My husband and I were talking to a gal we met, recently. She a Virgo with a Gemini moon and Mars in Sagittarius squaring her Mercury, also in Virgo. She’s exactly as you’d expect. Smart, open and opinionated. She’s in her early 70’s.
She was telling us about her neighbors who were selling their big house. “They’re getting divorced,” she explained.
“Why are the getting divorced?” my husband asked.
“I don’t know,” she said, dramatically. “They’re not getting along. Not getting along? That’s no reason to get a divorce! Nobody gets along!” she, howled. “If everyone I know who does get along, got divorced, no one would be married! I don’t think I know anyone who gets along. But this is what they’re doin’. They’re divorcing and now there is a beautiful home on the market.”
I offer this as a counter to all the material out there, suggesting you divorce for whatever reason.
I think she makes a good point as there is a lot more to life, than getting along.
I know quite a few couples who got divorced because they couldn’t hash things out and just a few years later they get remarried to another person. It’s like they all wanted to be together but they just wouldn’t put in the effort to seeing things through.
My parents were both each other’s 3rd marriage!
Even when my husband drives me nuts- I have never contemplated divorce. I think, somehow we will just get through it.
I guess I should disclaimer that I do not know for sure what any of these couples real issues were. They were all real good couples from what I experienced spending time with them. It is that reason that makes me assume they could have stayed together.
people seem so ready to jump and run… i haven’t studied astrology that much but i have relationships, trauma, etc… human brains are designed to seek danger..to keep us ‘safe’ physically. when we start seeing our partner as the ‘danger’ that’s where the problems can lie. also our instant gratification culture add to the divorce rate. a super good relationship book ‘Wired for Love’ by Stan Tatkin
Even dating, I have found no one wants to work through challenges that arise or the challenges are so soul crushing to not be plausible. My last efforts were with a narcissistic man who felt having casual relationships with women from different parts of the world in the last 4 years (often involving sex) was ordinary and should be accepted by me (I finally discovered what he was doing on his trips besides just seeing the world). The absurdity of him thinking I would accept this and still travel with him is mind blowing. I realized I was just another casual relationship of his. He frequently visits certain countries. Columbia, Asian, and Africa. I know many of these 3rd world countries cater to well to do Western men. Access to much younger beautiful women although he claims he only gets together with older women. No matter what age, its a deal breaker for me!
Well, that’s why you date. To see if you are compatible.
There are guys with a lot of money who believe they are ‘high value’ and that women will accept this, because there are women out there that do.
Yes, he said or claimed all the other women were ok with it and even said to me “how much I would like them were it not for the jealousy”! Womanizer, sex addict, or whatever he is a big turnoff off for me now. He doesn’t even care if they speak English and commented “ it’s better if they don’t”. What a mask this guy wore. Had me fooled for a while. Has to be mentally disturbed/twisted to have this type of lifestyle.
OK, the available pool of men with money is shrinking though, due to economic circumstances. So when that happens, the men that do have wealth can set harsher terms. So that’s why he thought he could behave like that.
He did admit “he is a hot mess”. Then tried to say I was too when I became upset after finding out the kind of lifestyle he lives. It explains his “secretiveness” which I attributed to his personality & difficult family circumstances. Now I know he was just concealing his lifestyle from me.
My poor Scorpio brother is getting a divorce after his Pisces wife changed from whoring around in secret to openly.
He had SO much faith in her she could have put a ring in his nose, attached a rope and led him around. She’s shacked up with a druggie who ‘makes her happy’. The one son went with her until the guy threatened to beat him up and have his two kids beat him up, now he’s back home and the mother blocked the poor kid from calling on her phone.
I think it is a question of : Do you want to be right or do you want to have peace? (Mars in Libra is speaking here.)
Every couple argues but you need to learn to fight fair – no name calling and no re-hashing of old issues that were already settled.
Relationships go through cycles but they take on more and more importance the longer they last because your knowledge of the other person is so much richer.
I suspect that the people who cut and run end up with the same issues later on just with a different partner.
