The Ability To Forgive

free birdHi, Elsa,

A lot of crummy things have occurred in society at large and on a more personal level with my family. Terrible things have been said and done relating to the pandemic, vaccine status, etc. I know how astrology relates to the actual events but how do I forgive? Or will I ever even be able to forgive? Are there any specific transits relating to this? Either something which might be blocking me being able to forgive or anything coming up I can work with to soothe my soul and help me to do so? I know an apology would help immensely but that’s not going to happen.

I’m mid 40s in South Texas.

What a great question!  Jupiter rules forgiveness.  But I want to get into your note because there are a lot of people stuck in similar circumstance.  If this seems harsh in any way, it’s unintentional.

A lot of crummy things have occurred in society at large and on a more personal level with my family. Terrible things have been said and done relating to the pandemic, vaccine status, etc.

This is true!  So you can opt to forgive or you can opt to withhold forgiveness. Don’t kid yourself about this.  It’s isn’t that you can’t forgive, it’s that you don’t want to. You’re hurt?  You’re angry.  It’s understandable but these feelings are internal to you.

I know how astrology relates to the actual events but how do I forgive?

I can think of a number of ways to approach this. First, Jupiter type people are “bigger than that”. They are not petty!

I’m not saying that you’re petty. It’s seems you’d like an apology but you know it’s (probably) not coming so you’re stuck.  Do you like being stuck? If not, why would you let this other person who has already hurt you, continue to jack your life up because they won’t apologize?

You’re in a petty state, agreeing to be oppressed!  You’re agreeing to remain agitated and angry.  It has to be this way because you’re the one in the position to forgive.  You’re making this contingent on the other person.

As for “how”, you can look at the big picture (Jupiter).  These person(s) may have seriously wronged you but what else have they done in their life?  Some good things?

We’re they confused, misinformed, tricked?

If you start thinking along these lines, you see how the door cracks open.

If you still need help, think about a scenario where you’ve wronged someone.  Would you like them to judge you on this one error?  Or should they look at the whole of who you are?

Forgiveness comes around. If you’re not willing to forgive, you should not expect to be forgiven.  Also, think about standing in front of God, asking for forgiveness. God says, what about what you did to, Sally?!

Hey! I wouldn’t risk it. It’s far easiet to forgive and go on your way. It’s graceful and it will set you free. Seems a pretty good deal to me!

Are there any specific transits relating to this?

Maybe. Let’s say you tend to be unforgiving. Then you have a Jupiter transit – you feel large and generous and benevolent and you forgive.  But you don’t need a transit to forgive!

Either something which might be blocking me being able to forgive or anything coming up I can work with to soothe my soul and help me to do so?

It sounds like you’re hurt and I understand. Not a day goes by where I don’t feel hurt!  But I just don’t want to spend my days with a chip on my shoulder so I knock the chips off as soon as they appear.

As for your soul, ask yourself if withholding forgiveness is soothing. It doesn’t make sense that a feeling person like you, would enjoy carrying this burden.

I know an apology would help immensely but that’s not going to happen.

This may be the sticking point for you and it’s about control. It sounds like you were right and they other person was wrong. You want them to say so but you may be waiting forever, why?

There is a significant percentage of people who can’t apologize.  They is an even larger percentage of people who cannot admit they were wrong.

If you can’t forgive, you’re in a similar trap. Luckily, forgiveness is easy (once you decide to offer it). It’s also free.

I hope you do this, right now, today.  Just say, into the wind, “Hey!  I got hurt, but I forgive you!”  I don’t see a loss for you should you choose to do this.

Jupiter is also about higher education. I used the free bird on this post because check this out:  what if forgiving this situation is the hardest thing you ever do… but you never have to do it again? What’s if this is the actual big picture here?  You forgive this, then realize you’re permanently unencumbered with the inability to forgive.

The last thing that comes to mind is your struggle may be tied to your lack of faith (Jupiter).  If you believe there’s a larger forces that settle things like this, then you truly have no reason to carry this weight.

Good luck!

38 thoughts on “The Ability To Forgive”

  1. Oh my goodness, Elsa, this is SO awesome! The best piece on forgiveness I have seen. People think by choosing forgiveness they are condoning another’s behavior, but it has absolutely nothing to do with that. You have freed YOURSELF, plain and simple.

    1. And then what? – Draw a stupid infantile smile on your face, and pretend all over again that everything is alright? It does not work, it will never will work like that, luckily.

