Why Is A Person Chosen To Shoulder More Than Their Share?

royal_flush.jpgDear Elsa,

I am the sole care taker of my Downs syndrome sister. Yes she has enriched and guided my life. However just wondering why these angels are sent into certain peoples lives and not others. At times this responsibility can be a burden, (but also a blessing). Why do you think we were chosen for this path?


Caretaker, that’s a good question. I don’t think there is a single “right” answer.  Some say we are chosen for a difficult path because we can handle it. However my personal belief is that we choose our lives as much as we are chosen for them. You are able to derive a benefit from what many would view as an oppressive situation so perhaps you chose this path because you wanted this benefit?

That I grew up hard is inarguable. But I would not change a thing about my childhood because I like the hand it’s left me with. I like my skill set. I take this whole concept beyond being chosen by a force outside the self to another scenario where the individual is both responsible for and empowered by their life.

We all make choices. It’s often possible to choose the easy way out but the place that easy path takes you might be quite difficult!

Anyone else have ideas on this?

83 thoughts on “Why Is A Person Chosen To Shoulder More Than Their Share?”

  1. Caretaker– I’m really glad you point of view works so well for you and I’m happy you are able to see the challenging elements of you life as a blessing!

    what I find most interesting and what I am curious about is the differing points of view in regard to where life paths come from. Caretaker seems to state that things were given and she was chosen. Elsa seems supportive of this possiblity but for herself believes SHE has chosen. I also believe it likely that I have chosen but would be more likely to lean toward atheism (well, at least a non-personal god) and chaos theory if that proved incorrect.

    so I’m wondering if these tendencies show in the chart? jupiter, pisces, 9th, 12th houses?

  2. Dear caretaker, I have a sister with authism, and sometimes and,…if my sister could communicate or learn to take care of herself it could be for me a great blessing. She haves a taurus stellium with a sadge moon, all that she wants is to go by car and eat hot dogs, pizzas and whatever. My communication with grace is to share a ice gream. Your sister can integrate to society, that is a benefit for you: take it. The condition of your sister is another conditios other way of being (fortunately she haves you) it is not a blessing, neither a cricifixion or martyrdom. Your sister could still take a little job, there is a lot of people with dispossition to help you (ie: giving your sister a job) She can talk with you to tell you how she feels and so on. The main thing here: let your sister to take care of herself, you will be not a caretaker, just her sister.

    1. that’s beautiful and true beyond words. I happen to have a sister with a disability too and I have struggled between claiming my life beyond being the one who takes care of her and the regrets/guilt that come along with that. We can not always choose the circumstances of our lives but we can decide upon our stance towards them. The caretaking role can bring a blessing and can twist your life around in ugly ways (it’s the whole virgo/pisces thing I guess). So I find it’s good if Caretaker you decide ( instead of seeing it as a one-way street) if you need to assume this role (and it’s good to do so with eyes wide as to why) and it’s equally good if you decide you don’t want to identify with it. You won’t be less of a good person or sister either way, so long as you know what you are doing and why. The sad thing is how often giving up one’s independence to be a caretaker is glorified by people instead of encouraging those cast as ‘caretakers’ to find ways to help empower those who need their support (and themselves in the process)

  3. crazy-moon, I think your point of view is fantastic and obviously works great for you! that’s fabulous! I’m uncomfortable reading what you say to Caretaker that her sister’s condition is not a blessing or what she “should” do. it’s certainly an outlook she could consider and an idea for what she might do if she so chose.

  4. Thanks Satori, It is not easy to me to say it, because it hurts. However answering the question of careteker I think yes, I have the strong feeling that ‘someone’ puts disabled people near of persons that can take care of the situation.

  5. I see it the same way as you do, Elsa.

    Doing the Libra-examining-all-facets-thing I have been wondering lately, however, if thinking this way is a way to simply make myself feel better.

    If everyone chooses their lives (for good or bad) then (for example) I would feel somehow absolved a little if I ended up in a wheelchair or something & my husband had to take care of me a lot.

    But I’ve pretty much always believed that everyone chooses their lives and/or has karma to work out.

  6. In thinking about this, it helps me to think globally rather than domestically. But still, even though millions and millions of people have it worse, it doesn’t mean that it still does not rip your heart out.

