Dear Elsa,
I re-met a guy from my past earlier this year. We started talking and hanging out; we pretty much hit it off. I feel like he fulfills all of my needs and I truly think that he is the one. I recently told him that I am ready to commit and we have been completely honest about everything… but there’s been one thing on my mind that I am afraid to tell him.
My last long-term relationship ended pretty badly, with my ex-boyfriend wanting me back and refusing to stop pestering me. But right before we finally were able to break it off, I cheated on him with a mutual good friend. I feel awful about it and definitely realize my mistake. At the time, I was having serious problems with my own parents and family. They had decided to go overseas, so I am here alone & the guy whom I cheated with just happened to be a lending ear when my current boyfriend was not.
At any rate, I need to know how I should get over this blemish in my past. I love my current boyfriend so much, I don’t want to lose him. But I know that infidelity is something he will never tolerate. Any thoughts? Thanks for your help.
Worried & Confused
Dear Worried,
Yes, I have an opinion and will offer my advice on this but I am not sure you should take it. Because you are not me, and I’ll explain:
I don’t think you should tell this guy about your indiscretion unless he asks you directly and I have a lot of reasons for this.
Number one, this was an aberrant act on your part. It does not represent your character. It is something you greatly regret that happened in a moment of weakness and I think you’re suffered enough over it. I think you should just forgive yourself and put thing to bed for good.
And from his perspective… well if I was him, I would not want to hear about this. Seriously! I don’t need to know every little detail about my partner and I think you should consider this very carefully. Who will you be liberating when you spill this secret? Will it benefit him? Personally, I don’t think so. But this is my perspective! And I am not you with your four planets in Sagittarius.
Now Sagittarians are pretty obsessed with the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But there is such a thing as inflicting the truth on a person and I have a grand example.
Once I was on a date with a guy with a ring in his pocket. He was to propose to me that evening, but he was a Sagittarius rising big mouth and he wound up telling me all about this blow job he had once… (you can read the story here) instead. And did I want to hear about this? No! I begged him to shut up! I was seeing pictures of the act in my head as he was talking, sure to negatively affect our sex life which I coveted, but he would not shut up and in fact chased me outside the restaurant continuing to pummel me with his truth as I tried in vain to escape.
So here’s the thing. You are you and you may just need to come clean to be you! But I am me and I am telling you that most people don’t need or want to see every freckle on your butt. So I say, spare him. If this story needed air, it’s got it. You told my blog, right? You have broadcast this now so perhaps this will allow you to let it go and move on to your happy future.
Good luck.
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I agree completely with Elsa! Confession is not always good for the soul. I wouldn’t tell him either, not about that.
Ahh, I agree too but I have 3 sag planets plus sun and moon and have a hard time not telling ‘everything’ as well, but do keep certain things to myself. I’ve made the mistake of full disclosure many times in my life.
I remember a mutual friend of my sister and I keeping a secret from his mother until she died. I said as a triple Sag, how terrible for her to have had to live a lie! But my sister said, don’t be so harsh – she was living a fantasy. Ha!
I agree with Elsa. This confession would be about making YOU feel better. It would not be giving him any information that he needs to know, because that is not your character. But you never ever know when these things might come out in the future, against your will. I think you should write him a letter explaining it, but mail it to yourself and keep it, still sealed and postmarked, to hand to him if the story ever gets out. This would be proof that you thought long and hard about how that information would affect him, before you decided to keep it secret, and that you made that decision to protect his happiness at the expense of your own. Then you can “forget” it with a clear conscience.
It seems from this letter that you did not cheat on him, but with another person? Am I right? I don’t believe your partner needs to know everything about you. How else are we supposed to transform if we never get the opportunity to discard things for good? If we don’t give that opportunities to ourselves?
Wow, Catnmus, i would never have thought of that! Do you have scorpio anywhere in your chart? 😉
I would be in the throes of torture if was in a situation similar to Worried and Confused. this is the perfect solution!
I just love this story… I am sort of new around here and being a scorpio with four planets in sag i can relate to this girls predicament. As someone with so much saggitarius infuence, it can be a real dilemma trying to figure out the truth and how much of this to say aloud, and what to keep to myself. When a sag. is close to someone, a lie that is not told to them can also be a lie you are telling yourself, and this creates a very unpleasant saggitarian. If someone who is close to you is lieing to you, well you can just about count on a blown fues box. What i am going to say next may offset this to some degree. For any other saggitarians out there who may feel that they may be compromising there integrity if they do not have the one hundered percent truth layed out on the table, i have learned this. Sagitarrius is not the only sign ruled by the planet jupiter. Pices is also rules to some extent by this planet. Pices is a very watery planet. It can also be linked to fantasy and delusion. Now not all piceans are delusional by any means, in fact i have found that many are the most careing, loving, genuine souls on the face of the planet. While a sag. is out searching for god, a pices may have already found hem/hir. As a sagittarius may have been searching for truth, a pices may know that the truth is as you find it. So saggitarians out there, please lighten up! We are the worlds flame and spark, and every little miserable, rotten little lie that has ever been told is not our responsibility to make right. And another thing, if you don’t have anything nice to say, well don’t say anything at all. This way, you don’t have to worry about telling your bf about how your last rotten love affair ended, and focus on not repeating the same past mistakes in the future. Best wishes.
Des