The Shadow Side Of Parenting: Pluto In Capricorn

parenting.jpgAs Pluto transits Capricorn another thing I think will come to the front (or to the surface) will be the shadow side of parenting which unfortunately I know a lot about. Nobody likes to talk about this stuff. No one wants to think about it but I am sure our days of having the luxury of keeping out heads in the sand are numbered.

The kids who shoot up schoolsthe 3rd graders who plot to murder their teacher, something is very wrong here.  I am not blaming the parents. It is not necessarily a failure on the parent’s parts. In fact the parent’s hands are tied in so many ways it’s a miracle if your kid grows up to be a somewhat decent human being able to read and write and add and subtract.

One thing about living on the extreme end of a continuum, my experiences are very concentrated so it is very easy for me to see what is going on. It could be compared to a person who is acutely ill with cancer as compared to a person who just got the disease and won’t know it for 5 years. I am going to write on this (probably for the next 10 years) but at the moment I am wondering what others think.


Please elaborate…

20 thoughts on “The Shadow Side Of Parenting: Pluto In Capricorn”

  1. I’m not a parent in the traditional sense, but I have 160 new college students each year through my door. (as a teacher you end up in quasi-parent type position anyway) and I raised my sisters (Cancer Moon).

    Yes, I think the world is in crisis, in general. So, how can that not affect parents? Gender roles are in trouble, resource allocation is a mess, and humanity, as whole, needs major help.

    Parents are human beings and they’ve got their own issues they are fighting along with the task of protecting their little ones.

    I won’t bring a child into this world- it’s far too complicated and we are already streched to the max. We have to deal with the problems in front of us now.


  2. It’s hard to get really in depth in this issue right here because there are so many contributing factors like Sally mentioned. I think the biggest problem is the evil that rots us all: The Media.

    Kids watch television, get commercials to tell them what toys to buy, what foods to eat, what they need to *look* like. Even at McDonalds. . .gone are the days of being given a plastic shovel. Now they ask if your chid is a boy or a girl. Childhood is lost.

    But I do hold parents partially responsible. Parenting is universal and may be common, but there is nothing common about watching a little soul take a journey earthside. The whole gig is harder than many anticipate- maybe one of the world’s biggest mindf*cks. And many parent just give in to the biological drive to procreate and are not prepared for the physical, emotional, financial demands that will be made on them.

    So they do the best they can.
    Placate. Cope. Survive.
    Set kids in front of a television.
    Buy what the superstores tell you to.
    Keep up with the Joneses.

    It sort of seems like the accepted standard now is to create a society of drones. Generation after generation.

    And, on the whole, we don’t have our villages to help raise children anymore. People are disconnected from each other, from our natural rhythms.

    I have two little ones (3 and 1) at my Saturn Return in Leo so this is a very personal and serious issue for me. I mostly feel the anguish that they have to grow up in this world. With an imperfect mother and father who are bound to disapoint them.

    Some of this shadow side of parenting could be related to astrology running in families. This is a topic that really makes me uncomfortable because from what I can tell it is our (parents) unfinished business that our little progeny have to face. I can see it in their charts. That really makes me feel like shit.

  3. Teachers are particularly fragile at the moment. They’ve lost the authority and, worst of all, any respect the students had for them. This is a particularly discussed subject where I live right now.

  4. Thanks Elsa.

    Most people have been abused or taken advantage of by parents or parent-like figures at some point- and as adults, continue to wrestle with these wounds. And astrologically, they are repeating- like Heather mentioned. There is a really good book by Erin Sullivan called “The Astrology of Family Dynamics”- it was illuminating to go back and do the charts of each person in my family tree (people with planets in the 4th,8th,or 12th houses should read!)- in her book she talks about circuit breakers- people in the family who stop the cycle- the ones who process the family secret, the karma- and then heal it for future generations. Very interesting stuff.

    On the subject of teaching…I teach adults, some of them twice my age, but I hear and recognize their tragedies- loud and clear- even long after it happened- i can see how it affects their work and the way they communicate. On some level, we all operate from this place- the initial wound.

    But, instead of festering in the wound, it’s important to find a use for it- a practical way to educate or help others once you’ve learned your lessons. For me, that is the way out of it.


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    Sadness. I watched close friends decide to have a child. Later in life. They were going to feed her a vegetarian diet, keep her away from TV, cloth diaper her, etc. etc.

    She was eating McDonalds before one year, extra dry diapers, and the youngest child I’ve ever heard of to have their own computer – around 1 and 1/2 years old. She’s babysat by the TV and potty trained after 4 years of age.

