People Who Treat Their Partners Like Crap And Then Pine For Them When They Are Gone…

venus tempts marsFrom 2008.  This was before we got married…

“He’d take you back in a minute,” the soldier said.

“You’ve to be kidding me. You think that? I don’t think you’re right.”

“Bullllllllshit! He’d take you back in a half a minute. One second, he’d take you back.”

“That is hard for me to believe.”

“It’s the truth. So would any other man who has ever known you for that matter.”

I shook my head. ‘That is a pretty spectacular thing to say. I don’t know how to believe that could be true.”

“It is true.”

“Why do they treat you like crap when you’re with them then?”

“Don’t know, P. I don’t know but I do know he’d take you back with no question.”

We got off the phone and it occurred to me he was probably right. I don’t care how this sounds. I just have pain. But I think this is common so I want to know about it.

If you are the type who treats good people / partners like crap until you force them out the door and regret it… why?

Why do you do it… and where is your Venus?

pictured: Venus, Mars and Cupid. School of Fontainebleau, cica 1550

52 thoughts on “People Who Treat Their Partners Like Crap And Then Pine For Them When They Are Gone…”

  1. Avatar

    Nope. I’m the one they TRY to take back two or three years later. Venus in the fishes swimmin’ back n’ forth.

  2. dunno. but i’ve had a number try to get me back after the fact and have wondered if they were insane… or just stupid…

    but… a rat is a rat is a rat… no insult intended to the rats out there who make wonderful pets for people…

  3. HA. I have had that done to me more times than i care to remember.

    My exe’s will say years down the line …. ‘you were the one i should have married’ and i say ‘you’re full of bullshit’ 😉

    Venus in Scorpio

  4. A girl with Venus in Scorpio treated me like that. I have got also Venus in Scorpio and thought this would never happen. I love her and if she changed her mind I would forgive everything.

  5. Venus in Cap, Mars in Scorp.
    Happens to me all the time as well with past lovers. They viciously amputate me and then contact me randomly months or years later regretting what they did and telling me how they haven’t found someone as committed or caring and yadda yadda…or they opt for the oh-so-classy booty text! I’d like to think it’s my Plutonian magnetism that keeps them coming back, haha. Yeah right.

    But as far as the rat is a rat mentality…I don’t know. Because the best is when they contact you wishing you well because they truly have realized how they were in the wrong…I don’t know, it always makes me smile, because regardless, we’re all human and we all have a chance to undo our ways and genuinely attempt to make amends. I’m not saying you should let them back in your life, or that I ever do, but at least let them have the same opportunity to grow. If they’re scum, they’re scum, fine, don’t bother, but allow them their own transformation…god, that sounds hokey, but I hope I’m making sense! I’d rather not buy into the doom and gloom idea that we’re never free to change ourselves. We can’t do anything to change the past, but we can do everything to change our futures.

  6. I don’t know, I have gone back with boyfriends.
    Not cheaters just Aquarius…Those damn Aquarius men. And my ridiculous Sag moon edged on with Leo in Mars…The moon and Mars are stupid.
    Send me some flowers, leave little apology messages, etc…When I break up its not over cheating. Its usually due to something nobody else would be arguing about. Because nobody else would be analyzing everything due to all of my damn virgo. Oh here is an example wearing a Tie for New Years Eve and not passing out at a Fondue restaurant. Damn Aquarius Men.

    Then the following week, they go to Feast of the Hunters Moon and buy me a basket of soap made with all natural ingredients, made by crafters from the local area and honey made by the Indians..What virgo can’t relate to logic and the environment and helping local business folks…

    Good gosh, I am a mess…LOL

  7. I occasionally miss lovers I broke things off with – but I don’t think that’s the same thing? It’s just … when the bad outweighs the good for me, I look at where I want to be with this person long term, or IF I want to be with them long term. (Most of my friends say I let relationships drag on too long … but I am comfortable with my own time line)

    Doesn’t mean I don’t miss the good stuff, though. It brings a smile to my face to remember the good, even from years ago, especially when there’s so much bad in the world to get my attention.

    My Venus? 2nd house Cancer, conjunct Mars. Opposite Jupiter in Cap in the 8th and squared up with Uranus in Libra in the 5th

  8. I had a scorpio give me a booty call.
    It was shortly after a break up. Neither one of us were dating other people. After the action was done. I handed him his clothes and said here its time for you to go. He looked really shocked ? he said “I don’t get to spend the night ?” my reply “No you don’t we are broke up and honestly the sex really wasn’t that good so you have not even earned the right to stay the night you need to go.” “It is definetly over”

    He said “I will take you too breakfast”
    I said “no here our your clothes, I am tired and you need to go”

    I tried it, it felt weird and it wasn’t a good fit for me.

