Really Thinking About Things (Spiral Down Into The Abyss)

Vintage card
Vintage card

Moving beyond all the bitching about how a person can’t say this or that or the other thing without risking an insane backlash, I realise these days I really have to think about things.  I talked off the cuff for many years. I enjoyed it immensely. I did not enjoy this spiral down into the abyss, but now that I’m here…now that I talk less, I’m beginning to really think about things.

With Mars conjunct Mercury in Libra, I have a strong drive to converse. There is nothing I like more than talking to another person. So when conversation became painful, difficult, dangerous or downright impossible, I took at hit. Eventually, I came to suffer. This lasted for a couple of years, but what about now?

Now my thoughts are mostly private.  Rather than rushing to speak, I take my time and really think about things. I think about them for weeks or months or in some cases, the better part of year.

I don’t choose this. Normally, I would bounce my ideas off another person but I just don’t have opportunity for that anymore. It’s been this way long enough, I’ve adapted.

At this point, I think I could go the rest of my life, saying very little. I don’t wish for this or anything. I love freedom, especially freedom of speech. Are you kidding? That conjunction is in my 9th house!  But the deprivation (Capricorn) has been sustained long enough, I’ve transformed (Pluto).

What do you do with your ideas these days?

26 thoughts on “Really Thinking About Things (Spiral Down Into The Abyss)”

  1. It’s a different time now than it was even 5 years ago for sure. As someone who values freedom of speech very highly I find myself censoring and even rethinking what I put out into the universe. I’ll ask myself when posting things online if what I’m posting is really worth it or will it make a difference for anyone reading.

    There’s definitely a change out there. Maybe it’s a good thing for everyone to be held accountable for what they put out there.

  2. Write them down. I’ve kept journals sporadically since the age of eight, but the past few years i have been consistent at writing down my “angry” thoughts. I am not sure that it has really helped me however. I have a lot of Plutonian energy.

  3. I had a conversation with my husband this weekend. It is a conversation I have had with him several times over the past year.
    I want my freedom.
    There are so many arguments against this…he tells me all of them. But it doesn’t change my heart. This time I did not argue. I did not discuss. I let him talk and say all he wanted and my response was the same. I am sorry, my heart is not changing.
    I am many things, but one thing I am is a Pisces Moon in the 7th House. A sponge. And I have soaked him up for years. I am saturated at this point. We are in our early 60’s. Our children are fantastic and though they will be impacted they will be fine.
    I want my freedom.
    I want to hear my own voice, not his.

  4. Elsa, thank you for sharing this. I’ve had the same experience. I have mercury and mars opposite each other natal and I’ve had to learn to censor what I say to a great degree, because like you, I love nothing more than talking to other people…however, backlash. I’ve caught it several times the last few years. It really gets my goat that people think they can say whatever they want to me and I’m not supposed to be offended when what they ask is none of their business, yet let me ask the same question of them and I’m no longer their friend??? Uh, I guess we were never friends to begin with.

  5. I’ve always kept most of my thoughts to myself. Mercury in scorpio. I can’t even articulate most of them. I post some that I can articulate here.

  6. “But the deprivation (Capricorn) has been sustained long enough, I’ve transformed (Pluto).”
    Wow, Elsa, you have an amazing gift. Maybe now you think more before you speak but when you do decide to speak you do it in great style.
    There are parts of your texts that knock me down. Like this one above. And it is amazing how you sum up the essential in one sentence. I am a Capricorn Mercury and I am jealous.
    But I am also thankful, even though my theme is not about communication, I have Saturn and Pluto in 7th and it’s true: if you are deprived long enough, you transform. But I am not finished yet, I don’t know what the end product will be.

