Should A Man Tell A Woman How Much He Loves Her?

dear-johnMy husband is an old man who has spent his life in male-dominated professions. He spent a good deal of his life fighting wars. Consequently, he’s seen more than his share of brokenhearted men holding “Dear John” letters.

It is his strong feeling that a man should never tell a woman how much he loves her and how much she means to him, because as soon as he does, this is when she leaves him.

If you think about this on the surface, it may sound ridiculous to you. But if you really look around at what you’ve witnessed in your lifetime, and at the situations you have been involved with yourself, I think you’ll see what a common storyline this is.

Do women want to break the hearts of men? How would you explain this phenomena?  Can you add the astrology?

43 thoughts on “Should A Man Tell A Woman How Much He Loves Her?”

  1. I don’t think that you can make a blanket rule here. There are, for sure, some women who would trample the hearts of men. There are some men who would do the same. I think if I was to make a rule of thumb here, I would say that a man would be wise to be cautious about how quickly he tells a woman of her love, because men tend to like action and when he realizes he is in love, he might move forwad so quickly that he could scare a woman. But never professing love? That’s also a sure way to lose someone. I’ve had men confess their love for me many years after I’d moved on to be with someone else, figuring the man “just didn’t care.”

    Having said that, however, in the case where a man knows he is going to be away for a long period of time, such as in the military, I would advise against professing love for the first time just before he leaves. It takes strong hearts, strong souls, and strong commitments on both parts to sustain that kind of relationship, and I think it’s tough to maintain a “budding” love when you are separating the lovers immediately afterward.

  2. Maybe I don’t run in the right circles, but I have never seen this. I have seen the it happen with women, where the man is scared off by a woman’s strong feeling. If it can happen one way, I’m sure it can happen the other way too. What I see is men mostly don’t say much, and then lose out like Fritzy said. Could it be generational?

  3. Or is it that woman doubted the man’s sincerity because they were far apart, and were likely to be apart for a long time. I have done that myself. If I feel like someone is needy or pining for me, but I don’t even see them, I can get skeptical. Taurus + Venus/Saturn: believe it when I see it.

    1. No, I don’t think it;s generational. Many women want what they can’t have, same as many men.

      To take this further, have you got seen a man have sex with a woman and then withdraw?
      Most times, she will come after him, even though he’s sent her a clear message he’s not interested.

      In fact, some men do exactly this, consciously, just to keep the woman in a certain state.

  4. The thrill of the chase?

    I would advise any man not to love me, because I will continue to change and he will end of hating me because I am not the same as when we met.

    A friend of mine believes that men don’t change. They are what they are so that woman should be able to trade them in every ten years. Whereas, woman goes through heavy physical changes like the menses and motherhood and menopause so change and adaptability are more natural.

    My parents were together over 65 years. The week of my father’s death I was sitting at the table with my mother and him. He looked across the table at her with her head in her plate shovelling food, and said “a person sure goes through alot of changes in her lifetime.” I asked him what he meant and he replied, “I don’t know that you would understand.”

  5. Well that’s all stuff that can happen. But after the man/woman thing people are people, human beings. I am not sure I could go through a whole relationship with a guy without ever hearing that he loved me. I don’t think I would stick around because I would believe he didn’t.

  6. I believe that men do not want to be dependent on anything OR anyone.I believe it is what men are brought up to believe and when they verbalize feelings, they see it as weak and are then open to hurt.

    Currently dating a man who lost his wife ten years ago and said to me he was scared to care because he will lose me too, eventually………

  7. Hmm. I’ve seen this phenomenon, but I always interpreted it differently. What I saw many times is that the man would refrain from telling a woman how important she is to him. Over time, this mixed with some other type of relationship problem leaves the woman wanting to bail. When the man senses this, he does finally reveal his true feelings, and by that time it’s either too little too late or feels like a manipulation attempt. Not that this changes the experience for the man.

  8. I think its true, Elsa. That’s how Scorpio types keep women pining after them for years… They never tell exactly how much they feel.

