Dear Elsa,
I will soon be turning forty. I never thought I would go through a mid-life crisis phase, but I feel I may be in the depths of one. I married at the age of nineteen and we’ve been married for almost 21 years. We have two wonderful teen-age daughters and I will graduate college in December.
With all this great stuff going on in my life, why do I feel so empty? I feel suffocated and tied down. I went to the movies last night… alone again. My husband works out of town and the girls are always with their friends. More and more I am finding myself alone, and my eyes are beginning to wander. Recently I’ve lost 15 pounds, changed my hair style and bought some nicer clothes. I am seriously headed for trouble if I can’t pull myself back together.
Please help!! What am I to do?
Turning Forty
Dear Forty,
There is nothing wrong with losing weight, getting a nice haircut and dressing well! What society calls a mid-life crisis, astrologers call the Uranus opposition… and I think you should embrace the change.
And society says these forty-year olds are trying to be twenty, but that’s not it. At the time of the Uranus opposition, you realize your time on this planet is limited and there is an urge to break out of a rut – which is exactly what you are doing. And since your transit is applying, you can expect more of the same, so I would expect to continue to progress in this direction… thank goodness!
It’s sort of like re-booting your computer. You’ve got all this gunk and baggage and you want to dump it and live free. And why shouldn’t you? You’ve raised your kids! You’ve shown up for 20 years!
Now specific to your wandering eye, so what? You are noticing others and they are noticing you. This does not mean you are going to act on anything. Maybe it just means you’re becoming more vitally alive.
So I say, just keep doing what you’re doing and allow things to unfold. Go to the movies. If you tire of going alone… if there a void, eventually the universe will fill it. And when you’re talking about Uranus, it will always be in the most unexpected way. So please. Try to relax and enjoy this transition. You are going to be fine. In fact, you are going to be better than ever. It is okay to be free.
Good luck.
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“It is okay to be free.”
These words are wanting me to take them home…
So THAT’S what a midlife crisis is all about!
*Bump* Alot of people I know are turning, or have turned 40 this year. It’s funny to read their comments on facebook, and yeah, it’s like their trying to be a teenager. My teenage daughter: ::rolls eyes::
I have NO PROBLEM being free. Being a single mother, I want my child to be independant and free. The more independant she becomes, the more indepence I get *back*! 🙂 My aries asc, moon in aquarius likes that! 🙂
The opposition opposes my natal 7th uranus. My daughter will be 18. It’ll be interesting to see what happens. I love freedom.
Oh my God, THANK YOU ELSA! Lol! ?
I think I’ve been feeling this coming for awhile. My Uranus is 10 Scorpio in the 11th House. Lately I’ve been feeling like kicking over the traces, especially since ST’s death. My mortality is becoming much more of a reality, and I’m starting to realize I don’t have forever. He died before we had a chance to go and do a lot of things he wanted to do. So now I’m like, how long am I going to keep on doing the safe thing all the time?? The expected thing? The boring thing? I’ve been a caregiver professionally for 18 years. I put my life on hold for ST for 5 years—so I was a caregiver at work AND at home. Dammit, it’s MY TIME. If I want to do something my parents may not approve of or my friends may judge me for—fuck it. I don’t plan on doing anything stupid, but I’m really ready to do the reboot you were talking about and shake my mane loose, have some fun for a change. Make a new life for myself. I beam inside just thinking about it! ?
I feel the same! Im just now realizing how much of my life, I have lived for others. Its fine, Im not resentful at all. But the tide has shifted. Ive started doing things that make ME happy. And Im also kind of saying, sorry not sorry to people in my life who dont approve.
Do it ! Go
Live nobody can get in your way! And u deserve it…live it up!
Amazing advice Elsa, thank you!
You’re welcome. 🙂
I turned 40 in 1992. In 1991, with Uranus applying in square to my natal Uranus I had my first child at the age of 39, then in 1992 with Uranus in exact square to my natal Uranus I had my second child. Total mid-life crisis. I had loved my carefree twenties and thirties but did not want to face the second half of my life without a family. (I did go on to have a third child at age 43, go figure.) Now at 67, having amazing young adult children, with Uranus opposed first by Pluto, and then by Saturn I’m seeking independence and a fresh start again. Astrology always shows the truth.
Finally divorced my first husband at 42. Freedom Yes !!!. I did sort of re live my early 20s again. No regrets. I so needed that re boot. Did it for a couple of years until I met hubby # 2.
