Is it okay to be happy? Is it okay to have sweetness in your life? For some that question is easy to answer but others have to a balk. They can’t answer that straight away and with good reason. The soldier and I two such people.
Just how happy can I be with my daughter ailing? Let’s say I look in the mirror and see myself grinning. Is this okay? What if I skip down the hall (which is something you can do if you have Leo in your chart). Is that okay? Or is it a betrayal? Am I betraying myself and my daughter by having joy in my life?
And what about the soldier. Is it okay if he’s happy when his friends are dead. You know what they say about those killed at war. They are the “real heroes”. Because he was not killed at war, must he be a fake hero, then in deference?
What if he’s really happy? Is this okay? Is it okay to be happy when people are shooting at your son in a war? If he finds himself happy, should squash the feeling? No? Are you sure about that? What if he’s smiling when his son takes a bullet, hmm?
I have some fix on the intellectual arguments here but I am talking about the subconscious. Pluto. You think one thing but the lower octave has got the wheel. Who can relate?
What would your daughter reply if you asked her if it was OK for you to be happy?
What would the soldier’s son answer if the soldier asked his son the same thing?
Yes, Jilly, the intellect knows this but my point is that the intellect is of no consequence when these other things operate below the surface.
If your son is in a war the least you can do is not be too happy, I mean come on.
But what happens is you do have happy feelings and it leaves you with a crooked walk, I guess you could say.
Anyway, the sky out there is like this right now. Love has a shadow, and that is just all there is to it.
Glowing with happiness today. When you feel like this you want it to linger as long as possible. I could turn on the news and feel lousy about all the heartache and tragedy in the world.
Elsa- you ask some very good questions here. Why is it that we sometimes feel guilty about our happiness? Should happiness be shared and encouraged? Why not? I know that some people suffer from depression and that it is extremely difficult for them to lift themselves above par sometimes. Is it better to stifle your happiness or to share the glow in your heart with others? Could your happiness spark a fire in someone elses heart? Now my planets in Libra are saying, it might make them feel worse. But I still think that is worth a try….. insert Desiderata
Sometimes it’s good to sing the crooked walk blues… can I hum you a few bars.
here’s my totally shallow example:
while I was gone someone fixed my horribly mangled back fence, the part that faces one particular neighbor– the other part is still mangled. at first I felt shock (for the saturn neptune part– what’s real?) then happy, then HUGE guilt.
if it was the neighbor I have no way of realistically gauging their motives. my yard looks like shit and I’m sure they’re tired of looking at it. and I’m sure they’re likely being charitable too. part of me’s happy, part of me feels like shit about it. I can’t even bring myself to go over and find out/thank them/apologize again for my shitty yard and my complete lack of doing anything about it. totally can’t face it. which makes me feel like even bigger shit.
fuck-a-doodle-doo.
Well, dang, it’s even weirder when you’ve got a bouncy little Jupiter!
I have felt for quite some time that I must endeavour to be happy, no matter what. Life is so, so, so, SO hard it is too easy to just say, ‘screw it.’
But I want to live, and I want to love. Yes my walk is crooked too, but hey! I have a Capricorn Moon and I have people in my life who really depend upon me to buck up. I’m okay with that…usually.
Oh, and I have natal Pluto opposed Venus.
(I know. I’m feeling a similar thing — Virgo Venus in the 8th getting whomped again by Saturn too.)
I’m having the same self-questioning but it is more like “XX and XX and XX are happening (Pluto) and it doesn’t look good, but I feel optimistic — am I freaking INSANE?”
The way I look at it is that we are all here for a blip at a time so I’ll take any happiness while I can, even though it is just a rainbow sheen floating on a big dark puddle. Because sometimes there’s only just the big dark puddle.
And I’ll even gladly take the *realization* that it is just a sheen on the big dark puddle, even though it makes you “walk crooked” when you see the big-picture puddle for what it is.
I can’t even imagine feeling guilty about being happy. No matter what is going on externally. It just bubbles up and I figure it’s meant to be, I don’t question it.
God, I wish I knew if it was okay to be happy, without guilt. My rational mind believes that the Universe wants that for us, wants us to be happy. It’s hard to do though. It’s hard not to ask, “why should I” have happiness while others suffer?
Such a good, sad question. The soldier’s the alive hero, not the dead hero. You’re a mother who has a will to enjoy life (Jupiter). It feels so selfish to be alive or happy sometimes, but by God it seems you have to clutch it up and honor what you’re given. Right? Otherwise you’re just insulting everyone who doesn’t have the joy.
i’m perfectly comfortable feeling several things at once.
… that square explains why i’ve been feeling like i’m cracking a little right now….
There’s so little happiness in this world, if it deigns to visit you, you better grab it in the moment and kiss it back. No matter what else is happening – no, especially considering what else is going on.
My favorite Zen koan: Buddha told a parable in sutra:
A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. He fled, the tiger after him. Coming to a precipice, he caught hold of the root of a wild vine and swung himself down over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the vine sustained him.
