On Projecting Your Shadow and Fighting For the Right To Be An Individual

Aries scarfI was talking to Ben last night about people who don’t like me, who as group have become one of my current fascinations. And I wish I’d have done this long ago because it’s opened a whole new world. Ben is a Scorpio with an Aquarius rising and an Aries Moon, all of which is obvious in this.

“Well Ben, their lives are unlived and now they’re mad at me because I live mine. There is no other reason to become so infuriated at someone out in the world who has never done a thing to you. Why else? Why attach all this fury to me? If a person was out living their life, they would have no time to concern themselves with mine. It would be the last thing on their mind.”

He agreed.

“And the reason they can’t or don’t live their lives is because they won’t look at their shadow. The simply refuse to see their shadow and integrate it so they can live. Instead they throw it on me and people like me and people like you and consequently they get absolutely nowhere. Because you just can’t live your life when you are concerned about how another person is living theirs. In fact, I think that is an insane thing to do. You’re going to pick apart another person’s life? I can think of nothing stupider.”

He agreed. “People fight with themselves,” he said. ‘You don’t fight with yourself. That’ll get you nowhere. You have to fight the world for the right to be yourself. And it is HARD. I tell people I have fought long and hard to be the person I am. I have fought to become this individual and no one is going take away my right to be me, exactly as I am. And you have done the same thing, Elsa. You have fought to be an individual and I have seen you do it. You and I have fought like hell to be us.”


“And I teach my kids this too,” he said. (Middle school) “When they first come into my class I don’t put them anywhere. I don’t assign seats. I make them figure out where they are going to be in the room. You decide where you are going to put your chair and where you are going to set your stand down. I make them find and mark their own spot. You figure out where you go and how you’re going to carve out some space for you and your instrument so that you can be in this is class, learn and get the most from it. You want to be in the back corner? Then go back in the corner. Front row? Over there? Figure it out! Don’t come crying to me! A person has to figure out who they are and how they are going carve out their territory and they are the only ones who can do it. And if they don’t? Well you’re right. They’re going to be very upset with those of us who have and that’s just too damned bad.”

Have you carved out your spot in this life?

4 thoughts on “On Projecting Your Shadow and Fighting For the Right To Be An Individual”

  1. I agree wholeheartedly. I have spent my life living in a world where people have tried to place me into a category–and I just don’t fit. People can’t “figure me out.” And it annoys most people. It really gets their goat sometimes. I suppose that’s why I do standup comedy. I know I don’t fit and I know I’m an individual, so I figure I should get on my soapbox and talk about it. Rail against the system! For better or worse!

  2. It’s the end of Easy Rider stuff, isn’t it, where the bikers get shot by the rednecks. What I have to do is avoid the temptation to fight these people, either verbally or just in my own head; I have to see them for what they are and walk, end of story. Ideally, at any rate.

  3. There are three kinds of people, people who see the glass as half full, people who see the glass as half empty, and people who want a bigger glass.

  4. I really enjoyed this. “If someone is out there living their life, they would have no time to concern themselves with mine”. Amen.

    In my case, I have a bad habit of giving these people a voice in my life, but recent transits have helped me realize what you present here. Ive been way too openminded in the past.

    I just wonder what these people expect? That Im going to change everything about me and my desires to make them more comfortable? I should go against what my heart and soul tell me, and listen to someone who has no vested interest in my wellbeing? I cant imagine asking that of someone else, not even someone who is close to me. Were supposed to be free here.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Scroll to Top