Whose Fault Is It When A Couple Fights Or Breaks Up?

fightI speak with a lot of people about their relationships. I keep in mind, I’m only hearing one side of a story!

It’s easy to become invested in one side of an issue. Your friends will usually side with you. This makes it easy to lose all perspective.  There are so many ways to interpret a person’s behavior…or misinterpret it.

If you do the latter, you can lose something of real value that you probably should have kept. You may even blather about how righteous and heroic you are in what you’ve done. You say you’re right and your friends agree, but what does that mean, really?

I have Mars and Mercury in Libra. This allows me to advocate for a client’s partner, for the client’s benefit. If he’s a bastard, fine, but let’s make sure! The day you wake up and realize you’re not innocent, is a big one. It can really jar a person and I speak from experience!

When you had a disagreement with someone that leads you to end the relationship, do you purposely blind yourself to your own play in the situation and/or the experience the other person is having?  If so, why? What do you get out of this?

23 thoughts on “Whose Fault Is It When A Couple Fights Or Breaks Up?”

  1. I don’t think many of us can see both sides when emotions and love are concerned, we usually all tend to think we’re right and they wronged us and our friends usually side up with us too, which enforces our sense of being right (even if it turns out we may have been wrong). I get out of this by amputating people and pretending they never were. Not a good idea though wouldn’t recommend others to try this.

  2. No… I see both sides & that can screw a person up a whole other way. If you can see their reasoning- see where they’re coming from, it can make things hard too. Maybe me being too Pisces like, but it really confuses things =/ You can get horribly bogged down, arguing with your own self on someone elses behalf.

    But I agree that there are a lot of people who only see their own side of a story & yeah… that’s not so crash hot either. You DO miss a lot of valuable stuff that way!

  3. I see both sides, libra ascendent. And I’ll quietly admit that to myself what i’ve done wrong, like err hold on for far too long and not flush them out.

    What jars me though is this ‘nice’ business people want to throw around… No you’re not nice, admit it and do me a favour cause my Scorpio can see it and feel it. Own your horrible part cause no one is that ‘nice’.

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    I spent 20 years trying to argue with myself on my partners behalf. When I decided it was BS I spent another 3 years blaming him for everything. There was reason to but even so it was a waste of energy and time I can never get back. Now I just try to focas on my part of things. Day by day becoming stronger and owning my power. Saturn through libra and now Scorpio … I wonder what sag will bring

  5. I can so relate to this! Slowly, I’ve been waking up to my own non-innocence… and it has been shocking and totally humbling. Jarred for sure! I was definitely blinded by self righteousness and guilty of expecting perfection from my husband instead of loving this complex and beautifully imperfect man who has been choosing to love my imperfections. I’m not sure I could have arrived where I am alone. I needed a therapist, a different point of view… someone to challenge my assumptions. I wanted to run but I stayed and it has made all the difference. I could have lost out on a very beautiful life. I’ve really been learning to embrace my “ugly”, to be totally aware of it… because it has such potential to wreck havoc.

  6. Was just thinkin about this. I thought maybe it is the this and that gemini full moon (8th house) hangover.

    I’m not in a special relationship. However, my ol cancer moon is involved in this square. And I am feelin some heat. The complaints I have in any situation are quickly mirrored in another situation in my life where I feel like coming down on someone else. It’s rough because it involves the law bein broken on something I care deeply (cancer moon in the 8th) about . I have learned that it does no good to take a stand if I don’t have backers (8th house partnership lesson) and people support, even encourage, with words but are afraid to stand up. If I stand my life is threatened, which is also why no one else will stand. But then I hear heavy criticism from someone about my person and I feel really hurt. But that is her truth, right? Her laws, even though unwritten and questionable, about how I should be.

    It’s a tangle. I have to back up, take some time and think about this. I have to do the same thing when the other is intentionally irritating me itchin for a fight. Stay out of defensive mode and just let it go before it becomes a full blown war.

    I think it is alot to be ‘on’ all the time. It’s why I live alone. Most go to a job all day and have to perform and then go home and have to perform some more. There’s no time to chill. And then I get sloppy. Or he gets sloppy. And then there is a mess. How much can a nervous system handle? We’ve all got one. Cancer moon is being tested, but this too shall pass.

    It’s just tension release. That’s what is gotten out of it. Falling apart. But it can hurt.

  7. Oh, and it can destroy. That’s power for ya. When it’s misdirected. But in such a state, a person really cannot see the big picture.

  8. Good choice for a series. Your simple clues:
    Uranus is sometimes called, ‘The Awakener”.
    Pluto deals with the shadow.
    Mars in Libra is inclined to attack and blame the other.
    Jupiter allows a person to see the big picture.
    Are very practical, and I consider how easily I slip on the banana peel of my Leo ego which is natally in occupied by Saturn-Mars-Pluto. The odds of me having to pay for feeling omnipotent or all right are stacked against me. It takes me a long time to see accept my part in things without drowning in self-criticism.

    It’s Uranus that has enlightened me over and over. Jupiter opens things up. And then there’s Saturn who keeps at me with “who and what is really worth keeping?”

