Ever see the movie “The Help”? Hysterical. Minny gets fired for daring to use the “white” toilet so she goes home and makes a chocolate pie for Miss Hilly and adds her own excrement to the mix in order to effect “terrible awful” revenge. If that isn’t Pluto/Venus, I don’t know what is!
In our own lives, Pluto/Venus people usually suffer some kind of wounding with regard to love early on. It’s terrible-awful. They believe love isn’t safe, that abandonment and betrayal are just around the corner. I myself have a heavy Pluto/Venus signature, with a Pluto/Venus conjunction and a stellium of Scorpio planets in the 7th house. I have lived a life of loving people who were destined to betray me. But one year, I decided to delve really deep into that, get to the root of that belief system. It happened to be pre-verbal, so it was very very hard to access, but I got there. And realized that my hope behind all those doomed relationships was that the men would make up for the original wound; i.e., they would repeat the behavior (Pluto/Venus- resurrect the pain from the past), then apologize and make good on it. Make my pain go away. Heal it. Heal the boo-boo from long ago. From the original wound.
Well, that’s an exercise in futility… isn’t it?
So I learned whose job it was to heal it. Yeah, damn it. My job. This meant that I no longer allow the wound’s scab to be ripped off and the wound reopened. Now, it’s tricky because every relationship will, to some extent, threaten that wound, because we’re VULNERABLE (anyone with Pluto/Venus or heavy Scorpio stuff knows this feeling and is not exactly comfortable with it). But it’s the picking of the partner that holds the key. Some partners are just “walk-away Joes”. They are destined, like the song says, to be a leaver. Our souls know it when they see it. They know immediately if someone’s an abandoner (alcoholics, drug addicts and married people we fall in love with, just as examples). So you have to make this deal with your soul that YOU WILL NOT ABANDON IT ANY LONGER, by leaving its care with someone who is going to betray and abandon it. So no more wishful thinking when it comes to picking a partner. That’s the first part. Picking someone solid, who right-off-the-bat isn’t going to leave when they see the first crazy that comes out of you. ‘Cause there’s going to be crazy. The reaction and fear of betrayal won’t disappear, it’s the management of that reaction that is the work. And it can only be worked when brought out in the open and shared with the person who is triggering that reaction. The wound must be exposed (not OPENED) and aired, in order to heal. Get the difference? Opening the wound means you have picked yet another person who is a reincarnation of the Original Betrayer. Exposing the wound means you have picked someone who can stand there while you are twisting and turning and muttering and fearing, and who can hold that space for you, knowing that you will get over the crazy and come back. But it’s your job to make sure you get over the crazy. It’s your job to make sure you come back. This is the gift of Pluto/Venus. YOU love yourself to bring yourself back. The fact that someone is there waiting is just icing on the cake.
What is your “terrible/awful” and how do you heal yourself?
expose th wound not open it thanks yes feeling like an idiot this whole day all my planets are in 8th I should have a dynamic career but gave it away nice ofme?
I’m 60 now so. who knows.
Never too old, Dorathi. First thing: never allow the word “idiot” to be spoken by yourself to yourself again. EVER.
What a great post. I have Pluto in the 8th squaring Venus in the 12th and have often said that men move through me on their way to other women. The problem is if you’re not able to find a partner who is stable AND exciting. At 44 I never have and would still rather be hurt over and over for volcanic sex than contend with boredom (Venus square Uranus too). Not so easy to heal if on some level you enjoy the inflammation.
But for me, the “exciting” part was secret code for “warning!! betrayal is afoot!!” It’s a very subtle energy, but my soul knew it soooo well!
Diane, when did it stop being sexy to you? When did it stop being worth it?
I have been in therapy on and off for most of my life. I also have signatures in my chart of low self esteem, so I know that my “work” has to do with taking back the stories of “I don’t deserve”. One of the things that is my “early warning system” is *resentment*. When I was younger, in bad relationships, I just tried harder and harder, but the older I got, the more I started to feel resentment… and I realized that THAT was a huge red flag for me. It stopped being sexy (that energy of the “dangerous guy”) in the last 10 years, I’d say. But it was gradual. Once you become aware and recognize that energy, it just…. stops being sexy. It becomes annoying! You can see through it! You stop wanting to TRY to evoke that kind of exciting intimacy. Because it’s just toooooo HARD. It’s like your soul just can’t play the game anymore.
