Trouble Making Friends: Venus in Virgo in the 11th House

Dear Elsa,

I try so hard to make friends, but get rejected constantly.

I try to do everything right: I listen, I respond to what I listen to, I ask follow up questions. For some reason, people don’t respond positively to me. I’m a nice person and think I would be a good friend to have. Is there something that I can do based on my astrological background that can allow me to connect better with people?

Trouble Making Friends

Dear Trouble,

I’ll be honest with you. I’m a little bit baffled, because I think you’d be a good friend to have just by reading this. You’re honest, you’re humble and you want to connect. These are all exemplary characteristics. They are hallmarks of a person worth knowing. And there is nothing in your chart suggesting you are any more broken than the rest of us, so I am going to have to take a guess what the problem may be, okay?

Could you be trying too hard? Because you are a Virgo with Venus in Virgo in the 11th house. Virgo wants to be perfect and the 11th house is concerned with friendship. So are you trying to be the “perfect friend”? Because I could see where that might be off-putting. Think about it. People are all jacked up. Every single one of them! And then here you come, all perfect and everyone turns their back.

You know, I’ve seen this out in the world. In the gym, specifically. I go to a gym and have for years. And I go at roughly the same time of day, so I am familiar with most people… I know them all to some degree. But there are two women in there who really stand out, for the simple fact that the whole gym ignores them. Not avoids them. Ignores them. And one of them tried to talk to me some years ago when I first started going.

She tried. She fell all over herself trying to make nice with me and it creeped me out. “You aren’t real?” I thought. “Get away from me, you Stepford Person.” And I could see she was hurt by my lack of response. I could feel her pain! But I still didn’t want to be her friend.

And I watched this happen to this gal several more times with other people and now, some years later, she doesn’t even try to connect. Expecting rejection, she just cuts through the gym, like everyone hates her and I don’t think they do. They just sense she can not be accessed in a way that is genuine. And I feel very sorry for her. And I know this is a horrible story, but it’s the only thing I can think of to explain your plight.

So remember, this is a GUESS. But if it resonates with you… well you’re going to have to relax. People like people who fart, you know? Because they fart. People want to talk to people, not Barbie. And you are a person… it’s obvious from your mail.

So how about going out in the world, like you did with this email, leading with your fears and insecurities – your humanness this is. And see if you don’t get some takers. Because I bet you that I’m not the only one who finds the person who wrote this question appealing without reservation.

Good luck.


10 thoughts on “Trouble Making Friends: Venus in Virgo in the 11th House”

  1. This reminds me of a cartoon episode I caught where a young kid famous for being perfect is “locked out” or ignored by the rest of them at recess. He is surprised because he pretty much always expects to be eventually ostracized and says something like “there may not be anyone better than me, but there is always someone happier.”

  2. hey! im nicole, just wondering if you know what kind of person i am when i have moon in gemini, pluto conjuct my scorpio acsendent, libra in 12th house, sun in virgo…

    please try to expalin some or all of these aspects as i wouldmuch appreciate it… thankyou! just in case you need to know, my date of birth is 1988, 2 september, born 11:45 am

    1. wow…nicole…we’re almost the same.. i had thought someone stole my identity to figure out about me… hate that this was over 7 years ago because you’ll probably never see this as i’d love to converse with you about our charts…
      sun in virgo, mars in gem, scorpio moon and ascendant…sept 2, 1992 born 11:16am in cle,oh. pluto conjunct asc as well.

      I’m not sure if i have venus in virgo or libra in the twelfth…cafe and alabe say 12th venus, but an astrologer told me i have 11th venus in virgo. both descriptions fit me.. th

  3. I am a Virgo and also struggle with this!!! It drives me insane! I looked at another site before I found this one and it confirmed what I have been saying lately – that I’m very good at burning bridges! the only problem is, I don’t know how to build any!!! “If some flaw or imperfection is perceived in a relationship, then she will have no hesitation in breaking the bond.”

    check it out:

    Let me know if you have any advice on building those bridges!

    1. speaking semi- literally, in order to construct a new bridge, one would normally take what design information they have gathered from the bridges they burned and design a better one. in addition, one may also burn bridges for they sake of “reverse engineering” it to make it better and more lasting. one of the books i read, by Joanne Wickenburg, says that virgos classify information, digest it, and apply it in a place where it will be useful. without at least one virgo in every area of life, there would probably be very little improvements made anywhere in the world… we would literally be left to lesser than “our own devices”. each person has an astrological chart in their system. this could mean that every person is fairly equipped with a very powerful and personalized tool set for life… instead of seeing things as if they are telling you just about your personality, (if you haven’t already) you could see astrology as telling you about your potential and your abilities… (:

  4. Hello Elsa and friends!
    Im a Virgo with Venus in Virgo in the 11th house… and also Mercury… and Mars 🙂
    Life is Pain

  5. thank you, Trouble. i also have venus in virgo in the eleventh house. i would like to be your friend, and not just because of our astrological similarity… would you like to be my friend?

  6. I can’t believe how a post from 12 years ago gave me exactly what I needed to hear today.
    I have Virgo & Chiron in my 11th house and it is the most painful area of my life. I am so glad I found this. Many of us 11th house Virgos are Libra risings so we love other people, too.. I comment wishing that more who may need to read this gets to read this.
    Thank you fellow 11th house Virgo for reaching out, ♥ ♥ ♥

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