  9. It took a long time. My ex husband’s Sun sat right on top of My Venus in Aries which is in the 9th house. My venus is well aspected – very well – but has this trine to Uranus. My ex did not treat me right and when I finally moved out all of HIS friends apologized to me and told me that they thought HE was crazy – that they would never let a woman like me go. His venus was over there in Aquarius, and I think his mars was in Capricorn. Anyway – after his third marriage (I only married that once) I got a sincere hearth felt apology from him. My lawyer and all his friends kept telling me it was all him.

    I never did remarry – think I need to get over that.

    I am guessing with that Venus in Aries in the 9th house I am learning it is not so horrible to be alone, and much better to be alone than to be in bad company.

  10. I’ve never felt bad about people I’ve broken up with, nor wanted them back.
    If my most recent ex wanted to give it another shot, I’d give it a try as long as he apologized and acknowledged his mistakes. I don’t feel like I treated him bad or shoved him away, but I may have. If so, I’ve already apologized for whatever he felt I did wrong (which he still hasn’t told me about, and probably won’t unless I force it).

    Mars-Venus-Pluto conjunct in Libra, trine Moon, sextile Neptune.

  11. I guess what I was saying was he treated me badly, and just assumed there would be someone else as good as me waiting just around the corner. I think he figured it out that it was not so easy, and you should not treat good people so badly.

    I got another heart felt apology from a boy who broke my heart 29 years ago – a sincere one. To this day his family still asks about me. This boy left me for another girl that he married. Me-thinks it has not been all that great of a marriage – but it lasted a long time.

    I have gotten a lot of apologies -so maybe things will move forward again. Over with those two.

  12. Sometimes they’d take us back only to treat us as crap again. When we’re gone they pine because they’re missing their victim, it makes them feel powerful… so this can be a never ending game – if we get back.

  13. Reality,
    You got that right! Apparently he didn’t talk about what was bothering him because it would hurt me, so instead he left me without warning and took a 22-year-old slut (not a word I use lightly, but it’s accurate) into our home and fucked her two days after I moved out.

    Yeah, he’s got a lot to atone for if he ever tries to come back. 😉

  14. Argh! A man with Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Moon in Scorpio treated me like that – and as far as I can tell, he’s still pining. I’ve Venus in Cancer, Moon in Cap and moving on…

  15. I never treat good people like crap. I know some of my exes would claim otherwise. I also know that what a good person is depends on who you’re asking.

  16. Did this once, a LONG time ago, when I was 20 and extremely stupid.

    Actually, I wasn’t pining for the actual guy, but the idea of him. He was stable and wanted a serious relationship, which I thought I needed at the time. In actuality, it would never have worked, but I was too consumed by the idea to realize that.

    In all the other cases, we were both glad it was over. No further communicating. They simply disappeared and I never saw/heard from them again.

    Venus in Virgo, conjunct Pluto and Uranus.

  17. I was with someone we split then 10yrs later we tried again and then I got out. I figured out he was the one who is always pinning for the one he is not with, if he was with me he was pining for his soon to be ex-wife and when he was with her he was pining for me. weird. He is a cap with tons of scorp in his first house. I have cap in 7th and 8th house. It was very frustrating. When I got with my husband the ex made one finaly attempt, it didn’t work thank god.

  18. This is a fantastic question. Venus in Libra. Venus sextile Mars; conjunct Saturn; sextile Neptune; conjunct Pluto. (New to astrology – maybe you can find more meaning in these aspects than I can.) LIbra sun, I have tons of libra in my chart. I love love, and am also very afraid of it. Trusting another is very difficult. Feels like giving up freedom (tons of sag in the chart too, moon in sag). When someone gets too close – which isn’t too difficult – either I run away or, if they persist, I let them know. Not surprisingly, intimacy issues abound. I attribute it to childhood junk, but perhaps it is also present in the conjunction with Pluto?

    I really wish I knew why I did it. I’m working very hard on NOT doing it – psychologically destroying a human being in order to make them go away. It’s ruined a lot of relationships with great human beings. It isn’t something I feel I have control over – feels like a form of possession. But I feel strongly that I DO have control over circumstances that lead to that weakness of being easily controlled by the flood of negative emotions, of wanting to make someone leave the scene entirely, of not knowing what else to do and so giving up entirely on a situation with someone and saying and doing anything to make them go away. (Then, of course, regretting it greatly, wishing that I could do something, that they could help me get to the root of this very thing that tortures them, and me, too.)