“Once you become aware and recognize that energy, it just….stops being sexy.” I finally realized my soul couldn’t play this anymore back when Scorp went into Saturn. (I have Saturn Scorp 1H natal and it was my 2nd time around) I’d been with a Sag for over a year and it was never going anywhere anyway so I just stopped. It’s been a wonderful experience for this Venus Square Pluto child. I also have Sun and Merc in Scorp.
I hear ya Elsa.
Sorry for the double post. I really suck at this comp stuff! LOL Dont’ even know how I did that. 😛
“Once you become aware and recognize that energy, it just….stops being sexy.” I finally realized my soul couldn’t play this anymore back when Scorp went into Saturn. (I have Saturn Scorp 1H natal and it was my 2nd time around) I’d been with a Sag for over a year and it was never going anywhere anyway so I just stopped. It’s been a wonderful experience for this Venus Square Pluto child. I also have Sun and Merc in Scorp.
I hear ya Elsa and all who commented here. I see some of my much younger co-workers going thru this and it just breaks my heart. All I can do… is say that “this is where that kind of love got me” and be very careful please, because the decisions you are making now can determine how you live the rest of your life.
Oh, man, do I ever grok this….
I’ve got Venus conjunct Pluto in Libra.
I’m not entirely sure what my terrible-awful is. I know there was a horrorshow of abandonment that happened when I was 7, but sometimes I wonder if that was the original sin or not.
Earlier this year I did the silliest, most useless woo-woo thing I’ve always scoffed at and sat down with wounded inner-me to have a chat. I was surprised how much it helped. That’s The Big Mamma-Jamma, though: I’ve been abandoned so now I abandon me. What kind of sense does that make? *laughs*
I guess in a way I’ve been lucky, though, in that I haven’t expected “betrayers” not to betray. Not that I haven’t ever joined up with ’em for fun, I’ve just never opened up to one. The people I’ve chosen to be vulnerable with have almost all been good, solid, dependable people, even if the relationship didn’t last.
I have good instincts. 😉
I don’t think that was silly at all! Instead of big Mamma,I had a big sister inner-me. She helped me immensely! She knows immediately what a guy is up to, and now I actually let her TELL ME instead of fighting with her.
It turned out not to have been silly, but I’d always pooh-poohed the “connect to your inner child” idea before. Resisting, yanno? 🙂 I also have sun conjunct Saturn: What inner child?!? I’m a grown-up, motherfucker! I’ve never beeeeen a child!
*snorts*
But, hey. At least I know most of my issues. Working on them, slow but surely.
Hello, Saturn/Sun sistah!!! My issue was even letting myself believe I could HAVE an inner-something that didn’t think I was a piece of shit! LOL!
great post… and I know this lesson all too well. very beautifully articulated.
Thank you! <3
I find it hard to stay detached when dating even if my gut instinct tells me someone is going to walk away because the wound that’s being reopened is in my case the original abandonment by my father as a child. It often has little to do with the person I’m with but the old pain gets superimposed onto him and I confuse him as being the source when really, if I’m honest with myself, he’s a placeholder and stand-in for it. Not easy to find someone who doesn’t flinch in the face of you being a haunted soul.
Well, the trick here is to not tell the person right away… sit with your discomfort… do the inner work for awhile (you can google all kinds of help for when you want to RUN AWAY, RUN AWWWWWAYYYY!!!!). After you get to know them for awhile, that’s the time to reveal (gently) that you have an issue with this, and that for you, utmost honesty is the number one factor for moving forward in relationships. Of course, one hopes that you haven’t slept with the person yet, because, frankly, it’s an out-of-control-train at that point. Emotions have kicked in, big time. But if you can hold off on intimacy until you show a little bit of who you are, and sit with that fear of abandonment a little at a time, you might find your partner is willing to ease into things as well, especially if they’ve been around the block a couple times and are willing to actually have an honest relationship. Again, a dead-end is alcoholism, drug addiction and married people, because… well, you know. They aren’t being honest with themselves, so they cannot possibly be honest with you, nor can they handle honesty about you. Do not caste your pearls before swine!
whoops, I meant “cast”, not caste… LOLOL!!