I read somewhere, can’t find the reference, that mid-life crisis happens over a few years ….
Phase 1 – T.Pluto square N.Pluto – endings, transformations, internal death of something
Phase 2 – T.Neptune square N.Neptune – confusion, fogginess, disillusionment, releasing
Phase 3 – T.Uranus opposite N.Uranus – sudden changes, reinventing, rebelling, tapping into a higher consciousness
Phase 3 – T.Saturn opposite N.Saturn – rebuilding, structures, commitments, stability, karmic manifestations
The houses, signs, aspects, patterns etc will show which and/or how each areas of our lives are affected. What’s interesting is then after all this we hit the Chiron Return at 50ish, and if you have not done the work during your mid-life crisis ….healing, wounding takes a new meaning.
Looked all the phases up in my Ephemeris and compared to my natal chart – it’s spot on! Thanks for sharing.
I’m the same age and my biggest recommendation is to leverage that Neptune square. Avoid drugs and numbing addictions, in fact use the opportunity to clean up anything like that and experience life afresh.
And turn inwards to the spirit, use the square to identify rigidity or dogma that no longer serves, and rely on Neptune faith to get you through the upheavals that Uranus demands. And take it easy on yourself, above all.
This is my experience anyway, I guess I can’t go around prescribing it for others as such. And it’s still underway so I have no idea how it works out in the end. But I know that resistance is futile and ultimately counterproductive, but that there seem to be huge gifts available for those flexible enough to bend with the tides and harness that lucky lightning bolt when it strikes
Right there, it’s quite nice to have an Aquarian ascendant.
Uranus is squaring this for sure, and it stirs up trouble in the family these days…
I had the opposition to my moon some years ago, and boy did I break FREE. I moved 200 miles away, to start a new life and home, thinking this man was the one I was going to have kids and get married with.
Turned out he was just a boy and not a man.
I have done the “free” thing now for my whole life. Even while being in relationships that turned into relationsh*ts was freeing when they left me, because it transformed my outlook on myself a lot (Scorpio stellium here).
But in the end I need to follow that unicorn who is calling to me – alway. When I become unsatisfied, I try to find the source and do something about it. But then what?
So, these days, I find myself – unexpectedly – wishing for family, settlement and security. Uranus is in Taurus and my 3rd/4th house. Yes, baby, domestic life might just be the next thing in this Aquarius’ rising’s life – if I can have my freedom combined with motherhood or domestic happiness. It will require a lot of patience of course, and I might scared at the thought of commitment FOR REAL, materialistically as well as emotionally, but I find myself feeling “this is what I want, this could be just what I need” approach. And you gotta follow you heart, now don’t you Aquarius?! At least within the confines of some individual frames or boundaries (Saturn as co-ruler)
My Uranus opposition… finally broke free from the oppressors in my family of origin and family of marriage. It’s been nearly 10 years and one of the best moves I’ve ever made – life is so much better. Natal Uranus 7H Virgo 29 degrees.
Oh wow! I can feel your freedom. Yaaay you! I know about shitbags in “family of marriage.”
Thank you! I was very young and naïve when I married the only boy with 3 sisters. When the mother in-law tells you “you’ll never be good enough”, believe her. Long, hard lesson I had to learn. SHITBAGS indeed!!
This is excellent advice! In my early 40s during my Uranus opposition, I became a professional pilot. I trained student pilots, and there’s quite a few of them now captains flying big jets. So the sky is literally the limit under this transit.
I had a horrible Uranus opposition but it was transiting in my 12th! I felt spiritually dead and had to find new ways of feeling good. I really had to watch my health/diet routines and change them up to keep motivated. I was suddenly direct in speech and action when avoiding negative situations and toxic people.. Some people fell by the wayside.
Mine’s coming up at age 44, 2021, 3rd house natally…Saturn opposition right before that (6th natal). Neptune square happening now (1st/10th natal) and it’s been a very good growth period, single and happy, a little lonely for more friendships and kinda blah about my career, but mostly just taking the time to heal from a lot of hidden anger and trying to find better ways to cope other than lots of beer, lol. Hopefully 2021 won’t completely wreck me 🙂
Hmm, I’m turning 40 and this was not even on my radar. Interesting! But my Uranus is in mid Scorpio so it’s probably a bit early for me. First Uranus in Taurus will make sweet sweet love with my Virgo stellium <3. At least that’s something to look forward to.
Well after Saturn hit my 8th and change my marriage completely … , I know the feeling .. :-/