    There is also the sense that you want to show someone (share? that’s a sick way of putting it) the ugliness that is inside of you, so that a potential partner will “know what they are getting themselves into”. Early on in a relationship, I’ll make it a point to allow this seething ugliness to come to the fore, just so that the person can make an informed decision for themselves as to whether or not they’re still interested in coming along for the ride, of climbing up the tall tall mountain together. I’ve got demons, they’ve got demons. We date not only the person but their demons, too. The way I figure, we lay it out on the table and if we’re both still game for the messed up four-way of him, me, and our respective ugly entourage, (and presuming other things are also compatible), then we’re game.

    But usually I find some reason to reject a suitor, even if he has seen this and accepted it and (gasp!) loved it. That’s more than I’ve been able to do… Maybe one answer to your question is, some people just aren’t ready to be loved.

  19. oh god, von, I know that song. 7th house aqua. I’m expecting a phone call tonight. I was in the middle of dumping the guy and he had something he had to do so he’s calling me back so I can finish dumping him. AHAHAHAHAHA! actually he figures he can wriggle out of it again and will call me back when I’m in a more caving mood. then he’ll cry. maude give me the strength to call up a waaaaahmbulance for him. ::crossesself::

  20. Conny has it absolutely right. My ex has Venus in Scorpio. I took him back once on a promise of change. He did. He treated me even worse. Second time I made sure he stayed away.

  21. I was with a Sun in Libra, Moon in Aquarius, Venus Conjunct Mars in Virgo, who was absolutely horrible to me. He would talk down to me, cheat, and just treat me like I WAS the bad person. He would manipulate the situation like I WAS the crazy person. I left, and he came back, and then I realized it was the same thing, and really couldn’t take it anymore. He says he regrets it, but I’ve moved on. This was a year and a half ago.

  22. Venus in Cancer, and it gives me a homely feeling. I am quite happy with my spouse, he cares for me and i am the most important person in his life. It quite sad to hear but i am really happy that this isn’t the case for me. My Venus is going well by far. Thanks for the share…!!

  23. My ex did this to every girl he was with. Treat them like crap, dump them, apologize and try to win them back, be nice for a little while, then repeat.

    I can’t totally answer why. His Venus was in Leo.

  24. My Venus is in Scorpio in the 9th conjunct my Saturn also in the 9th in Scorpio.

    I don’t treat my mates like crap although I have had 2 that treated me like crap. The first marriage was a deal marriage we only got married to get our orders changed. We were supposed to divorce once we got settled into our new duty station. Why we didn’t I will never know that relationship lasted 4 days less than 3 years. Husband number 2 was great for 7 years then the worm turned in his brain and after that our relationship went down the drain. I was with husband number 2 for 12 more years before I could get shook of him. Once he got notice that he would be receiving his VA compensation I left never looked back. He pesters our daughter for information about me. My daughter and I both are going WTF!!! He told our daughter that he just didn’t try to save the marriage and that he is really sorry he didn’t. My daughter, current husband and I are all going (Huh what is he talking about?). My husbands X same thing treated him like crap. A few years ago she bemoaned to their daughter that if he had not met me then she and my husband would have gotten back together.(WRONG ANSWER)! We think she wants us to adopt her or some such thing she has to call or come over and talk to us at lest once a year in the beginning it was once a week. My current husband is a gem he treats me like a Queen and we have been together since 1 June 1996 we got married on the 27th of December 1997. This woman asked me if she and the boys could move in with us 1998. I was I am sorry we have a no subletting clause in our rental contract but the children are welcome to come live with us no problem. Two of my husbands four children were already living with us what was two more.

    How ever I can not understand why anyone treats their mate like crap and then pines for them once they have run them off. I currently know of at least 4 situations like that and it doesn’t make one bit of sense to me.

  25. Sickest most dyfuctional relationship ever had with a Scorpio male, sorry Scorps…no offense. I flat out asked “Why do you want me back, you will just mistreat me; don’t you want someone to cherish?” His reply “No, I love you!”

    I got way to much Virgo energy in my chart to fall for such shenninigans. Shennigans to me may equal love to others. Oh well!

  26. Ooohhh man I totally did this. I had a truly amazing partner for almost 7 years, and treated him so abysmally that he had no choice but to leave to protect himself.

    The reason was a mixture of youthful idiocy and inexperience, mixed with a mind-boggling arrogance. I truly believed that no matter what I did, he’d stay. And I managed to justify everything in my mind, so when by conscience would try to let me know that I was wrong, I could pooh pooh it.


  27. Ha, Ruth. I just pulled an ex-boyfriend’s chart. Our birthdays are a week apart, his Venus 6 degrees Cancer, mine 28 degrees Gemini. He treated me like crap and then pined/stalked me for years. I’m gonna get all touchy now though and say Scorpio moon here, I don’t treat my partners like crap!