  9. People do seem to want what they can’t have and once they have something, they tend to value it less so I can see Elsa’s point. I know from experience that being available to someone is a detriment because they don’t appreciate you. I had a friend in high school who always had beautiful girlfriends from the neighboring towns. He told me, “Treat ’em like trash and they’ll keep running back.” I hated that because it wasn’t in me to ever do that to someone else but I’ve seen his words ring true all my life.

  10. I usually see the man holding back too. I have left guys I was just dating when they told me they loved me, because I knew I didn’t think I would feel as strong. Plus I never felt like they could actually see who I was anyway, so that always scares me from a relationship.

  11. i am engaged to a man with leo sun/merc/venus/mc…he is loud and proud and spoils me silly. i am a very affectionate lover. i wouldn’t stay with a man who was reticent about expressing love. i am not into ambiguity. in fact, i feel it’s quite damaging. i was never certain if i was loved as a child…i refuse to put up with that as an adult. nooooo thanks

  12. I don’t think that the majority of people, men or women set out to break the hearts of the opposite sex. I think there are times (Neptune involved in charts) that people are unclear of what kind of a commitment and sacrifice goes along with loving someone in the military field. When that becomes clear and/or the can’t love the person enough for them to give up the military profession, that can be the end. I think this can transfer to long distance relationships or even just a normal day in/day out relationship.

    People are not static, they change, their needs and wants change. It’s how we are taught to change together and with each other in relationships, or a lack there of (just move on) that proves the outcome of the relationship.

    For me personally, I left my first husband, because he was never able to express what I did mean to him. He was also unable to show me, at appropriate times, like our wedding night, he was unable to show me. Instead he was drunk with his buddies and when he did come to our room, he threw up on me.

    I understand not everyone is this way, but I’m the kind of person that’s gonna give you 110%, so it’s important that I know where I stand with my partner.

  13. I think it depends, you said it too fast, therefore it is meaningless, obsessive, in security, what ever your own personal neurosis is.

    And then again, it took you toooo long, the price is too high, it is not given sincerly. I don’t need it that bad.

  14. Should a man tell a woman he loves her? Only if he feels she loves him back, otherwise it would be futile. If she doesn’t love him, she probably never will. If he tells her he loves her and she doesn’t love him, then it will create more tension. When a person falls out of love, that’s it.

  15. I have never wanted to break anyone’s heart. But i do think it has to do with wanting what you cannot have. Even in your husband’s experience, I am assuming that these letters were received while away from home. So, physically, they couldn’t be close to that individual, but it makes me wonder if these men ever professed their love for these women while they WERE at home. If they did not and decided that they were in love, only after they had left, then for me it still comes across as wanting what you cannot have.
    I would not want to sit around and hope that some man that I loved, who was far away, was just as in love with me. If I was unsure about his feelings I would move on as well.

  16. I have heard of this theory before but never seen it or experienced it. The mere idea of it brings me to an angry boil.

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    I agree with Chrispito. I’ve got Scorpio rising with Pluto in Scorp in the 12th house, Sun and Venus in Aries in the 5th house, Jupiter and Mercury in Pisces in the 4th, and Moon in Virgo.

    I’m quite reticent at first in relationships, and if it becomes clear that the other person is not interested or unable to express what I mean to him, I’ll leave pretty quickly. I like and crave the stability that come from clear communication and warm, heartfelt expressions of feelings.

    But until I can trust that you really truly care about me, I’ve always got one foot out the door. For me this is also about what I can and can’t offer: if the other person is holding back, I find that it’s a race to see who can display the greatest nonchalance, which is something I’m bound to lose. For a long time I thought that meant there was something wrong with me in love, but recently have started seeing men who are more upfront about their feelings and it is such an absolute treat.

  18. Hi,
    Forget what he or she says. Trust their actions. Does he act like he loves you? Does she treat you like she loves you? I’ll take and trust actions over words any day.

  19. hmmm it’s very easy to throw ‘I love you’ without much of anything behind it…so it could sort of turn into a bad habit i think…
    shall we save it for the times where there’s no mistake how much you love that person? Best be the real thing.