Oh Diane, the only time I can do this with is someone I’m not that attracted to in the first place lol.
At first it feels like that. They’re BORING. YAWWWWWWN. But I tell you this true: when you get sick enough of your own shit, when you can’t stand being in the same room with yourself, when you get SO OVER your own story of what is “exciting”, then those “boring” people become something else. Have you ever considered yourself an addict? That kind of “love”, that “excitement”, is an addiction, and like all addictions, you’re killing yourself. And like all addicts, until you hit rock bottom, and are willing to try something different, because doing the same thing over and over again is INSANE, well, you begin to think that “boring” is looking pretty good. I’m not saying to find someone you have nothing in common with. I’m saying to find someone who doesn’t rip your wound open. But until you see that you’re addicted to that wound rip, that it feels like “going home” every time it gets ripped open, then you aren’t ready to let it freakin’ HEAL.
I am a raging love addict, always have been. I would love to go a little cold inside and just stop wanting to find a partner. I think you’re right, I’m not really ready to heal. Maybe one day.
It is like going home, every time the wound rips. So comforting in a sick way, I love how you phrased that.
This post really resonates; I’ve got Pluto opposing Venus, so I know all about that betrayal/abandonment wound. And thank you for the excellent advice about healing it–“Make a deal with your soul that you won’t abandon it any longer…no more wishful thinking when it comes to picking a partner….YOU love yourself to bring yourself back.”
That’s why the big-sister inner child thing worked for me. Some people might use an aunt– anyone who you don’t have “issues” with growing up. I was able to conjure up a big sister who had my best interests at heart and didn’t want to see me hurt anymore. She wanted to kick the ASS of the guys who were hurting me. She wanted me to smarten up and not take their shit!! She wanted me to see that they were no good to begin with, that they were going to just pull the same stuff I had convinced myself I was always going to get. She told me to stop being a victim of my own story.
“Conjure up a big sister who had my best interests at heart …” this is such a great example of how the healing could be done as an inside job. I have Venus (11th) trine my Pluto triple conjunction with Saturn and Mars in the 7th and 8th. In years past I kept looking for that big sister on the OUTSIDE(that 11th house of friends), hoping to get support for ‘my crazy’ from women who would later turn out to be THE SOURCE of my wounds. They were the ones I called on, “go on, throw that rock at my head.” Decades it took me to step more solidly away from that kind of self-inflicted wounds. I’m better at it now, and have no contact with the original rock thrower. But the lesson feeds my soul.
The source of internal healing came, and comes, from connecting deeper with Ancestral Support, the storytellers, and the Elementals. They are the ones who tell me ‘to stop being a victim of my own story.’ I write the medicine of remedy and put me (at different ages and circumstances) into the stories. With this kind of deep shadow and crazy work, one of those Big Sisters on the outside, has slowly met me on the common ground of those stories. I write. She reads. Sometimes we talk. After 25 yrs, when we are both push’n 70 and beyond, she can hold a space for my version of crazies, not offer me platitudes, and lets me see her crazy and her solutions.
An(other) great post with such application to many forms of Venus(Love) and Pluto(Depth). Thank you Diane.
It’s fantastic you were able to resolve it, Diane.
Thank you. This is the best thing I’ve read here – touching. I feel weakest part of my chart is Venus which is sad because that’s where you’re supposed to be at ease, feel worthwhile, have fun! It’s Venus in Aquarius for me which relates in cool, unorthodox ways (apparently) and goes for the intriguing, elusive ones. Plus its conjunct Chiron – the wounded healer! Great. And its in the Eighth house of Pluto so it dives deep & won’t let go. To top it off, it’s square Mars (assert or be patient?) in Taurus (still not letting go!) in the 11th house (the Aquarian house). Crazy mixed signals for sure. I’ve learned never again to go for the aloof ones and my last was a Taurus which seemed solid. But he had Sun square Pluto and Uranus square Moon and quite a bit of Gemini plus his Saturn squared my poor Venus/Chiron! So still not a home run. I also find the Venus/Chiron can experience the abandonment with female friends too. From the astrology, do you see a place where progress can be made?
