Helping People Who Help Themselves

Someone I rely on let me down today. I don’t yet know why this happened but I really upset by it. I trust the person, implicitly so it was a shock.

There may be some (good) reason for this person did what they did. I don’t know yet. This is someone with excellent character. I’m sure, from their perspective whatever caused them to do this constitutes a good reason in their mind. I may even agree with them, once I’m done being upset.  I’m halfway done now.

After feeling profoundly upset for several hours, I decided to accept the situation do the thing I was relying on them to do, myself. I figured the fact I was so upset was a sign I was becoming dependent on them. I don’t like dependent. I like being independent, so I forced myself to go do the thing I thought I couldn’t do and sure enough, I got it done.

I don’t know what my future relationship with this person will be. But I do know that in the future, I will be helping myself before looking for help.

I think people prefer to help a person who at least tries to help themselves. Though don’t be misled. I pay this person to help me. I hire them often. But today I fixed my own car, because guess what? My father was a mechanic, there is a thing called, “youtube” and I’m not exactly stupid.

13 thoughts on “Helping People Who Help Themselves”

  1. I hope this helps;I like to remind my brain to not allow myself to use or think something is”hard” if it is in within an arms reach.As I too a planter and required weeder,looking at my task or chore at hand[no pun intended] as hard.I am so constantly surprised how fast and effortlessly my hands move.Now see my brain does an inside “uumph”. but if i am enjoying stuff my mind goes as fast as my hands but my brain is like an assembly line of weighing judging designing prioritizing sentimentalizing,etc.etc. I just turn to pudding ; my mind is a swimmer but brain is the worker,thinker.I am sure I sound crazy ,I am guessing two parts of my head exists one part can fight itself like two people one part is can swim like there is no land.

  2. I agree with you Elsa.

    I have helped my sister through the last 3-4 years, trying to be a better person and sister to her than we were as kids. And then in January I had enough. It was like no matter what I did, I never did it “right” or “good enough” because my sister is so depressed and have been for the past many years. She is heavy to be with. And she has always been “the little helpless girl” who others did things for instead of teaching her how to do it herself. I guess it’s the way her energy was – like she was helpless, lost and clingy. And people don’t want to teach people like that. You have to look like a person who don’t mind being taught, you got to have an energy that says “I don’t know how to do this but… I can be taught”. However that expresses itself. You have to at least be open in your demeanor.

    My sister has not been open. A heavy Mars/Saturn influence probably makes this hard.

    My sister – after I cut out connection – has finally begun to stand up on her own two feet, taking responsibility on her own for her stuff.

    Sometimes you gotta love “rough”. Not only to protect your boundaries, but also to give the person a kock in the butt. I know a friend who was just let down by her friend a couple of days ago. Maybe it also meant she was vecoming too dependent on him. I think she was actually better off with this deal. Even if she was hurt.

    Much love to you, Elsa. You go girl! <3

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    I am independent and do what I can to help myself every day, but I hate every second of it and wish I didn’t have to do it. The supposed rewards of being an adult are quite frankly lost on me. If my attitude pushes away those who want to preach to me about how fulfilling it is to stand on your own two feet, good.

    1. that triggered my thinking and what I have experienced from others and myself…
      a nice balance would be lovely. being independent but dependent too! I hate to be too independent and too dependent. being too needy can strain even any relationship and I notice that people get really annoyed with super needy individuals (like they probably think omg! she doesn’t even do anything herself, so annoying and then run away from me.) and being too independent can be detrimental too especially with relationships. I would hate not needing others, especially people I love. I have seen individuals be super independent and it works for them, but it seems so lonely too! like a deprivation without loving someone. 🙁 I want to be needed and be needy so i’ll always have someone to love and love me back.

  4. “But today I fixed my own car, because guess what? My father was a mechanic, there is a thing called, “youtube” and I’m not exactly stupid.”

    OMG, Elsa, I just love your attitude! (probly because it so closely resembles my own, most of the time LoL)

    But aside from that, the same kinda thing has been popping up BIG TIME for me as well, lately, and for ME, I have natal Saturn at 26 Pisces, which I *just* realized means Saturn in Sag is squaring my natal Saturn and it’s almost dead on EXACT right now! My natal Saturn is part of a tight stellium with Chiron, Venus, and Lilith, so Saturn in Sag is squaring it ALL, and on top of that I’m having my Chiron Return as well! When I discovered this (this morning) I literally smacked myself in the head, told myself out loud, “DUH, genius!”, while laughing hysterically about how that probably explains it.

    So now all I gotta do, I guess, is take your advice, and figure out some ways to get better at that independent thing (I’m disabled, but not exactly stupid, right?) LoL I love it! And I love *YOU*, thank you so much for the million ways you help all of us deal with life everyday! You’re the best! ^..^<

  5. I’m working on this with my son. Or, more accurately, I’m working on myself and he’s getting on board. I have babied him a lot. When he was four or five he used to say “mom, you’re my servant”. Not funny then and super draining now. He’s ten so he’s in the latency period of childhood where the mom pushes her child away. That’s exactly what I’m doing, with love of course. If he asks me to do get him a glass of water, I tell him if he can do it for himself, then no I won’t. There’s some protest and attempts at emotional manipulation. But I know if we can get through this he has a better chance at growing up to be a man with a higher degree of self respect and self worth. I think he’s learning empathy too. Seeing that I’m not just a bottomless well of energy and that I have my own wants and needs.

    And I have faith in him to do things for himself!

    In your case Elsa this reminds me of the story you told about going to the dentist and wanting him to clean your teeth. I see some parallels. Anyway, I love how you figure things out and integrate them so quickly. I so admire your self awareness.

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