Do Relationships Prevent You From Becoming A Unique Person?

James Hollis writes in “Creating a Life: Finding Your Individual Path”:

“If one does not become the eccentric, unique, one-of-a-kind person he or she was meant to be, then a violation of some large purpose of the cosmos has occurred. Individuation is not self-absorption, narcissism or self-interest. On the contrary, individuation is a humbling task to serve what our deepest nature asks of us. For some it will be a path which brings public recognition, for others suffering and public calumny, for others still, private epiphanies never seen by anyone else. Any relationship which prevents or inhibits such a vocation is harmful and regressive.’

Do you agree? Where is your Sun?

36 thoughts on “Do Relationships Prevent You From Becoming A Unique Person?”

  1. When your sun Capricorn is sextile Uranus as mine then you have to learn individuation at a very young age…then the Capricorn becomes eccentric…relationships are not easy or very original…I think “being unique” is more about Uranus position than the Sun?

  2. Yes. Yes. Yes. I agree wholeheartedly. Sun is 12th house. But mostly because I grew up around screwballs. They have the best stories. The “normal” people aren’t much fun.

  3. Absolutely. Me, me, me first!
    Sun in Sagittarius, 9th house, conj. Jupiter & Neptune. Uranus is nearby too.
    I’m sooo different hehehe

  4. “I think “being unique” is more about Uranus position than the Sun?”


    Monica – I had a similar thought initially because “eccentric” and “unique” are trigger words for Uranus. But as I continued to consider this… he is clearly talking about manifesting the self as a creative individual which led me to think this has to do with the Leo (sun) Aquarius (Uranus) axis.

    From there, I felt my thinking was polluted by my own chart which is what led me to pose this question. I am just not sure this is a universal truth…. depending on how you define “eccentric”.

  5. I don’t think everyone needs to be eccentric or unique. If that is part of your individuation, then I think you need to do it, but maybe your path is more ‘everyday’ in nature. To me, the important part is living your calling, whether it is eccentric or more mainstream. Maybe I’m misunderstanding what he said, though.

    There are billions of people in the world – that’s a lot of pressure to expect yourself to be ‘one of a kind!’

  6. Sun in Libra trine Uranus. However, in the process of finishing up a second Saturn in Leo Return, and the changes this time have much more to do with finally expressing my unique, creative self on a wider stage than ever before.

    Figuring out who we are (Sun) and expressing that self is one of those life long projects . . . Every single positive step along the way counts though. 🙂

  7. sun in scorp, 11th house. I agree. Individualism to me is very important. I think we all need to find our niche within ourselves.

  8. I agree with this … I also notice that he did not say all relationships, he only said “Any relationship which prevents or inhibits such a vocation is harmful and regressive.”

    That makes this Leo sun in the 7th happy.

  9. watch me go all libra “i can’t decide” on your ass!

    i know this quote’s pretty general and doesn’t specify much. it’s a nice idea on the surface, but… sometimes it takes a “harmful” relationship, or several, for us to become suitably aware of who we are and to grow into ourselves (or continue to). living inside a “don’t regress! don’t be anyone else!” box is just the same as not having individuality. and, yes, being just yourself is about as egotistical as you can get… you can’t be anything without the input and involvement of others, positive or negative. what are the good days without the bad, what’s a man without his friends? but yeah, it’s a really dumb idea to keep around people or situations that don’t let you enhance or explore yourself.

    sun in gemini, 9th house. pluto opposed my sun several years back… talk about a war for individuality.

  10. I’ve sun in Libra conjunct 9 degrees Venus/Uranus in Libra in 11th. It takes alot of focus to remind myself that I’m a full individual whether or not I’ve a special partner. Still, I don’t find that I compromise my principles just to have ANY partner.

  11. I agree. It’s taken me a long time, but my life path is all about honoring individual creativity while providing service, all at the same time. I’m going to nursing school in the fall, while keeping creative hobbies on the side as my outlet.

    I’m not the kind of person who wants to waste my life in a soul-draining job that’s not right for me, for the sole purpose of making money. A lot of people I know feel like that or have to live like that, due to terrible life circumstances, but it sucks the life out of living.

    Sun in Leo, 5th house, with the 6th and 7th houses emphasized.

  12. Sun in Scorpio, 11th house. I’m with this man’s take on the being unique … but admit that it takes a long time (a lifetime) to get that with so much Capricorn angling at me: “Have I done enough yet?” The affects of relationships that prevent or inhibit that journey make up so much of my challenge seems I confuse people or hide in the 11th house when they confuse me.

  13. eh, uhm, north node in libra (in aspect to an aquarius moon) says…
    sometimes being true to yourself _requires_ you to learn how to do so _within_ the context of relationship, and determine what is actually essential and what’s just frosting….

  14. eh, uhm, north node in libra (in aspect to an aquarius moon and an aries sun) says…
    sometimes being true to yourself _requires_ you to learn how to do so _within_ the context of relationship, and determine what is actually essential and what’s just frosting….

  15. oh, serious weird, sorry. when i clicked submit the first time i ended up at a totally different site so i figured it didn’t go through…
    (so confused…)

  16. Wow. Thanks for the link Elsa. Interesting read. I put that sucker in my Amazon basket.

    And yes I agree. My Uranus is horribly placed and I’m mid personality disintegration / fragmentation here. Im grasping for new insights.