Holly, I’d have to see the whole chart before making any suggestions. But, I will say this: my daughter has Venus in Aquarius in the 8th. I do think this is one of the more difficult Venus positions. Venus in Aquarius wants to BREATHE and soar above, but in the 8th, it’s forced to go deeper than it normally likes. And yes, being fixed… won’t let go. So the lesson of detachment becomes even more important. Detachment is a concept that I think every single person on the planet is here to learn. How to detach with love, how to bless-and-release. Scorpio really isn’t into the “bless” so much, but I really, really think its the only healthy way of letting go. When Scorpios let go with anger, it really doesn’t do them any good, even if they think the anger feels good. Truly releasing someone to their destiny is hard, but it also releases you… completely.
I had that kind of experience too. After my last relationship of 8 years ended I decided that any man who was interested in me should kiss the very earth I walked on.
Well, he did that, the next one. For a time. But my anger against men who left me/cheated on me were still raw. I couldn’t control my fear. So I lashed out to my new boyfriend. In fear, in rage, that he dared to leave me his friends’ activities and whatnot. And yet he stayed with me, loving and healing my soul.
Until now.
Now he doesn’t know if he can be together with me without being scared. I too needed someone to committhe crime and then make up for it… But my scars made it next to impossible to get close to each other and the 3rd of May everything kinda crashed. Right now we’re struggling to find out if we can survive, I’ve contacted a therapist to open the wound and let me heal at least some of it, but there are no guarantees.
I’m hoping Jupiter in Libra can give some mojo back after this last year or so, I have 7 planets in either Scorpio or 8th house (Libra, including a Saturn/Pluto conjunction at the aneretic 28-29th degree) so foing soul deep is extremely integral to who I am.
Still, I’m afraid this might be too late, has pulled away, and doesn’t seem to trust me anymore. God, it hurts so bad, my inner child is acting like crazy to not feel abandoned again, raging, screaming, kicking and crying – but when I see past her I still see the love that I carry for him and that I want him to be happy. And well… That’s love I gues.
Anette, I’ve commented about your current situation in other places, but I’ll just say this again. Let your boyfriend heal at his own pace. You’ll find that your fear of abandonment will try to take over and control this outcome. You are seeking help, and if you actually show up at a therapist’s door, that will speak volumes to your boyfriend. It may not save the relationship, but the important thing is that you start really looking at the original wound so that you can put the issue back squarely where it belongs. There’s where your true power lies.
Hi Diane, thank you for commenting <3
Sadly we broke up today. The reason being that the persons we are cannot match. What he needs in a relationship I can not provide and vica verca. I donmt think this could ever be more sad or beautiful. There was so much love between us during the whole thing, and we both agreed that we had tried and tried and still – we were too different, with regard to each others' deeper needs in an intimate relationship.
It's so sad – incredibly sad – I still hurt and feel raw after realizing what has to go when he moves out – but still, we had love, and a lot of it, even to the end, as well as respect for who the other person was as well as our different needs. We took responsibility for this relationship and each other and that is more precious than anything I can imagine.
Anette, it is true that breakups can happen with love. You have done well.
I have 8 house sun and mercury there too. My natal Pluto is stationary retrograde and cries out for attention and love in its 5 house placement. Venus in 10 house Aquarius is quincunx this Pluto. This Pluto is also square my Ceres and loss and deep grief are part of my life . . .through death, relocation, other various reasons beyond my control. I have had no choice but to find support for these pains. I go out and help support groups in church or hospitals, I sing at church and pray too. God is bigger than us and can fill those canyons of grief for us. In these ways I find the love that helps fill the void of having lost those who l have loved deeply (and still do) and so the cycle goes on. . .