  28. Okay so I used to do this but I swear to you I had no idea that’s what I was doing. Venus in scorpio … getting high off pain (so over thattt!). On the bright side, I really do think awareness makes all of the difference. It’s a choice once you are aware of what your depriving yourself of. Also a cap sun so maybe that’s why I feel the need to make a change.

  29. Good luck trying to point finger at any one sign.
    Two men treated me like crap only to woo me as soon as I dumped them: a Sag and an Aqua.
    Never treat my partners like crap and I am guilty only of saint like patience with a-holes.
    As a Scorp stellium I am tired of being accused of all sorts of nastiness.

  30. Avatar
    Blessed Place

    Conny said: “Sometimes they’d take us back only to treat us as crap again. When we’re gone they pine because they’re missing their victim, it makes them feel powerful… so this can be a never ending game – if we get back”

    Sometimes they are just missing the sex. The Man, with whom I had an on/off passionate relationship lasting some 22/24 years, would be a candidate for the above but he genuinely doesn’t see that he is mistreating women. In HIS terms, and he had an Aqua Moon AND a Gemini Venus, he makes his position clear from the outset: he loves, he wants it longterm if it’s good, but never exclusively.

    Our relationship was an endless cycle of more of the same. Obviously there was something meaningful there for us both, or we wouldn’t have kept going back… he was always the one to pursue me though and never the one to ‘finish’ it… and always the one to behave in ways which most women would describe as ‘treating them like crap’!

    The sex was always great though, and for some of us that’s a great pull – it’s not easily found

    I find Aquarians (Sun/Moon/Venus) tend to be like this. They will wander off, and expect you to do the same – AND expect you to be there when they come back. They will always try to get you back, too… There are also men (Leos esp, of whom I’ve had a few) whose pride will just not allow the woman to have the last word – so they too will try to get you back…! I think Leo women can be like this too btw

  31. Venus in 1st house Gemini conjunct Sun-Moon-Asc, opposing 7th house Neptune. My last relationship we pretty much treated each other badly the last 2 years, very badly. Lots of projection going both ways. I pushed him to the point of leaving, and now? We both pine for each other… makes no sense to me but it is what it is. I so gotta look into our synastry someday.

  32. I treated my first boyfriend like crap. I was seventeen and excited for my first boyfriend.

    But age isn’t an excuse. I treated him that way because I was a selfish and just plain a terrible person, and that’s the truth, plain and simple. I NEVER treated another person like that again.

  33. I don’t know if this can be pinned on a sign in venus or house. Responses are interesting and helpful.

    My Venus is Libra in 5th. His (estimated) was Venus in Aries in 9th. Separately, we’re both very caring, loyal, popular and friendly people. Together, we were great friends at first and then it fell apart because he was treating me like crap. I couldn’t take the pain anymore. Bothers me that I ever cared about him. Sort of feel manipulated or used but on the other hand, recognize he has next to zero self-awareness or at least self-acceptance. I dunno. His Mars is in his 7th. He likes to argue and get his own way on everything. Impossible for me with Venus in Libra.

    I miss him but don’t pine for him. I miss the nice person I knew, not the one who took his pain and control issues out on me. I don’t give second chances anymore but did when I was with my first love many years ago. That didn’t work. I’ve never taken anyone back since.

  34. Venus in Scorpio in the 9h here conj Saturn in 10h Scorp. People have tried to string me along, but mama didn’t raise no fool. Find that the Venus in air people are the worst about this.
    And when I end it with someone, I am doner than done. Would be content to never see that person’s face again, whether they pissed me off or not at all.

  35. I’ll cOp. Venus in Virgo 8th house opposite Aq moon 1st house. Messed in the head with relationships. HUGE abandonment issues. I’ve done some mean things and also had horribly cruel things done to me! Now I just stay away-better that way.

  36. That’s happened to me more times than I can count — men being abominable to me and then contacting me years later wanting to get back together. And it’s always bewildered me. They didn’t value me the first time around, why would it be any different the second?

    One man called me and offered to get me a computer, camera, etc., which was his MO when we were together — to buy me things, not necessarily things I’d wanted. Then he made a disparaging comment about the back surgery I’d had in the interim. And he wondered why I didn’t want to get back together. He was extremely abusive, which was my reason for ending it the first time, and he clearly hadn’t changed in five years.

  37. I fully agree with you guys re the abusive partner missing their doormat/whipping boy.
    But I’m curious.. In these cases who initiated the separation? Was the abusive one significantly older/younger?

    (oh yeah, have venus conj saturn in 9th.. no 10th)

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Scroll to Top