  7. The Caretaker’s question is difficult to answer.

    People who find themselves in Caretaker’s position are there for different reasons. Some feel the simple duty of human decency, others love the company of the disabled person, others are there because there is no-one else to do it and the alternatives are untenable. There are other reasons as well.

    As far as being “chosen” to this level of service to the needs of another, if your faith encompasses that notion, then the same faith can sustain your strength within it.

    Regarding “Why some and not other?” Why white and not black? Why fat and not thin? why Australian and not American?

    I think the question itself is illogical. Pondering things that cannot be changed is far less rewarding than making the very best out of the things we have at your disposal.

    I am much keener on the “I am in the position that I am in, what can I do to improve it” line of thinking. It is a direction I endeavor to steer my clients when they come up with that “why me?” question.

  8. Elsa, that was just an awesome answer. I totally agree, for me it is more practical than anything else. Spiritually, I do happen to think that I chose my lessons I need to learn. But even for people who don’t believe that, there is just a whole lot of practical good in accepting that we can choose how to frame our situation to a certain degree. We are responsible for playing the hand that is dealt as best we can. Maybe it’s just all my cardinal planets, but I really prefer living this way.

  9. There’s so much to say about this subject, but something that a friend of mine wrote gets to the point, I think. Here it is:

    Consider person A, who has had all they want; someone who has been very fortunate and all has gone well. He has had friends and lovers and success, and not a problem has troubled him.

    Now consider person B, who has had many problems, but has caved into them, looking at person A with envy, while raging at life, and never facing or trying to deal with his problems.

    Now consider person C, who has endured much misfortune, who has endured frustrations, losses, difficulties and disappointments, but who has faced them, understood them, worked with them.

    Which one of the above is the happiest, and strongest and why?

    Which one of the above you would choose for a friend, and why?

    Which one of the above would you choose to help you when loneliness, despair, fear and pain assail you, and why?

    With which one would you share your happiness when you have success, and why?

    Which one has had the most fulfilling, the most rich life, and why?

    Now consider what happiness is.

    Now consider the purpose of life.

  10. We make commitments with other Souls before we are born, with the help of higher beings. There are many reasons for why things are – Karma, potential growth, helping out another Soul, etc. My son has Down Syndrome and Autism. I am raising him alone as his father was always “annoyed” with him being handicapped.

    I believe he chose me to be his mother when he chose to be born into his current body with all its limitations, and I agreed to take care of him and protect him. He needed me to have his back, so to speak.

    If it would have been anyone else in my family, they would have aborted him. Losers. I knew immediately “after” I was pregnant, and something was “wrong” and that it was probably Trisomy 21. (Even though you don’t get pregnant instantaneously, I KNEW.)

    Honestly, I consider it an honor that he trusted me with such an important responsibility.

  11. @Isernia, what a great way to look at such a blessing. I honor your experience! And, admire your journey of choice.

  12. My mother was 79 when she had a brutal home invasion robbery occur in 2000. She was an extremely physically and verbally abusive parent, and not much better in all of the years after we,her children, became adults. After the home invasion robbery, my mother went completely insane…thought she was a princess from outer space for a while, thought she had police implants in her, thought she was a drug ma, etc. My sisters had her committed four times, but Mom would be out thirty to ninety days later. We had no durable power of attorney and with the current HIPPA health laws, we were powerless to do anything for her. As long as she didn’t hurt anyone, we could do nothing. After the fourth hospitalization, my sisters said I was on my own, if I wanted to assist Mom. I quit my wonderful job and helped as much as I could for a year and she seemed to be in recovery with the help of anti-psychotic drugs. Went back to work at the same company, but she relapsed and I quit again to assist. I had to deal with Adult Protection Services constantly and the police department constantly (she was always being picked-up by the police, usually at 2 AM on Saturday mornings near an ATM…she couldn’t figure-out how money worked anymore!). I’m leaving out LOTS, but to make a long story shorter, finally got her into a nursing home a year ago. What did this do to me? I became friends with my mom…her rage dissipated and she actually had great insights into life and stories to tell during her lucid moments. My job was high level, great pay, but extremely stressful…I had been caught-up in the corporate world and all of the self-importance that goes with it…always connected 24/7…and I realized that I was greedy and self-absorbed. I’m unemployed still, penniless, and I’ve had some pretty tough times. BUT, this is SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE LIFE I HAD (or didn’t have depending on how you look at it!). I resolved many issues I had with my mother, that I would have taken to my grave otherwise. I’ve gained a life of my own and I have time for simple pleasures that mean so much to me now.