(((Jimmer)))
Yup got this in spades. Libra in Pluto that conjuncts Scorpio in Jupiter and just conjunct my Libra in Saturn. So I have issues with leavers and abandoners. So what did I do ? Runaway from home, then ran to home to fix myself. Then went, well, that was a bust, looks like I have to do it on my own. Man it was so hard and lonely at times.
Nearly 10 years worth of work. Looking deep down. It paid off with my husband-to-be. Still got loads more to do. But I know I’m on the right track. It’s feels the long way. I thank God I’m a Sagittarius, so I get to say, “its all about the journey, and I’ve got a sword!”
“Its all about the journey, and I’ve got a sword!”
Best. Motto. Evar!!
😀
Before I dug into my shadow, I had all sorts of fear about relationships. I have Pluto in the 5th and Scorpio on the descendant. It took me years of digging into that stuff to sort it all out and become a stable, dependable human being!
But in my life I seem to have encountered the opposite problem to the one discussed. My relationships seem to be going along smoothly then one day their crazy comes out. My Taurus ascendant looks at it in a slow, thoughtful way but doesn’t jump back down their throat – doesn’t get angry or shut down the relationship or abandon them. But they run, I guess because they’re embarrassed. Perhaps because they expect me to abandon them. But I don’t. I take it in my stride, say something loving and yet still they run.
The last time this happened to me was in 2009 and I had one decent relationship in 2013 which I ended because of various factors but hopefully I’ve got past the ones with issues. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out why I picked them and the best I could come up with was “mistaking their insecurity for excitement / interest / chemistry”. Think secure people tend to be a bit better at holding back their emotions on early dates and thus I never really felt enthused enough to call the ones I met up again.
You’re describing a “runaway Joe”… things go great, then they cut and run. Or the mirror opposite: we get scared, we cut and run. Different sides of the same coin. Venus rules the 7th house, a “projection” house. It can be so frustrating, but that’s Pluto for you! But it sounds as if you’re getting a handle on it, you’re really looking deeply at things. Next step will be to actually CALL one of those “secure people” and take the risk. Just stick a toe in, go slowly (another thing Pluto/Venus people tend to do is rush in too quick, try to LOCK IT DOWN, instead of tiptoe in, feel the waters..)
Diane – thanks for your comments.
Describing “runaway Jane” actually 🙂 I’m well versed in all the stuff about attachment styles and intimacy/enmeshment and had to get past my own avoidant issues. Heck I’ve really tried to solve this, so it’s been a long time since I cut and run on anyone.
Anyway currently struggling with transit saturn to the 8H and prog moon in 12H. Caught between wanting/not wanting a relationship and being in a reclusive stay-at-home mood. I’ll work through it and hopefully a new chapter will begin next year when they both move on.
This explains why I noticed that most Venus/Pluto types are so self-protective.
I agree. Vulnerability is a scary thing for Venus/Pluto. Their walls can be tall, but once you have proven yourself to be a worthy partner, if Venus/Pluto has learned the lessons, you have yourself a partner who will be loyal through thick and thin. Venus/Pluto can test the hell out of a potential partner. Healthy Venus/Pluto knows that a “test” isn’t playing fair, and finds a healthier way of communicating their fears. I admit to doing to this over and over in past relationships. I was queen of the Red Herring!
Great post. Does the pluto/venus trine manifest like this also? thank you
I don’t think so. Pluto trine Venus has the ability to see the depths but not need to plunge in and twist. Pluto trine Venus has the innate ability to see that love can heal; it isn’t born with the lesson of the wound and scab and scar, ripping and tearing and retearing until finally, there is reconciliation within and the soul can find peace. That said, there are mitigating factors, i.e., if Venus receives a square from Saturn, then the story of “painful love” may rear its head. All depends on whatever other aspects are in the nativity. Venus trine Pluto, like Venus trine Saturn, may be wise beyond its years… and be willing to wait until the right fit comes along, instead of getting practice through pain.
