expectations but I do expect at least common sense and decency. Needless to say, I’m going to be disappointed a long time!
Yep! Unoccupied 7th with Aqua on the cusp. I expect at least basic humanity and decency. Needless to say, I will be disappointed a loooooong time.
I do miss being able to trust. Trust was some silly security issue of mine. Expecting peeps to follow through. What was I thinking.
I’m disappointed in everyone including myself. Working on that. Libra is truly idealistic. when I compare everything to perfection then of course I’m disappointed. Working on retaining some of my innocence about life and people and myself while living in reality.
I certainly don’t expect anyone to be like me. I had a pretty unique upbringing. I think people that project their expectations on me usually just want to be close to me. And that’s ok. Except that they end up trying to control me. Not ok.
Pluto is in my 7th house. 😀 I’m no longer disappointed with people, I try to accept them as they come (key word here try) but I don’t trust them. And I always have these scenarios in my head where they don’t like me or are trying to undermine me or are just lying. At least I’m aware I’m doing it and it’s not actually happening (although it happened several times and hence the scenarios now).
I have quite a lot of Uranus in my chart and I get disappointed when people view ny need to love universally as a kind of lack of loyalty to them. Everyone’s life story is worth a hearing and I feel disappointed when friendship is compromised (damaged even) because of possessiveness or a perceived threat. I have an empty 7 house! What does that say about me?
Uranus T is in the 7th house. One should expect the world to be practical. It is when their idea of being practical is manifested in the form of unimaginable cruelty.
The society has got the power to break you or make you. It must also learn to be responsible.
I have yet to learn a lot about people. I hope I am at peace once I get to know people.
Till now I am only expecting stuff from myself so getting disappointed about others means I will have to get judgemental.
Pluto in the 7th conjuncts Saturn and Mars in the 8th(all in Leo). That stellium heavily aspects most of the planets, Sun and Moon in my chart. Everything affects everything in my world!! This is an interesting question to ponder and one that points back to my place of birth, and that period of time. The issues of who I/we were in 1947 Hawaii has as much to do with finding out the ‘truth’ versus lies…for decades, generations. Everything being connected and aspected by everything else, disappointed applies to my own self assessment as well as everyone else.
Fortunately, I became a student of astrology, and Hawaiian observation skills as well. I discovered the patterns of perceptions (thanks Satori for the news about Pallas Athena) and apply it to seeing how the missing pieces can be turned into constructive angles: art and healing and strategy. I am a Blended Hare.