I’m thinking about posting an old truck story; one that is not in my book. Piecing it together, I came across this. It’s conversations with, Scott, who I met when I was fifteen. I worked in his mother’s bar.
Scott is a Cancer and you may be horrified when you read this, I don’t know. I’m talking about his mom. But this stuff all comes together and I did date this guy on and off for seventeen years. I also still talk to him, as recently as a week ago, so what you really have here is a real conversation, between people who have known each other for eons.
“My mother is a nice person,” he says.
I laugh. “Whaaaat? The fuck she is! Your mother is not nice. Jesus, that’s the last thing she is.”
No comment.
“Well look, Scott. It’s not like she’s mean! She’s not mean and she’s not nice. Look. She doesn’t even operate in that realm. That’s all I’m saying. She’s a businessperson! She wants shit and she gets it.”
“I think she’s nice. She’s very nice.”
“To who? To cats! She’s nice to cats, I’ll give you that. But she’s not nice to people.”
“Yes she is.”
“Oh for godsakes, when? When is she nice and to who? Look. I’m not saying she’s mean. She’s not mean, either. She’s a business person. A good one. She’s a single mother who kicked ass! I’m saying she doesn’t even think like that. Nice and mean. She has a slot and she fills it. She hires the person, pays them minimum wage, closes the books when they’re gone. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s not nice for chrissakes! It’s business. She wants something. Whatever. Say she wants you. She always has, so what does she do? Is she nice? Hell no! That has nothing to do with it. She figures out what she needs to do to have it the way she wants it and this is what she does. I’ll do this with the piano and it’ll have this affect. That’s what she does. This is what is driving her.”
“You’re wrong, Elsie.”
“Okay, whatever. She’s your mother. Well, I know. You’re gonna tell me, she tips a waitress. Well, no shit! She tips waitresses not because she’s nice. It’s BUSINESS. Yes, she tips waitresses…”
“And she’s nice to them.”
“Oh for godsakes, she could care less about them. You eat your food and you pay for it! You’re cordial in the world! It’s not because she’s nice! It’s because she’s competent! Look, never mind. She’s a sweetie-pie. Whatever. But I’ve never seen it. Forget about it. We have different opinions on your mother. Big surprise!”
Next day he emails. Says he thought about his mother being nice, and decided I was right.
“I guess you aren’t really nice, if it isn’t sincere…”
I laughed my ass off.
Scott’s mother is a very shrewd businesswoman. End of story.
~~
“I’m not going to go on a date with that man. I don’t want to eat dinner with some guy I don’t want to screw. I can’t see it. It’s just too time consuming. You know how I am. What? I meet someone and we’re up and running right away. Within 24 hours for sure. None of this, maybe something will develop!”
“It’s true, Elsie.”
“Right. So you eat dinner and there you are and then what? You have to get away and it’s a problem. I’m starting to remember what it’s like to be single. You have to dodge the men you don’t want. Another reason I like to just have a boyfriend. Built in reason why I can’t go out with someone! Because who the hell likes rejection? No thank you, I have a boyfriend. That’s the ticket. That’s the thing you want to be able to say. I really can’t get a man fast enough, Scott.”
~~
“Well, you’ve suffered intensely, your entire life. I’ve seen it, Elsie.”
“I know. “People don’t know that.”
“They don’t know it, because you never put that stuff on your blog. I’ve never seen it.”
“Yes, I have. I put all kinds of stuff on my blog. But even when I say it, people don’t perceive it. They just think I’m someone everything always works out for. That’s what they see.”
“Well people do think that about you.”
“Yep. There is nothing that can be done.”
I am not horrified. Your stories are fascinating.
That a person can be ‘not nice’ is strangely reassuring.
Yes, people should have that freedom.
This gal was a double Aries with Mercury in Aries as well. Mars Jupiter in Aquarius. She kicked ass up and down and all around.
Right? What an interesting perspective.
Elsa, I see you as someone who has faced life’s challenges head-on, a fighter and survivor whose stories and perspectives resonate deeply. During our session, it felt like you were a coach in the boxing ring of life—someone who’s been there before, bearing the scars with strength and resilience. Your no-nonsense approach, combined with your incredible generosity, makes you a guiding force. I sense a deep concern in you, perhaps for your husband, and it makes me worry for you as well. How can we help?
Thank you, Kat. This is all correct.
I don’t know that there is much people can do, other than I have to stay in business. I really appreciate you asking.
Thank you, Elsa. I’ll keep doing my part and continue scheduling time with you for as long as you have me. I hope others will join in as well. And folks, if you’re here, don’t underestimate the power of a monthly cup of coffee—it can do wonders for the soul.
It’s true. And both parties benefit.
Without a doubt.
I found this… we were touring, Tucson, together, I think this was 2003. I’d moved to Colorado and had been gone awhile. I went for a (platonic) visit…
~~~~
He took me by a trailer park. The most dilapidated trailer park you could possibly imagine. He pointed to a shed in front of one of the trailers. “I used to smoke crack in that shed,” he said.
I looked at him with my eyes wide, shaking my head. “Jesus, Scott. What the fuck.” I laughed a little. “Drive!” I said. “What a crazy fucker you are. Smoking crack in a shed in a trailer park. That’s glorious. That’s pride. Just drive, why don’t you. Yecch. That’s disgusting! Get out of here and let’s not come back.”
“Okay.”
He made a left, and pulled up to the main road alongside a liquor store. An old crappy one.
“I delivered Fritos there,” I said, pointing. “Asian guy. He used to check the invoice with an abacus! He thought I was cheating him with my computer.”
Scott smirked and turned right. We’d decided to go to the desert, desert. Like this:
“So do you want to go out to the desert, desert?” I asked. “Or there’s another house I’d like to see. Er…my high school boyfriend, he worked in this Greek restaurant. And there were these five Italian guys from New York. Art types. Two of them wanted to be actors and one of them was writer, I think. But in whatever case, they all lived in this house together and they were waiters at this restaurant. My boyfriend was a busboy.
And they liked him. They were like 24-27 years old or so. My boyfriend was 16 and I was 13. And I used to go over there all the time and you won’t believe this. I used to cook! I used to cook for them all the time. I’d make roasts and stuff. The whole nine yards. I would be over there all the time cooking for these five men like some kind of mother figure. I was the 13 year old mom to all them. Isn’t that a hoot?”
“I’m not surprised, Elsie. I’m not surprised.”
“Yeah, well I liked those guys. They were fun. They were a fuckin’ hoot. It didn’t matter if I was 13. I had tremendous fun with them. Let’s go out to the desert though. The real desert. I’ll take you out to see W’s place (my father) and we’ll stop by Henry’s.”
I see you, feel you, and truly appreciate you. Amazing human. Your guidance, honesty and humour keeps me Grounded. God knows, I need some ground with all this water. Kate 🧡
Thank you, PP!
How fortunate are we to hear your stories. Directions are in included and needed. Keep going. Thank you.
You wrote……” “Well, you’ve suffered intensely, your entire life. I’ve seen it, Elsie.”
“I know. “People don’t know that.”
“They don’t know it, because you never put that stuff on your blog. I’ve never seen it.”
“Yes, I have. I put all kinds of stuff on my blog. But even when I say it, people don’t perceive it. They just think I’m someone everything always works out for. That’s what they see.”
“Well people do think that about you.”
“Yep. There is nothing that can be done.”“
I felt that. As if it was a conversation had with me. Especially the last two sentences. Timely. Thank you for sharing your life.
You’re welcome. Sometimes, I feel I’m a “trap”.
I am designed this way.
Ditto. Lol.
sadly, i relate to the t.
…That effin venus sq neptune…