Neptune On The Midheaven: Hiding In Plain Sight, Fighting Windmills

I’ll give you another example of this phenomena around me since it’s all so clear at the moment. I doubt it stays that way so you know. Get it down while you can.

I was a 15 year old bartender. I was a 16 year old bartender and a 17 year old bartender too. And I wrote about some of these experiences in my book. And Scott was my boyfriend back then. I met Scott when I was 15, while lying about my age and working in his mother’s bar. And when he read my book, he liked but he found one thing very disturbing. He wanted to know why my (15 year old) personality wasn’t in it.


See, the book tells a story from my perspective. And from my perspective… well I was a teenager standing behind that bar, scared out of my wits. I was scared of being fired for one thing. I’d been caught lying more than once, which got me immediately fired and I was in a world of hurt. I was supporting myself and my mother for one thing so I desperately needed the job and the money.

I was living in a decrepit hotel with mentally ill, very poor old people, heroin addicts and the like. It was so lowly, it got condemned, but it was still an improvement considering I had been homeless prior so that was that.

maestroThis was reality at that time. I was trying to get a foothold in life in general and I had massive fear I would slip up around my age again, get fired and wind up back out the street with my mother. This was back when nobody was homeless so some very some heavy shit for a teenager. I was so poor I remember standing in front of a newspaper machine debating whether or not I could spare a dime to buy one so this was very, very real, but not to Scott! This is his version:

“Elsie, people are going to read this and they are not going to understand. No one ever dreamed you were underage back then. Are you kidding me? They’d not have thought that in a million years! You’d walk behind that bar every day and start telling jokes and you had everyone laughing non-stop. You were hysterically funny, people never had so much fun in their lives as they did with you behind a bar. You had so much charisma no one knew what to do. They didn’t have to do a damned thing! They put you back there and you sure as hell didn’t act like a 15 year old. You were not intimidated at all. Nothing of the like. You had total command of the place. I was there and it was something to behold the way you handled yourself and everyone in there.”

“Yeah? I vaguely recall,” I said.

“Hell yes. And this is not in this book and if you ask me, it should be. I was there and I know. I mean, I know now what the situation was back then. I understand fully today, but back then forget about it. You ran the show and you needed no help from anyone to do it. You had every bastard in that place eating out of your hand, there was never a sliver of doubt in anyone’s mind you could possibly be younger than you said you were. Are you kidding me? You ran that bar like a maestro. No one had ever seen anything like it, before or sinse. Even my mother who hates you, admits this is true…” 🙂

So there you go. And I am telling you not one thing has changed. My life now is (easily) as desperate as it was then and per usual no one has a clue. Except these days I tell people and guess what? They still don’t have a clue.

So I have been thinking about this over these last days and I do think I am just going to shut up about it and let the people have their hologram. I am just going to live in the ether and people who know how to access me there, can do exactly that while the rest can fight a windmill, I guess. Because at this point I am wondering what I might be able to do if I stop saying things no one can hear anyway.

(Saturn in Virgo, bay-bee. Speak wisely.)

6 thoughts on “Neptune On The Midheaven: Hiding In Plain Sight, Fighting Windmills”

  1. One of the frustrating things about cyber-friends, is they usually live far away. Still, if there is anything I can do to help, holler! I’m sure you have many folks out here that are sending you well wishes mostly because that’s about all we can do.

    {{{{{Elsa P}}}}}

  2. Absolutely, Elsa – we can’t do much more than pray for you and send you our wishes for better days ahead!

    So – consider it done.

  3. well,i can’t say i hear everything, but you never really know what someone catches and what they don’t. just because most people miss something doesn’t mean everyone does.

    so write what you feel wants to be written….
    i mean, do you want to play to other people’s holograms? particularly because they’re never solid and keep shifting?

  4. I’m just a blog reader, so who cares what I think. But I’ll post it anyway, on the off chance it might have some kernel of something worthwhile:

    You can’t control other people’s level of understanding of you. Apparently this is just your karma this time around.

    I have a similar problem, although in my case the misunderstanding is due to my being unable to communicate what I mean in a way that people can understand. From what you’ve said, it seems like even when you communicate it clearly, you are not understood, so that is different from me. I’m not saying that we are the same or that our lives are similar, or anything.

    But what I am saying is this: if the suffering that this issue causes you is anything like the suffering my somewhat similar issue causes me (and I think it might BE similar), then there is no gain for you in continuing to have a victim mindset (Neptune) about the way the public (10th) continually misunderstands and cannot read through the ether (Neptune). The moment you stop trying to control it or think it should be different than it is, is the moment you will be free. *Even if nothing else changes.*

    Or, at least free from that issue, of course the difficulties with your daughter’s illness will remain, unfortunately. And I am dearly sorry for that.

    I may get some flak from the readers for saying what I just said. Especially since things come across flat in writing sometimes. My motivation is not to attack or be mean. My motivation is what works to eradicate suffering. Elsa has been through the wringer time and time again, it’s bad enough with the real-world stuff without this added on top of it. I feel I can best help by speaking to the suffering. That is my motivation. I could be wrong, or full of shit, or whatever.

    (unfurls umbrella to shield from the rotten tomatoes).

  5. I agree with CD. If your life is really hard (which i believe it is), then why are you worrying about how the world is perceiving you? I wonder if part of it is that disconnect that makes people think otherwise. You talk about your relationship, so that is what people relate to in the moment, thinking that you are happy because you are in love. When you talk about your daughter we all then know your suffering. Neptune also makes others sensitive and have empathy to the experience you are projecting (ie talking about). If you choose to use this forum to talk about things other then the suffering you are experiencing, then it’s unrealistic to expect others to truly know. Because in that way you are using the neptune energy first – putting up a public image through stories and antidotes in order to escape for a while.
    I’m not judging it but rather am just saying it might help if you are conscious of what your purpose here is. If you’re here for escape then escape and tell stories and we will laugh and think things are fine and treat you like you aren’t suffering. And in this way then things are probably going to be fine for the most part as you do what you have to do to get by.
    If you want empathy for the suffering then tell us why things are hard so we can relate. Talk about the truth of your situation and we will listen and give you our shoulders and experience to lean on.
    And in this way things will be fine as well for you will do what you have to do to get by with a public full of empathy for your situation.
    But both have their pitfalls. If people don’t know then they can say things that are hurtful. And if people do know they can say things that are hurtful. At the end of the day we chose what serves us and move on down the line.
    You taught me that. You taught me how to use my neptune energy to serve be better, rather than to keep me in suffering.

  6. See, I don’t think you have a victim’s mindset about it though, Elsa. I understand what CD is saying, but my interpretation of when I read about your Neptune and how it’s affected you time and time again is more for educational purposes and showing a pattern and how certain aspects in astrology can be seen unfolding in life.

    Maybe others do think you’re just complaining, and maybe you are. But I get something entirely different. But with Neptune also conjunct my mc and my sun, maybe that’s why I see it that way.

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