    1. Only recently I’m blessed with watching how karma gets extremely abusive parents in high age. It’s only still a very sad trait of our world that they can be abusive over decades and later don’t know or understand any connection between their own fate and their own deeds.

  13. @Elsa: “individual is both responsible for and empowered by their life.”

    That is wonderfully said, that’s what I’d choose everytime 🙂

  14. Avatar
    Blessed Place

    Mike, that’s a truly inspirational story. And I love your insights.

    I salute all those who don’t run from hard situations of this kind

    I got on best with my adoptive mother the one time she was really sick and I went down to nurse her for a month: I was 40 at the time. Sadly she reverted to her usual behaviour as soon as she was well again.

    As for the karmic stuff: I know I didn’t choose to be born to a mother who gave me away and 48 years later refused to speak to me even to tell me about my father. I know I didn’t choose to be adopted by a narcissist and to be the family scapegoat. I know for all the strength and self-sufficiency I have, that I needed and utterly lacked nurture – and the effects of that are still with me.

  15. I see it as Elsa does.

    So many stories here, really great. They’ve all spoken for my experience being a caregiver. I have too much to say on this so leave it with “it’s a gift”. Sounds trite but I don’t mean it to be.

  16. In my case, it was the right thing to do. They were my parents. I don’t know who I would be if I couldn’t take a stand and do right by them. Allowing them space to make their transitions as comfortably as possible was important to me.

    And it was often difficult. My rationale at the time was that it’s a dirty job but someone has to do it. And the rewards are long lasting. Pushing my physical and mental limitations to the max moved me into a different zone of being. And experiencing their light when that was all that was left was awesome.

  17. Being analytical about it, people tend to justify their way of life regardless of its nature, it’s called confirmation bias. Past lives believers think that we choose the kind of lives, dutiful, harsh or otherwise, in which we are reincarnated. I think the truth is that you can get wisdom from any experience if you have the right frame of mind when you are experiencing it.

  18. @mike – Thank you for sharing your story with us.

    Personally, I believe life is more chaotic than what some are saying here.

    I don’t necessarily think you “choose” the cards you are dealt, but you do have free will as to how to play them.

  19. While I relate on a lesser scale, Mike’s account hits right into my core about the karma I’m working out with my mother. In her declining years and health it is me who is the Chosen one, despite a rocky and often hurtful lifetime relationship. No one else will do it. I know I won’t regret it even if I occasionally feel resentment and don’t see the silver lining of insightful lessons.

    We come in choosing the relationships and need not burden ourselves as to whether or not we chose the exact circumstances and actions. They were also given the choice and opportunity to work it out with us and work on SELF just as everyone else.

  20. I think the past life or karma release does not necessarily mean I chose particular peoples or suffering or happiness, I was attracted to patterns of energy that I need to release. That’s soul talk and only one aspect of my thought.

  21. Avatar

    I cared for my difficult and often abusive mother as best I could at home during the last months of her life when she was dying from ALS. I was never very nurturing and we had a horribly antagonistic relationship. I did it because something told me “If you don’t do this, the rest of your life will have been for nothing.” I don’t regret my choice, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t very angry it came into my life to be made.

      1. Avatar

        I’m okay. As I said, I don’t regret my choice, it was the right thing to do. The only error I made was not finding the strength to stand up to my mother’s tyrannical refusal to accept outside help. She was enraged when I contacted a local hospice and didn’t give a damn that I couldn’t handle caring for her by myself. Nothing I did was ever good enough and in my exhaustion and I said many extremely cruel things to her that I can never take back. I deeply regret that, but lashing out was the only way I had to stay sane in an unbelievably mind-thrashing situation.

        1. So there’s something wrong with only saying cruel things to a real tyrant in order to maintain your own sanity???

  22. This is interesting. I’ve pondered this a lot. I honestly do not know if i chose to be born into my life…I don’t know if i predetermined the kind of experiences I would have as a child which were out of my control. I wonder how that vould be possible if it is true that everyone has free will– there is no way my higher self or my soul could have known what choices my parents would make, since they had free will. They could have given me a totally different childhood experience had they chosen to do so. That is if they had free will.

