Mourning The Death Of My Mother and Aunt

aries ramHi Elsa,

My mother and my aunt passed away last year, and I am having difficulty accepting this as well as dealing with life in general. I get rather down, depressed, and feel hopeless.

I want some kind of connection with them and to know how they are doing (I guess that seems rather odd). Also, I was not there when either one passed and I feel so terrible about that. I guess I need to know that they know this.

I am not expecting miracles, but what is the best way to approach this and get myself better in the process?

United States

Dear Mourning,

What an excellent question. I am very sorry for your loss and first need to tell you I have no ability connect with someone who has passed and transfer information. So I can’t tell you what your mother or your aunt may or may not know but I still think I may be able to help.

Having encountered more than my share of death in this life, I’ve been forced to develop some kind of philosophy about this because my natural reaction to loss was very similar to what you are experiencing. I just could not parse the deaths in my life and resolve them in a way that could bring me lasting peace. And part of the reason was that like in your case, the deaths came one after another, my feelings cascaded and I could not keep up.

But eventually I did find a way of seeing things that brought me a calm understanding around death that has held for about 15 years – so I’ll share it with you in the hope it helps.

You say you want some kind of connection with these women and with Venus (love/female) in the 8th (death/inheritance), the fact is that their energy flows very naturally to you. People with planets in the 8th house inherit the energy of the dead and carry their legacy whether they are aware of not. And since this is exactly what you’re seeking, this seems a fairly easy thing to resolve. Their energy is with you and I only need make you aware of this.

See when someone dies, that’s their body. There goes their body; they can no longer use it, but what about their energy? Their energy is still with us. And if you wonder if this is true, just think of a writer. The writer is dead, but their book is with us and anytime someone reads that book, they access the dead person’s energy. Their energy is right there, in their hands. So how can you say this person is gone? Their body is gone, their energy is here.

But what if the person did not write a book? No problem. They did something.

In this case, your mother had a baby: you. You are her energy. She made you just like that writer made that book. So how can she be gone when you’re still here? You are wearing her face, don’t you know this? Go look in the mirror and see your mother.

Further, I happen to know that you write. And don’t your mother’s words come through you at times? Don’t you use her phrasing or rephrase her ideas at times? If so, how can you say she’s not here? She is coming through you all the time. You express her energy… constantly. People who knew your mother look at you and see your mother so how can you say she is gone?

My grandfather (Henry) haunts this blog. When he died, I nearly died. But Henry has gone nowhere. Oh, his body is gone but he lives through me. I would not be me had he not been my grandfather, and I am here impacting people everyday – empowered by Henry who is dead. I am Henry’s legacy. And when I die, Henry will still live through my children and through the people who have read here and been moved by what I have to say which originated in Henry… and the person before Henry and the person before him (or her).

So this is my advice:come to see the truth. You are your mother and your aunt. You are an amalgamation of them and others and none of these people can ever leave you or you them, and mad?? You think they may be mad because you were not there when they died?

How do you know you weren’t there when they died? You may very well have been the last thing that crossed their minds. You’re the man with Venus in the 8th. You may have kissed them both sweetly right before they died. The physical body is joke. We are dealing with souls here.

I say, go live. You are what your mother has left behind to carry her energy and her message forward. You can honor the dead by living the best life you can on the on the energy they’ve bequeathed you. How can you love your lost ones and do anything less?

Much love and good luck.

12 thoughts on “Mourning The Death Of My Mother and Aunt”

  1. That was most excellent, Elsa!! Simply beautiful (and exactly how I believe things, too!) 😀

    I wish you luck, Mourning, and much love.

  2. That was touching- it moved me to tears because you “nailed it” Elsa. My father died when I was a teenager, and I do feel his energy living through me and my 7 year old daughter too. It’s really an amazing life.

  3. Dear Elsa,

    We found out today that a teacher in our school passed away yesterday from cancer. He was 48. He was an amazing man, so lovely and gentle and kind, but most of all, he knew every one of his kids inside out: knew what made them tick and what didn’t, and how to talk to them to get the best out of them. They loved him and respected him and in a school like mine, that doesn’t happen very often. He was the kind of colleague who when you talked to him, made you want to be a better teacher.

    Your answer has made me bawl and I’d really like to share it with his family. Would you mind, Elsa?

    Thank you for writing this.

    Dear Mourning,

    I’m sorry to ride on the back of the energy of your question. I hope that you find peace and happiness.

  4. That was extremely well said and I hope it will give some peace to the questioner. It was very helpful to me.

  5. Mourning, I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting like you are. I have lost quite a few people over the years, and have also struggled with the guilt of not having been there at the end, or not having said “enough.” I have come to the conclusion that those we love are still aware of us that are left behind, and that they don’t want us to feel guilty. I am not sure if I ever really managed to communicate with any of them, but I did find that many of the dreams I had at this time gave me the feeling of having done so. Maybe you could ask, before you go to sleep, for some sign from your mother and aunt?

  6. Thanks, Elsa. I am crying as I read this on a very sad Mother’s Day, but I know the truth in your words. Now I have to live them.

    Still Mourning

  7. Dear Mourning,
    This is my first Mother’s Day without my mother. My sense was she felt a great leap of joy to be freed from her body. Yes, I miss her, acutely at times, and I know there will be more ups & downs ahead.

    If you’re interested, here’s a link to the memoriam I wrote for my mom on my blog:

    Memorium for Neith’s Mother

    I can still feel my mom telling me to remember to take care of myself . . . 🙂 And I will do my best to do so in her memory.


  8. I’m so glad I read this. It helps me on another level too. When my mom died this past winter, there was horrible drama and greed erupting around her. And so much ugly behavior and aggravation even at the end and especially afterwards. As in another post on this blog about the death of families, I feel not only have relationships been permanently severed but I have lost part of my soul relating to childhood and early ties, which feel like they’ve been blacked out.

    Just today I was thinking of something so generous my mom did to beautify a senior center and uplift the energy for residents and visitors. Just because she was inspired to do it. None of these wonderful things my mom did were celebrated and honored at the end of her life, it was all greed and antagonism. My family has a shadow of degrading and dishonoring the feminine but I am still shocked at the extreme behavior, I never would have thought it would be that bad.

    But reading your words Elsa brings light and healing to something that’s been weighing me down. Her energy still expresses through me, I can be inspired and honor her and keep her uniqueness alive in a way.

    Thank you.

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