Is it Bad To Compromise In Love Relationships?

Hi Elsa:

When it comes to relating to others, I tend to be happy to adapt to the other person a lot…. friendship, family, romance, whatever.  They adapt too, of course, because every relationship has some level of compromise.  But I’m perfectly happy with learning the other person and then working with that, and who they are… rather than trying to make them fit ME.

Is this such a bad thing? Are there some combinations in astrology that just make people more prone to do this sort of thing than others?  And is it alright, or does it mean we let ourselves get walked on?

Take Care,
Curious Reader

Dear Curious,

Yes some people are more prone to this than others, for various reasons. The Mutable signs morph! Gemini can talk to whomever, Sadge goes native fast. Virgo can serve anyone, anywhere, and Pisces surrounds others, like water surrounds solid – it makes no difference the shape of the object.

Compare to the Cardinal signs, (Aries, Libra, Cancer, Capricorn) who automatically control / boss others, or the Fixed signs, (everyone else) where it’s their way or the highway!

But none of these are preferable over the other. People need each other. For example, I’m highly Mutable and I’ve spent my life, partnered with Fixed signs as a way to be anchored.

They just keep eating those Cheerios every day for breakfast. Every single day of their life. Or it’s their vanilla ice cream, or the fact they wash their clothes in Tide and nothing but Tide. This is stabilizing to a person like me, whose primary objective is to try everything.

Tide with Downy
Tide with Wonderful Bleach
Tide with Bleach Alternative
Tide Spring Scent
Tide Cool Breeze
Cool Water Tide
Tide – Episode 2

My main thing, if I’m going to buy Tide, is that it be the *new Tide, the different, *Tide. So who is right?

Maybe I learn something about the value of continuity from my Fixed partner. About getting what you expect, while they are introduced to the joys of variety via dealing with me.

So that’s one explanation, but there’s another. It could be pure co-dependence. For people with a lot of Libra in the chart, or people with a lot of planets in the seventh house, this is always an issue.

If you determine this describes you and in fact, you’re being “walked on” – the cure is found via incorporating the qualities of the opposite sign, Aries.

Aries is ME! ME! ME! Libra is WE! WE! WE! Neither of those is preferable, right? Aries probably needs to glean there are others in the world. Libra, not to be a doormat.

Hope this helps.

18 thoughts on “Is it Bad To Compromise In Love Relationships?”

  1. I am a Cancer, Sun conjunct Uranus, in the 7th house, with Venus in the 7th house as well. My Moon is in Taurus, sextile to my Venus. I was married to the same woman for 24 years, and was faithful. Other than that, my relationships have been in their own time, and never lasting. It has been many years since my last one.

  2. Just realized I have no mutable signs among my inner planets. I wish it were otherwise. I think life would be easier.

  3. Sorry, I didn’t answer the above question directly. Maybe my planet configuration explains why I’m 52 and never married despite many proposals.

  4. @Carolyne

    “Get along, DAMMIT!!” Libra can be a little bossy boss, too. 🙂 I am one, and Lord knows we’ll push for peace if we have to.

  5. I do think libras tend to do this. I’ve done it. I think we always find a balance though. In my situation, I gave up a lot of my individuality because it was threatening to him. Well, after years of that I was compelled to balance that out, by breaking up with him and thinking only of myself. There was no balance to be found within that relationship, even though he was a libra too. I guess I’m just trying to say to anyone in a relationship with a libra to be careful what you take from us, because we’re going to expect something back. I think libras also need to be really careful about what we compromise on and don’t. It took me a long time to understand that not everyone starts from the middle of an issue like I do. I compromise automatically and sometimes it’s not recognized.

    Another thought: I think libras desire to compromise comes from a very different place than the mutable signs. Libra IS cardinal. Ours is a need to control. I think it’s so funny when people call us wishy washy. I think our vacillation is really just us trying to find a footing on which to control the interaction. We give up something small in order to gain control. Libra is elevated. (I read that somewhere and I agree). We look at the big picture.

