Ex Husband From Hell: Pluto Transit to T-Square Involving the Sun, Moon, Ascendant, Mars

Pluto Man

Dear Elsa,

I feel that I am up against a brick wall when it comes to shared parenting of my two kids with my ex-husband. He wants to be pulling all the strings, while having control over me and my affairs with the girls, and constantly telling me I must do things his way, “in the best interest of the girls”.

No amount of advice from solicitors, or suggestions of communication and remedial help for “us” as a “parenting relationship” will open his mind to realize he can’t have everything his way.

I really feel I am at my wit’s end. Everything falls upon his deaf ears and I am trying hard not to let it show to him. I don’t want it to be a tug of war.

Can you see any slackening to the entrapment and constriction I feel? Even any rise above ashes, so to speak?

With thanks,
Wit’s End

Dear Wits,

Yes and no. You’re going to get out of this but you have two years to go. Pluto is transiting your T-Square which involves your Sun, Moon, Ascendant and Mars – and I can’t think of anything more hard core than that! So what you need is a new strategy and I can offer one.

You’re in a power struggle with your ex and it’s one you’re not going to win. At least not now and definitely not the way you’re going about this. And please don’t take that as criticism because it’s not meant that way. You sound very sane to me. You sound reasonable. But the way your chart is set up and considering the Pluto transit, I just don’t think you’re going to get anywhere fighting him – as your experience has proven. Instead you will have to do something much harder. I’ll tell you what will work and you’re going to hate this. But you may as well give it a try. Because you’re at your wits end, remember?

You’re going to have to go super yin. You are going to have to let this fire consume you. Change your stance to “Bring it on!” And I don’t mean, bring it on, because you’re going to fight it. I mean, bring it on because you can take it. You can take everything he can deliver and then some. He can pound you into the ground in any of the stupid little ways he knows and you will still be here! He will not kill you. You will not be destroyed.

But I’m not kidding. You must stop being aggressive in any way. Pull your horns in… all the way in. Lay low. Be still. Work with your emotion. Handle it. Let it burn inside and survive it.

And don’t misunderstand. This is not some kind of flippy trick. You are headed into what will no doubt be the most painful transition of your life. But this is unavoidable. And you are not going to be able to rise from any ashes until and unless you are ashes. And you’re not ashes if you’re still fighting, are you?

Let go. Let him try to burn you down. Let him try to destroy you and I promise you’ll find out he’s powerless and you’re not. He cannot kill the mother but no one will find this out until you let him try. I am very sorry. Super yin. Remember that.

Take care and good luck.

pictured – Pluto, Agostino Carracci, 1557

3 thoughts on “Ex Husband From Hell: Pluto Transit to T-Square Involving the Sun, Moon, Ascendant, Mars”

  1. I agree 100%. I just divorced, and the transition has been rocky to say the least, but when I realized that fighting fire with fire was only leaving me emotionally exhausted, I pulled back and let him continue to burn me.

    And he’s beginning to realize that I’m not going to break down when he made his comments, and while the lashing out (for the sake of the kids’ no less) hasn’t gone away completely, it has lessened.

    We can now be in the same room without the verbal spatting. He’s letting me live my new life, and he’s beginning to move on with his. Hard as hell, but well worth the effort, I promise.

    Spot on, Elsa. 🙂

  2. I have been going through 11 years of this same sort of thing. 11 years of him trying to control and manipulate me. 11 years of him telling our son what a horrid person I am. 11 years of telling me that if our son lived with him he would be smarter, healthier, more active, more of everything.

    And in 11 years I have learned to let him just say what he wasnts and do what I know is of the best interest for our child.

    I hope you can find someone to vent to so that your kids don’t ever have to hear what you are frustrated with. Much luck to you.

  3. Wow. What an amazing answer. I’m just so impressed with this imagery. Good luck to you, “Wits,” I can’t imagine a more frustrating place to be in. But I’ve always found the adage of “whatever doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger” to be very true.

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