I appreciate your view of Pluto trine Venus. It works that way for me, later in life, seeing that love can heal when I found an authentic voice of my Venus and not one I thought would only satisfy others. I wrote about this in another place in the thread and am getting a real kick out of the texture of this whole conversation!
yes, the shadow side of any Venus is “peace at any price”. It’s a lesson in itself, how to reconcile those opposites!
Diane- Awesome post and beautifully stated!
Thank you, John!!
“…instead of getting practice through pain.” Gorgeously put, Diane.
I remember CLEARLY thinking, when I was much younger, that “If there ain’t pain, it ain’t love”. Talk about fueling an obsession!
Would a retrograde natal Chiron intensify the Pluto square Venus aspect? I have mine in Aries.
If Chiron aspects the Venus/Pluto through square or opposition, it will intensify the feeling of being exquisitely vulnerable. Chiron in Aries can be afraid to take risks; there is something that tells them “who the hell am I to be jumping out there?” Maybe they’re afraid to look a fool, maybe they were told a story about bravery being dangerous. Would have to see the whole chart to get the full picture.
excellent post Diane, thank you- this explains a lot!!
I have the conjunction and understand how it works-but I don’t understand the
opposition- and I am in relationship with someone who has the opposition across my ascendant- descendant and his 5th-11th.
how do i nevigate this do you think?
thank you
It’s really hard to say, beyond what I’ve said already, without seeing the charts. So much depends on how the synastry is aspected.
I have Venus in Leo (11th house) square Pluto (2nd House). Turning 25 on the 14th, thinking a lot about relationships. I’ve got a feeling its going to be a relationship focused type year seeing as Libra is in my 1st house/jupiter square uranus is also in the mix. Can anyone help
me understand my venus/pluto square? In relationships I have put up massive walls, pushed people away, always given more attention to others than to the one I’m with and hating myself for doing that!
My sagg moon is the one who I blame when I get the ruuun feeling – But I don’t think its totally my moon. Its the pluto depths I’m scared of plumbing and the temptation of 11th house plentiful choices.
Vulnerability is something I’ve been thinking of recently. Brene Brown’s work argues that vulnerability is the birthplace of love and courage. Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Both of which are uncomfortable things but they are never weaknesses”.
Just some thoughts!
To an extent I think you’ve pretty much already got a decent hold of your Venus-Pluto square.
Issues of the 11H vs 2H are usually something like … “I’ve got $100 to spend. Do I spend it on clothes, makeup, stuff for myself (2H) or do I buy a meal for my friends (11H). An even more extreme 11H might donate that money to a good cause”.
So in your love life you’re seeing something similar by always giving your attention to others rather than to the one you’re with. The challenge for 11H/Aqua type is always to realise that charity (or love in this case) begins at home.
The 2H is about our possessions, work, money, values and all the things that go towards making us feel secure. So with Pluto placed there you have tremendous potential for creating value out of nothing but if you haven’t developed that you may believe the world is an insecure place where resources are scarce and you have to fight for them. So when it comes to love you could get possessive of the one you have (until you don’t want them).
You can see how there’d be a conflict between someone who sees resources as scarce (Pluto in 2H) vs someone who uses their resources as benefit for everybody (11H).
Another key problem for 11H/Aqua types is failure to express themselves or their needs. But with Leo Venus mixed in there perhaps you find yourself loudly express the group’s needs? The fact you’re reading up on Brene Brown’s work suggests that you’re finding it difficult to ask for what you want. Secretive Pluto may be playing into this by trying to manipulate others into giving you what you want without having to have the vulnerability to ask. That 11H Leo Venus probably finds it easy to always have someone wanting to date you but actually getting what you really want from the relationship isn’t so easy. There’s probably an inner conflict between wanting to be free to be who you are (11H) and wanting something close and secure (2H).
Finally with a Sag moon you need The Truth to feel secure or your instinct will be to run. But until you start expressing your truth, you’ll find it hard to believe others are expressing theirs.