    As for being a caregiver, yes, there are tons of gifts in it.

  23. I see this in a complex way. I think that there are invisible rules guiding life and so if something negative or unexpected were to happen that wasn’t in anyone’s life path, such as a sudden invasion of one of our countries perhaps, “events would fall” so that some of us were not faced with experiences we had chosen not to have before this life. And by chosen sometimes it’s not even chosen it’s just a side effect of who we are.

    Life lessons do often mean we are placed in the situation where we have to do the thing we want to be more of.

    Interestingly, how many of us would have reached for astrology if we didn’t have difficult experiences getting us to this knowledge?

  24. We choose a certain domain of potential before we are born. A certain arc or theme that we want to learn about or grow into. Freewill is a principle of the universe. It works on heaven and earth. There is no such thing as victimhood. Only the perceived experience of it, which is a common theme but not a reality on a spiritual level.

    1. Avatar

      Unfortunately, if the perceived experience is painful enough, the reality isn’t of much consolation, comfort or relief. At least it’s never been for me.

    2. Well perception is a thing. It is true that children who grow up in the same home percieve their environment differently and can have very different recollections even though they basically experienced the same thing.

      I also believe it’s possible people might choose to percieve themselves to be a victim, although I don’t actually know that as fact or even on a spiritual level. It doesnt feel fair to say that as fact because it doesnt validate another persons reality or experience which is real to them. And if it’s real to them, it’s real. Collectively, all experiences are valid and they’re all true on some level. On a “spiritual level” basically we are all one so none of it matters.

      1. I’m talking about all of life being a perception. I’m not saying from a personal standpoint, someone can’t be victimized. Only that from some higher state of awareness, they chose that experience.

        So Im actually saying that all experiences are valid. But that the perception of them can change. We can label them whatever we want.

  25. Only a few people here admitted that they had experiences, which they would never have chosen. Only this is honest and those grown up with a silver spoon in the mouth simply can’t have any substantial idea on the topic. I would change EVERYTHING about my childhood if I could. But it is impossible. I don’t have this choice and I never had any choice. So don’t tell me that I would have only to choose! When I know that I would have chosen everything different. I have no choice! Those of you, who were born with a silver spoon in the mouth, did you even ever wish that you had a different choice?
    Karma is real. This do I have to admit. Also because I had meanwhile opportunity to watch it working. It’s absolutely incorrupt and follows only its own rules. So I admit the possibility that my current life is result of my previous lives. But there I also didn’t have any choice. Instead I also had a natal chart, which unfeld in progressions and transits. Now I again have a natal chart, which is unfolding in progressions and transits. Nothing else happens in life.

    1. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth. And I’m not lying about that. It’s not that you would have only to choose. It’s that you already chosen (on some level).

      The choice you have now (and the power that comes with it) is changing or not changing your perspective.

      You are a spiritual being having a human experience, not a human being having a spiritual experience.

          1. But a choice that does at best change the degree of a certain type of pain. Not even the degree of physical pain and also nothing else.

    2. anonymoushermit

      Nothing wrong with not believing in, or believing in, karma.

      But if you do, isn’t it better to believe that you could/can create good karma for a more cushion-like life next lifetime, or the one after that?

      Don’t forget karma is ruled by Saturn, Saturn is SSLLLOOOOOWWWWW! So it stands to reason that karma is slow, in and of itself?

      Let’s say that karma does exist. I’d say that’s can be a hopeful idea, don’t you think? It may take me three lifetimes to shed all of my bad luck, but at least I have some type of control. It’s better than no control, yes?

      1. Actually I believe that it is even more complicated. If everybody would live like Jesus taught and so not cause pain to anybody else, then there would hardly be any pain in the world and if there could be found some, then it could also find relief very quickly. There’d hardly be a way to pay off karmic debt if there would be found such. So paying off karmic debt needs interaction with other people. To make this work, there must be a fine web connecting everybody with helpful, needy, and also evil people. You can only be stabbed (only for example) if there’s also somebody there, who is willing and able to stab you. That’s why it’s slow. Also the asteroid Karma (#3811) moves faster than Saturn. The existence of this asteroid already proves the existence of karma as an astrological principle.

