I had an epiphany this morning, in regards to PTSD. I’m not sure the normal way the disorder is handled, is the best way to deal with it. A patient is encouraged to avoid circumstances where they might be triggered.
In some cases this severely limits a person. It limits the people around them at all. In a sense, you’re slave to the disorder.
It’s seems better that a person who realizes their sensitivity, train themselves to not take the bait. It may be hard, but so obviously empowering, if you’re successful.
I have PTSD. How could I not, with a childhood like mine? I used to be disabled by it, but I no longer am. I overcame it via this blog, for the most part. People would make remarks that would devastate me. I would be triggered out of my mind. I would delete my whole blog and retreat for weeks, in whimpering pain….and then I’d come back.
Eventually, I got sick of this routine. I decided to come up with a thicker skin, one way or the other.
I can’t say that it was fast or easy, but I got it done. I can live the rest of my life, not asking or expecting people to walk on eggshells around me, so as not to injure me. It’s actually easier to control yourself, then it is to attempt to control the world.
It’s like having a peanut allergy. Surely it’s easier for a person to train themselves to not take the peanut, then it is to rid the world of the offensive nut. The idea it should go the other way is just another example of how self-centered we’ve become. The whole world is supposed to care about your sensitivity.
I know this will not be a popular viewpoint in some circles but you may want to rethink your beliefs. You can never really be free if you’re dependent on what others do or don’t do.
One of the most effective treatments for PTSD at this time first equips a person with relaxation techniques and coping skills to manage triggers, and then has the person create a “trauma narrative” – tell the story of the trauma – so that it can be faced, the power can be removed from it, and healing is accomplished.
Yeah that’s what’s worked for me and I hear from most others therapy wise as well
One of the best things my therapist did for me was, ahem, strongly encourage me *not* to avoid my triggers. She encouraged me to do everything, find my triggers, know them well. And then she taught me some tools to deal with my reactions.
Throw PTSD into a chart with a cardinal T square, and it’s no shock that I’m a control freak. (I say that with a smile.) But the thing is – I focus that control on myself and not limiting everyone around me. I like this option better than the alternative.
This is a provocative post, Elsa. Since being diagnosed with PTSD and multiple chemical sensitivities I have learned the many steps it takes to as you describe “come up with a thicker skin, one way or the other.” Seven years later, I keep showing up and test my borders regularly. First, I needed to create a place where a new level of ‘safe’ WAS mine. I had to build something from the ground up and care for it, and me from there. Then, I too took the Blog Cure, and I write to get the trauma onto a page, and another page, and then found this community to test the potential to interact.
The pace of healing is medium to slow. The gains not immediate, but, people really know who I am; and I learn to feel my true self in this real world. It’s a journey, I’m not entitled to all I conjure or imagine. But, I can ask and I can learn the answer might just be ‘no.’
Totally agree! I used to feel weird because I thought like this. I’ve never understood that kind of mentality that worships disorders. And like I said, it isolated me from others. Just one more thing about our modern culture that I’ve never been able to wrap my brain around. It always made me feel so unsophisticated and kind of ignorant so I’m glad to hear someone has come to this conclusion by going through it.
I think a lot of people define themselves by their disorders. I totally think they need to be acknowledged and dealt with but I think it’s the opposite of empowering.
I agree with you Elsa lots of people out in the world have PTSD. The triggers that set the episodes off sometimes move they are not the same each and every time. Some remain the same always either way it is only the person with the condition knows for sure what sets them off. My ex-husband has PTSD extremely bad but will not do anything about it so he is getting worse not better. Part of the reason we are ex’s. I think you have the solution the person with the condition should learn what sets them off and take a proactive approach to reduce their reaction, and by doing so free themselves from the grip the condition has over their life.
AMEN Sister! Well said!
I needed to read this today. You have no idea how much learning here is helping me to detach from some things that have all but crippled me.
