My Extreme Distaste For People Who Abuse Those In Service

I really deplore people who mistreat service people. Yes, I mean waiters and waitresses but it goes way beyond that.

In this case I am talking about people who abuse nurses and other hospital staff when a family member is ill or dying. Stressed out, they heap abuse on some poor person who is trying to care for the loved one. I know this is common as hell. I know that people who work in these positions are well aware of the phenomena but I just can’t conceal my disgust.

I just want to put this out here because sooner or later, you’re going to find yourself in these kinds of circumstances. You may have a desire to lash out and while it’s understandable, if you give into it and punish some innocent because you can’t control your emotion, you’re going to make it worse for everyone exposed to you. What right do you have to do that?

I’ve got Mars conjunct Mercury in Libra and I just have to stand for decorum.

Have you witnessed this kind of behavior in a hospital setting or when a loved one is dying in any circumstance?

21 thoughts on “My Extreme Distaste For People Who Abuse Those In Service”

  1. Oh yes, seen this quite a few times. Its usually the people who haven’t done anything to help or care for their loved one.
    Whether they do it so it appears that they are finally doing something, or from a guilty conscience, I don’t know.

  2. Yes. I’ve seen people damage or destroy living relationships in the wake of death in this way. Very sad. I think some in helping services probably expect it and don’t come unglued, but that doesn’t make it acceptable by any means.

  3. Well the other family members may want some peace and quiet and then here comes the one, that yells and screams and shoots and just in general whips everything into a frenzy. It is easy for me to see how this could take a long time to get over. You just don’t want to deal with the person.

    I feel this way to a large extent already. It’s like a shunning. I don’t mean to teach anyone anything by withdrawing. My motive is to protect myself because I have a responsibility here, to my family. They would like me not to crack up, I’m sure so when the weed-whacker comes around, it just makes sense to stay indoors.

  4. It seems these folks are experiencing wild emotions and lack the self-control to contain themselves. I’ve seen abusive and near-hysterical people while visiting hospitals who just can’t handle the emotions drawn up with fear of death and grief. People have different capacities and skills for dealing with these. As a former service worker, we know when it’s not really directed at us, so we just keep doing the job.

    There are the really crazy high-maintenance ones who are like this on a daily basis anyway, and then there are those who just don’t know how to deal. And then there are those who know how they _should_ behave, but simply can’t do it in the moment because it’s too much, too overwhelming for them.

    Elsa, sorry about your relative. Is there any way people can tell her she seems too distraught and should let other people handle things for a while (to get her out of the way)?

    1. starkttn – yes, steps have been taken. This is not going to be allowed to just grow and grow. You hit Annalisa’s and my Capricorn and we’ll just crush your ass, believe it. We’re not going to stand there while you yell racist, filthy, insulting stuff at a nurse, that’s for sure. The smack down has already occurred. Put a muzzle on that dog, ya know? Sometimes, it’s just got to be done.

  5. You are very welcome. I am sorry Elsa and Annalisa that you are going through this. Makes an emotionally trying time even worse. And its just senseless and achieves nothing.

  6. I hate this too. I don’t understand it — there’s a blank human being standing in front of you, no knowledge whatsoever of who she is, and the thing you can think of to do is kick the hell out of her?

  7. I can’t understand it, either. It’s just disgraceful.

    Manners are something I cling to in a crisis. They make outer life somewhat stable and functional for me when I’m inner turmoil. That’s what they’re for. I’m sorry you have to deal with this and can’t grieve and process and in peace.

  8. I’ve been the object of this many times from both physical and non-physical attacks. I’m very mindful of my own actions, needless to say, in these situations

  9. 🙁


    Elsa and Annalisa – I’m sorry you gotta deal with this on top of everything else. You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family…I’d be ashamed. I don’t need or want someone else to misrepresent me to others. I do a great job on my own.

  10. (((Elsa and Annalisa))). I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

    I also agree with HadesMoon’s observation. I have also seen this before.

  11. (((Elsa and Annalisa)))I’ve definitely seen and experienced it before (I used to work in the service industry and as former military). Also the same behavior toward the service person who was a member of the dying person’s family that was caring for them.

    Good you guys nipped that sh*t in the bud. I’m sure that person has always been like that because no one checked that behavior in the past. Good that it came from you all before they ran across someone who would not think twice about nipping it with a quickness and not so nice.

    I agree with HadesMoon’s observation but as I mentioned above, most of the time these folks have always been like that. It comes from a sense of superiority over others that they have and because of the situation seem to feel justified in acting like a fool. You know the saying (I’m paraphrasing) a jerk that perceives that they are wealthy is just a jerk with money and acts like a bigger jerk.

  12. Unfortunately, we experienced the opposite from some really miserable nurses in the hospital my mother was in. I walked into her room one time, without the nurses knowing, and the way they talked to and treated my mom was brutal.

    I gave them a nice piece of my mind. My mother actually cried because of those mean women. We had different nurses come in for her– this after my father went to the head nurse and threatened the place with a lawsuit.

    Respect is to be earned. Abusive personalities are everywhere, in service people and not.

  13. there have been family rifts due to distant family members second guessing the caretaking decisions of people who have to make the hard decisions on the spot… but they never got close enough to deal with the hospital staff.

    so, i’m guessing maybe guilt, could be it. or a need to hold someone else responsible for their pain. or both.

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