Dear Elsa.
I met a Virgo man in October who for the first time in my life made me feel an instant strong physical attraction. We saw each other for three fantastic weeks and had amazing sex together. He was lovely the last time I saw him and I felt our relationship had stepped up a gear. I felt like he was becoming more relaxed. However during the following week his messages became a little serious, without his usual friendly tone.
I felt something was wrong but couldn’t work out what it was. I asked him to tell me what he was feeling and told him that I felt confused by his messages. He replied saying he wasn’t feeling very well and wasn’t sure how he was feeling just yet and that we would talk when he was better. I left him for almost a week and sent a lighthearted message wishing him well and saying I missed him. He said we could talk on the phone that night.
He didn’t call so I messaged him, saying I guess from the lack of response he was no longer interested and could he just tell me that one way or another so I could move on. He messaged saying that his ex who he had split with 6 months prior had contacted him to say she had a job abroad and was leaving at the end of January. It was his decision to end their relationship as he couldn’t commit to her and she didn’t want children yet because of her career. He said he wanted to settle down and have a family.
The outcome was that he felt really down and confused by this news and he was sorry as he didn’t want to mess me around he said he couldn’t face calling me because he is quite shy and reserved and knew what he had to say would hurt me. He said he would still be with me if he hadn’t got the text and that he had enjoyed the time we had spent together 100%.
He had planned to go to the country his ex is going to with her but they never got around to it and had told me it was the one place he really wanted to visit but had no one to go with. He has told me he is going out to see her in the new year which will obviously just be a holiday. He sent me a really nice text Christmas Day in the old tone he used when we were together.
Do you feel he will get back with his ex or will there be any chance for us when he returns from his trip. I can’t help feeling he was just crushed that she arranged it after they split and wouldn’t do it when they were together. I am still really upset about losing him and would wait for any chance to get back with him. I would sooooooo appreciate your help.
Left Hanging
Dear Hanging,
It’s hard to advise you because you state very plainly what you want to do. You want to “wait for any chance” and since there is always a chance he could come back to you, this is sort of a done deal. But you did write me so here is my read on your situation.
It doesn’t matter who initiated the break up, this guy is not over his ex. As a matter of fact, he is hot on her trail, going as far as to chase her to another country.
Further, he’s not the manliest man. A manly man would have the balls to face a woman he’d been having an intimate relationship with, to let her know of the change in his circumstances. So you can forgive all this if you want. And you can wait around, but it’s not what I’d do. I’d regroup. On the chance you’d like to do that, here’s a map:
First, the good sex you had with this guy was your energy too! This is very important. It’s totally possible to meet someone who takes you somewhere new sexually, but once you know that place exists… well you can get there again and readily! Okay, maybe not readily. You will have to find someone with some skills, but once you know where you can go, you are not likely to settle for lesser sex.
So this means you are left with something, rather than nothing. An enhanced sexual self, that is. And if it were me, I would take the something I was left with and move on, understanding this guy may or may not come back. What he does and how long it takes him is completely out of your hands. But waiting on him? Sorry. I can’t see it. To me that would be like dying on a vine when I could be living… bee bop and holler!
And I understand you invested and believed yourself to be on a path with this guy. But fact is, his ex sent a text message and he fell to his knees to pant like a dog. And I don’t know about you, but it seems he likes her better than he likes you and something like this would do me in permanently, because I don’t like another woman’s man in my bed, ever.
Further, you have a Sagittarius Moon, that is part of a stellium in Sagittarius. You are here to move and travel not sit and wait, so this is exactly what I think you should do.
Good luck.
I loved what you said, Elsa, about the good sex being ” your energy too!” and that it can be replicated again.
Life is full of lessons and I would hazard to say that this guy was one of those. The question is not whether he is worth waiting for but rather why would you want to?
I’d sit down and make a list of all of the things you respect and like about him. Compare it to the one listing the things you do not like or respect and you’ll probably be very surprised at just how little you really know about this guy. You did meet him in October so I bet he’s got many “secrets” you know nothing of.
Being a fellow Sagittarian I totally understand the over-optimism in the relationship department. We want to believe the best of everyone and forever giving one the benefit of doubt. I waited 10 years for my first husband to commit to our relationship….never happened (blessing in disguise).
The second husband was a double Taurus and a very talented artist addicted to the female image…he loved ALL women and tried his darndest to commit to loving them ALL. While I am a very tolerant person I do not tolerate taking a “backseat” to anyone. His obsession took him all the way to divorce court….which really worked out well for both of us.
You’ve got the backseat on this ride, Hanging, and he’s riding up-front with his ex. If you like the view then wait. If not…..take the wheel and boot the both of them OUT! I promise what lies ahead in your journey is more exciting then watching these two chase and evade each other. You deserve the good fortune of your ruling planet Jupiter and if anyone can make manifest fortunate circumstances it is a Sagittarian. Remember, you are hanging…..alone …..he’s not.
I wish you a partner worthy of your treasure.
I meant “than”…..not “then”. My bad.
Elsa’s advice to the writer about the ability of finding that sexual connection with someone else is solid gold advice. I got similar advice from someone years ago when I was involved with a man who didn’t want to commit, but wanted to keep his scorpian hooks in me for here and there. It was the most sensual relationship I had had. I was also more emotionally vulnerable with him than anyone else. I gave him the benefit of the doubt WAY WAY WAY too long. I also thought I would never feel that way again. I gave him my power and I erroneously believed I could never feel that way again (because I thought it was magic with him). Your partner did not give you that feeling, you experienced more of yourself with him. True he had so have some skills, but what you felt is in you, and you can experience it again. The advice from Jamie is good too.
Old advice but gooooood advice. 😀
Same thing happen to me with a Virgo man. He was moving near me still and seeing her behind my back.