  17. Well, I just noticed that my Sun is EXACTLY quincunx my Uranus at 2 deg 4 min. Aries Sun 2nd, Virgo Uranus 7th.

    Sun Quincunx (Inconjunct) Uranus

    Your self expressive urges are usually misunderstood by people and this creates frustrations for you. As you disconnect from the need to be understood and get more in contact with the will to achieve positive results from your actions, your true self emerges from the core of your personality. You grow by learning to leave well enough alone.

    I’ve already done that. I am me, and if you don’t like it, tough.

    Trans Uranus is conj my Sun. I am in the process of reinventing myself. I am in a limbo stage right now. I believe by next year, I will be very surprised at who I have become.

    I am very conservative in my values, yet I long for adventure and want my family to travel much and have unique experiences. I have not yet found that freedom in a relationship, only oppression.

  18. I’m not sure I understand, frankly. I must have some merc neptune going on. Because I’ve read the post a few times and the comments and it just isn’t clicking.

  19. Yes, fully. My Sun’s in Cancer in the 3rd, but it’s opposite Uranus, and both planets form trines and sextiles to my Mars-Pluto opposition. So yes, I will be what I want to be, I will do what I want to do, and no you will not get in my way. Not for long, anyway. Really, as long as nothing ever gets seriously hurt, I think that’s a perfectly fine way to be.

    I’ve recently come to realize (I think with transiting Uranus squaring my Moon, which rules my Sun) that I really don’t care to follow anyone else’s rules on how to be me. I’ve been dealing a lot with labels and identities lately, and all I’ve learned is how utterly useless and counterproductive they are, at least in practice.

  20. How can every single person be unique and eccentric? I’m not getting it either. Some are just fine with not being so; I want to be me, but I don’t like standing out like a sore thumb either.

    Sun in Aries 6th, conjunct mercury, ceres and chiron – opposed uranus conjunct asc from 12th. moon/venus/nodes and mars also aspect uranus.

  21. I have a Leo Sun in 10H and Uranus in Leo just 2 degrees away from my Sun. I can really identify with Aquarius though sometimes the 10th house thing gets people confused…it’s kind-of funny, I mean I look like I’m a certain way until people start talking to me and then invariably the ‘visual’ reaction ‘hmm…I don’t think she’s a member of ‘the club’. I love it! :))

  22. Aquarius rising, Leo sun, Uranus in Leo on the DC, yes, I agree. No matter what, my Pluto, 2 degrees from my sun, takes care of ripping out those people, relationships (ie, work), in my life, who I cling to for stability, yet are keeping me from where I’m supposed to go. Don’t know where that is yet, but I’ve decided to start to dance with Pluto, and let him lead.

  23. No. My sun is in my 7th. Uranus is in closer aspect to my sun than Saturn.

    We are all special snowflakes, but when we melt we’re all the same. :/

  24. Scorpio Sun with Uranus in the 7th. One of my proudest moments was when a friend of my son referred to me as eccentric. I see hidden opportunities through out of the box/find the back door avenues. People’s reactions to my eccentricity range from inspired to laughing and making jokes. The one’s making jokes are the one’s that are jealous that they can’t be more like me.

  25. “Any relationship which prevents or inhibits such a vocation is harmful and regressive.”

    yes i agree. 10th house virgo sun. i also think all relationships, however brief painful or seemingly pointless, teach us about ourselves if we honestly examine ourselves in the context of them.

  26. sun in 9th so yeah i can see that now. I had always put my eccentricity down to uranus in 10th and jup in aqua, hmmm time to rethink, thanks 🙂

  27. My sun is in H11… and I do not agree with any of that statement really… well, it make no sense to me at all, actually!

    If anything, I think we depend on others, *especially* our challenging relationships, to manifest our unique selves.

  28. “Individuation is not self-absorption, narcissism or self-interest. On the contrary, individuation is a humbling task to serve what our deepest nature asks of us.”

    I love hearing that- it’s inspiring.

  29. Let’s consider “eccentric” and the Sun from the cosmic angle, first, and THEN apply it to ourselves. (I mean, isn’t that what astrology is really all about?)

    Eccentric from the cosmic angle is used to describe the orbit “path” of many planets; it seems to me that an ‘eccentric path’ through life will be found in the planets with eccentric orbits and their aspects in a chart.

    Eccentric also describes the off-center axis of the rotation of the Earth around the Sun, which would make all of us living on Earth in some way eccentric.

    As for the Sun, we think of it as this singular, separate ‘ego’ of the cosmos, but it is actually a life-GIVING source — Leo’s famous generosity. What the Sun actually does is give away a part of itself every EIGHT MINUTES to keep life on Earth going. A chunk of solar energy is sent our way for the sake of life; it is a sacrificial act on the part of the Sun for the sake of Life and why our solar star is (very very) slowly dying.

    What we should be asking our ego/self on our eccentric path through life is how to act like the sun? What will we give of ourselves for life’s sake? This is THE question for us all, now, on an earth in deep trouble.

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