After the childhood I had, I was left with devastating anxiety. People would say or do things that left me in the fetal position.
I can throw something out there and Elsa will say….detach soup….and you know what? I know exactly what she means and I try hard to do it. (this works)
I cant stay in the house. I don’t want anyone to be able to put me in a dark room. So, I just have to find a way almost every day to let go of other peoples behavior.
I am not lost on any of this. It helps knowing I am not alone with this kind of thing. I appear strong to people when I am actually hurt very easily. Anger is always my second emotion.
I just force myself to keep moving. It seems to help. It’s hard though
If this was me, I would make friends with the dark room!
Excellent piece Elsa. Thank you
saturn is limits and sag is freedom..will it be unlimited freedom…or freedom with limitations?
what a beautiful,supporting post.
in the end can’t we say that it’s all about a healthy use of saturn?I mean, taking responsibility for oneself on deeper and deeper(or higher and higher,depending on one’s approach) level..?it’s not always that easy, especially for those of use who seems to be born with a ptsd.but I think it’s worthwile putting as much energy as one can,the reward is the real Self
I absolutely agree, Elsa, we’re not free as long as we’re dependent on what others do/don’t do.
I have been doing this thing called “emotional brain training” (EBT) for a few years now and it’s really made a huge difference in my ability to deal with things that are stressful or triggering. It’s a combination of learning to really feel your feelings and identifying underlying assumptions you may have that distort or exaggerate your feelings and response to stress. (if anyone’s interested:
Babt: “the reward is the real Self” – nice phrase & insight.
I concur. In my childhood I had one terrible act perpetuated against me by someone I trusted completely. It was terrible, I was young but I have grown up and will not allow an hour of my past to define me then or now.
My daughter has a severe nut allergy – not just peanuts, all nuts and some seeds. The kind of allergy that could cause her tongue to swell and kill her. We have always had peanut butter in the house. We have always bought bagels with sesame seeds. She did not sit at the Peanut Free table in elementary school. Not to tempt fate or torment her but so she knew how to be around danger and avoid it. She’s 19 now in college and studying nutrition. She told her boyfriend its fine for him to enjoy a PB&J. But be prepared to not kiss her for at least 3 days after his professional dental cleaning! He now eats Sun Butter (she isn’t allergic to sunflower seeds) and swears it much better tasting.
Fabulous as ALWAYS!!!!
Amen little sister.
As usual, you’re on the cutting edge, Elsa. One of the most promising emerging techniques for treating PTSD is exposure therapy, which involved exposing the patient to their triggers in a controlled environment to reduce the severity of their reactions.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exposure_Therapy
We have soldiers coming back from war with PTSD. They’re in their 20’s. Are they supposed to spend the next 50 years, disabled?
50 years is a long time.
What do you know about the disability process?
Not a lot I would guess.
Do you know about disability reviews?
I know the disability process for civilians is horrific. You pay into the system and when you need it – it isn’t there. You have to hire a lawyer.
In canada, when you get a very serious disease you get a social worker. Here you hire a lawyer. And you wait, and you wait and maybe, the government figures you might die sick and homeless before you get what you’ve paid in. I really think you should stick to astrology. And keept politics (and that is what this is) out of it.
What a moron.
What would you know about what I know about the disability process?
You guess wrong.
Er…you sound triggered, holly. How ironic.
Maybe you can work through it.
The people in Canada who have what I have are screwed. They don’t have anything, let alone a social worker. Just one of many cases http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2011/10/30/oakville_teen_battles_for_ohip_coverage_of_outofcountry_treatment.html
Maybe it depends on what caused the PTSD in the first place. I have it because I was stalked, even after the stalking ended I would still on a regular basis cross paths with my stalker which only served to hold me in that place of being stalked. It wasn’t until I stopped crossing paths with her and also did a lot of meditation that I stopped being triggered.
The only thing that helped me, and quickly, was The Lefkoe Method. Wish I’d discovered it before I’d wasted so much time, money and energy on conventional and unconventional therapies. Highly recommend.
