Sometimes I feel pretty good about myself. Other times, ugh. This week’s transits have hit my chart hard. The Pluto station has been quite incredible.
There have been a lot of distractions as well. Attacks (from hackers) come and go behind the scenes. The site is quite well protected but occasionally there will be a wave. This stuff is not personal. Just your basic Russian, Chinese, Pakistani hackers trying to gain access to the backend of the site for reasons I don’t even try to imagine.
I’m also adjusting to my husband being home and more succinctly, to his schedule. It’s not that far off mine, but I am not used to preparing three meals a day, seven days a week. Luckily, I enjoy this. I just have to set an alarm now, rather than wake up on my own, thirty minutes later – it’s jarring until I can get used to it. And when I get used to it, his schedule will change anyway, so….
This stuff aside, I also have a social schedule of sorts. I joined a committee for one thing. So I went to the first meeting and it went really well. I know this for sure, because several people made a point of telling me how much they enjoyed my being there. Fresh perspective.
I did have odd ideas and managed to be funny in places. However, this did not stop me from going home and feeling repulsive for several days afterward.
Hey! I know there is no reason. I told, satori, “They liked me. I am sure of it, but all I could think is that they must have lousy taste in people…”
I know this is crazy. I also know I am not the first person to feel this way, nor will I be the last.
In reality, it is nice to have new blood in a group.
In reality, I was in a car accident today, but I am okay.
In reality, I am on top my workshop.
In reality, the backend of my blog wears iron underwear.
In reality, I have not one complaint about my life.
So what makes a person feel these things? Saturn Neptune – you suck for no discernible cause? Or is it Pluto, which at times thinks everyone and everything is crawling with bugs.
Either way, these things are remote from a group of people sitting around a table on a committee, enjoying interacting. Luckily the worst seems to have passed.
I would think it is Pluto that makes one feel repulsive. I am like this, too, and at times, I just want to hide away from everyone, but I don’t. It makes me feel very self conscious and at the same time, I think, how dumb it is to think that way.
It can really bring one down if they let it.
I think it’s Pluto too. The Pluto station hits my chart hard. Luckily I have people to remind me not to er…go bonkers, lol.
It’s just so disorienting. Everything goes well…and somehow you flush down the toilet anyway.
Oh man…I do feel better today so it must have been the station.
It’s hard to have Libra AND an 8th house. Because Libra is always inviting and being invited. 8th house has to deal with.
I wound up in the small room with this group, MY back to the wall facing the doorway – pure Plutonian.
And that’s fine, but I have a strong Jupiter too and don’t like being closed in. I’d sit by the door, but I got there and the back corner was obviously going to be mine.
Because the priest was going to be at the head of the table, though he wasn’t there yet. And the regular gals were seated near where he would be.
You get the idea. I was the extra in the group, sort of “sitting in”. IN fact, I was referred to as a “prospective member”>
I’m watching Sons of Anarchy and they have “prospects” right?
LOLOLOL
Killer motorcycle club / church committee tie? If you had Mars conjunct Mercury in the 9th house you’d tie these together as well.
Anyway, I don’t think the priest likes blessing the animals…snakes and such. He joked, “A dollar each.”
I said, “How about a dollar a pound?”
Everyone snorted.
I have Mars conjunct Mercury as well, but not in the 9th and the Sons of Anarchy comparison made me laugh out loud. At least Pluto is on the move again and hopefully things will improve.
I bet that priest don’t like blessing the snakes, either. Haha! I would think he would be worried about all the animals that get brought to him. I can’t imagine cats enjoying being brought in for a blessing. I am still giggling at the thought of all of this.
