How to navigate this next decade, as an elder? How can the current crop of elders (we baby boomers, including me!) make the BEST USE of the times ahead in America. I think our culture is changing so rapidly, some days I want to hide at home (Cancerian here) and just chill and avoid all the noise.
Cancerian from Maryland
Hi, Cancerian. This is definitely a challenge. While I understand wanting to hide at home, I feel the most important thing you can do is build community. First and foremost, meet your neighbors. These are the people who are most likely to be in a position to help you, when and if you need it. There are legions people in your age group, asking the same question. If you get out there in any way, and let your desires be known, I suspect you’d get offers.
I think this is smart to do, even if you have family close by. People (including family) are so taxed, it’s best if you have a number of people you can call. One person in group and do one thing, the other can do the other… it’s very important to have people on the same wavelength, willing to help out and trade and such. When something comes up, everyone pitches in and together, it gets done.
As for company, there are lots of people who miss visiting in person, and going places in person. I found this out, for sure, when I started attending an “older than me” exercise class, with my husband. These woman want to set up tables after the class, to just talk. They just want to visit. They are very willing to spend time with others, meet new people and such. If you can relate to them, they will relate to you.
I would also limit media consumption, because it presents a false reality. It makes everyone of every age, color, sexuality or whatever, seem insane. This is not how it actually is out there. Many (most) of the candid videos you see are staged and designed to make people seem horrible. If you actually talk to people, you find they are far more like you, than different. Seriously, if you un-isolate and step into real reality, you may be shocked at how nice and normal most people are. They’re just living, worried about the same things you are.
Bottom line, when you’re older, things can go south, quickly. Health, I mean. Try to find people of any age, who might be there for you and make sure you’re there for them as well. That’s the deal. Anyone who understands this will be able to find friends.
One advantage older people have is they’ve (usually) figured out, no one is perfect. Try to focus on the best in people and pray they do the same for you. Tell be people to call you if you can help. If your phone rings, deliver the help, understanding people will do the same for you, when you’re the one in need.
The main block people have is their fear. If you can overcome this, chances are excellent, you’ll find supportive friendships, so long as you’re willing to provide, same.
Good luck.
Anyone else have ideas?
Not an elder here, but I would say cherish the many real memories that you have had before technology arrived on the scene, as well as trying to maintain that sense of real life community your generation had before phones took over. My elderly Scorpio Mum recently told me she feels like she is in the last generation that has known and experienced true authentic community, conversations with real people, and neighbourhood friendships, pre-technology.
I’m dreading how my generation will turn out when we reach the elderly stage. Our minds and hearing levels are already in bad shape, from the excessive partying of our youth. We will probably have phone-related rheumatism in our hands as well. I picture us slack-jawed in our nursing homes, hunched over a PlayStation, or still on our phones, and not talking to each other! 😮
I love all the suggestions. I’m an old Gen-X, first year, in fact, so I’m very close behind. I’m watching tech things pass me by and I’m here going backwards: getting back to how things are grown, made, created, preserved. Not just food, either. But I am in the mindset of conserving, passing down, keeping skills alive. There is a community out there. People in our generation know how to communicate with each other, so that familiarity is comforting. And being accessible, available to younger people could be a sort of safety net for them. That’s really Cancerian! Also, being among older people is also tapping into our past.
I think that doing what you love, discovering new things, honing your special gifts, eniches you and can be a bridge to community.
Its not easy. I made plans “in my head at least” on how I wanted to spend my retirement years. I will be 69 in Nov. Its difficult to wrap I head around that. I peer into the future and all I see is a black void. At this age its really about living one day at a time.
I’ll be 77 in November. A couple years ago my husband and I started showing up at monthly karaoke. A first time ever for karaoke and a gathering place for BIPOC folks. I’m one of those folk, my husband’s the “white ally.” We’ve become the elders in the community, sharing what we know, getting to know young people from 4-50, and finding essential services (real help!)
We’ve spent decades isolated for many reasons and to find safety and a place to sing? That is a beautiful feeling at any age but especially wonderful at 77. My family live far from us. We’re close thanks to virtuality and we’re grateful!!! Creating and being creative with real folks is essential; long in coming but maybe that was the purpose of the journey to become willing to be community.
No easy job, but easy is good only on eggs.
I’m so grateful for a place to set my burden down and be an elder who can dish up the goods when called. I had a great role model in my Pisces mom. Being Scorpio I learn through hard knocks, and deep comebacks; over and over again. The art I began creating in the past two years draws on something far bigger than me or my ego. When I pitch my tent, and clothespin the drawings I try to remember to keep my heart big and open and my ego chill so as not to edge god out.
Still a work in progress