How Does The Ascendant Relate To Attracting A Partner?

ascendant-descendant-355x336Hi Elsa,

How much does your natal ascendant tell about who you are attracted to? Mine is Libra and I am never in no way at all attracted to Libra men. On the contrary- I find them manipulative.

How exactly does the descendant play out? Who do we attract? Lover or foe?

curious lilith

Hi, curious lilith,

Strictly speaking the ascendant does not show who you are attracted to.  But it does show who you’re attracted to, indirectly because your ascendant determines the sign on your 7th house cusp.

We tend to be attracted to the qualities of the sign on our 7th house, but attraction is complex. It’s not going to be told by a single element.

For example, Venus shows what we’re attracted to. A person can go for something they want (Mars), foregoing the veneer of attraction (Venus).

As an example, a beautiful woman can marry an ugly man, forty years her senior, to obtain the security she wants. See?  Attraction isn’t necessarily a factor.

I know that is a weird thing  to write, but I’m trying to illustrate how open this stuff is. If you try to simplify it too much, you’re going to come up with the wrong answer.

As for the descendant, it’s not generally considered to be a point of attraction.  Generally, people project their 7th house.

As for who you attract, I know this will be unpopular, but I think you usually get what you want. I’m sorry if people have a conniption fit over that, but this is my blog and I’m the one she asked!

Lots of people want to spar in relationships. Maybe even most people? They want a challenge. A lot of people turn their lovers into foes or the foes into lovers, for that matter. So there you go. This is what l I have to say on this subject!

Ya’ll tell her what you think, in the comments!

Got a question about astrology or life? Ask here!

45 thoughts on “How Does The Ascendant Relate To Attracting A Partner?”

  1. Your descendant should be the other side of the scale to harmonize your ascendant, I think. Repulsion comes when you don’t like what you need = what you lack. Or what’s wrong with the image you display (Ascendant). For example: I dislike my descendant. It is Leo. Leo is thought to radiate warmth. I see them cold.

    1. I am aqua rising with libra sun.My descendent is Leo and I am very much attracted to Leo sun guys, we get along very much. But I am married to a Leo rising with sun in Scorpio and I hate scorpios.
      I read on a site that you should be attracted to the sun sign of yr descendent.. If it’s in leo that’s mean you will be attracted to Leo,sag,Aries sun.well it true for me.

  2. I don’t think the descendant describes your “significant other”. Too often I hear people say that their descendant is in a particular sign so therefore that is the sign their “significant other” should be, or will be, or etc.

    Astrology is simple but it’s not that simple (my personal opinion). 🙂

    I do think that the descendant can be a sensitive point in synastry (as are other angles). Just my two cents and probably not worth that.

  3. “As for who you attract, I know this will be unpopular, but I think you usually get what you want. ” – This is true, always 🙂 People just don’t like to admit it since they are not always in tune with their own minds and actions towards other folks.
    But this is the case, plain and simple.

  4. what you said: “As for who you attract, I know this will be unpopular, but I think you usually get what you want.”

    I heart you, Elsa!!! it’s true!! and vice versa.

  5. My wife and I have polar opposite signs but we have the same ascendant. The relationship works well because we compliment each other’s strengths and weaknesses by being polar signs. Plus, since our ascendants are the same, our houses are in order, so to speak.

  6. I feel there are many layers in relationships. When I look at my hubby and me I see:
    My 7th house Sag. He’s Sag mars
    My Mars cap. His Venus Cap/Taurus rising.
    My Gemini rising, his Gemini moon.
    My Aqu moon, his Aqu north node.
    There are probably other aspects that come into play but these standards out.
    We had a rough start. It took 10 years to get married. Yet we been hanging out for 18 years now.

  7. I have a Capricorn descendant and I’ll admit that stability is attractive to me. Maturity, authority, control, responsibility, they all draw me in. Sometimes I think I’m too immature, though, for these people — maybe that’s truth, maybe that’s projection.

  8. I think you’re right Elsa. I have venus in Gemini and I’ve never once dated or been attracted to a Gemini man (though I have a great appreciation for these people and like them tremendously as friends). I also have mars in my 1st house in cancer (with my sun & merc & asc) and again have never dated or been attracted to a cancer man. My DSC is in cappy with my moon/Jupiter, same story, no history there for me. The people I’ve been serious with and attracted to seem to fall into three categories, first is late Aquarians, second is early taurians and the third group is a bit fuzzy, as it’s more heavy pluto aspects than scorpio.

