belle write on Intense Suffering Unbeknownst
“Are you also the rock for people in your personal life? You definitely are on this board. I see such inner strength, which might draw people to you for their comfort. On the other side, when people are looking to you for their emotional needs, they might be looking at only the strength and not wanting to see the pain. Who heals the shaman?”
belle, I don’t know that I am a rock for people. For some I am but what I am universally, is a source of energy. People can call me or they can come to this blog and get a hit. There is always, always something here.
I am strong internally. I do think it’s rare that people look at my pain. But some do, some of the time.
I’m shocked and grateful when it happens. Stupefied really but it doesn’t really matter.
There are times when I desperately need help and another person’s energy but these times are infrequent. I am mostly self-sustaining. I have been since I was very young.
On the healing question, I don’t see myself as a shaman but can tell you straight out, I do all this work for myself as much as I do for anyone else. I do it because if I don’t do it (serve) the suffering would be unbearable. I don’t even like to think about it, it would be that bad.
Elsa, I think the kind of strength she is talking about is so deep that perhaps it is not something you can see yourself.
Not that you can’t comprehend what Belle is saying– but that the mountain cannot turn around and look at its own rock face.
The blog is you in how it flows but also in its bones and how what you have created here stands through time and the vagaries of the informatics age. That, too, is “rock”-like for people– and healing, simply knowing that you are here and probably will continue to be.
Oh, I see, Shaina. Thank you.
I was thinking about my personal relationships in real life when I wrote this. I think people who actually know me in real life do see me as more fluid and even flaky.
That said, they do know if they are falling or flailing or needing to vent or whatever, they can call here and get energy or a container or something else useful.
I really didn’t mean to be self deprecating. I meant to accurate and and one thing I am for sure and consistently, is a live wire.
I am a source, a source, a source, a source. This much I am sure of.
That makes me smile. The people who see you as flaky sound like they are just projecting.
But you do have that Neptune aspect, so perhaps I am projecting onto you, too. 😉
You give more to others than you even know, is what my comment boils down to. Pretty neat.
“I do it because if I don’t do it (serve) the suffering would be unbearable. I don’t even like to think about it, it would be that bad.”
I can so relate.
Me too.
I agree Elsa! You give people much more than you realize! Thank you for everything!!!
I have to agree with Michael you do give much more than you realize to people thank you for all you do your site is one of the few where I can get insite as how things really are shaking out. How humans are being affected by what is happening in space.
I so relate to this I am my families deepest pool source of energy, emotional stability, and problem solver which I take on willingly mind you and truly consider it a blessings that so many think my opinion is worthy. Sometimes however I do need replenishing you are right who heals the shaman and I agree it doesn’t happen often that I need but when I do I have a difficult asking for help
Virgo-Pisces axis: serve or suffer. Chiron – the wounded healer who gives so much to others, but also needs self-healing. I’m sure a lot of people on this blog could relate to these two themes.
Wizron…I do so relate!!! Sun in pisces, virgo ascendant…south node conjunct chiron in pisces opposite north node in virgo conjunct pluto…my path to follow…
Elsa, this one hit me deeply. What you describe is a way out of pain. You lift everyone up this way, too, including me.
Lynne E, thanks for sharing your perspective. Yesterday a supposed peer called me “paranoid”.
8000 posts, many (most) of the personal on this blog alone…. 13,000 boards posts that broadcast my personal life, thoughts and feelings yet I am “paranoid” and various other (negative) sundries. It’s enough to make my head spin.
I just don’t know how a person can look at this mountain of work, sustained over a decade and conclude I am a loser piece of shit but they do it and they do it on a daily basis.
NEPTUNE ON MIDHEAVEN SQUARE VENUS.
Look at me and see *whatever* through those swirly glasses of yours.
Mmm.. how well put. Yes, a source, that’s exactly how I view you ( although I feel respect for your pain,and like hundreds of folk here would so gladly, genuinely be there if I could ever be helpful, I (we) also know how private you are..therefore stay back whilst (again like so many here) silently sending healing thoughts through those times when you have opened the curtains a tiny wee crack to share tough feelings a little.. and been delighted to know of the sunshine moments too, when life kisses you, as it must, it must)
On a more practical level, your service is also an incredible astrological resource too, as I constantly find posts that stir my thinking on how people experience their charts, so the giving of service also extends far beyond the speciality one on ones, it’s hosting opportunities for growth and for learning,rather Jupiter/Saturnian there, too, oh and the service needs sustenance..time for me to head over to the tipping jar.