    I just cannot imagine the struggles she will have when she is older. She is totally isolated by TV and computer and never taken to play groups, socialized or in day care of any sort. Now, not saying day care is good or bad but she is spoiled.

    I contrast this with the three kids of an immigrant woman and “white guy”. They are a pleasure. They have limited TV, computer for homework and rewards, are pleasant, aware, interactive yet have boundaries and manners. I think she brought some of her cultural expectations with her for raising her kids and they seem very well adjusted.

    I don’t know what to say except that it scares me the damage our culture has done to children. I see it in my generation. The disenchantment with life as a whole. I live a bit outside of the mainstream and so have taken a different path. It has it’s pains but in many ways is richer and more emotionally rewarding than many of my friends.

    I cannot imagine the difficulties of teh choices our children today will be faced with in short order.

    For someone great to watch, he has an interesting bit on teachers…

    I’d also love to know his astrology. Something very… energetic? Jupiter? Uranus? Leo?

  6. Speaking of kids, guns, and schools…After the VT shooting we had emergency phones installed in each classroom directly linking us with campus security and 911. The phone is right next to my podium. This is very scary, as I live in pretty *safe* community- and I thought we would be the last..but, no. In fact, I have a faculty meeting tomorrow morning, and no doubt -these concerns will be discussed. It is often said that April is the bloodiest month of the year (Aries territory). I am anxious awaiting the passing of this month.


  7. Sally Sun~

    The Astrology of Family Dynamics by Erin Sullivan book is really eye-opening. No one else has written much about it, to my knowledge.

    In fact, I have 4th, 8th, 12th placements as does one of my daughters. I think that we are the circuit breakers. Brought into awareness right before and during my SR, and hers being a very Uranian/ Scorpion revolution and evolution.

    Very interesting book.
    It’s really karmic.

  8. my kids are young adults now. as a single parent i was pretty strict with them and raised them to be independent, skeptical thinkers with values — and in the unintended side effects dept — they’re pretty much out of step with their generation and find it difficult to connect with their peers. *sigh*

  9. kids need more time with parents. my kid needs more time with me. i have elementary age students whose parents are working several jobs and put themselves to sleep and keep themselves entertained while their parent sleeps.
    i think the way our culture is structured, so that everybody (often) needs to leave the house to support the family means that little time is actually spent around each other creating family bonds… which are our primary attachement models and how people learn to relate to, care for, and empathize with other people.

    and then there’s desensitization to violence. where we build up a succession of modern fairy tales that create an image of how the world is supposed to work and we wander around carrying these little fairy tales in our heads about how to solve problems but the fairy tales are nasty vicious simplistic things, by and large. like video games. and some of those children’s tv shows….

    *shrug* i think real world experience trumps virtual experience in the usefulness category any day of the week, but it involves a larger time investment (for planning) and isn’t as shiny as the next new movie.

  10. hey, where’s the “I’m libra/pisces/unsure” button?
    I can’t think past the “are we out of breakfast cereal again??” part of parenting.

  11. I have been listening to Doreen Virtue’s Audio “Indigo, Crystal, and Rainbow Children: A Guide to the New Generations of Highly Sensitive Young People”, which I downloaded from i-tunes. Doreen Virtue has a message for parents about listening to the important things kids have to say. This audio book has given me, as the mother of a 9-year old, faith, strength and awareness to strive for naturalism and resist media and chemicals. Kids can get addicted to media and chemicals in a matter of days; it’s a 24/7 project to continually align with health.

  12. Liz Greene’s book “The Astrology of Fate” also discusses family dynamics, the wound(s) that can be carried over into the next generation(s), and the process of breaking dysfunctional familial patterns. It is a dense, though invaluable, read; especially if you have strong Pluto in your chart.

  13. These are fantastic and insightful comments. I plan on buying the Erin Sullivan book, so thankyou Sally Sun and everyone else who mentioned it. Im not a parent nor a teacher but I think we’re in a some sort of crisis one way or another.

    This post reminds me of this song Stay Small by The Receiving End of Sirens…its one of the saddest songs I have ever heard. You can read the lyrics here Stay Small

  14. People have been saying “Kids today!” since forever. The world is always going to hell in a handbasket, isn’t it? *giggles*

    Kids may be different, but c’mon, so is the world. It is completely normal for things to change and I don’t think there is one ideal, even, to be honest.

    Like everyone assumes and does studies to say that kids from single parent/divorced homes are at a disadvantage compared to kids withe two parents at home. But now it’s considered normal and these kids have a lot in common with each other. It takes the sting out, neutralizes the issue, except for those who are older and see it as a loss.

    Yup, times are a changin’. Always.