  9. I believe the Ascendant shows what attributes we are here to express this life time, and the DSC shows what we find comforting/security. Venus and Mars for attraction but also the element they are in, eg, earth, air etc.

  10. I have Taurus on my Descendant and 90% of the time I have dated Taurus men. When I think about the men in my life they normally have Sun, Moon or their Ascendant in my 5th, 7th, or 8th houses. My Libra Sun has an affinity for Gemini and Aquarius men given we are all air signs. That said, Taurus trumps Air since my Moon in Virgo and Scorpio Ascendant really appreciate Taurean energy.

  11. Haha… I just dated an Aries sun and my descendent is on Aries. He’s great until I decided last week to no longer date him because he called me crazy because he couldn’t be bothered to understand me. He’s great though despite that point and his gender roles too which annoy. But then again I’m a crusty plutonian so I don’t have time.

  12. My desc is in Sag conj my Sun (in the 6th) and Mars (in the 7th)… with my 7th house ruler Jupiter in Leo. I don’t like Sag or Aries men but all my long term relationship have Sun, Venus or Mars conj my Jupiter in Leo, with my Mars/ASC usually in a hard aspect to an important planet in Pisces, Gem or Virgo with a good dose of Mars/Pluto/Scorpio in their chart (Mars conj my DSC). I do not like Men with Sun or Moon in Sag… but most of the guys I date teach/perform or travel for their jobs, enjoy sports/adventures, usually like attention, and can be aggressive with their pursuit of getting me, which from my point of view relates nicely with the Leo, Sag, Mars conj DSC energy.

  13. My descendent is Pisces. I am drawn to Pisces but I have Saturn on top of it, so I’ve been attracted to more serious guys or at least super responsible. But I always seem to have ended up with lots of Virgo moons without realizing it at first….! I’m a Virgo moon with Virgo AC….sigh….

  14. Elsa, how likely is a civil war to break out, and when is it more likely to occur if it does?

    They might be fixing to increase the extreme, and radical rights violations of American citizens next year.

    I’m hoping for Arizona to kick up a storm against the federal government, or to take legal action if not military, to in some way protect it’s residents.

    We just passed a change in our state constitution that we can vote on matters from the federal government, on whether or not it is lawful.constitutional, and veto it if it is voted unlawful.unconstitutional.

    This state has a history of resistance, and is getting pushed more, and more towards secession.

    The actions of the federal government are getting to radical, and lethal to masses that I am expecting, and hoping Arizona to say no.

    I know you are not getting into this matter… Maybe because of censorship risks.

    But, they are mass-murdering innocent people, and keep increasing it. All the while hiding the numbers to pretend everything’s fine while the American population is getting very noticeably small online.

    1. unlawful/unconstitutional*

      getting so radical*

      It’s not just online that shows a shrinking population.
      The number of votes in this 2014 voting was also absurdly small.
      With all that’s being done to mass-murder Americans, it raises question if our national population is dropping off a cliff.

    2. I don’t think this stuff is predictable as long as Uranus is involved with Pluto. My intention is to look at it mid 2015.

  15. “on the contrary, I find them manipulative.” My Libra boss was extremely manipulative. I’m sure there are plenty of great Libras out there though. My watery chart has more trouble with the air sign people than any other group.

  16. I have Virgo rising and a Virgo moon. Mercury in Pisces in my seventh. Of my four long-terms, two were Leos, one was Libra and one was Capricorn. I have the most intense history with Caps. Mars and Jupiter and N. Node and Vertex in Cap in the fifth. Never been crazy for water or air signs.

  17. Er…the Libra was my first husband. We fought constantly and I never loved him deeply. He didn’t mark me. Truth can be brutal.

