Intense Teacher and Healer Lacks Partner: 8th House Stellium In Virgo

Dear Elsa,

You can tell from my birth info that I’m an 8th houser/Pluto kind of girl. I am always the one my friends, family, acquaintances, and even enemies come to for advice. But when am I going to meet a man who comes from my world, someone who I can get down and dirty with – someone who understands as much as me, someone who lives in the shadow, and ‘gets it’, too? I seem to be here to help everyone else understand the dark side but when am I going to meet a kindred spirit?

I left a long-term, albeit tumultuous and on-and-off relationship four years ago. I have not been in a relationship since that time (unwillingly, but for the best), as I’ve spent it mending a broken heart and embarking in a journey of transformation, self-awareness, independence, and consciousness. Transformation and growth are so much a part of me that I had to walk away from him because he refused to grow and change and meet me at a level deep enough to satisfy me. I have also spent much of this time hanging on tightly to the hope that he would change and we could reconcile.

I’m now ready to let go but don’t know how. I don’t want to waste the Pluto transits I’ve been going through continuing to wait for him. Can you give me astrological advice as to how (or why) to let him go, so I can finally move on and be free for someone else?

Plutonian
Canada

Dear Plutonian,

Yes I can. It is true you are an intensely intense person and I think your focus on this is what has you stuck. You might say the un-comfort zone is your comfort zone, so there you are and there you stay.

With a stellium in Virgo in the 8th house, you want to help. You’re a trauma nurse who wants to mix it up and heal the wounded. And though I have no doubt you stay very busy and are very good at this, meanwhile your (unattended) leg is rotting off.

Your unattended leg is the Venus Saturn aspect in your chart. This and everything it signifies is your real un-comfort zone. Being deprived of relationship. Delay. Control issues in relationship.

For example, you want to define (Saturn) your partner (Venus) as if you know best what you need. Are you sure about that?

And this last guy. He would not do what you thought he should do in the way you thought he should do it. Damn him!

And why are you waiting? He’s not waiting. See what I am getting at? This is your problem and it’s huge. And I put it that way to hopefully whet your appetite. You know how keen you are to fix things, so fix this:

Fix the fact you obsess over your upper body when it’s your rotting leg causing all the problems. Start by looking at the parent/child theme in all your relationships. This should get you to the meat very directly.

Good luck.