The whole thing was relaxed and fun. I easily fit in the group. That’s what so irritating. 🙂
As you know, I really do not have the extensive knowledge of Astrology that Elsa and the rest of you have, but I am intuitive, and can’t attach that to any aspect in my chart; it just happens, but not always at my calling; other times it just hits you upside the head, and I am stunned. I’m Scorpio, but have other aspects about who I am, and if nothing else, the world turns every day as the planets go ’round, then everything changes, doesn’t it? My point is, I’d rather have my back against the wall, so as to see who’s coming through the door, rather than they come up behind me. Is that suspicious? No, it is not; it’s smart, it’s being aware, and I am not going to run. If this were happening to me, my observation would be this: just exactly who is it that is going to be sitting near where the priest will sit? I was most active in my Parish when my son attended the Parish School, but the people sitting next to where the priest sat, or positioned themselves to sit next to where the priest was going to sit, never offered a seat to me. It felt to me like, ‘who do you think you are to even attend?’ Whatever! I kept attending. I think Father M was tired of the seating arrangement and was aware of their agenda, and believe you me, those women had an agenda – I don’t know what it was, but I suspected some of it was as to why I wasn’t wanted to be One of Them. As a note, I didn’t want to be One of Them who were like that. Shortly thereafter, one of the priests encouraged me to attend and participate in Parish activities, and he said this: “We need some new blood here, Mrs.C, and we need someone like you.” I told my mother-in-law about it all, and she said in her strong New England accent,”It happens in every Parish!” The hierarchy in the Parish is actually not the one who grabs the seat next to the priest; that’s very telling to me, don’t you think? What’s up with that? Will you be closer to God? I don’t think so. Your back is not against the wall; you were facing the door, rather like the best view of an opposition? Pun intended. A doctor I worked with who used to play football said, “always your enemy in the eye.” That’s good advice, but why would there be adversity in a Parish? There is. Wherever there are people, there’s some kind of adversity. Believe you me, it is going to work out even better than you think it could. And now we have the Pope here in the States who loves humankind and asks us to consider the future of all, and our planet. Nothing wrong with being nice to one another either, don’t you think? or don’t you?
what the foot ball doctor said was, “Always look your enemy in the eye.” I goofed on that in my way to lengthy reply.
I wish I knew exactly what made a person feel repulsive, as I generally cycle through this. I recognize that part of this has to do with the way I perceive other people’s reactions to me; I misread them, I think…or, I read them accurately (and it’s usually in a negative fashion) and they are flummoxed that I was able to do so, so they back peddle…
eh, I don’t know…I can have a love/hate attitude towards people.
I love your word for it, flummoxed. I feel it like this, if I get a bad vibe from other people, and I don’t feel that I misread them, then I ask my self if I insulted them. I’m a social person and have lively interactions with others and almost always get back more than I think I gave. I love to make people happy, and I love their response back to me. I typically get along very well, but sometimes we meet up with someone who loves to hate us. That’s not me; it’s them. I was open; they were closed. I had good intentions, but it just didn’t work out. Happily, for me, and them, it’s most often a good interchange. If I have nothing else in my life, I have that . . . and as far as I’m concerned, that speaks volumes. So I’m penniless, yet very wealthy!
I always feel this way and blame it on my Virgo rising. Self critical to the extreme. ?
But maybe Virgo rising is your challenge! You can change that yourself if you approach it, I think. A wise man, Father Guy told me, “our thoughts are things, and we can send them where we want them to go.” My husband’s aunt was an Astrologer, and she told me he had Venus in Virgo, and he was indeed quite critical in our younger days, but he changed himself and mellowed. Who knows? maybe I changed him! (ha! just kidding) On the other hand, maybe we do come together to help one another change!
BTW, I’m Virgo rising my damn self. I should be taking my own advice, though I didn’t mean to advise you, but uplift you.
Intellectually I know this but so hard to do. Ugh But thanks and you are totally right!
I feel this after any situation where I’m having to get to know new people and put my best foot forward. Interviews or cocktail parties, anything where I suddenly have to communicate with lots of people who don’t know me. In reality I’m sure it goes well but I get a kind of hangover after where I just don’t want to think about the ass I probably made of myself. So maybe an awkward Venus aspect? or something in the twelfth house.
Let’s see. What makes me feel repulsive. When I am repulsed I guess. Like right now, there is alot of short fusedness I am dealing with. But hey, I really respect the people that are holding it together under pressure. It is so ridiculously blatant that it is good for realizing that I just can’t take it personally when I get bitten. I am pretty accustomed to being judged and being on the yuck end of it. From what I’ve been told, people take advantage of me because of my good nature. It is supposed to have to do with my favorable moon jupiter aspect I guess.