Venus conjunct Jupiter in 12th Aquarius opposite Leo Pluto in the 6th. Both Venus and Pluto are 8 degrees from the Ascendant/Decedent respectively. Pluto is quincunx my Cap Moon in 11th house. From puberty to menopause I was ruled by “hormones.” Married 3 times, lived long term with 2 others, but always sought out a man to fulfill my needs. Much heartache, much pain, lots of drama. After menopause I began to have perspective and could see how I was driven to partner up. I’m 66 now and have been single, living alone, without any dating for 13 years now and I have never been happier. Looking back I see I needed those lessons to get to this time where I enjoy my life, my friends and my own company with true appreciation. I’ve learned to love myself, flaws and all and forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made along the way. I lead a rich and full life now with gratitude for the simple pleasures that come along each day.
I love how empowering this is! Good job Diane.
My terrible awful isn’t abandonment; it’s being controlled, oppressed, and abused. The original wound is from my father. Sun conjunct Pluto, Lilith and mc in libra. Indeed my only long term relationship was of this nature. I fled that one and have not gotten close to anything like a healthy relationship since. I try to be perfect so they won’t hurt me and at some point I just get frustrated with holding in what I am and explode or act out in some way.
I’ve just been staying away from men. I avoid the wound but it doesn’t feel right. I want love. I’m a libra with a Scorpio moon. I crave intimacy.
Pluto/Persephone… controlled, oppressed…. the soul is forced to abandon itself in order to cope. Until one day, it can no longer live underground, and reclaims itself.
Wow thank you for that response. Slowly reclaiming myself. It’s not like the movies where healing happens overnight. But I have absolute faith that it will happen.
….if I continue to work and strive.
I don’t think I’ve read a better article that I can relate to on Venus/Pluto yet. I can relate to every word. I have issues with letting go and I also have a pathological need to have the original wound opened in hopes that, once and for all, the person who opened it will make it right again. I think this is why I can’t let go. I want to believe that they will make it right even though I feel in the depths of my soul they never will. Gah…. Just thinking about it I can feel my soul ripping. These days, I just stay numb most of the time. I’m at the point where I am on the verge of letting go. But I have to remind myself why I need to let go multiple times a day. Sometimes it works and other times not so much.
I will add that having a ton of Neptune in the mix does not help at all. Because Neptune can’t stop believing in true love. And the Pluto just fixates on the belief to the point of pure insanity and absolute torture. I suffer so hardcore. Obsession is no joke.
I seethe over *imaginings*. I have ongoing issues with stalking as well. Not physical stalking, just checking up online. I don’t physically stalk, because I’d die of humiliation if caught. Ridiculous compulsions. So repulsive. I am going to fix this shit.
Yay, PI! “fix this shit!”
I just wanted to come back and tell a story of being the healer.
Back in mid-2011 I decided to get a cat. Having never had one before, I’m not sure why I did but I did – perhaps because saturn transiting my 6H – house of small animals.
I started to going to the local animal shelter. Week after week I went waiting to meet the right little moggy. Eventually about two months in, I saw two that I’d liked. Went into see the first cat and it was cute but just did its own thing. Went into the second and she came straight over to me and wanted to know me, so I adopted her.
When I got her home she immediately hid behind the television and I couldn’t get near her. For the first week she only came out when I went to work or had gone to sleep. Otherwise she just hid in the small space between the sofa and wall to make herself feel secure. I occasionally looked to see where she was but otherwise didn’t try to get her out, I just let her be.
One week in, she finally came out to see me and we began to get to know each other. She really must have been mistreated in her previous home because any small movement from me result in her claws drawing blood. I remember on one occasion she was lying on top of me and my hand moved only an inch and she lashed out at me.
Those first 6-9 months were tough going. But I never got angry at her, never reacted badly to the clawing, hissing or biting and just kept telling her I loved her and that she was beautiful. Somewhere in the second year I noticed that it had been a while since I last had cuts healing on my hand.
Five years on, she seems like a contented little pussy cat. Follows me from room to room, waits on the doorstep whenever I have to go out. All I know is she’s born in April so She’s either an Aries or Taurus with her Pluto trine my Leo sun/moon/venus.