  9. Your mind tells you one thing (sun and saturn in Libra), but your emotions take your act in a different direction (moon and mercury in Scorpio). With a 12th house Pluto, I am a ‘self undoer’. This is more or less the story of my life.

    1. ’12th house self undoer’ . . . how wise you are. I really don’t think you are alone in that. You just get it. So you got planets there and can’t get away with it. I hear that. Neptune bonzo brain here, and then etc etc.. 😀

  10. I never can see only one side of the story, it’s a plague being a lawyer.really hard for me to take parts.of course in personal matters I tend to stick to what triggers me emotionally,but usually I end up seeing myself wrong.
    btw I had in the past a specific pattern of relationship breakups:idealization first on both sides, then the other person would attack me on something and just flee.uranus 11,saturn 7.
    I wonder how mars in libra can affect my libra rising and libra jupiter conj.uranus+pluto

  11. When losing a relationship, people have to deal with a lot of pain. Pain makes people nasty. The natural reaction is to try and move away from pain. So they blame the other person. And there are those folks who blame themselves all the time when something goes wrong in a relationship. “I am so ugly and stupid and not lovable – they were so right, blablablaaaa.” The latter is me. 😀

    I don’t know if it is Uranus going direct in Aries, but I’m pissed off of my Libra Moon at the moment. F*ck seeing the other side of the coin all the time! And being soooo fair! You can misguide a relationship with this attitude of always thinking of what the other wants and fulfill their needs immediately. And wonder if he is right and you were wrong when he acted like a big stupid arse. Who cares for your needs? Definitely not the other person. Which means, this was an inadequate relationship. It has come to an end. Stop your thoughts right here and move on!

    I’m trying to act upon this thought. Wish me luck! 🙂

  12. I’ve definitely played victim before, but I’ve also had the flip side – where people blame me (or someone else) for what goes awry and use the “there’s two sides to every story” line to minimize their own wrongdoing. Ah, Neptune. And more often than not, people tend to enable the ones who play victim.

  13. I have mars-pluto mixed up in a yod with 8th house jupiter so sometimes I am the victim, other times the villain but I definitely have the ability to see both sides and know it really is an exchange of energy. That said, Mars in Libra is exact on my SN square Venus in Cancer and I am having the hardest time seeing the other side ever since this transit started. Lately I care more about someone being right, or wrong. No, I’m not always right but where I felt victimized I no longer stay to hear the other side. I leave and burn the bridge behind me because its too painful to look back there.

    I will say right now I appreciate the ability to pick a side. It’s nice to see the middle but I feel like I can take action now that I’m a bit more black and white in my thinking. Lol for the first time in too long I stood up for myself today and allowed myself to not feel like im under someone else’s thumb. I’m excited by this energy.

  14. Wow I just had a disagreement with someone that lead to a seemingly end of the relationship. Im going to try and see their point of view. Merry Christmas Elsa you are always so timely.

  15. “Mars in Libra is inclined to attack and blame the other.”
    Elsa, you gotta do a post about every mars sign’s shadow so succintly described someday. 🙂
    The comments section could be quite fun 😉
    I just had a major realization about a very hidden cause of someone’s difficult situation from that statement. Hopefully now that mars person can be helped to improve their life.
    Gotta say, Thanks.

  16. Some people will never own their shadow, because that means that they have to do the work, and not blame someone else!

  17. “The day you wake up and realize you’re not innocent, is a big one. It can really jar a person and I speak from experience!”

    Yes! I walked around thinking I was always right for the longest time. It wasn’t until after my Saturn return – yeah, late – that I was able to gain some perspective and look back and realize my role in all the carnage. Jarring is a great word for it. Oh I was jarred, to the ends of the earth. It also led me to the “pit of despair” and I regretted a number of things I did that were wrong or unnecessary. It tore me up inside, why didn’t I see it before?? How awful I must have looked to people I cared about! *weep, cry, wail, regret* My confusion comes because no one – literally no one – would ever call me out on anything. I am strong willed, but not even one person? Anyway, who knows?

    One thing I will say is that although it was upsetting, it was incredibly freeing because I was able to change my ways and improve my life, even though it will never be what it could have been. Sometimes that still hurts, since you can’t always make amends, or don’t really want to. I mean, I wasn’t 100% awful, just in some ways. Anyway, I try to look at it as youth, naiveté, and forgive myself, but wow some stuff I did was just stupid. And, even after all this time, I am not perfect. But I’m always trying.

    You live you learn!

  18. This post came up randomly it fits with what I was thinking about today. At a very young age of 16 I met the man I would marry and our marriage lasted, adventurous but happy, for 32 years until he passed on. The number one reason why I stayed with this stubborn Aries man who’s Mars was conjunct my Sagittarius Sun was this: He saw through my bullshit and call me out on it. He saw his own too and he owned it. He never once dumped it on me aka you made me do, say, not do, not say, whatever. And I would throw tantrums and be defensive and sulk, until the ship came home. I miss him for that. Got too many timid, friendly and caring folks around me these days.

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