How To Break An Addiction To Destructive Relationships

I made this video for a client who was obsessed with having relationships with older men. She was subconsciously driven to do this and she wanted to break free.

Have you identified patterns that doom your relationships? You can break those patterns. Here’s how in a 3 minute video.

Want more info?  Check out – Finding Love With Astrology.

Do you have a pattern like this?

79 thoughts on “How To Break An Addiction To Destructive Relationships”

  1. Absolutely true, and working way to change your pattern. Even if you always get man in marriage, or who has drinking problems…Just make a decision, say no and you can change the pattern. But why does it work? it is so unbelievable!

  2. Hi Everyone 🙂
    What a great and timely (Full Moon = release) video, Elsa!
    This is what I needed to hear at this exact moment, as I try to purge my overwhelming desire for unavailable men. It took me decades to realize that I was attracted only to men who were unavailable (physically and/or emotionally). All my life, I had crushes on boys/men who were “about to divorce,” did not want a relationship, or just plain ignored me. This carried onto my workplace, where I would have inappropriate crushes on co-workers who were already involved with someone else.
    Siddyas I totally understand where you are coming from. My father is a Gemini and an alcoholic. He was not in my life my first two years of life, he favoured my sister and we just never connected emotionally. So while I avoided men with addictions or bad tempers, I ended up with men who were similar to my father in terms of the neglect I felt and therefore, my emotional needs were never fulfilled.
    So during this full moon, I wish everyone who is also suffering from his/her own love addictions to just STOP, and enter the void.

  3. You are amazing, Elsa, a late blooming butterfly of honesty, truth, and happiness! I think the principle of quitting cold turkey applies to most patterns of behavior that can be identified by a person as usually having toxic outcomes.

  4. I needed to hear this again as I had posted in 2011 a response, but I keep attracting men who are not good for me. My ex-thinks he is the only one who really loves me and being a Virgo, that is just how he feels, though he is making it clear in his Pisces Moon way, that he does not want me back but does miss my friendship. I may be blocking filling the void with something better down the line. Yet it is so hard to say NO to him in continuing to be his friend. We have a pretty good friendship. But I do wonder if I am addicted to him as I have Moon/Pluto conj. on his Sun. Time to say NO?

  5. So funny to hear you say that “all your relationships were disasters”. I said this recently to a friend and they were taken aback, saying that not all their relationships were perfect but they weren’t disasters!
    Also, I quit cold-turkey on bartenders having learned my lesson. Next lesson? Quitting men who don’t appreciate/value me and who really would rather be somewhere else.

  6. I quite men full stop lol I seemed to attract the same guy
    emotional issues alcohol drug dependant abused and abusive cheaters and sex pests
    after this it helped reset my lack of self worth and other patterns
    I was worth more than this
    yes these people needed my help but not to end up walking all over me
    Such sound advice Elsa! x

  7. I’ve had three loves in my life. The first had a cap AC. The second, my ex husband, had a cap sun. And the third, a cap moon. While I’m a virgo sun with a virgo stellium (merc, uranus, pluto), I think my libra AC, mars/venus in leo and aries moon don’t mesh well with capricorns. After identifying this pattern, I stayed away from capricorns and in that time (3 years),I have had no relationships whatsoever! Sigh….so I’m not sure how to attract something different.

    Morgan raised something I hadn’t thought about before – her stepfather’s influence. So I dug up my dad’s birth certificate and found that my dad’s DC was capricorn.

  8. I used to be a magnet for Taurus, Pisces, and Cancer men. These men are awesome as platonic friends for me but, bad as significant others. I am an Aries,Cancer Rising, Cap Moon with Venus in Pisces.

  9. I have a pattern like this. I attract men with their sun in the 12th house. (Venus is conjunct Neptune in my chart.) I figured these men kept coming in to my life to show me what I wasn’t doing for myself. Shadow self kind of work. My attraction to them had a lot to do with my appreciation for their need for space and escaping. I was not escaping enough- taking on more than my fair share of responsibilities. So, when I would meet another man with the 12th house sun, I looked at it as a reminder to keep working on myself- adding into my life my own versions of “escaping” which constitutes going to the sauna and hot springs and taking baths.
    These relationships have forced me to grow. Our coming together and parting was always powerful and painful. I held on too hard with this last one. It was an inappropriate use of my power- loving him too much. More than he deserved so I could chase the dream of permanency.
    I believe that I am eventually meant to be with a man with his sun in the 12th house. But, he must have done his own work. He cannot rely on me to worship, be his “god”, or daddy. I know they are drawn to me because I feel like- I am!- a strong parental figure. (Capricorn moon trine Taurus in Jupiter with Saturn in Leo conjunct my ascendant.)
    So, I feel it is just taking time. Enough time for the world to challenge him (and me) to become self aware, find God within himself. I decided at one point that if I ever met another man with a 12th house sun, I would ask him: “Have you found God, yet?” (Meaning- have you realized your own power, that God is you?) Until the answer is yes- I am on my own.