  6. I’ve dated a pretty bossy boots Libra before. He had a lot of Scorpio in his chart.

    I’m so mutable, I think it’s kind of cool, I can be/be with anyone! I’ve dated straight-laced bankers who were marathon runners and rock musicians on heroin. I could adapt to anyone. Highly don’t recommend the latter, however.

    But I figured out I’m happiest adapting to a funny, kind Leo who shares my values. I used to toy with thinking I was codependent, but it’s never codependency if you can happily bend without breaking. It’s the breaking part – the losing some key essence of myself – that made the other relationships fall apart.

  7. It’s good to compromise on little things – but the big things -no! I knew a Cappy who married a divorced Virgo father of two. He told her upfront – no more children. She went ahead and married him thinking she could change his mind about kids, and also their physical chemistry was great. Fast forward a couple years -their chemistry had fizzled and she still wanted children. They started having big fights and I was getting pulled into it. I’m a Gemini and another Gemini told me -watch out! He was friends with a couple like that and they turned their anger on him. Well it happened to me too and I said buh-bye. State your values and life plans up front. Would you make a good team supporting each other for the long haul?

  8. Can’t resist to give situation.
    I’m Virgo Sun, Scorpio Moon and 3 planets in Libra. Serving to others and balancing my life to live my life.
    Hubby, Pisces Sun, mercury, saturn, venus, Super lazy!! Give his heart to surround others and knows that I’ll serve the physical work.
    My sister, Gimini sun and Leo moon, has saturn conjunct ASC makes her more structureed.
    My brother in law, Cap sun, is just too bossy without any fruit!!
    Dad, most of the planets are in Aires, just think of Me Me Me …… and nothing else!!

    Sorry for my long post!!
    Else you are 120% right in your post!!!

    1. whoops! meant to add….bossy-ish Cancer hubby, haha! But he never goes overboard because i will growl. I (Virgo) can serve and adapt, my Sadge goes native FAST, yes. My Libra Venus is kind of “we” now but it is really not my main thing at all, I’m fine on my own too somehow –I dated and lived with but didn’t want the ring, traveled the world too, before being sure I’d found the one and loved him without compromising what I wanted in my heart.

  9. I am Aries and hubby is Libra. I don’t think I’m ME ME ME by any stretch but I will say he is definitely WE WE WE. He’s the best…but he’s incredibly bossy. B.O.S.S.Y.!!! And he repeats himself over and over again…and again just for good measure. And then again a half hour later. He’s sweet..but he’s bossy.

    1. Most Aries I’ve met certainly don’t think they’re “me me me”, far to the contrary. But they are. Thinking they are not all about themselves is symptom of the ego problem 🙂 Not that this applies to you. But it has been my experience 100% of the time with Aries.

  10. Avatar

    You’re 100%… My angles are cardinal and my chart is majority fixed and can I do no compromise and be bossy. Libra is my rising too so no matter what I’m bossy. My new boyfriend is mutual (sadge) with mercury and Venus in scorpio like me and he’s spoken so much about compromise its funny. I’ve learned to compromise surprisingly and its good, I’ve learned humility. Unlike the Virgo ex where there was no such thing as compromise but that’s when I was codependent so no surprise there.

  11. Cheryl;
    My Scorp husband would likely agree with your assessment of Libra mate quite wholeheartedly.
    Especially the repeating part…

  12. I had to laugh when you said “Sag goes native fast”. I have ascendant, sun, mercury, mars and venus in Sag. I’m like you and want to try all the various “tide formulations” except I want to move to a new cities in order to try each and every one! :)Funny thing Elsa, is when we’ve moved (I married a soldier go-figure!) each time I have been able to blend into the general population very quickly. In fact, the last two places people assumed I was local within days of being there. Hawaii they asked me I was “Portuguese”, in El Paso it was assumed I was Spanish. This always cracks me and my Husband up when it happens. (He’s a Virgo sun and Mercury and it goes without saying that the grass doesn’t grow under our feet. My Husband has a loaded 7th house and yes…he is dependent on me. In fact, he’s even said many times “I feed off your energy”.

  13. Avatar
    James Slattery

    The Librans I know always agonize over a new vs. the usual purchase and are very influenced by what partners, family and friends are doing. They like to be current with media trends too.

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