  18. I think my 7th house is kind of a pathology, what I repressed. I wanted a show horse, a real beautiful specimen. As a girl i would always crush on the most wanted guy. Until i was told in no uncertain terms i didnt deserve it.
    I’m still thinking about this cause I don’t think I flirt using my Venus or ‘got’ people who reflect my mars but also I unconsciously did not want a relationship that wouldn’t end. So I picked people it couldn’t last with. Some nights ago I watched myself mesmerized, drooling over a bass player and drummer. Also a singer. I wanted that show horse much as I repressed it. And self evaluation and others had told me I didn’t deserve it or wouldn’t match. I needed some ‘trophy’ to feel more secure. I needed that man that other women wanted. And my intuition said ‘yeah. You deserve it.’ Why? Cause you desire it. Why not? Why not you? Why are you not the one?
    I was into Capricorn type men, they would make a promise to see me again, they would, and then they would leave. What’s that about? Perhaps my mars doesn’t dictate my tastes.
    What if I went for the man who made my jaw hang open? Not the one I felt I deserved? Even if he was up on stage, even if he was up on a pedestal. When it is a man and you in a room it is just us

  19. I am married to my descendent but I am not attracted to his personality .he is physically not bad but short.Other women are attracted to him,maybe because they don’t know his real personality.
    My ascendant is Aquarius and his is Leo.But I do like Leo sun a lot since my sun sign is libra. I don’t quite undestand why Leo sun and not Leo rising.

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      I have an Aquarius ascendant and am attracted to the low-key Leo suns. Bragging and flash do nothing for me. Quiet confidence on the other hand? Oh hell yes. Maybe a Leo with a little Capricorn in his chart would work.

      1. @Scottish, i have a couple of family members who have aquarius rising, and they tell me they always without fail attract leo suns. no matter what. I was curious too because I’ve met them and when i found out their bdays i thought wow, how come they’re all leo suns? they were like, shrugging, thinking well, they attract big personalities” lol the rising sign is so telling, in what’s in your 7th.

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          @Elisa, that is interesting, those multiple Aqua-Leo connections. One of my most memorable attractions was a late-born Leo almost on the Virgo cusp whose Pisces moon was a perfect fit with my Scorp moon. I don’t know his ascendant, wish I did.

  20. I agree most people get what they want. Which means most people are clueless to what they want. Or, what one’s ego wants & what one’s soul/higher self wants can be very different, hence the confusion. Most people aren’t aware of which is driving them.

    I’ve always been curious about this question. I know the answer to it that you did answer above (indirectly because of the DESC.). I’ve just always found it interesting because I have a planet tightly conjunct ASC therefore influencing the axis. Pluto that is, so obviously this shows up in my relationships profoundly. I would say I definitely project my DESC, but that’s because it’s the same as my Sun. I’m more often than not playing out the Pluto ASC. So, my Taurus Sun qualities are already projected making it easier to see how that would be the case then for my Taurus DESC.

    It makes sense too, as those qualities satisfy & balance my extreme Scorpionic/Plutonic needs – stability, grounded, loyalty, security, easy-going, patient. I’ve always said I fair best with men that can stand in my neurosis. Letting me be the complex, intense, deep, AND hormonal woman that I am – and for me not to feel judged for it. Like suddenly I’m crazy or lesser than because they saw all of that. Men that don’t shrug an inch & are like a rock.

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      @Pearl, I think you make an excellent point about how it may not appear you attract the partner you want because of confusion over which motivation dominates. I want a partner who gratifies both my ego and my soul and the order I typed those in pretty much says it.

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        I need a man who can handle extreme emotion as well. Most don’t want to deal with it. At least not from me lol.

  21. I have Mars in Cap and Venus in Scorpio, 9th house. My Mars has a lot on his plate because he is the only planet in his element (earht), all others are in water/air signs pretty much.

    So a lot of my outwars energy focuses on obtaining stability, control and everything in between.
    My Venus in 9th house – now she ADORES men who can teach her something. And.. Well, these things aren’t always especially pleasant, considering the sign she occupies. Power struggles, manipulation, obsessive compulsive jelousy – stuff like that. My sun is opposite Chiron in Taurus, so I do all these things because I’m obsessed with not loosing thise I love. Scorpios take loss a gigantic deal harder than other folks.