“a patient is encouraged to avoid circumstances where they might be triggered.”
I’ve never heard that as a recommendation from a therapist and I’m in mental health. Certainly some people who have been traumatized will unconsciously re-traumatize themselves, this is particularly the case of some childhood abuse survivors. If that is the case, learning self-care would include not putting oneself in circumstances that would be potentially traumatic. Other than this, the treatment for PTSD does not encourage avoiding triggers but in learning to cope in an adaptive way.
Not sure where you get that info from about avoidance therapy wise since my experience, like a number of others mention on here as well, and pretty much everybody I know, has also been dealing with root causes; the opposite of what you’re staying if I read it correctly
We have reams of people on permanent disability for PTSD…and it is very common that people tell others what they can and can’t do so they won’t be triggered. Walk on eggshells, yanno?
I think the sane approach is to recover from PTSD and no, I don’t think this is broadly encouraged.
I was aware when I wrote this, some would take exception!!! 🙂
But this blog is for people who want to be empowered. So what I’m suggesting is you go for recovery, in the most expedient way you can find. Because you have a life and you don’t want to waste it, disabled, when it’s possible to be “abled”.
“reams of people”?
“very common”?
I must take issue with this. Obviously its been pointed out that your statements about what is “typical” treatment for PTSD are false. So, owning that would be taking responsibility as would changing your perspective once confronted with reality. THAT is empowering. As is compassion….until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
holly, I don’t think you know who you’re talking to.
I have suffered trauma on the far, far, FAR end of the continuum. Did I say, far?
Further, my husband is a ret. green beret – survived sixteen years. We are both beyond well acquainted with trauma…and with the process of recovering from same.
Feel free to offer your opinion and make your general points on this topic. But when it comes to attacking me, back off. I am pretty sure I know (far) more then you do about this subject.
My perspective has not changed one iota. It goes without saying, this is my opinion. I hope we can agree to disagree.
Excuse me Elsa but I have a doctorate in psychology and work with PTSD victims.
So no you do not know more than me based on your personal experience of two individuals.
You know nothing about treatment, nothing about the disability and we do not agree to disagree. This is not about opinion. This is about reality and I know about PTSD – I have volunteered my time and been paid for almost 30 years to work with people so it is you who does not know who you are talking to or what you are talking about – other than your own personal experience. It is psychologically healthy to realize that your personal experience is not shared by others – therefore continuing to assert you are right about THEIR reality is not only lacking compassion but lacking in wisdom.
Holly,
Wow, the therapists I’ve worked with have been calm, empathetic, non-judgmental. You sound highly emotional and angry.
And while disagreeing with someone on a website is okay, it’s just downright rude to attack someone on her own site.
Maybe start your own PTSD blog? You can say whatever you want there.
Hello – I’m retired from working in mental health for 30 years as well. I’m SO RELIEVED to NOT have to work there any longer. Nothing personal to anyone, just stating my experience, but in those 30+ years, I experienced more .professionals. being more messed up than the people who came to them for help. We all know that most therapists working with traumatized people, haven’t worked thru their own issues and they are still learning about what to do with .us., mostly to our own detriment. It makes me sad to see one more egotistical .professional. ripping people up because of their own control issues and ego. I see Elsa trying to do a good thing here, and there is NO NEED to tear her down or take offense to something someone said. Rather feels like kindergarten. PTSD is a money making business for those who choose to imbibe, or don’t realize there are other ways to heal, thoroughly. Can’t we jump on the same bandwagon instead of getting rabid over something that isn’t even worth the breath it takes to attempt to denigrate someone else into behavior that you personally deems appropriate. Sorry, but a title & certificate don’t impress me and doesn’t mean anybody is more of an authority than another. who cares? Authorities give more of us more issues than we had before….so chill ladies…who’s side are you on??? How about the healing side. I’ve also been raised on alternative therapies…there’s tons of help out there and there are more than multitudes of things that work, and I mean really WORK. Personally, therapy for me is last on the list and has been more traumatic than without it. Not all counselors are equipped or educated to deal with actual TRAUMA. Who cares how bad anybody’s trauma was? is? The point is what are you doing about it. Please don’t resort to attack bullshit – we’re all in the same toilet bowl. Personally, I wouldn’t want to have a counselor (ever!) that takes this stance of one- upsmanshiping another survivor…..and a professional to boot…..that’s why I don’t imbibe.