It’s just the balance in life for every winner there must be a loser… you are a winner –they are the losers… accept that if 9 out of 10 love you –you shouldn’t worry about that 1 that slips into the abyss of hate and who can only make his/her appearance known through empty noise. <3
oops meant to put that on your jealousy blog 😉
Oh, I was going to say that this person calling Elsa (of ALL people!!) “paranoid” is a classic example of this old saying:
Jealousy makes you naaaaaasty.
well I guess if you just keep deflecting with your Neptunian mirror, it catches the Sun and starts a fire sometimes.. a Promethean flame that can, if your peer is willing to be as much a student as any of us is, regardless of how qualified, years in practice..then that fire you start can lead to some real enlightenment..the source..the flame ..sometimes we enlighten without knowing we were flashing that mirror
Hah. You know what? To me, serving IS suffering. It’s agonizing to help people in my job. I don’t enjoy it one bit and it’s not my mission in life. Unfortunately people need help more than they do anything else I can offer, so I have to do it for a living.
I expect, to be of no use to anyone would be even worse.
I would prefer to be of use in a way that I enjoy, unfortunately. I just had a week where I had large numbers of people freaking out at me and it was going to be MY fault (well, technically no it isn’t if we were in a sane world, but I’d be the point person to take blame) if they didn’t get jobs. They complained to higher ups and it all went on me. One of them is still waiting in limbo because freaking mountains were moved to get them what they wanted…and we couldn’t get it done before 5 p.m. in two time zones away. I have been threatened with lawsuits if someone loses out on a job because of “me”/my office, even though literally we are the last step in an entire giant process and some folks have been known to flake or otherwise just not follow up until oops, it’s too late, I need this by 3 today!
I’d much rather inspire people, or introduce them to something awesome/beautiful, than be the person who manages your emotions and literally has to do anything you say in order to make you happy. That to me is how service has been. I’m there to take abuse, that is how I serve at times. Whee.
This makes me feel ashamed of how often I take for granted the goodness and unselfishness of people. It’s as if I feel I deserve this, but I don’t really.
You are a source of light for many who come here.
May you be blessed that.
May you be blessed for that.
Thank you. 🙂
Elsa are you very 12th house?
Not *very* but some. I am more Saturn/Neptune – Neptune midheaven. Hundreds of posts about this on this blog. There’s a tag.
just yesterday under the sagittarius moon (which i have natally in 12th), i was grocery shopping and my husband told me to pick up boots for my healing foot, and i stopped by to eat at Mcdonalds lol but i grabbed an expensive smoothie that was healthy too. While i was eating, i saw a Romanian woman by the street selling magazine, and she said she was there all day: she wore old clothes and said her husband also works doing this, and they have a child. I was going to offer her some hamburgers and fries since i was already buying it for myself. And she said someone already bought her some, so that was nice. Then I was going to the supermarket and told her out of compulsion, if she wanted any groceries i can buy for her. She was very happy and walked with me to go shopping. I usually dont do this, (i have in the past given some change & food to homeless) and she told me her family live in a low income housing where government pays for it. But i bought her a couple bagful of groceries, and dinner for her family tonight. She even asked for cakes and desserts. lol I was thinking her child would really love that too. After i bought everything, including my own stuff, i bought her a big grocery bag for her food, and we hugged and to take care of her family. Now its so strange, why i am like this. I do this all the time and i’m always left thinking why do i do this? I even did this when I was a teenager and married with my first husband who was a criminal and brought home tons of food and i took it to the homeless during christmas season. I was alone and going to where they stayed under some bridge where it’s cold and dropped them off a bunch of packaged food. they were all so happy. I just seem to enjoy doing this because it feels like i can’t help myself lol If i tell other people they look at me to why i did it because many wouldnt really do it, out of fear and out of strange behaviour.
well when i got home i still had to make a payment to the part time caretakers of my parents and also send them food and pay the cleaners there. I thought, if i keep this up i’m gonna be broke. after i thought that, i found two gift certificates when cleaning out the drawers. They were almost expired so i hurried and used it. I thought wow, i got lucky and bought something for my foot, with the gift voucher. ^^
maybe my subconscious is helping me stave off suffering, serve/sacrifice or suffer.