Two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw away the vine. The man saw a luscious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other. How sweet it tasted!
Amen.
Well, I suppose I’m getting REAALLY personal here, but when I am feeling deep love, I will often feel both happiness and sadness at the same time. This is the only way I can describe it–carrying both inside me simultaneously. For example, crying during orgasm is not unusual for me. Or, experiencing lots of laughter and connection, and then needing to cry at the end of the day, just for a moment.. I don’t know what I have a right to feel..honestly, I debate that all the time, but I’m so grateful I know love. I’m learning astrology, and wonder if this is an expression of my north node virgo, south node pisces.. it’s a good question elsa, and for me it fits in perfectly with your blogs about compassion (i.e. compassion for self included).
Um, make that north node 11th house, south node 5th..
You and the soldier have every right to be happy. Sometimes it’s the little happiness that one has which keeps them afloat through all the terrible stuff, and if you didn’t have it, you’d sink, you know? You’re not taking away from the serious things by appreciating the things that make your heart lighter.
Maybe it’s the universe’s way of balancing the pain out — offering you the happiness to shore you up so that you can bear the rest.
Why isn’t it OK?
I’m Catholic, and I’ve struggled for years with the suffering/martyrdom themes they bring up so often.
I don’t think it’s any way to live. What’s so wrong with wanting happiness in this life and the next? What’s the point of living your entire Earth existence in blackness?
Leo Suns can’t exist if every night was a starless night.
This Venus-Mercury-Pluto combo is sitting right on top of my natal debilitated Venus and Pluto conjunction. So while there is a dark side to my sunny soul, I don’t want it to completely overtake me.
I don’t know about this. I think at the very least you owe it to yourself to try and be happy whenever the opportunity presents itself. I can see this by trading places; if I was gone or in pain I wouldn’t want the people I care about to forgo happiness as a result, in fact it would increase my discomfort if they were to feel that way on my account.
Happiness should not be binary, on/off, although I can see how Virgo would like it to be that way.
I don’t see how not being happy would help the situation. Happiness makes one able to cope better with the other things happening. Love and happiness to me is the foundation of my spiritual beliefs. We are here to be happy, the rest is stuff do deal with. And betrayal through happiness? That to me is an oxymoron.
I think you have a gift for articulating some pretty deep stuff. I often feel guilty/unworthy of happiness, even when I conciously know better.
“I think at the very least you owe it to yourself to try and be happy whenever the opportunity presents itself.”
Not sure if this is personal to me (us) at all, but just want to say for the record, the soldier and I are both happy, we are innately happy… happier than most, we need very VERY little to be happy however this shadow exists. And I thought it would be a service to put this out there because to become conscious of what is affecting you subconscious is always (ultimately) liberating. And he can’t be the only one out there with a son at war. I can;t be the only one out there with an ill child…
jeremy-don’t get what you mean about the virgo on/off thing? that’s not a virgo deal that i am aware of. many of us virgos are not nitpicky, critical control freaks, ya know. 🙂
i’ve run across this question somewhat doing crisis intervention work and in my personal life. i’ve decided that to me, happiness is a gift wherever it comes up and it doesn’t make me less caring if i don’t focus on pain all the time, even when there is more than enough to go around.
i also remember reading about the use of “gallows” humor for people who work with tragedy and death. as a way of coping and dealing with survivors guilt. that seems very pluto-merc to me.
Hey Elsa P, Foxxy is sooooo right, you DO have a gift for articulating some pretty deep stuff. You never ever cease to amaze me with your insights.
And I know that feeling, too, you’re skipping along, singing a happy song, and then you remember something that is going on that’s not so happy, and the jolt of it hits you, and right away there’s a hitch in your skip, a hitch in your git-along, and you have to stop and deal.
I say, hats off to all of those who can deal with the hitch, reflect on what you’re feeling, say a prayer or do whatever you need to do to deal with it, and then start humming, humming, humming until you’re singing your song again, which then gets the toes a-tapping and you’re a-skippin’ and a-jumpin’ again . . .
And if there are others watching who see your walk getting crooked and then see that a person can do something to get it back up to a skip again and can learn from that, well then you’re golden right, the Fairy Godmother has just tapped you with the wand!
Energy’s neutral until it’s directed, right? See Elsa I’m learning something good here . . .
And Indy, I love what you said, “If happiness deigns to visit you, you better grab it in the moment and kiss it back” Yes!
Wow, Maureen. I love what you said. That gives me comfort – and wyrdling, too – …
I’m always surprised when I feel an “inappropriate” response to something – like how something very good recently happened to me, something long-awaited – and I just cried (and not necessarily tears of joy).
happy? happiness? What is that, what does that feel like?
Our society (read advertising) makes it very clear that being happy is out of our reach and if we are happy we should be ashamed that we are.
No, in general not happy, not unhappy either. Usually more along the lines of satisfied, pleased or relieved at a job well done.