Would You Take Your Lover Or Spouse Back After An Affair?

revolvingdoor1.jpgIf my lover or husband cheated on me I would end the relationship instantly, without ceremony. I have felt this way all my life and it has been completely understood by every man I have ever known.

Every man I have ever known has felt the same way I do. But I know that many of you have a revolving door policy.
Though I understand and support a woman (or man) who want to stay in their relationship after an affair and I may even admire them, I would never do it myself. I have told every man I’ve ever known something along these lines:

“If you think you’re going to have an affair and then we’re going to have some tearful reunion… you’re going to screw me while I cry tears over your betrayal and we slowly heal, you’re out of your mind. I realize it’s a movie but it’s not a movie I’m going to be in…”

Venus in Leo of course.

Do you have a policy on this or would you take it on a case by case basis? Has your policy changed over the years?

63 thoughts on “Would You Take Your Lover Or Spouse Back After An Affair?”

  1. I have Venus in Gemini, and I doubt that I would. Another situation hurt me enough, broke my heart.

    I hate that Venus in Gem gets hit with the ‘cheater’ thing, every time… but I’m used to reading that now. 🙂 I have no interest in cheating, and can’t imagine doing so.

  2. Depends on the relationship, and what the parameters are for that particular partnership.

    Most of mine have been open and I’ve sometimes carried on two or three important relationships in parallel, as have my ‘significant others’. I don’t much believe in ‘owning’ other people, and think we should all be free to grow – and to find our joys and solace where we need them – without throwing our toys out of the pram.

    People live long lives now, and that means long active sexual lives. I know far too many people who have been celibate for 20 years or more, because of this obsession with exclusive one-on-one partnering – it’s sad. There is enough love to go around, in my ideal world!

    On the other hand, some people just can’t deal with that kind of emotional uncertainty. I knew when I married that my husband couldn’t (even though he was Aquarius and most Aquas I’d known had been very free in their sexual lives). We were both totally faithful so long as the marriage lasted (ie and we’d stopped sleeping together before he took a girl into his bed, and had agreed to split by then – not that it stopped him lying about it!). I’m sure we would have both stayed faithful if other things hadn’t gone wrong.

    I’m naturally jealous and even possessive but I’ve trained myself not to be, because the kind of man I fall in love with isn’t into exclusive scenarios. There are limits though, beyond which I won’t be pushed – number one being, I won’t have our time interfered with, or be made a fool of. Beyond that, I don’t want to know.

    And as Loonsounds asks:
    “If there has been true love, it never feels ended, and lot of other complications. Anyone else feel this with Neptune in Libra?”

    – Yes! A part of me still loves every man I’ve been in love with, and always will. I’ll never deny that part of me, and it’s non-negotiable. No one man owns me, why should I try to own anyone else? ‘Cheating’ isn’t a term which belongs in my vocabulary, nor my life, it never has.

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    No one man owns me, why should I try to own anyone else? ‘Cheating’ isn’t a term which belongs in my vocabulary, nor my life, it never has.

    I think you’re confusing ownership with mutual contractual obligations. Now I have nothing against polyamory, but monogamy isn’t necessarily about ownership. Granted, one can argue that the history of marriage was about men owning women, but that still shouldn’t be confused with monogamous relationships in general. If you’re not in to monogamy, that’s fine, I just don’t care for my or other people’s personal preferences for certain types of relationships that involve mutual consent between adults being judged in that way.

  4. I voted probably not and I prefer to be monogomous, as it is suited to my nature. I did have this situation and I did try to work through it, but didnt get passed it. I think in my case it was more that i probably would have eventually, but my ex wasnt willing to be patient and do the time for the crime? not that i was punishing him deliberately, it just was such a deep wound for mw and what it came down to was that he needed to earn back my trust, wasnt willing to, still wanted freedom to go out with his mates and not need to tell me anything about it,(sagg) so without trust it remained. I do see how it would work if it really was a genuinely thoughtless mistake that both parties were willing to work on for as long as it takes.

  5. mars in leo, venus in virgo, moon in scorpio. It’s not just an instant end to the relationship, I feel nothing after that. I don’t feel betrayed ( unless there is also a big lie or f*ckaround going on at my expense) — the fact of another woman’s energy in his switches me off like a light. Lightspeed, that’s it, never again.

    I guess it’s because I think if a guy is in someone else’s bed then our relationship was over ages ago and I am just catching up to that fact. I’m a capricorn rising, I do not waste time and energy on people who are spending theirs somewhere else.

  6. If it was a one off, heat of the moment sex thing then yes, I probably would. If it was an on going affair? NO way- & I’d kill the guy.
    Venus in Cap- go figure! Would never cheat myself though. Very strange double standard.

  7. I’ve pondered this, having taken people back… but what happened when I did is that I found I had emotionally disconnected and while I still liked them as people, cared about them, etc. I tend to lose attraction for them.. when people do these things it makes you feel like, why bother?… unfortunately it kills the romance, and romance is the glue that keeps it all together.

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    I voted NO!! venus in 1st along with neptune and sag moon also scorpio rising ..take your sorry ( i’m sooo sorry it’ll never happen again )ass the f on. I cant trust you respect you or value what comes from your piehole ever again . why put myself thru even more angst ???/

  9. With trust betrayed, the relationship isn’t worth keeping. I might string the cheater along until something better came along but it would be over. Really though, it would be better to be alone than with someone who steps on my dignity.

  10. It’s a v personal thing , and would depend on circumstances , the expectations and understanding of boundaries or lack of them and importantly if both are in it for the long haul, or not . I think compatibility in other areas would have a huge impact on this issue. I think all this should be clear from the start so there are no illusions to be shattered.

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