Elsa has worked thru her ptsd, she was giving advice on her experience and how she managed Her ptsd. Why is everyone knocking her on the head.
I agree. I’m sick of people dragging around their ‘PTSD servus dawg’ which only reinforces the condition and which are untested and sometimes dangerous (http://www.albrittain.com/veterans/active-duty-fort-campbell-soldiers-ptsd-service-dog-kills-child/); when they’re not just faking it. There’s a cure for PTSD, it’s based on neuroscience. Google “Emotional Freedom Technique”.
holly, if you won’t agree to disagree with me, then I will agree to disagree with you.
Yes I share this feeling that facing into what triggers the trauma can be healing, although I think that can only happen at a certain stage.
I feel the people of Rwanda are a stunning example of this. As a country, there wasn’t the option of not being around the re-traumatising experience! I’ve read of some pretty incredible ways in which people from opposing sides of the genocide worked to overcome the mutual trauma. Profound stuff. At the same time, it’s twenty years since that event. Healing takes as long as it takes.
Elsa, I like you. You’re funny. And I agree, as a survivor as well. Yes, our opinions are just as legit as the ‘expert’s’, perhaps more so. If there is one thing in life I know to be true, there is no way around, only through. Turn and face your fears and they lose their power. Cower and they have you.
I don’t know why people resist looking at things differently.
These WW2 soldiers hit that beach…and came home and had lives. We’ve got to go back to selling LIFE instead of steering people into ditches, that are very hard to get out of. Most the people here know exactly what I’m talking about.
I wrote this for people who know they’re in a ditch and sick of it. Really sick of it. You can draw power from so many sources.
These doors are not closed. And if you pry one open, you’re liable to be flabbergasted at how things pan out for you over time.
I’m willing to bet this post clicked something loose in someone, somewhere. That’s enough for me.
My stepfather came home after starting out at D Day, right through to the end of the war as part of the liberating troops, including going into Belsen. He is now 90 and battling Alzheimers. He said the happiest time of his life was the 1950s after the war, when people were just grateful to get on with their lives and put the bad times behind them. He has never dwelled on the past despite his illness. He is a true hero to me. He would never have dreamt of paying a therapist. Dirk Bogarde wrote about how he bored his friends to death with ‘his war’ until even he got fed up with it and moved on. Not everyone can get out from under, and others can without external help, but most of us find a way, however we get there.
Hi,
I’ve been reading a fascinating book by a doctor who’s been studying the link between depression and chronic pain, who found that both conditions trigger the same inflammation response in the brain. And that it works in reverse, inflammation in the brain can trigger depression or chronic pain.
Basically, he says the physical or emotional traumas we experience in our lifetime trigger this response (microglia activated) and the more often it’s triggered, the more likely it is to get stuck in the on position. Leaving you with a chronically inflamed brain, which will be expressed in the body in either a physical pain or mental problem or both, causing a cascading of imbalances in our entire bodies.
PTSD is one of those triggers. Also one of the potential results of that inflammation response stuck in the on position. That inflammation can also explain why two people can go through the same traumatic event and one ends up with PTSD and the other doesn’t.
He says this also explains how people can go through trauma after trauma and be seemingly okay, but the one last problem, say a broken ankle, kicks them into chronic pain, even after the ankle seems to be healed. It’s not the ankle. It’s all that inflammation in the brain, the microglia stuck in the on position.