    3. Avatar

      Even if it’s true our souls chose a given path in this lifetime to pay off karmic debt, it doesn’t mean we in mortal form don’t have a right to acknowledge our rage at the amount of pain and struggle it takes to pay that debt off.

      1. anonymoushermit


        Yes! Nothing wrong with feeling anger. If someone has to punch their own wall in the house, I wouldn’t blame them.

  26. @Falkor – I agree with your comments. I know I am lucky to be alive on this Earth to begin with. I discovered that my mother twice tried to terminate her pregnancy with me (the big family secret I learnt at age 50). Gotta say, it was no surprise to me though. She made it plainly clear most days that she never wanted me around with her repetitive mantra, “if it wasn’t for you, I would never have . . . . “. Nothing I ever did was good enough (an ‘A’ student, good at sports, polite, respectful, quiet, did not do drugs or run amok) but my younger brother was an entirely different story & still is to this day. I would never choose the path I was forced to endure but S H one T happens! All it has taught me is to trust in thyself.
    As to karma? Yep, I really wish that upon those who deserve it but alas, it will not occur in this lifetime because of those bloody silver spoons 0:)

    1. Some dictators made whole populations starve and where never stopped, so karma is indeed not a matter of one lifetime. The whole universe wouldn’t make much sense if we were limited to one lifetime. There are, however, historical periods, where evil people may pay back. Like the French revolution. You’ll see something similar if you stay alive until the early 2020s.

        1. Conjunction cycles. You already found Elsa’s article about the conjunction of Saturn and Pluto in 2020. But read also
          in order to gain more understanding of conjunction cycles. Also some people, who watch the financial markets without astrology, agree that historical cycles repeat and we could be in the repeat of around 1930 or the beginning of the French revolution and the US independance war or the end of the Roman empire or even all of these.
          I also came across a web site, which explained recently restarted conjunction cycles of some plutoids, but I can’t find it anymore.

  27. I thought so much about this subject, and myself suffered so much in life, and my conclusion is this: All people who suffer, suffer in vain. Because some strange belief system made them believe suffering brings wisdom. Like you’re carrying very heavy boxes, and you need to reach the tenth floor, and people advocate using the stairs because somehow they think it’s wiser, whereas they can take the elevator. The simple truth is carrying those boxes using the stairs will only make you suffer, and add you nothing.
    (I also think things Saturn say always limit the potential of outer planets. Because people take him waay too much seriously.)

    1. @ktt – seriously we need a ‘Like’ button on this page. I concur with your sentiments & ‘Like’ them. Plus, I learnt early on to discard those heavy boxes! I mean, why carry them around when they ain’t doing you any good? Well put.

    2. So the people starving in North Korea could instead do what?
      The people, who died from Cholera in Zimbabwe, could instead have done what?
      Who got shot by a islamistic sniper in Syria should instead have done what?

  28. I have a Down’s Syndrome son who is recovering from leukhemia. Also I am a foreigner living abroad, the only one of my nationality in this place where I live. Some people think I have had such ‘bad luck’ but they don’t see the amazing joy of my life. It’s not easy but I love my life, it often goes against the grain, it challenges others’ concepts of the human condition. We’re not always welcome because we make others feel uncomfortable because they have to face their own prejudices and intolerance. We are often rebuked, but we have such a wonderful private life, joy and love that is more beautiful than the world of ‘normality’ could ever provide. I feel truly blessed. I have met such wonderful people in the trials of our conditions, and my son is a shining light in the difficulties of having to experience face-on the human shadow and it’s egoistic projections. But being blessed in this way, and with my son’s purity of heart I am learning tolerance of society’s shortsightedness in pursuing its selfish goals. We try to bring light to the impoverished in spirit, who fail to accept differences and what is perceived as unsuitable or weak and marginalised . I realise we are the lucky ones, touching hearts with acceptance of all frailities. Ours are so obvious why would I or even could I judge others? One’s weakness is health another’s is pride. Surely we are all here to bring and share love, Down’s syndrome children and those who are ill enable us to find true, caring love in our hearts and give this to others. They are teaching the world about what really matters and I’m so very happy that somewhere along the line I chose this road that I am on.

    1. @Jimmer – I used to wonder why I was chosen to have a child with a disability too. It used to eat at me, wonder if I did something differently what would be the outcome but now, those thoughts are long gone. I recognised them eventually as grief; grieving for what might have been. No more. I love what I have.