        1. I am curious what do you mean with ‘move on’? Keeping in touch with these people which do not care about you, I do not call this moving on, it’s just prolonging of suffering they cause you all over and all over. Life is always moving on, so long we are alive, but who is on your side, that is the major determinative thing for the quality of your life. LNobody wants to live with grudges towards nobody, simply for one fact because it is very recognisable in body language on both parties when you are in the same space and slowly but surely it eats you from the inside, undermining your wellbeing. I am still asking everyone who can not walk away from people full of egoity, to forgive them and than what, what kind of resolution follows in the thread of life? To forgive the ones which are not asking for forgivness, don’t you see how weird this is? There is no evolution in this, no quality of life, no emotional and mental well being, just self afflicted suffering. Just let them be assholes and put a stupid smile on you face, but hey you forgave them , right?

          1. I’m not saying you are wrong. I am saying that apparently, you and I are different. We have different interests or priorities or whatever.

            This person, from what I could gather, feels blocked when it comes to forgiveness. He/She wants to forgive and asked me for help.

            Just by his/her having this desire, I’m pretty sure this can be achieved so I tried to layout some guidance of various types. My sole goal here is to help her (and anyone else who might read and benefit).

            I am not suggesting anyone or everyone or you, should do this. If you don’t want to forgive, or if you can’t or if you don’t think you should, this is personal to you. I don’t care and in fact, it’s none of my business.

            I countered you because the “client”, the person I was addressing, DOES want to consider this or strive to do it. Considering this, your comment was pretty shitty. You’re mocking and insulting both of us and you’re wrong about what people can and can’t do.

            I am not an infantile smile person, that’s for sure. The person I was addressing isn’t either. So I don’t know who you’re addressing but your remark had the potential to influence the “client” to stay in their pain, feel hopeless and even stupid about trying to move away from the trap they’re caught.

            I really don’t mean to be rude to you. Live your life as you please. But I do think it’s wrong to hop in the path and try to dissuade someone from leaving their tar pit. I opened a door, hoping this will happen. You closed it. I opened it.

            I think it’s cool we don’t agree. But if you knew or if you know just a little bit about me, you would know without a shadow of a doubt, I have this ability and I’ve had it since I was a child.

            One of the things you can do when you have an ability, is you can teach others how to do something. At the very least, you can show them it’s possible.

            I think the “client” knows this about me which is why he/she wrote me. I assure you, I have been beaten into the ground, beaten nearly to death, stabbed, bone broken by direct physical abuse. Further, that list is the tip of the iceberg.

            I hold ZERO animosity for these offenses. I forgave this stuff when I was a teenager. So when you come on here and tell me I’m full of shit, I am going to speak back to you. Same when you drag down someone I am trying to help.

          2. Avatar
            Alessandra Derniat

            To forgive someone means you are no longer defined by their actions. You are hurt/angry because you believe their actions say something about you (and that the something is not complimentary to you). When you really get that their actions only say something about themselves and nothing about you will you be able to forgive and move on. Moving on means you can live your life to the fullest regardless of their actions (past, present, or future).

  2. This is an interesting question, because what if a person is affected by collective energy when they make a decision that hurts you? How do we ascertain responsibility in this situation? Is it that we would need to forgive a person or an entire group? I would wait till Saturn leaves Aquarius to make a fuller assessment of what transpired the last few years.

  3. Oh, yes! I had a situation just today about an upcoming (June 2023) family reunion that went from family reunion to 500 people and a Polka band! I felt it was a bait and switch situation and put my foot down. Then I got a “hold your horses, little Philly” comment and I called it out as sexiest and passive aggressive manipulation. I will not apologize for setting my boundaries. I don’t expect an apology either. I have Jupiter in Aries on the 9 and 10 House cusp. I have Sag in Pisces in the 9th.

  4. Elsa, Thank you for the perspective on this! Forgiveness can be tough but this really does help. I suppose I have probably been the offending party at some point or another and didn’t even know it. Yes! I would like to be forgiven. I do know we are all just doing the best we can with the deck we’ve been dealt. I want to be that bird who’s been set free. I have to free myself! It’s for me not them. They probably don’t even know I’m hurt and that I’m forgiving them.

  5. Decent people who care about you are appologizing for even more mundane little mistkes than those HUGE life questions the persone in question has described like plandemic and vaccinations, which are genocide. Indifferent people do not appologize because they do not give a damn. The thing is you do not have to forgive anything and nobody, for something which is wrong at the core ,because what is wrong is wrong,- it is as simple as it gets. You dust of your sandals and walk away. It has nothing to do with forgivness but with your own sobriety and own sens of dignity, wich unfortunately the majority people do not know that dignity is a quality they should possess to be capable to make decisions in life which they also are not capable to make, and yeah it is just petty, petty and pitty it is to not be capable to take a stand like – get your dignity back, dust of your sandals and walk away. They – the ones on the high horse, the are the ones which should worry how to forgive themselves, but thet won’t, may be next life time. Recognize the truth in front of you,- that should be the motto during the times we currently are going throuhg.
    P.S. I assume that the culprits are the vaccinated ones, which are – sheeps drooling on themselves, are the ones making the life miserable of the person who asked the question to Elsa.