I hope this makes some bit of sense. There’s a ton of information in this book. If anyone’s interested, it’s here http://www.amazon.com/Total-Recovery-Solving-Mystery-Depression-ebook/dp/B00FWT9IGG
–Teresa
Interesting I’m going to check that book out.
Brilliant and (self) empowering post Elsa, as always, thanking you.
I used to shower without lights on, cause I was ashamed of seeing myself without clothes. My dearest friend then started putting the light on whenever I was in the bath. I hated him for it, and resisted by crying. He never stopped. After his billionth attempt, my demons gave up and I was free. This was a mild version of a disorder. Still, demons should always be faced and fought, not pampered.
….so people can change!!
Some people believe that. I don’t.
Changing what you do, is not changing who you are.
I agree.
People’s nature never change. I’m sorry to say…it doesn’t.
I worked for years with sexually abused boys age 10 to 14 years old, and I found EMDR Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing to be amazingly effective and unobtrusive form of healing PTSD.
I don’t actually have PTSD, but I’m trying to cure myself of being upset by reading as many graphic and violent comments as I can. So far it doesn’t seem to be working, but I’m trying. Mostly all I’ve gained is a greater fear of people out on the street.
My PTSD was diagnosed by an old boyfriend who worked with returning soldiers. When he first introduced me to his friends he would say, “Hi, this is my girlfriend. She has PTSD.” At first I was taken aback but I know he recognized the symptoms. I never received treatment for it. Relied on spiritual meditation and astrology which I swear saved my life. I still suffer from it but better recognize the things that shut me down. @ Elsa –“true words of wisdom. Thanks.
I don’t have ptsd, but like you said I think that learning to handle it is a long hard process. I feel like the world makes things hard enough. If I can help somebody avoid being triggered without putting myself out too much (like avoiding certain language) I am really happy to do it. I feel like to blame people for not being far enough along in their process is not really helpful. I don’t think it is walking on eggshells, I think it is the definition of compassion. I see what you mean from the perspective of a survivor, but I also feel like so many people interpret this as ptsd is something people should just “get over”. I don’t think that is what you mean necessarily. I guess I should ask, though.. is that what you mean? It just seems like you are almost really strong resilient person. Do you think everyone would be able to get over it as successfully as you? How should society treat people who are not successful?
I have no idea what society should do. I am an individual, only in charge of myself. Personally, I treat all people in pain with compassion. I don’t care where their pain came from.
My thought, writing this post, was that I have learned a lot of things the hard way. If I can spare someone some pain, I think I should do that.
As for what people who have suffered trauma should do…they should do whatever they like! It’s their life.
But there is an invitation here to see a way out of a ditch and take it. And there’s a clear suggestion that fifty years is a long time to spend in a ditch.
It’s really nothing new for me and this blog. I have written about putting trauma behind you, many times.
Many people actually are stuck. This message is not that easy to come by. That’s why I write things like this. These are things I wish someone would have told me.
I anticipated a backlash, and said so. I don’t really care. I know I’m right.
Go to the light. That’s all I’m really saying. The light it there. It’s on.
start each day with love,fill each day with love, end each day with love,the purpose of life is to find yourself.Know yourself feel the throb of the ocean of gods presence in your heart,celebrate life.
A lot of the cases I review involve patients with a history of PTSD and, more times than not, unfortunately, some substance abuse with it. (Neptune, anyone?) I applaud anyone who can stare a personal issue in the face and work on resolving it – take a right turn instead of a left. It takes a conscious choice. Maybe a Pluto transit helps, maybe a nice Saturn trine to the Sun to help support the ego. How can we forget Churchill’s words when witnessing someone working through PTSD related issues? “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Any words of wisdom to help someone along on the path are not lost. What works well for some may not work well for others…at this point. Perhaps in a few months, when someone is ready, those words will come in handy. Testing (Saturn) knowledge (Sadge). Elsa’s words have resonated with me before and stuck in my brain, so I’m sure she is doing the same with others in this post. To detractors, I say open your mind, consider you are not right – Saturn in Sadge will only be hitting you harder if you don’t! (Speaking as someone with a stellium in Sadge so I am very used to the “preachy” side of the sign.)