      Now, I would not change her or what we have grown through. She is now 28yrs & a fully functioning productive member of society working in a kindergarten when the littlies love her too.

      I love your post & what you describe. You sound like somebody who has truly grown to know thyself. As we say here in Australia, “on ya”!

  29. Bad things happens to good people. That is a fact. If you look at all the religions god needs to go through sacrifice..In these times there is a lot of confusion and also a lot of energies – entities around that influence people. Messy.
    In one way I am not sure that this world is real..-) I can understand that people want to know that their suffering was not in vain! That they have a higher purpose..
    The thing with karma is that you seem to pay for what your ancestors did too – many lives back.. A big problem is selfimportance – ego. If you can do something for others not for egoistic reasons – you help all of us here.

    1. I think that all the suffering in my life keeps me from doing what are the tasks of my vocation. The natal chart contains not only indicators for karma, but also for vocation. And for more fields. One shouldn’t hinder the other. But for me it feels like every field hinders every other field. Possibly my perception is wrong, but I’m not doing what I think to be the important tasks of my life. The selfish deeds of other people keep me stuck, although I would really prefer to follow my vocation. So how does it help more people, when selfish people hold me back?

  30. Just this week, here in Australia, there was a forum on
    sibling carers.
    “When your sibling has a severe disability, do you feel obliged to help with their caring needs and how does that affect your relationship”

    Google SBS News – Sibling Careers. Might be able to view it online as
    a podcast or something.

  31. Avatar

    I wish people in general would acknowledge more frequently that what they cognitively understand is a blessing can still FEEL like a curse. But I think that’s changing. Look at all the mommy bloggers who write anguished posts about how much they love their children but hate taking care of them. Some people are natural nurturers, those who aren’t but still want to do the right thing struggle in ways I think the innate givers can’t imagine.

  32. the love has to go somewhere, and sometimes that love that is welled up inside you wants to serve, or give, and it’s either in your family, or for a greater cause. Or maybe it’s not, and your love inside you wants to create, bringing beauty to the world. This is what i’ve seen and learned over the years of what love means to us, in different ways of expression.

      1. @scottish, i think you do, you’re here offering your life’s experience bit by bit, that’s a form of love, giving, even if you’re expressing frustration; it wants to come out, your perspective may give others understanding and affinity.

        1. Avatar

          I hope any frustration I’ve expressed does have some value for someone else, elisa. It would be nice to know all that rage has been good for something other than breaking things lol.

  33. I lost a great Father to death at age 2, and gained an abusive stepfather who made my life and our family miserable until he left when I was 18. When I was 16 I remember praying he would be run over by a train and we wouldn’t have to deal with him, even though I knew you should not wish someone dead. He made me that miserable, and he was physically abusive. Granted, I became independent and strong as I am today as a result. But, did I pick this?
    I have turned that question over in my mind many times. It made me who I am today, but who would I have been if he had lived? I sometimes look at his chart and ponder that question.
    I don’t really have the absolute answers, but I don’t relate to the concept, I picked that path for myself. But, I could be wrong.
    If I were given the option of going back and changing it, I would be minus my step brother and sister. I have often thought about that. If I had the ability, could I deny them their existence? Of course not. As a result of the situation, my full blood sister became a drug addict. She never managed to get beyond it, like the rest of us did.
    Maybe its wasn’t even about me, perhaps I was a link in some sort of chain. I just don’t know the answer to that question.

    1. To be a link in some sort of chain is an idea worth to ponder. The only reason why I wouldn’t deny existence to my parents is that I don’t have other ones. But if you had another option and then I really can’t relate with refusing to save your sister from her drug addiction. Although I don’t have a sister, so I don’t know whether I would love a sister, perhaps you don’t love her. I also wonder a little why you’re pondering your father’s chart instead of your own. Doesn’t your own chart describe, who you became? There begins the real question for me: If I had different parents and a better childhood, but my same own natal chart, so it would describe the same person? Somehow I would still have had to become, who I am, or not? Progressions and transits would be the same, so I certainly would, but how?

