There was discussion in the forum, “What Makes A Good Friend”. The main criteria for me is that the person have reasonable expectations. This may sound weird, but most people expect way too much others, especially their lover.
People are often let down by their friends and their lovers. When you see a person with this pattern of experience (it’s never their fault), it’s a safe bet if you get into a relationship with them they are going to wind up feeling the same about you.
I’ve learned to avoid people like this. Why invest in a relationship with someone who is never satisfied in a relationship? Who would want to get in line to be the next person to disappoint, the person who is always disappointed?
Do you know anyone like this? Are you like this?
My father told me when I was young, always expect people to act exactly like who they are, and you will never be disappointed.
Most people show you all about themselves in the five mins they meet you. This is a truism I guess, but a reliable one.
I’ll tell you what is epidemic. People who want other people to keep them constantly excited and stimulated not realizing they themselves are a bore. ::snortles::
Yeah, this is one of the themes I constantly use during tarot readings, especially when you get a Libra-related card like the Six of Pentacles or Justice. We all form an image of others based on our internal anima/animus. Nobody could ever live up to the artificial construct in our heads. So we are constantly disappointed that people don’t match our expectation, and the more they fall short of our ideal, the more disappointed we are. In addition, we can never live up to our own expectations for ourselves.
Speaking as a person who has been able to maintain lifelong friendships, I can tell you that there is going to come a time when you call them or they call you and you find the person distracted or in a pissy mood or whatever. If you’re going to go ’round the bend over this then you are eventually going to go ’round the bend with whoever and I would just as soon it not be me.
I really do my best all the time and I just get so tired of people being disappointed. I have really learned to spot this a mile away at this point and don’t get involved in the first place. You’re really only being used as far as I am concerned. The person doesn’t want to know a real person they want to know… who cares what they want – I am surely not her, I know that.
Do you know how many people I disappoint writing this blog every day? This stuff is laughable. I get cussed 3 x a week – this is on the weeks I am not cussed 5 X or 7 X. After awhile you figure this stuff out.
satori found the perfect words a couple years ago in regards to me because I can always see it coming.
“You probably wish you could just fast forward to where they hate you.”
ha ha ha. Yeah, baby. Hurry up and hate me so you can go set up to hate the next one, dumb ass. Like anyone with a modicum of brains can’t spot the pattern.
The best friends I had stuck with me through thick and thin and I did the same for them.
There would be disagreements but we always kept them between us and sometimes we tell each other things we might not want to know.
Friends will get you to come out when your down and you do the same for them.
What held my friendships together more than anything was not gossiping about each other to other people and helping each other…
understanding a need from a want and letting each others relationships alone as in not interferring.
I HATE BLABBER MOUTHS AND SO DID THEY.
My friends took our secrets to there graves.
friends and aquaintences treat them differently..
I think you have to run your own life / realize the other person is not responsible for your happiness.
I have a couple life long friends 🙂
We are very different in many ways but as I wrote in the board thread, they are honest, loyal and have integrity. I don’t expect them to give me one smidge more than I am willing to give. I think in a way if you embrace the do unto others philosophy with a person you value as a friend, *the tried and true meaning of friend*, it rarely will go wrong.
That means understanding that everyone has pissy days, can say the wrong thing or have their words misunderstood, or that there will be things that you just can’t agree on. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t a friend.
The way I think is that if everyone thought exactly the way I thought on different subjects, the world would be boring as hell.
I value our differences as much as our similarities.
I have a few life long friends and yes I have had high expectations and yes, I’ve had to face them as unreasonable and let them go. It’s a big job but worth the effort. I have a lot to say about this but it brings up very sad feelings
thank you for bringing it up…I have Capricorn Moon sextile Uranus in the 11th and still smart from things.
I’m regularly let down by people. I always see what they COULD be, if they would just be willing to be more moral, or just tweak this, or that, but most people just take the easy road, even if that means degrading their own character. Does that disappoint me? Terribly. I don’t let people go unless they pick a really crazy fight with me (like, starting rumors around high school that I tried to kill you by pushing you down the stairs), or do something that absolutely disgusts me (like grabbing your gal pal and having a threesome with my guy). I’m pretty sure I’m exactly what’s being railed about here, but whatever. People should be trying to be their best selves possible instead of just trying to step on someone else’s toes to jump a little higher all the time.
Present company excluded.