On a personal note, I enjoyed reading this post and talk of triggers made me consider my own (I never thought of myself as having PTSD but I did have some minor trauma with significant triggers in its wake.) My Merc-Neptune conjunction and family history could’ve easily set me up for the “drinking” solution but my Merc-Pluto sextile helped me to always see change as a positive, transformative force.
My last comment is this – the symbol for “change” in medical charting is a triangle. The symbol for a trine in astrology is a triangle. When we think trine, we think gift, and when we write a triangle in a chart, we think change. Change is a gift 🙂
Again, what drove me in the direction I took, was this blog. I got sick of being dependent on people being nice to me, or not saying this or that, so that I could tell my stories – stories that I wanted to write and people wanted to read.
This post shows the change. I can now write what I want, people can read it, if they want. And if someone says something that is “upsetting”, I am no longer upset by it.
Freedom, right? I got mine and I am telling you, it’s better than needing others to be kind to you, or act a certain way, so that you can function. Because as an old man told me, back when I was a teenager, “The public is an ass.”
The brighter and shinier you are, the more you attract monsters who want a piece of your light to feed on. But no monster was ever conquered by staring at it. So some monster(s) rose up from the ditch and attacked you. Acknowledge the wound, yeah, then stitch it up, set the broken bones to grow back in the right direction, spend some time resting and gathering strength, then get up and move in the direction you want to go and leave the monsters in the ditch.
I decided to give you an example of my writing and reacting and going off the blog…
One day I was writing a (true) story, about when my father wanted to marry me. He decided he could do this…with my consent. I was 12 years old.
He told me we could not get married in a church, but we could have a ceremony and that he would let me have one baby. He just came up with this, and presented it to me, in all seriousness.
So I was writing the story. I was writing about how surreal this was, and the panic I felt. What the fuck am I going to do?
I told him I did not want to marry him…careful, now. I don’t want to get killed.
He said he was going to change my mind by romancing me…I’d see he was a better man then my boyfriend, which I did have. (In high school – I started school early, plus skipped a grade).
So I was writing about my angst and just what a mess this was…and someone left a comment, about how it was the funniest thing they’d ever read. Sounds bad, huh?
Well it was bad, kind of. I got triggered by the remark, that’s for sure. I was devastated. So I took down the unfinished story and retreated to lick my wounds.
But here’s the thing. The story WAS funny. ::smiles:: I mean it.
The story was funny as shit. Because that’s how I was writing it. But she said that, I took it a certain (triggered) way…and BAM. No more brilliant (yes), highly unusual, evocative story could be told. No more, coolest, true story ever.
And that’s disability, right? She disabled me. It wasn’t even her intention, I don’t think. But I could not longer function, and this happened many, many times over the years. In different ways, and different circumstances.
Can you see how I had to overcome this, in order to truly live? So today, I write this and some people don’t like it. They try to stop me.
Well they can’t stop me. I won’t let them stop me. If I can figure out how to avoid being married to my father, as a preteen…I’ve surely got the brains and the fortitude to get around these other blocks.
~~~
PS – after I took that story down, I wrote others. And it was always a race to get the story written, before someone came along and said something that triggered me / sunk my energy in some way. Planning to fail, see?
So you can see how it came to be that I had to toughen up. I got sick of being at the mercy of my own disability. And as I’ve mentioned before in regards ton Saturn, if you head in the right direction, you WILL find the support you need. And that happened as well.
oh god, Elsa. 🙁 that is so terrible. The horror and the FEAR you went through. Your own father?? 🙁
i’m so sorry, i ‘m just so horrified. No matter how many times i’ve heard true stories like this, i’m always horrified at the depths of evil of what people are capable of.