You can heal another but it takes a lot of patience and both parties have to be committed. My cat had no choice but to accept me as I controlled the source of food. But in return I was able to tell her I loved her from day one. Human relationships aren’t so easy but I suspect a Pluto-Venus square wants exactly that – unconditional love expressed to them from the beginning.
Love this post! I have an idea of what my terrible-awful is, but I have not delved into it. Now is the time and I know this because my heart beat a little faster with hope as I read this. I want to be ready for a real love in my Act II, but have just been so scared. You have given me a path! Thank you Elsa!!!!
I know this is an old post, but I just found out about Astrology last year, when pluto opposited my natal venus. Pluto’s transit activated my natal Pluto square Venus. Terrible Awful !! My seek for love from the impossible person. I use my charm & sexuality to get this person. The heart wants what it wants or so I think.
But Dear Diane, everything you wrote here resonated to me. Unconciously I expected this person to heal my wound. BUT he can’t !! I’m now realising that nobody can, except myself.
With natal moon in Pisces square Neptune, I will have this wishful-thinking and will always believe in romance.
I am thankful that this “Run-away Joe”has been in my life. He is a great teacher. But I hope that I have learned my lesson now.
With new-moon in my 1. house today. I pray that I’ll get the strength to value in myself more.
Thanks a lot Diane for your wisdom.
This was one of my most favorite articles I wrote for Elsa. I’m 60 now, and can look back on all those relationships that I kept tryingandtryingandtrying to “get right” (meaning, the men would fix my wound) and I am amazed at the amount of stamina I had. Now I just can’t be bothered. I’m so glad that some of you Pluto/Venus people have gone on to have healthy, thriving relationships “above ground” instead of living in the dark obsessive world of wounding/rewounding. I truly believe that Pluto/Venus is capable of a spiritual, regenerating love but there are NO SHORTCUTS!!
Hi Diane, This post is one of the best Venus/Pluto theme, I have found on the internet. We know V/P is about obsession, tough love/money, betrayal etc. I just didn’t know how to cope with the challenges. Yesterday I just cracked the code when I read your post again. After I have struggled with the drama for the last 3 years, I can not say that I’m out of the woods yet. But self-awareness is the best place to start. I just felt so much peace since yesterday that I’m gonna be ok no matter what happen. And you are absolutely right there are NO SHORTCUTS ?
I’ve been working with this post and its comments for the last few hours and have come up with many, many helpful insights (and some concise ‘actionable items’) for myself.
One catch phrase that just occurred to me ties in with the “there are NO SHORTCUTS” mantra above.
Mine is:
HEALING HAPPENS OVER TIME, NOT OVERNIGHT.
You are so right Tango, it takes time to heal.
In my case, I couldn’t see that the drama was caused by my old wound. I kept asking myself what was wrong with me that prevent him to love me fully.
This article helps me to see that I have chosen the wrong person (for me). Now I can begin to look inward with compassion to myself.
The circle of “break-ups & make-ups” is no longer fun. I don’t want to resist nor try to control the outcome anymore. For me “Letting go” is the biggest lesson for Venus/Pluto people ?
Venus/Pluto conjunction in 7th, opposing my Chiron in 1st.
Your article definitely resonates with me.
I got a grip on the whole mess early on in terms of my relationships.
In my case, I simply switched the playing field to my workplaces. I am *still* trying to “fix that shit” and still failing. This is Round 374 and I am punch drunk, but damn I am back on my feet.
Gonna ponder your words (including the wise ones in the comments) and see what fresh perspective I can gain.
I sooooooo want this to be THE Last Round. (I’ve said that every time.)
Sometimes its not about betrayal, but about not at all having.
Like a complete and total denial of everything Venus (and Moon, which I also have in the mix), total opposite of Jupiter with its grace and opportunities from the sky
Also I never fell for bad guys, I would chose right ones
…from whom Universe would set me apart
Forgot to say my Venus and Moon are opposite Saturn, so the denial thing is probably from that too
I’m crying reading this. I hope it all works out in the end. For all of us Venus/Pluto ❤️
Nothing to heal, nothing to learn, only suffering, it is just your karma.