  7. I like this, my situation is in reverse. I’ve got an eighth house mercury in capricorn square moon in 12th house aries. I have a gemini ascendant so communicating is ‘oxygen’ for me. But that 8th house merc is secretive and scared of saying what it knows. I write it all down, the pain and joy, the highs and the lows, the insights, the mistakes. Pluto will hit my merc next year at 17 degrees cap and I think Pluto will demand me to leave the comfort of my hidden merc to ‘say’ something. My 12th house moon (comfort / security) conjunct saturn square my merc will not like that. I feel cornered by Pluto(again – he conjuncted my sun at 5 cap)and with him there’s no where to hide, no escape (for one’s own good, of course)I feel cornered to speak when I want to be silent.

  8. But you must realise that others have a right to say what they want aswell as you. If you come out with what you have come out with in the past then is it not right that others should be able to have their say as well. It seems you are complaining about others doing the same as you. Or maybe you are complaining that others have an equally valid point that differs from yours. Wouldnt mars/mercury be belligerence, or causing belligerence, a knack you have displayed quite often in the past. The one thing that makes me laugh about libra is how right wing the sign can be ie churchill, hitler, thatcher, cameroon all have a prominent libra. But to be fair so has ghandi. So you can kind of see that that mars/mercury makes you shoot your mouth off on a typical right wing way. Sorry – I dont like right wing people. Too narrow minded for myself. Dont get me wrong, I do not know you. I do not know what you are like off this site. But, you have come across to myself via this site as someone I would not like.

    1. I’m talking about my personal, offline life, josh. But I’m also an old lady and well aware, not everyone is going to like me. I’d add that having people like has never been my goal in life. 🙂

      It sounds like your way of lumping people together to dislike them is a personal problem.

  9. I have a very distinct need to say what I think, and I continue doing so, even if this is often unwise or even foolish – I really don’t care what others think. I have an active third house: Libra on the cusp – with Neptune and Saturn, and Moon and Mercury are here, but in Scorpio, which makes the whole thing difficult.

    Thinking more about things comes with age I suppose, just as not saying anything does: silence is golden they say, but I prefer those that speak.

  10. Elsa. I am sorry you feel this way, and find yourself living this way. My thoughts is that you were giving your voice for a reason, like the birds are given their particular songs.

    I am also sorry, because this —> “Now my thoughts are mostly private. Rather than rushing to speak, I take my time and really think about things. I think about them for weeks or months or in some cases, the better part of year.” <—- is pretty much precisely how the older people in my German (Bavarian) village told me they ended up living, feeling and conducting themselves under Nazi rule. They said it was still hard to speak freely, years and years and years later (this was just a handful of years ago), to articulate their thoughts and heart, in real life except to their spouse and closest family. It was a built-in censoring and fear…an uber-filter. It made them sad. (But after awhile there, I noticed they would lean in at an event, and whisper impish things they thought about to me!)

    To the other commenter's point above, I do think we are all filtering and self-censoring and silencing more and more the last few years as well. I see this enabling "cover-ups" too if you think about it. on small scale of course, but…. My thought is, you can only do this so long. Then the gathered steam blows. (I was utterly silent and polite in my German village to get along, follow the rules, not wishing to be the rude loud American. After two years I witnessed the local mean policeman hassling an elderly couple badly, big yells and threats, because their car's license plate had a molecule of dust on it and he felt they were parked 1/2 inch too far on the gravel sideway. Literally, one molecule, one half inch. Two years of bottled up "what I think" came flying out. I went after that policeman, shamed him hard, he ran away in his little car and never bothered my little village again. So maybe our voices have occasional good uses, eh? 🙂

    1. PS — I have been silencing, quieting, self-censoring lately too and maybe that is why people love to speak freely in forums like this blog? I have a lot of Virgo, Mercury and Mars, etc and Sun, Mars, Pluto lodged in the 12th. And free-seeking Sadge bits too (Moon, Saturn) and so when I am asked a question — I may think it thru, think internally, filter a bit (my Scorpio) but I will answer the question and it may or may not please. I censor that now too because suddenly, I don’t care about informing others and taking the “kill the messenger who brought the package you asked for” hits anymore. My Virgo knowledge is a precious gift, and maybe I’ll save it for just a few, ha!