  20. You have to love yourself to believe it when a good man says he loves you.
    On the other hand, if he is not at all your type, then to hear him profess love makes you feel worse, like, “why is this what I am attracting? when it is so not me.”

  21. Avatar

    ”I think its true, Elsa. That’s how Scorpio types keep women pining after them for years… They never tell exactly how much they feel.”

    Bingo! Those dam Scorpio types get us woman every time. Leave us pining & smouldering in our feelings for them for years & years! I call it ‘the insatiable Pluto pull into the void’

    Yep, seen that happen so many times to many people.

  22. Avatar

    cursive writing such as that is almost like a lost art form these days.

    If a man ever wrote a letter to me in beautiful cursive like that, i would just melt in delight !!!

    Even if it were a break up letter..LOL!!

  23. I agree with him. I have also wondered why often, a couple will be together for years & years & then decide to “Make it official”. They get married… & then? Within a year or two *poof*, it’s over. WTF!? I have seen this again & again.

    Personally, I don’t need to hear “I love you”. I want you to show me… that’s more than enough =)

  24. I think it’s strange to leave someone if they told you they love you. Sure, I like subtly but I’m 70 percent yang energy and I want enough straightforwardness.

    As for a man coming off too desperate that’s a different story.

    Maybe these woman heard those words and realized that when things got serious they finally noticed they didn’t love the man.

  25. Avatar

    Conoco :-D!lol!! dido.

    Your comment is exactly the first thing i would of said out loud if that letter in the pic were addressed to me..haha!

    I’m a natural blonde.. ,-)

  26. Scorpioandproud

    I’m married to a Pisces. I know he needs to not only feel loved, he needs to be told he is loved. No different than me.

    I am the opposite. I am writing the Dear John letter to the guy who held back and gave me nothing.

    We still hold hands when we walk together. He never says my name he calls me baby. I do the same…its a sweet love.

    Because its a sweet love its the only love I have been in for this length of time. Look at all this Scorpio I have. I need all of my husband. And if I don’t get it….down to the soul, then I am looking for the person that will give it. I need honest, pure, loyal love.

    I have no idea how it took me so long to understand what a Pisces is capable of giving. Because he gives me his all, I am faithful, loving and there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for him. I would never wound him…I could never hurt him. He is such a good human being and a wound coming from me would destroy him.

  27. I think these men are attracted to the wrong women. I have girlfriends that are just man eaters. I’m struck by how many men chase after them when there are so many other great women out there who won’t play games. I’ve seen women do similar and it’s just not a healthy way to approach relationships. Life is too short to play games like catch me if you can.

  28. @McKenna: “I have also wondered why often, a couple will be together for years & years & then decide to “Make it official”. They get married… & then? Within a year or two *poof*, it’s over. WTF!? I have seen this again & again.”

    I read a theory which seems valid to me; that this happens when a couple have a 5th or 8th house relationship but marry, maybe thinking it won’t be any different. But marriage is a 7th house matter; 7th h rules contract and contracts hold terms and expectations, whether we’re conscious of them or not.

  29. Thanks @J =)

    That’s an interesting theory you have passed on! I shall have to think about it & see what I make of it 😉 It does make sense though. Hmmm!

  30. I think that rule applies to immature narcissistic, shallow people. My husband was very upfront about his feelings for me from the start. I would have never hurt him or used his feelings as weapon. But I don’t think of men as conquests. But I do think that this behavior is on the rise in our culture.

  31. I’m with Teresa. The last long timer was all I love yous and poo poos from the start. And it didn’t mean shit. It was a fantasy relationship to him. I was really pissed about all the adjustments I made for him after he cut out. I should never have taken him seriously. Oh well, men are a crap shoot as far as I’m concerned. Next. Oh yeah, the next one: the grudge master. No steppin out of line with that one. What was I thinkin????

  32. As a “Daddyless Daughter,” I would say of course he should tell her! (Are you catching Oprah’s Lifeclasses on Fatherless Sons and Daddyless Daughters? Unbelievable psychological territory there.) It’s been one of this life’s lessons to realize women hurt men as much as men hurt women.

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