My Married Girlfriend Is Drifting Away

Hi Elsa,

I’m a single 34 year old male in love with a girl from work for 3 years now. She happens to be married with 2 kids. Marriage for them is just a relation of 9 years maintained for the kids, with no love or affection for one another.

She loves me too, always caring and concerned. We are both aware of the fact that divorce is not just possible. She is great fun and good sex – who always goes back home with the regret of not meeting each other earlier. A typical Piscean, there’s a guilt feeling at the back of her mind about not being loyal to her husband and a tendency to accept things the way they come.

Recently I switched my job and she also happened to quit, staying home at the moment. We are still in touch regularly but with restrictions of meeting each other everyday for obvious reasons. Of late I’ve notice that the phone calls have reduced, concern level falling and the relationship is slowly becoming a thing of the past – with her referring to it as something that will never happen or be the same, just a memory to cherish. All of a sudden along with the kids, there’s a husband to take care of.

We have just changed our jobs; our relationship should be the same. Now I’m feeling neglected, lonely and betrayed. Is she the same girl I once knew or should I carry on with life alone? Please suggest. I understand her inconvenience, we both knew what was going to happen and I am not asking her to leave everything and come to me.

But I am talking about the feelings for each other. Is it possible to let go of someone you love just like that? Or maybe there was never any “love” at all.

The Other Man

Dear Other Man,

I am sorry you are hurting and I understand your pain. It does sound as if this woman is drifting away and everything from this point on is going to be my opinion. And it is just that: an opinion. But you have a Sagittarius Moon which is always seeking other perspectives, so I’ll offer mine and perhaps others will offer theirs in the comments.

Is this the same girl? I would say yes. She is the same girl caught in a new current.

Was there love? I would say there was. Three years is a long time and she is telling you she is going to cherish her memories.

Outside of this, I would just remind you that you knew this was going to happen. And though part of you is now regretful… part of you set this up. It was you who got involved with a woman you could not have, and there are two blatant indications of this type tendency in your chart.

One is a your Sagittarius Moon. Moon in Sadge values freedom and when your lover is married, it is very hard for them to put restrictions on you. It is her in the prison (Pisces) while you are free to roam.

But you also have Venus conjunct Saturn which indicates love (Venus) with limits or restrictions (Saturn) and you can see how this also manifested via this relationship… both during and after.

Now as she swims off in another direction, there is a loss (Saturn) of love (Venus) but you are free to roam (Sagittarius Moon) and philosophize (Sagittarius) about it. So I guess what I am saying is, I don’t think you are a victim here. Her husband is the victim and also the betrayed. You were not betrayed. She told you (and you knew) all along what was going to happen.

Good luck.

1 thought on “My Married Girlfriend Is Drifting Away”

  1. To everything there is a season, and sadly it seems that your relationship with her has hit winter. I feel for your loss, but I have to agree with Elsa on this one. You set yourself up for this with a woman who was unattainable, because she seems content (albeit not necessarily happy) with her current situation.

    There are things on her end you might not see/know, like her staying home could’ve sparked something with her husband, or she feels the need to move on, or she’s at the point where she doesn’t know what she wants…the list is endless.

    All you can do on your end is grieve the end of this relationship and let go. Because, yes, you can let go of someone you love so deeply. Hurts like a bitch, but pining over something you cannot have stunts your ability to find someone who is open and available to you.

    I wish you luck.

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