See, I don’t even think it’s terrible. I think it’s a story that ought to be told. It’s INTERESTING.
And I am the only person on the planet who can tell you such a shocking, cool and FUNNY story. I don’t need a PhD for this.
I am not the only talented person with PTSD. So if you have checked out due to this disability. If it is keeping you down. If you’re sick of being dependent, on any level, you might think about getting back on track and seeing where your life might take you. Empower yourself.
Oh…but yes, it was terrifying / horrifying. He always presented me with tremendous challenges. He started “dating” me, if you can believe that. After all the other shit, I’d been through, now I have to go on dates with my father – and I mean REAL dates, where you get dressed up (in the desert) and go the (live) theater…all to win my heart, because he was a great man.
Well I didn’t agree. And as you can see I still get it into it with these authority figures.
And here’s the thing: I was right then, and I’m right now.
It’s not cool, Elsa. not at all. 🙁
((Elsa))
you’ve been through alot. But you never lost your light.
I agree, but I don’t think others have lost their light, either. It’s just hard to find someone who will tell you that, so here I am.
And on the “cool”, it’s the way I can tell a story that’s cool. This is why everyone reads the second half of my book, at least twice.
I better watch what I say, less someone come on here and say I am promoting taking children as brides, because it’s cool.
::rolls eyes::
Anyway, here’s another old saw (that’s true): free your mind, your ass will follow. You really do have choices in life.
Elsa, you can only help people find the way…but it’s really up to them in the end. Kind of like the 12 step alcoholics anonymous oath. You can forgive….no wonder you are very close to God. You understand deeply Jesus’s stories, and resonate to alot in the bible. <3
I don’t think it’s wise to know your triggers but it’s not wise to cherish your disorder. It’s not wise to worship it or attach your ego to it.
I for one have resisted labels for most of my life. I’m sure many of them apply to me. It is about empowerment. I don’t appreciate pity either. Don’t feel sorry for me. I am capable of finding happiness, just like everyone else. And I don’t pity others except the ones that don’t know that happiness is for each and every one of us.
I have depression and symptoms of PTSD from layers of childhood trauma, also. I manage it very well through mindfulness, art therapy, and BEING an Art Therapist. I think it is great to find the meaningfulness in these events as long as it doesn’t control you or result in harm. I do not label myself a victim BUT I do remember how it changed me and I grew so much stronger than those pessimistic psychologists thought I would. Another example: Elsa writes with wit and humor about most things, even her childhood traumas. Humor is a healthy defense mechanism, so they say, and I agree. Survivors have a RIGHT to feel any number of feelings about what happened. One of my feelings about what happened to me is relief that I didn’t have to go on living with my father and instead received the care I needed from my aunt and uncle. Do not judge the silver linings of survivors. When there is so little love or resources, we need to give them acceptance. I also think that “forgiveness” is a complicated subject and many people are pushed or guilt tripped into it. Again, no one should boss anyone into thinking about their history in a certain way. Really be there for someone.
This is something I am going to explore in therapy. It’s always been react react react with me and that shit gets exhausting. I went off the deep end a couple of weeks ago because my ex-boyfriend sent me a drunken misspelled e-mail informing me that he has a hot girlfriend. I don’t want to ever be in such a dark, messed up place again. I don’t want to give another human being that much power over me. I’ve always had obsessive issues with men. That’s one thing. But I am hypersensitive to criticism and approval or lack thereof in general which is why I keep leaving Facebook. I always say I will never go back. I hope to stay away for good this time. It’s just a time suck and a mindfuck for me. I have maintained the same blog for a few years now. I had a pattern for a while of taking my blogs down because I was so fragile.
p.s. I am still fragile. I am hoping that with therapy and meditation I’ll get stronger. I’m also exercising on a regular basis and making more conscious decisions about what I eat and how I treat myself.