Yep…I’ve been feeling repulsive as well. My face is broken out. My hair is falling out. I’ve been under a lot of stress.
Stop feeling repulsive so that you can heal. I’ve also been under tremendous stress, now going on 4 years. My hair thinned because of medical regimen, and my thought is, “I’ll be damned. I’d rather lose my mind than my hair.” Vanity can pull you out of insanity ( <– I just now made that up). We absolutely must start feeling better about ourselves, regardless of what we've been through. You are worth it, and you can become well again, and I will too. As a note, I noticed back in my early 30's, every time Autumn came 'round, I shed hair. You're going to get better, you will.
I think its pluto ”everythings crawling with bugs” too. And with pluto in the 1st house- starting with myself.
Don’t give up your power.
I have this often too. Lots of Sagg, Leo, Aries and all apected by Pluto or Saturn or both. Even though there’s plenty of gregarious, show off energy, I feel repulsive when I’m VISIBLE – Pluto doesn’t like it and Saturn tells me I’ll be punished.
I have Venus in Leo in my 1st house and for some reason Venus retrograde that just ended was especially difficult for me. I felt completely repulsive, I was dying for a haircut and waited until the day after retrograde stopped to finally have it done. I had to close on my new home July 28th and it was just horrible trying to move from my rental. A ton of money had to be spent and it was extremely hot and humid in east Texas during the entire retrograde period which added to the misery. None of this other seems to bother me as much as that time did.
I have Venus in Leo too and this past Rx was bad for me as well. Issues with hair too! We waited to put our house in the market as well…I can understand…
Being gay and being shamed for it made ME feel repulsive. What a trip!
Don’t you dare find YOUrSelf as repulsive! because you are NOT repulsive. Don’t trip on that.
Thanks Caroli. It took me at least six/seven years to feel good about myself again. Darn it, those people were so harsh and condemning.
I hope you are ok from the accident and it’s nothing serious (or doesn’t spark something serious).
As for repulsive, I can’t tell you, I have pluto in aspect to lots of personal planets and I have Saturn Opposing Neptune, as well as in aspect to other planets (and hello cappy moon). So I couldn’t tell you which it is, but I know that I’ve felt the same way, more times than I care to recall (it’s almost a regular part of my life, like day in day out). I pretty much just try to ignore it, as not one time have I been repulsive (to my knowledge, and trust me, I ask, I gotta know, lots of pluto here)
Anyway, this topic interests me to no end, as I suffer the same thing, feeling repulsive is just a part of my life (in public). That being said, I’ve not felt that way at home or on my own,
Angie
I was literally crawling with bugs last week. I had lice. The stress of that and probably hormones made me break out in cystic acne all over my neck and jaw and back. I also have a patch of excema on my hip. This is the kind of stuff I get.
I have sun mc conj pluto in libra. There’s no hiding my ugliness.
Shame dies hard. Once it is a part of your repertoire, it just sneaks around and creeps up on you, showing up in the weirdest places.
Check out Brene Brown’s Ted talks about shame and vulnerability. Life changing.
I don’t know. I think feeling repulsive can be related to shame but not necessarily. I felt no shame about having lice…but I still had lice and cysts on my neck and back and those things are indeed repulsive to many.
That Pluto station made me cranky and keenly aware of shadow stuff. I think it was just the station. We had the Pope up here in DC – and I think that was our Jupiter. It was hard to stay cranky.
I need some fresh air. A big open space, going out in a forest and staying there for some time. I’ve had quite enough of pluto already. First in transit it passed my ascendant and 1st house stellium. Then the progressed moon in 8th house then progressed moon in scorpio. Now I have pluto square prog ascendant exact and solar return pluto in 1st house conjunct rising. Progressed aqua moon will also soon be square natal pluto. Not to mention my lunar returns are either moon in scorpio conjunct pluto or moon in aquarius square pluto. My lunar return only knows two moons and mods of operating. Not repulsive, just tiring, very taxing, sometimes I have to remind myself to breathe.