Ha ha she is me. Virgo with Mars in Sag and Mercury opposite Saturn. I get in so much trouble for my opinions but ‘opining’ is my natural state.
I asked this gal once, “Don’t you kiss your husband?”
She thought a second. “Not very often!”
She also said, our county tends to bring people together… whether they like it or not!”
She cut hair for 55 years, so you know, she knows everything. People sit in the chair and SPILL!
The craziest reason I came across for a divorce was boredom. Really, you are bored?
29 years married and honestly, this past year and a half was the closest I’d ever felt to throwing in the towel. Some bad choices on the other party’s part. I’m working on getting past it and focusing on the good parts this partner brings into my life. And the fact they are genuinely trying to be a partner again helps.
No sense in starting over. It’s all what you make of it. So is life.
Agree Elsa, too many people getting divorced for reasons that don’t warrant that, like women’s “I’m not happy” reason as if it’s the husband’s responsibility to make her happy.
At the same time, if the husband or wife’s unhappiness turns into depression, then I say run for the fuckin hills and divorce, divorce, divorce. The depressed person will only become a parasite in the relationship.
This seems ridiculous to me. If you’re married for any amount of time, you will see your spouse go through all kinds of things, including depression. You write as if you are immune, which is risky, as God or the universe, or however you might see it, just may humble you in this regard.
I’m sorry but I just have to say something here. The last thing you do, is leave your spouse, when they’re down. The promise not to do this is right there in your vows.
Sorry I forgot to mention the other side of the coin; one can also kick her or him out if the depressed person permeates the house. It’ll just be months and years of therapy and pills to fix the symptom and that ain’t my problem. The “vows”, just another form of control from the institution of marriage. The land of promises mean little to the reality of life shifting from moment to moment. I could go on but I’ll leave it at that.
What bugs me about the situation is that divorced people are never self reflective. This is not a conversation I have actually had with a divorced guy, more of an amalgamation of how it often goes. This is really not far off as well:
Him: I just don’t really know what happened.
Me: Oh OK, so, what is she like? What did she talk about when you were together? What were her interests? I never actually met her.
Him: I don’t think you understand, she was incredibly hot and willing to sleep with me.
But wait, so a relationship started on that basis was supposed to last?
It’s like when people say that someone ‘just changed’. When they met the person they were great and then they “just changed”. People don’t “just change”. Their brain sets at 25 for men, and 20 ish for women and then that’s that. I have been surprised by people for like, a few months tops when I’m being ridiculously naive. NO ONE can pull off a second personality for years.
It’s just become a cultural thing to not particularly reflect on why someone chose a certain partner.
It makes me so sad that this is a controversial opinion.
I’ve been told that if your spouse doesn’t make you happy, why should you stay?
People have lost a real understanding of what marriage IS and IS FOR. May it be revitalized by the younger generation.
“May it be revitalised by the younger generation” – marriage is dying; it’s well and truly in its breakdown phase. It’s dying because it’s institutional. Marriage through the State is axing it to death, axing men to death from separation to divorce. Currently marriage is a women’s game and men are now not playing it, why would they unless owned by the pussycat.
It will never die. It may have a breakdown, as you say, but it will never die because it is the natural order of things. The institutional marriage through the state does need to go imo, and it needs to be the Church’s domain. The state can recognize marriages, can help to dissolve abusive ones legally etc. But otherwise the state should refrain.
When people get married in the Church, before God, they will have a better understanding of what marriage is. It isn’t a game for either sex; it is a union for creation of healthy families. The last 60 or so years saw the breakdown, fueled partly by the planned war between the sexes and on the family. That all needs to change as well. And again, it will have to be the younger generation. They will have to sacrifice and relearn in order to right many wrongs. All we can do is support that rather than throwing more fuel on the fire of this “MGTOW” nonsense. It is future-ending.
Men and women are complements to one another. Marriage is a sacred bond that does not come from the state. Let’s teach this and remember it too.
F… the church, they need to get out of it as well. They’re dying anyway. Maybe revolutionise the churches into communities for a commune, and marriage – paper-free.