    So, wouldn’t you consider it a testament to your power? Attracting Scorpio sun with Leo rising conjunct Pluto? Who else would someone with such a powerful signature be able to turn to to challenge them- force them- into self awareness, but another powerful figure?

  10. to me, saying “no” to the repetition sounds like.. you’re with one foot still on top of the rock and before jumping, at least you need someplace to put the other foot in sight!
    cannot be a plain “no” with no other options available, because the compulsive repetition is something my Self set up long ago for specific reason, so if the reason is still there, well hidden under layers and layers, I’ll keep on attracting the same type of people.
    very neptunian and plutonian-manipulative.over the last year many aries moon(I’ aries north node conj chiron and sun, plus aries saturn conj venus and libra asc.)
    trusting the universe to fill my void in with something different is an alternative for me.breaking down the old pattern always requires digging into something(moon-mercury-venus+ pluto),and outcomes are never about relationships only, but about myself in general…thank you Elsa, your video has a strong vibe

    1. In my case, I was completely aware I was choosing the same thing over and over. You could call it research (8th house) and/or experimentation (with astrology) – I have Uranus in the 7th.

      In whatever case, I freely choosing to date these men. When I exercised my freedom to choose not to date them, no gun was put to my head, to force me to continue! 🙂

  11. I bought Elsa’s Finding Love with Astrology…. It’s an eyeopener. Bottom line is fall in love with what you see in front of you. Men do not change their spots. They are less emotional creatures and usually show their true colors. If something makes you wonder in the beginning…. it is because something is not the way it seems. Ladies trust your instincts!

  12. Been through these before, come out of it internally stronger and self contained to a large extent… thank God!
    The power in these types of relationships is based on who needs who the most… If your the needy one, you’ll be disadvantaged big time!
    Solution? my advice is to find out why you are so needy… and deal with it so you aren’t so needy in the first place.

  13. I fall in love with the same exact man, with the same chart and the same aspects. All of my life. Their age changes, but that’s it. I thought I finally broke the pattern by taking a break and being alone, but then when I went out again, I met the same exact type of man with the same exact type of chart. Guess for me it’s karmic payback. I cannot make sense of it otherwise. It’s either love it or leave it and become a priest or a nun in drag.

  14. I know Lent just started and I made a commitment to give up sugar. This really reminded me of Lent. Because I gave up sugar, there is a void and I have to make other choices. I know I capable of living without it, but to take something out of my life that has been there for such a long time is a challenge. I’m so used to the routine. But I tell myself I’ll be better off. I know that Lent is about changing your routine so you’re more aware of your actions.

  15. Every other man, Sag with mars in Scorpio, then Aries with a Scorpio moon. This went on for years. Every single one a disaster but my god was I attracted to them, especially Sagittarius. If there was a Sagittarius man within 5 miles we would find each other and it would be on. I saw them as strong, and funny and full of life, and an absolute blast to go out with, tons of friends, hard workers, over achievers with a sunny attitude…..then BOOM….they never come home. They find a job where they are top earners but travel 3 weeks out of 4 and when they do come home they have invited 50 people to a barbeque in your back yard…..OMG…. Scorpio doesn’t want 3 people in the back yard….ever…and then eventually you find out they have been screwing the gal at work for months…. cos they spread it around ya know. At least the ones I attracted did. Then comes the war. Cos there is going to be a war. A war where no one survives because they have Mars in Scorpio and your fighting with 5 planets in Scorpio and eventually you win….but what is the prize. Both beat to death and nothing left but the ashes…..