  6. As Elsa says “I have Libra”. Also Scorpio, much Scorpio. Forgiveness for me is simply recognising we all are in need of forgiveness, me too. Does that mean I have to hang out with the people who hurt me, of course not.

  7. I totally agree that faith in something bigger than you removing the weight, in a situation where you can’t find it in you to forgive, can absolutely work. It’s worked for me too.

    But if you can’t find the faith, then you can also remember that what people do and say has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Let them be- let them have their beliefs, let them try to force those beliefs, let them do whatever they want. If you are a self-governing, completely autonomous individual outside of them, what they say ought not matter to you.

  8. You hit the nail on the head about forgiveness. That is exactly what I was trying to say about redemption. You have to be able to let go of the wrongs and forgive, before you can ask to be forgiven. Two hard words to say is, “I’m sorry.” Two powerful words.

    Even if you have lost everything because of another person, you have to let it go, if you are to move forward. Once you truly forgive, you set your soul free.

  9. Fantastic article!

    My only question is this; what if someone is continually forgiven however the behaviour never stops.

    At what point does one continue to turn the other cheek or ‘stand in their dignity and dust off their sandals and walk away’? 🙂

    1. Forgiving is not forgetting! I’ll give you an example.

      Someone came to our house; maybe they are a bit nutty or whatever. It doesn’t matter. They acted badly here… very badly. Threw a tantrum, threatened me, and in fact attempted to pick up a recliner and throw it. We had other company at the time, so really this person just had a giant meltdown fit… over not being able to find a vape pipe, which we were all trying to find.

      This person was made to leave our house. My husband I both forgive the person. Mental illness? But we will not have them back… ever. We’re to old to deal with this crap.

      While none of this is pleasant, as it stands, we know this happened. We recall it. But we do not worry about it in the least. We both hope the person gets a handle on themselves. We may speak to them again, or not but we are not going to ever put them in the position to do this to us again.

      If someone stabs you and you opt to forgive them, it doesn’t mean you’re going to ever be in a room with them and their knife again. It means you’ve opted to let go.

      And why would you want to hold on and twist about something like this, anyway?

          1. Thank you for sharing all of that. That must of been extremely hard. Decisions sometimes make themselves.

            Tough love, is still Love 💗

  10. Forgiveness is overrated! Let it fester, I say. If you sit by the side of the river long enough, eventually the bodies of your enemies will float by.

  11. Personally I used to think forgiveness was just letting someone get away with their actions, and being walked over like a mug.

    But I’ve done a complete 180 and came to the conclusion that holding festering grudges is actually a cop out. It’s easier to hold on to hurts and grudges as it gives a misguided sense of power and security (look to the Taurus/Scorpio axis of your chart, if it’s prominent) disguised as righteous indignation.

    However it’s actually the opposite, it’s extremely disempowering as doesn’t allow you to move on and enjoy life. You end up stuck, stagnant. No room for growth.

    It takes a lot more guts and strength to forgive, I would disagree that it’s easy. It’s hard and requires a LOT of sheer determination and willpower, to choose to overcome something and then forgive. Think Saturn on steroids!

    What is forgiveness really? It’s allowing someone a second chance to redeem themselves (look at Pisces in your chart). It’s offering someone a fair chance, and weighing up whether they had intent, or if they were ignorant, misguided, going through something that rendered them unable to think clearly (look at Libra in your chart)

    And lastly, how would you feel being in the receiving end of a grudge? Who feels it worse, the grudge holder or the target? Sometimes it could be that the recipient of the grudge has bent over backwards to do the right thing, to make amends, apologise over and over again, to change and be a good person and redeem themselves, yet its never enough. The grudge holder ends up completely blind to the good things the person has done to make up for it, and still acts as judge, jury, and executioner, forever (look at the condition of the 9th house)

    How FAIR is that?!!

  12. To add to my previous comment, shock horror!!! The one that needs to forgive isn’t necessarily the one who was even wronged. Or maybe they were wronged once, but they’ve held on far too long to it, long after the expiry date.

    Sometimes conversely THEY end up becoming the wrongdoer or even perpetrator for holding a grudge and not forgiving.