    2. Avatar
      Warped by Wuthering Heights

      VillageGirl, there’s so much power in your voice, both written and spoken. What a great true story, well done!

  11. Mars/mercury certainly shakes up the status quo.. but belligerent? There is no arrogance or ignorance in your musings. It’s your calling to use that kind of laser intelligent insight to get things back in balance by forcing others to think about our society. ( Mars conjunct Mercury in Libra) It blows my mind how effin’ fair you are… please keep doing what you do best! I don’t know about your personal politics, but from what you have related on this blog, and other writings, you have a very balanced perspective of the American experience from all that you have seen.That gives your insights extra meaning because you don’t have an agenda, you are just a generous person sharing what she knows. Your voice, and others like you are needed and appreciated,thank you!

    1. Thanks, Diana. 🙂 Much appreciated.

      That guy up there doesn’t even know me. He’s talkin’ ’bout my hologram in his imagination.:)

      1. Avatar
        Warped by Wuthering Heights

        Elsa, if your candor and succinct observations are not appreciated by people around you IRL, it’s their loss. Your ideas and opinions certainly are appreciated here!

        1. “Elsa, if your candor and succinct observations are not appreciated by people around you IRL, it’s their loss.”
          In the past this woman has quite literally blocked me off the site for using candour, when I have objected to her ranting or belittling of the poor, or her view of economics – “I believe in trickle down economics”, or even of individuals she has met. To name but three things off the top of my mind.
          But I have noticed though a change in her writings since these actions of hers. She no longer shoots her mouth off quite so much.
          I suggest that what you applaud now, is as a result of her change in attitude of the past few years.

          1. I am not surprised I’ve blocked you in the past. You seem to be able to make a point without a personal attack. You’d do better to work on yourself and give up trying to transform and inform people you don’t know, with experience you can’t fathom.

            Live and let live, josh. I do us both a favor when I make you go away.

  12. Capricorn is the sign on my 3rd house cusp, and my Mercury is conjunct Jupiter in Cancer in the 9th.

    Since Pluto entered my 3rd, I think initially I was more prone to have explosive relays with others. But I guess I’m like Elsa, at the point where I am stopping (usually) before I speak, keeping my thoughts in more then I express them.

    I’m just tired of wasting my words on people who do not want to hear me.

    1. Your comment has been stuck in my head this week. I know I have not been as communicative with people as usual, for the last couple of months. If we are not in a joint venture or transaction together there doesn’t seem to be anything to say. It’s as if it’s all been said before or something. Keeping in touch with my steady contacts is something I have to make myself do. ??????

  13. I know. It’s like people are really touchy these days, ready to be offended, with their ire and guard up. The connectivity (nakedness) of the internet is no help, either. You’re bound to find plenty of vicious people out there looking for someone to chew on, probably because they’re already unhappy. My family is divided down the middle with conservatives and liberals. Funny thing is, it’s hard to tell what side of the fence they will come down on sometimes.

  14. There is a saying in my country that goes: Bake it, then say it.

    When it comes to politics I truly respect people who have the courage to say what they think, even if they know there opinion isn’t ‘popular’ – I really enjoy discussions of this kind.
    In every day life, with family and friends, I find that the RIGHT MOMENT for saying something is very important.

    And, yes, I also have the feeling lately that making an effort of talking to people simply isn’t worth it – they don’t care.

  15. I had to take pause on this one. It seems as though it’s the ideas I can put into action are the ones that hold water these days. It is very different. Less wool gathering, more practical.

  16. I missed this post somehow. I have been reworking my beliefs and reactions to certain beliefs that others have. It’s been a maturing of my mind, I guess it will continue when Saturn re-enters Sadge and opposes my Mercury. I don’t know if it is Neptune squaring my Mercury, wearing down the sharps edges like a stone in the river or if it is just my age.

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