It seems inevitable that unless and until you find your own center and have plenty of self love and self respect and have dealt with that pesky subconscious for the most part, that there will be projections onto others. Either as a projected shadow, “well I’m only worth this much so I would expect other’s to disappoint me.” As opposed to coming from a place of peace and acceptance within “ I can see that this person is coming from a place of pain, and I will not take this personally, because I want to have a handle on MY own thoughts and feelings.” So adios!
what makes a good friend?
my 11th house, moon, and venus will tell you.
My 11th house is ruled by Sagittarius, and houses Saturn & Uranus ( conjunct with an orb of 1 degree .. 0cap & 29sag respectively) … Venus lies in Libra sextile Saturn & Uranus:) and last but not least… Moon in Aries (let’s save the aspects for now. )
Saturn : loyal, dependable
Uranus : quirky, spontaneous, uninhibited
Sagittarius : freedom loving, tolerant, likes going out
Venus in Libra : Fair minded, GOOD MANNERS! (lol), nice (+1), amicable persona
Moon in Aries : independent-minded, HONEST ( big one ), straight forward
and yes.. these are all qualities that i look for in a friend. I honestly love my 11th house uranus because my social circle is coloured by uranus & saturn. Sometimes saturn, giving me friends a bit older in age, and uranus… always has been since i was a kid. Hung out with both my “girly girls” and “gamer geeks” group ( but really more just pure awesome ) in middle school. The Uranian touch on my social circle has been amplified by my progr asc in Aquarius though, i believe… ( it could not have been. but sure feels like it! )
and high five to kashmiri for being a fellow 11th house uranian…. um, ignore my awkward grammar!
oh and just for the record, when Venus conjunct my MC this year (contacted during my venus return), i caught up with my best friend whom i’ve known since 3rd grade.. ( lost contact during trauma in Highschool. Caught up 3-4 years later which is now ) probably the longest friendship I’ve had.
and guess what? Our friendship was still in-tact! She is a Gemini Sun, Leo Moon ( sun falls into my 5th, moon in my 7th ) and my bestest best friend. That’s Saturnian friendship for ya.
I would say yes to the reasonable amount of expectations in a form that can inspire the other person.
When -high- expectations get in the way of letting the other person be himself, then its a no-no for me.
Live and let live
I’ve been thinking about this since it was posted yesterday because it just goes everywhere. If you follow the idea, you can see that just this one thing, unreasonable expectations, is the cause of so much of the separation and polarity that exists in the world, from the personal right up to global level.
I’ve often wondered why it is that someone like me who, on one level, is a very sociable person, has such difficulty making friends.
And it’s just this – you become so bruised by the fear of never being able to live up to another persons expectations, you stop trying.
Nice one Elsa.
If you are made unhappy by what other people do, you are destined to be unhappy, is my point.
I have experienced this so many times…I have had urealistic expectations in relationships…and many times ended a relationship because I did not get what I though I would get from that person… very selfish…fortunatly I have learned by it..and know I just let people be now more than I did before..
It is intresting to me too that the people that are closest to me know , where my worst enemys before..and I think that has been our advantage , you see eachothers crap first and its based on more reality.
“I’d be happy if only you didn’t do this and this and this, Elsa. I’d be happy if you’d only do this…”
“But you haven’t been happy for more than a minute or two in your life.”
“Oh…”
“If you are made unhappy by what other people do, you are destined to be unhappy, is my point.”
i’ve said that many times before.
the biggest thing i see is people expecting others to think like them, act like them, be them. interpreting someone else’s choices through your own filters brings all kinds of trouble.
I’m not a social person. I was social for four years while at college. It was the only time I ever had a lot of friends. I also lost many of them because I had never had that kind of experience before.
My husband is far more social than I am. Once a week we have friends come over. I’ve learned alot from him. Still, I’d rather not be social. Sometimes I think I could become a hermit and I’d be happy.
If one of our friends asks for something or needs help we’ll do everything to help them. If we can’t I go nuts worrying. Right now I’m going crazy because one of our friends made it sound like she wants us to buy Hess trucks every year for her son (our god son). I’m thinking more along the lines of savings bonds and future. My husband says not to worry about it. But I do. I can’t afford both this year. Is she going to be very disappointed if we don’t get the Hess truck?
Which is why I think being a hermit would be better. 😉
wow what a quote