    Seen it so many times. The poor soul who ‘wronged them’ (often times, over an event that happened decades ago!) is stuck being punished unnecessarily for it, no matter how much they try to appease them. In some cases, almost bullied and squashed like a bug under the weight of their condemnation and fury.

    So yes, the dynamic between forgiveness and grudge holding can be complex. Roles can easily swap and oscillate.

  13. @Mermaid You reminded me of my father in Law. It is Halloween, so let me tell you a story of a Libra sun, with moon conjunct pluto, and Venus in Scorpio.

    This happened before I knew them, but my husband told me the story.

    In the early 1990s, my father in law (B) was visiting his buddy not too far from his house, when the friend’s neighbors came home and their teen son flipped B and his pal the bird. A stupid teenage prank, right?

    B jumped off the porch, ran at them and started shouting and the boy’s dad didn’t know what was going on. He collapsed with a heart attack and died. B did not care but continued ranting. He spent a night in jail, but his lawyer buddy got him out and for the rest of his life, B went out of his way to make life miserable for the mother and boy.

    This needs to be considered when someone thinks to anger a plutonian. B never had one ounce of remorse, either. He also had Scorpio Rising and there was hardly anyone at his funeral in 2018. Those that showed up said they needed proof he was dead.

    On another note, a guy who used to be friends with my husband, another pluto person was known to chase people to their homes and threaten them, if they dared anger him while driving.

    These people can be maniacs when angry.

    Flipping the page, my Scorpio grandmother wouldn’t put up with crap, but she would do whatever she could to help another person.

    Beware the Scorpio and Happy Halloween.

  14. This was really helpful. A few years ago I remember asking, how on earth do people forgive? Like, really, how?? I’ve got a sensitive soul and it’s hard for me to forgive hurts, especially when I care about the person who hurt me. Other people I can just forget about, maybe after rolling my eyes. But someone who I love? It hurts so much.

    I’ve had a separation from a close family member for years. I tried to work it out, but to no avail. I believe wholeheartedly in reconciliation but I won’t be walked all over either. I didn’t always handle things well in my hurt, unforgiving state. If I’d had this skill or knowledge back then, things would absolutely be different – an important point!

    Anyway, this person will never validate my feelings, never show me compassion, never apologize for what she’s done to me. It will never happen. And no one will ever hold her to account. My Libra Mars despises this. It’s not right or fair. I’ve stayed in this mindset for about a decade, on and off. Trying, sometimes successful, sometimes not.

    But then I read this, and it helps. I will make peace with this thing that happened. I’ve been trying to for quite some time, not so successfully. I think I have and then the feelings come back full force. But what can I expect from a person like her? Not much in this way. She told me she readily apologizes to others. So I pointed out she wasn’t doing that for me, and she just said nothing. What are you supposed to do with that? I guess just forgive and let it go. It’s not going to happen so why keep hoping? Why keep thinking about it?

    I’ll have to bookmark this page to revisit. It’s sometimes a process to achieve the ability to forgive. I’m trying. I hope I can get there. Forgiveness is love towards that person as well. Sometimes I don’t want to show love because I’m just so angry, but I don’t want to be, so why stay that way. These are all things that have gone through my mind, and this post helped to solidify them a bit more, so thank you 🙂 I’ll get there. God knows I want to.

    1. Avatar

      I have natal moon in Pisces so I know about sensitive souls. I also have natal Mars in Libra (conjunct Jupiter. Sun, and Mercury no less!) so I know about rage at injustice as well. To begin with, forget about forgiving other people – forgive YOURSELF first. Literally. forgive yourself for whatever disharmony you have gotten mixed up in. Then, stop making anyone else responsible for your happiness. Regardless of whether or not you ever get the apology, compassion, or kindness you deserve, you can still live a happy and fulfilling life. Remember,the actions of others say nothing about you, only them. Know people by their actions, accept them as they are, and concern yourself only with your own actions. Do not let others define you or the life you lead. Blessings 2 u —

      1. Allessandra, thank you so much for your reply. It was so kind and compassionate and I really appreciate it. It made me feel better and reminded me of how I can control myself, if not everyone and everything else. <3

    2. I hear you and really do understand.

      My path is not so dissimilar to yours, but (with a big B), I have tried many times, only to fail and get nowhere. Do I give up? Hell no!

      The other party has to, at some point, also come to the realisation that they too must apply themselves also. After all, communication is a 2-way street is it not?

      Until then, it feels like the ‘living dead’ to me at this end 😐

      Oh well – cue the British Paints advert with old Rolfie: ‘keep on, keeping on” 😐

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