    So… my last BF had Capricorn on the 7th house cusp. Venus in Pisces. Mars in Libra, retrograde.
    My very controlling Cap Mars was what atteacted him in the first place – he was a slob regarding life, had holes in his socks and whatnot. But he was from another area and his views on people/the world attracted me immensely. Also, I projected my opposite Mars Capricorn onto him (“sloppy”)… And my Scorpio Venus experinced a transcendental love which deeply nourished my 8th house Libra moon and went beyond my 8th house Saturn’s fear of real intimacy.

    Fast forward till now – my BF admits he has been carrying immense anger toward me during the whole relationship because of something I did in the early days. (Mars Rx in Libra… Talk about bottling up!)

    What does this Scorpio learn? That I have learned a lot in this relationship – and that I need to be a bit sloppy.

    My ex was a child with the edge of a grown-up. My 7th house belongs to Leo. Leo is the ruler of the 5th house which regards children and the inner child in us. . Makes sense, huh??

    Of course I knew this. My Libra moon and my Cap Mars energized his 5th and 7th house as well.

    So you can’t look at it so single minded I think. We use all of ourselves in a relationship – and so ALL of the horoscope comes into play IMHO.

    1. Also – I have Pisces in the 1st house and transit Neptune here can create a powerful illusion for others – “I can be anyone you want me to be baby”… Untill the effect wears off!

      My partner has Neptune placed directly on his DC. Talk about putting people on a piedestal! When the projected image crash you land hard. He treated me like dirt for 5months before breaking up – and cheated emotionally first.


  22. If there is 13th sign now, does our asc. change?

    I am double pisces now after the change? Asc. used to be in taurus. … wrestling in court with my sun-sign taurus. The battles are eye-opener to me to thoroughly get to learn the love of material life in this sign. I’ll hold my breath and tiptoe away before being netted, should I encounter another one in life.
    Some taurus are Aries now after 13th sign. In the past, later taurus seem to be more stable and reliable than early taurus.

  23. There is no rule that tells you who you will be attracted to. I think it depends on the Asc of the opposite sex.
    If you want to marry someone, then you will have to look beyond astrology.

  24. My Venus in Leo is conjunct my Leo ASC and I can spot Leo’s from across the room! There is usually an attraction of some kind! However, Leo squares my three planets in Scorpio soooo there will have to be something MORE.

    I used to want to spar, unconsciously. Now I don’t, I just want community, family, compassion and integrity. I sincerely hope this is a profound change inside of me and not just Jupiter in Libra.

    My descendant (and Jupiter) is in Aquarius. I definitely enjoy being around this energy…. though I would say I still need more work owning my Aquarius energy. Absolutely. I’m going to think about this more….

  25. I may have missed this in one of the above posts but the ruling planet of the DSC is a big factor as well. Bothe sign and house it is in. I have aquarius on the DSC so the rulers (traditional and modern) are Uranus and Saturn. Uranus is in my 1st and Saturn is square my Venus. Most of my life (I’m 55 now) has been attraction to free spirits who are not emotionally available and my Saturn square Venus has been a reinforcement to a feeling of unworthiness. Of course I take responsibility for this as well. Learning to be more independent and learning self love.

  26. I must project my Virgo DESC because I always attract the fussy nit pickers who personally I can’t abide! (Great in a task/work situation though!). My Leo triple conjunction (Venus/Mars/Uranus) delivers many Leos as friends only. So, I usually end up with Cancer/ Capricorns which is my IC/MC axis. I identify with their needs for various types of secure situations and their true grit and loyalty.

  27. Maybe we get what we want, when we do get someone (since I didn’t want anything particular whenever I had a boyfriend before, I didn’t have room to think I got something other than what I wanted), but we don’t necessarily attract what we want in the majority of what we attract.
    Attraction is universal… So, either you attract all sorts to some degree, or you don’t attract anyone.

    I have never attracted a man worth having.
    I’ve been unbelievably hot… And, I still only attracted undesirable men.
    I have scoured the internet looking to meet someone… Even with greatly lowered standards, I’m turning up nothing.

    I’m probably going to use a sperm donor.

    I just barely got my first good offer this year, at age thirty… (And, he has a fugly nose. Great aside from that nose, though. He’s better than the sperm donors I’ve seen, too.) I’d have to move to Japan to fulfill the offer. I don’t have money for that, so I can’t have him.
    Maybe I should take up playing the lottery… Since good men come with a price tag.

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