Should You Marry A Commitment-Phobic?

Dear Elsa,

Recalling your comments about your seventh house Uranus and how quickly people decided they wanted to marry you, what would you suggest to someone who was thinking of marrying a seventh house Uranus person?

Not that I’m wanting to right now, but the idea is eerily appealing considering I’m the kind of girl who never expected to want to marry anyone <em>ever</em>. But for some reason, this person doesn’t provoke the “eek! marriage!” effect.

United States

Dear Aries,

First I would say if you are attracting someone with Uranus in the 7th house, you are probably somewhat commitment-phobic yourself and sure enough, I see a tight aspect between Venus (7th house) and Uranus. Never mind you are an independent Aries with a detached Aquarius Moon!  But to answer your question, I think it is fine to marry someone with Uranus in the 7th house and you may even be able to stay that way if you give them lots of space.

You will have to deal with their impulses, which becomes possible when you can deal with your own impulses. And these relationships to tend to work best when there is regular separation.

The example that comes to mind is astrologer Stephen Arroyo’s remarks in one of his books.  For a time, he worked near an Army post and had a lot of Army wives as clients. He states he could not help but notice 70% of the women had Uranus in the 7th, so you see how this worked for them: their husbands were not around interfering with their freedoms.

Closer to home, when the soldier and I were together as kids, he went to work for 24 hours and then was home for 48 or some such schedule. This meant I could look forward to his leaving LOL and of course more recently, he has been driving a truck!

What we will do now remains to be seen but we will have to do something because like you, he has Venus in aspect to Uranus himself and the energy is going to play one way or the other.

Bottom line, I would say marriage to a Venus Uranus person should be avoided unless you are highly independent yourself.  But this is no negative reflection on the person with this exchange. You should also not marry someone really horny unless you like to screw, right?

If you like eccentrics who are unpredictable in love, if you do not wish to be bored and you can provide your own sense of security, then Venus Uranus is probably your ticket.

Good luck.

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14 thoughts on “Should You Marry A Commitment-Phobic?”

  1. I have uranus in 7H and my SO travels quite a bit for work so I find that my alone time is still available to me. I honestly don’t mind seeing him everyday, but I do not like to feel obligated to share every last bit of me. I really can’t stand talking about inconsequential things or be asked by my SO who just called me. In my chart I feel that my 7H uranus expresses as a need for autonomy and an hour of alone time daily. It’s not in aspect to venus, but it does aspect most every personal planet otherwise 🙂

    Oh and we are getting married…but I am not in my twenties either…

  2. Hm. I have no Venus/Uranus and Uranus rising, but to some degree I always date someone who can’t be around 24-7. (Usually they live somewhere else or have to be out of town a lot.) Maybe it’s an Aries SN thing? I don’t know, but I like it when there’s an excuse for the guy not to be around so I can do my own thing on occasion.

  3. Yeah, I guess I could have snapped to that Venus/Uranus bit. I have difficulty grasping inconjuncts most days. Guess that’s part of how they work.

    Looks like it’s flowing the way this stuff wants to, then. Thanks for the perspective! It’s been really weird but if anything would work, this kind of disjointedness just might. I was worried I’d been bit by a sudden piece of the crazy 😉

  4. I maybe input my birth data wrong… I always get Venus in the 8th. It’s only seven degrees from the cusp so I guess it could depend on what house system you use? Not that that really affects the main point of this… I think?

  5. I will proclaim it loud and far: I NEED MY SPACE!

    When I was younger, I wanted to be in a close, long-term relationship, and that wasn’t happening. My relationships were either short, on-and-off, or just not happening.

    When I finally found someone who wanted to be with me all the time, I thought, “I can’t do this.” I felt smothered.

    My husbands Uranus is exactly conjunct my Venus, and I have a Venus/Uranus conjunction. We both go off and do our own thing. I finally figured out and got what I wanted–a relationship and lots of space at the same time. 😉

  6. Uranus/Scorpio right on the descendant so I deal with this independence factor too. My husband has Uranus in the first house conjunct Pluto (totally intense) and he also has that great need for independence. We go from time together to time apart all the time, mostly with the mundane daily stuff of juggling work, kids, and each of our widely varied passions.