  34. ‘I really can’t relate with refusing to save your sister from her drug addiction” Do you really believe we could save her? You are wrong, and that’s a pretty judgmental statement. Every family I have ever known with a drug addict has gone to their wits end to save-change the situation. We have all tried, as has her husband. A person addicted to drugs must want to save herself. My former hairdresser was addicted to heroin before I met her. I asked her why and how did she get off of it. Her answer was this. “One day I drove to the top of a mountain when I was high. I looked down and saw police cars coming up the mountain. I knew that soon they would be coming for me, if I didn’t change things. I got off heroin because I wanted my life back more than I wanted heroin.” That has always stuck in my mind.

    1. Yes, all true, but this wasn’t the topic! The topic was if you would have changed something IF YOU COULD. The topic was absolutely not changing things, which you’re not able to change. There were complaints, including from me, about the many things, which we CAN’T change, but only about these and only because of the frustration, which these cause.

  35. Dear Elsa,
    “where the individual is both responsible for and empowered by their life.” I’m not being a wisenheimer.
    But how does that fit in with the Jews and the Holocaust?
    Are they responsible for it? How did it empower them?
    Thank you, Char

    1. As I said, “I don’t think there is a single “right” answer.”

      I watched film of the tsunami in Japan some years ago. If you were in it’s path, that’s that.

      As for how a Jew, who lived or died during the Holocaust, I think it’s an individual matter. Frankl wrote, “Man’s Search For Meaning”. There was the group of Polish Jews who are depicted in the movie, “Defiance”.

      Have you seen, Forgiving Dr. Mengele?

      I am not suggesting you should! I am just pointing out that people react to events in individual ways.

      I also wrote this ten years ago. I might write it better if I wrote it today, but I still know what I meant. 🙂

  36. Dear Elsa,
    Thank you for responding. But you did not answer my question, and that’s ok. I read a lot of astrologers web sites. They all say things like, “we are responsible for our own lives, you get what you give, we magnetize “things” to us, Saturn is teaching us lessons” and so forth. I always wanted to ask how does that tie in with the Holocaust? You are the first one I asked. It’s probably my Pisces Moon, but the Holocaust has haunted me all my life. I’m not Jewish. I don’t expect you to reply. Thanks for trying though. Char

    1. In Germany you could be arrested for only asking such a question. A reincarnation therapist, named Trutz Hardo, was arrested and sentenced to many years in prison because he dared to connect the holocaust with karma somehow. So you get an idea why nobody dares to answer your question.

      1. I think there are collective forces that have a life of their own. Impossible scenarios happen that are out of a single human’s hands. The question I face now with the growing threat of a police state in America is ‘would I myself do the heinous actions out of fear?’ No, I do not. It becomes situational for me. Continue to do the right thing in the moment. Consequences or not, I am the guardian of my soul.

  37. Avatar
    Warped by Wuthering Heights

    If we’re here in each incarnation due to soul choice or God’s choice, it would hark back to the idea of original sin, the transgression of defiance and working through the consequences ever since. Don’t understand why God didn’t just scrap the whole project when the lively experiment with humans and free will went so disappointingly. Of course, that would’ve been conceding a win to the devil, not an option. The devil, the fallen angel, the thorn in God’s side. If all entities, even the devil, originated from the source, God, then was the devil a flaw in God, like that little thorn in each of us that can erupt and take over and poison the rest if not obliterated?
    Are we all pieces on the chessboard in the eternal contest between good and evil? Why doesn’t God just crush that upstart devil and obliterate all evil and suffering? Are we perhaps watching all around us now the final moves in that mother of all games?

  38. I see that the discussion here has taken on a life of its own but I wanted to get back for a while to the original issue to add something that I find worth mentioning.

    There is a momentous difference between caring for a sibling and caring for an elderly relative in that, usually, the latter comes at a point where one already has developed an autonomous life and is called to make a decision to change it to care for the one in need. The case of caring for a sibling though is such that may be thrust upon one before they have the chance to explore this kind of autonomous life (and when the responsibility falls onto a younger sibling, it often feels as if you were born into this role, or as if you were cast in it without the right of choice).
    In hoping I don’t sound cruel I”m going to add another dimension here, which is that of the future horizon of caregiving, ie whether it is part of easing a loved one’s last part of life, or of becoming enmeshed like that into a young person’s life.

    All of that is, obviously, not meant to pass any judgement on either case and/or choice, but merely to shed some light on how different circumstances can radically alter the issues at stake in becoming someone’s caregiver.

    best to all

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Scroll to Top