  15. I have 3 kids of my own and 140 middles schoolers that come through my classroom door each day and it is definitely a crazy world right now. The main thing that I see is that NO ONE, not the kids, not the parents, or a lot of the teachers want to take responsibility for ANYTHING! I’m hoping Pluto will make people step up.

    I talk to parents about their kids behavior and there is an excuse for everything, they constantly want me to bail their kids out. Then I talk to the kids about their own responsibility for creating their lives and they want to blame everything on their crappy home lives or their ADD or their this or their that. There are many, many accomplished people with crappy backgrounds and challenges they’ve turned into opportunities (I read one of them everyday 😉 ) And some of the teachers are no better, they won’t take one minute to let a kid talk and they want to write them off at 12 as useless losers and “why should I waste my time if no one else puts in any effort.” They are kids for heavens’ sake; it’s my job to instill a little hope into a student. I’m certainly glad that I am still a work in progress and I have people in my life that haven’t written me off for my many bad decisions.

    Ok, hopping off my soapbox now, but I could write a book about what I’ve seen this past year. I was out of education for 10 years staying home with my kids, and there is a huge difference in attitudes this time around. Things were tough in the 90’s, but I think we are definitely hitting the boiling point.

  16. I watched my 8th grade students run- literally- screaming from class yesterday at the start of spring break. And I wondered – again – if 8th graders in France, Brazil, South Africa, India, behave like this? I wonder if what we see in kids is unique to America, if our dedication to making money over preserving time and personal ties has created this monster generation of people so spoiled and anti-social that they won’t contribute unless they get treats or trophies and high-tech gadgets to amuse them. You hear about how corporations are bending over backward to “help” younger employees be more productive.

    I’ve taught high school for 10+ years, and now the 8th grade. Wow – I had 17 students ask to leave the classroom for bathroom, locker, whatever. And the tantrums. Come on. Plan ahead. And just plain bad behavior. People say, ohh… that’s just the age. wink wink. Please. There have always been difficult kids, but I’m talking about no respect for anyone outside ME. It’s “poor impulse control” and “inability to delay gratification” in technicolor, all day, every day.

    Will these individuals be able or interested to respond to larger, potentially expensive or critical community needs like geriatric health care or decaying infrastructure or tax policies? If the whole world is just your own small self… where does that leave the whole world?

  17. Deirde says: “I have been listening to Doreen Virtue’s Audio “Indigo, Crystal, and Rainbow Children: A Guide to the New Generations of Highly Sensitive Young People”, which I downloaded from i-tunes. Doreen Virtue has a message for parents about listening to the important things kids have to say. This audio book has given me, as the mother of a 9-year old, faith, strength and awareness to strive for naturalism and resist media and chemicals.”

    Very cool. I will download that and listen.

    And the Astrology of Fate too- I’ve been meaning to read- I am a Pluto girl- with Sun in the 8th and Pluto on my ascendant- so thanks for suggesting that.

    Pixie Dust, I hear what you are saying! Kids from disadvantaged homes or single parent etc…are faced with some difficult challenges- but there are courageous stories out there- of just everyday people who KICK ASS- and it’s very inspiring.

    My mom, and kick ass lawyer, (who was adopted, and then abandoned by her adoptive father- & her adoptive mother died then when she was 23), just won “Woman of the Year” in Law and Government- just goes to show how far we can go if we are willing to overcome & fight. woo hoo!


  18. I am no mother (I have dogs but that can’t really count) and so all of you who even try to parent get huge credit!

    Last evening I was sitting out on my porch and it had begun to drizzle a little rain and get windy and I heard this lady across the street screaming about how “Pissed Off” she was. I looked over there like the nosy neighbor I am usually not, to see who she was yelling at. It was like, a toddler about 1 foot tall (est), I mean, like a new baby just walking around outside in the carport!

    Then I saw her grab a beer and light a smoke, saw her waving her hands around furiously, and heard her yelling some more, and slamming things.

    All I found myself thinking was when that kid grows up he/she may have a lot of issues linked to having “Pyho Mom” of the neighborhood. Judgmental sounding, I know.

    Maybe part of this kids destiny is to grow spiritually within that exact kind of context, therefore she is maybe basically just doing her job according to the plan back before anyone remembers.

    That is what I like to think when it comes to my “horrible” childhood (it was, by any defintion, abuse-wise, just horrible). But, subsequent to the spiritual awakening I have referred to on other posts, I would not want anything to have been different. Everything had to be as yucky as it did to take me to the exact moment as it was.

    So, if you think you are the anti-Christ of parenting, maybe that is all just part of the bigger plan. LOL. No, really, I applaud anyone who tries to see and improve her/him self in any/every way that might be indicated, including, as a parent.

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