    Totally Uranian and unpredictable.

  7. Well I’ll be…I’m married to someone with Uranus in the 7th (been together for 14 years, married for 8) and I never knew it. We were long distance for 5 years. Makes sense I guess. All I have in the 7th is mercury and Jupiter.

  8. I have Mercury conjunct Uranus in 1st. (Mercury is my chart ruler, Uranus rules my 5th and the conjunction is right on top of my Sun/Moon midpoint.) I’m 44 and still not married. All my relationships require space whether they were musicians and away, surfers and chasing waves, or…?? I’ve lived alone the last 15 years or so and do love it – my animals are the only ones around me 24/7 but I do want a long term love! Uranus is ruler of my 5th and transiting the end of my 7th house. All Uranian, all the time as far as others for the longest time now. Whew. It has definitely re-shaped my vision of what I want in a relationship. The last guy I fell for (who I still have an on/off thing with) has the same configuration as me! Merc/Uranus/Pluto conjunct Sun/Moon MP. He has a hard time settling down. Don’t know if we’ll ever make it work but he certainly keeps me on my toes and it’s sparky & joyful when we’re together. I adore him & how we relate! ;}

    1. Just checking here & first love was Aqua rising with Venus square Uranus. 2nd love had Moon opp Mars sq. Uranus (T-square) and he was never in the same place more than 72 hours – lol! My Merc/Uranus conj his Libra ASC. My next significant love was also Aqua rising w/ his Uranus conj MY ASC and Uranus in his 7th. Next partner was an Aquarius Sun/ Leo Rising with his Uranus (DESC ruler) conj my Moon nearly exact. Next interest had his Uranus conj my Moon/Venus in Scorp & opp my Mars. He was a Cancer with Uranus in 4th and lots of soft Uranus aspects w/ Mars & Venus to his own Uranus (natally.) And now…my buddy w/ some many of the same chart signatures as me it’s eerie. Guess it’s a theme. ;}

  9. I have Uranus tied up with ALL my personal planets, Venus included and I *always* pair up with Uranian types: Uranus in the 7th, Venus/Uranus aspect, or Aquarius in the inner planets. It’s amazing how that works, without even knowing, like attracts like. There are ways to work around it, like the need for space, it doesn’t mean people with this energy cannot maintain committed relationships.

    1. I would add, I think its because I also have a strong Libra energy in my chart, that I still want relationship, no matter what, I dont like to be alone. So it definitely helps if you have Libra or 7th house elements in your chart, you will likely still want partnership and be willing to find a compromise to achieve that, it will help counter the Uranus a little!

  10. I have heavy Pluto signatures mixed in with all that Uranian stuff …ha ha. A need for depth and intensity and then…space. There is a bit of the “come here, go away” thing goin’ on! (that could also be my moon opp mars.) Ugh. lol. Amazing that resonance is also always there in the partner – they just zing right in! Like certainly does attract like. :} When I was younger, I really vibed more of the Plutonian flavor but it was intense and draining. Certainly did so much transforming. As I get older, I think the Uranian part (which I was never really aware of within myself) has become more prounounced & appealing. Out of curiosity, do any of you have Uranus prominent in the composite? – i.e. part of the love stellium? I think that is the problem w/ several of mine. It’s not the natal or synastry but Uranus on the composite level that’s disrupting the relationship. Hmmm…

    1. Maybe also because through most of my adult life, Uranus has been transiting my 5th, 6th, 7th houses, just about moving into my 8th now?? That could also be a reason it’s been such a characteristic in my relationships for seemingly forever. (I met my first love at 19 and well…it was…”steadier.”)

  11. My husband has sun and Venus is Aquarius in the 7th house. I have Venus in the 11th. We’ve had LOTS of space in our marriage due to the nature of his work. Some of my friends’ husbands go on a one-week work trip like once a year and their whole life is crumbling (hehe). Meanwhile, I’m looking at my watch like “when’s mine gonna leave again?”

    The both of us are independent spirits, but we do come together and make a pretty good team and decent set of parents :).

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