    Thank you universe for sending me a Pisces…. a gentle loving Pisces. When I meet a Sag man I run so fast all that is left is the sparks flying off my heels………

  16. I used this technique after my breakup. My pattern was narcissistic sociopaths. I met probably three or four immediately after. I guess when you say no enough the universe is sure that you learned the lesson.

    Right now, I need to break another pattern. I think if I meet another guy who’s venus opposes or squares my pluto I should run the other way.

  17. Releasing your fear of being single. This discussion came up two weeks ago. I said to someone, “for you to break out of unhealthy relationships, you’ve first got to not fear losing the ‘relationship’.” If you are going to stake a claim, call a bluff or dare to dream, you better BELIEVE IN IT. See yourself free and released in positivity. Give yourself that. You owe it to yourself to just envision POWER FROM INSIDE. Once you do that, you can walk away from anything unhealthy.

  18. “…and you don’t just slip on a banana peel and land on someone’s dick either!! Er…” Mhahahahahahhh! 🙂 Lovely way to put it…Truth be told, I have managed to put myself in a situation with a married guy in the past, building a relationship that I thought was “friendship”… Denial is such a filthy little beast! I’m so glad I started running the other way when the sex vibes became obvious.
    But yes, much as it embarrasses me to think about it, if I hadn’t chosen to open my eyes, see what was happening, how I was contributing to it and then remove myself from the situation, I would have remained in a Neptune haze of “oh dear, how did *this* happen?” And I would probably come to Elsa like these women who wrote for advice…not realising that my own choices (again, denial) helped create this mess… I really do believe that if I didn’t have direct experience of first putting myself and then getting the fuck away from this kind of toxicity, I would have no clue what it is you’re talking about in this video! (“Say no? What do you mean say no? But there’s this *thing* between me and him…” yadayadayada…) Sad but true…
    Man, am I glad for this Pluto-Uranus transit of mine!

  19. I’ve had this issue with friendships or relationships with either Scorpios with a Virgo rising or Virgos with Scorpio rising. It always starts out with the best rapport “friendship forever” feeling and ends with bitter feelings when that person pulls away and leave a cold shadow behind…

    So–thanks to this–I will stay away from these people.

  20. I like your video, and wow pluto leo conjunct their leo rising and squaring their sun 13 out of 15. that’s amazing. the universe just keeps throwing them.
    it maybe something in your 7th house.
    I was with three aries venus men, it didn’t work. I really broke it after the 2nd but I guess the 3rd was maybe more, to show me, that there are aries venus men out there that are good, decent men. just wasn’t compatible enough for me. he had commitment issues. I went from two March men, one February, and lastly, my November man.

  21. Cut off the habit, go blank, create a void, the universe will fill it. Dear Elsa, you look a bit vulnerable in some parts of this video. I guess it’s because you’re telling a story that is revealing your own past weakness. Yet the last sentence, the one I quoted, gives hope. I know I need something like that to work. Thank you.

      1. Elsa–you amaze always. For some reason I feel compelled to reply to this post- my dad had lupus — a gentle Virgo sun / moon libra– he continued to work as a grocer not knowing how sick he was. I also am grateful for this thread. It just clicked!!! I’ve got an addiction I’m trying to break– aqua, Scorpio and sag planets all over last 3 men’s charts- intense chem w me sun libra / moon aqua/ Scorpio rising/ mars sag but I always feel empty w each. Just what I needed Elsa at this new moon– to change gym membership on first of month tomorrow where a new aqua w moon Scorpio mars sag has been making eyes at me for months- he feels dangerous, bad communicator, moody but flirt– and at 60 I don’t see him changing. I thought I’d wait til his birthday later this week but gonna leave today. Thx Elsa!! Here’s to the void lovep

  22. Avatar

    I find that I’m usually attracted to Virgos with a Scorpio rising…unfortunately I’m usually fighting over them with someone else. lol I wish I could cut off my habitual attraction to these types but, damn, they’re smoking hot B-) Chemistry is not easy to replace

  23. Makes sense. I think Pluto square Sun or Moon indicates a person who must work at becoming conscious or they suffocate and manipulate anyone close to them. There is also the tendency to be very demanding. Scorpio must be the worst but don’t you think this is true of Leo and Taurus with a tight square by Pluto? I’m surprised you got them to give you their birth time since they are so controlling.

  24. I love that Sunny Leo energy but in the end it does not work out for this scorp. Had a connection with a Cap Sun with a Leo moon. The flame went out quick however.

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