Men and women both struggle to partner these days. It’s agonizing for me to watch because I am positive it should not be this hard!
I’m in a position to judge this. As I’ve explained many times, meeting and greeting / mating rituals have been an interest of mine since I was a child. I was certainly watching from the moment I stepped behind a bar, at fifteen years old. My interest has never waned and why would it? I have Mercury conjunct Mars in Libra in my 9th house. Hunting love and human interaction my favorite area of study. Further, I’ve been on the front line in these interactions, all my life and guess what? I’m never bored. Human interaction intrigues me!
It’s clear, things have changed over the years. The reasons are numerous, but if you can identify them, come to understand some of them, you can get around them.
To partner, you will have to find someone else who has figured it out. OR you can find someone and educate them, yourself.
I don’t care how that sounds. My husband did this for me, or I would not be married, today! If you want to partner in this day and age, you want to be conscious (not demoralized), then get out there and keep your wits about you so you can buck this trend.
I’ve wanted to write about this for some time, but people just don’t realize how they’ve been maliciously influenced. I have this opportunity today, because I saw this short clip, which I posted in the forum. Learned Helplessness Experiment.
Everyone who commented had the same impression. A near miracle, nowadays! But it does show, how people can be utterly twisted, internally, in just a few minutes. Please watch it and ask yourself, considering this, what do you think sophisticated algorithms can do? Please note, this version is a bit longer than what’s in the forum. I could not get the tweet to embed.
My feeling is that people are assaulted, all day, every day, with material that hijacks their instincts, misinforms them, misleads them, terrifies them, sabotages their self-confidence, and this is the tip of iceberg.
In reality, people meet and sometimes they spark. I sparked with my husband, when I was seventeen years old. I was cooking him dinner, three hours later – why? It’s because I did not have all that “altering” influence. He was nineteen and asked me to be his girlfriend, the next day. Just a normal boy, hunting love! He found it!
If you can get back to this… to being yourself, just a every day human being… well, in reality, this is what everyone is looking for. I’m not talking about celebrities blathering or stuff that occurs in movies. I’m talking about your every day normal person – what do they want?
They want to be looked at, talked to, touched, cared for? They want to trust another person. They want to feel if something goes wrong, they won’t be abandoned? They want to be appreciated. As an Aquarian friend told me in my twenties, “Everyone wants to be a big deal to someone!”
These are normal human wants, with nothing added.
These are also things a normal human has to give. In fact, getting and giving these things, enhances our humanity.
I want to introduce this topic. Think about how you may have been sabotaged.
All men cheat.
Women aren’t worth the trouble.
Think about how just those two short sentences could have easily killed the real spark, between my husband and I.
Should I not invite him to dinner, because he might cheat?
Should he refuse the invitation, because “bros before hoes”?
I hope someone can hear me. If you can get this crap out of your head, you will raise your odds of partnering, dramatically.
We’re not actually supposed to view each other as pieces of meat. You find some one you like, it’s about taking a chance.
Our current culture won’t help you partner, or maintain a relationship. On the contrary, it will denigrate every single thing that comes from the heart.
On the upside, if you go out there, led by your heart, you will shine like a beacon and you will be seen.
Think about getting back to you true essence. It’s not about “I deserve”. It’s not about control. It’s about giving to someone who wants to give to you, knowing a union of this type, is priceless.
I’ll leave you with this: the other day I worked with a woman in her early 60’s taking care of a man she loves, who is dying. Yes, it’s an agony. But it’s also a profound privilege, in part because she can realize the depth of her own goodness.
If this makes sense to you, please consider scaling the walls of the prison or paradigm you’re stuck in. Go for the real “gold” in life. Love.
Do you feel you’ve been hijacked or sabotaged on the relationship front?
Part of why I don’t enjoy doing too many readings this past few years is THIS. I prefer questions about ANYTHING but this.HOW do I find a partner.?? WHERE do I find a partner? Can he have a lot of money and also be good looking and well dressed? When exactly is he going to “show up..” UGgHGHGHGHH.. I love this post,Elsa.I hope more men and women read it and RE LEARN how to meet one another and “take a chance..”
I feel so bad for what the younger people are going through right now. Both of my children age 45 and 38 were in relationships where their significant other cheated. I think the fear of going through that heart ache again makes them distant. My daughter who is 45 dates but always finds something wrong with them. My son just has given up comes up with all these reasons why he can’t date. One of my prayers is that they find someone to love them and be there for them before I pass on.
i talk to a few young and middle aged males, and they tell me, that many women look for the “ideal” and men who have good jobs and good looking and all that, but they dont want to do the work. And these males are disillusioned. Women they believe will leave the man as soon as he loses his job, and go find another man, to support them. On the flipside i’ve seen my gal friends only look for men on dating sites, that are above average pay jobs, and they have to be good looking, and young enough, they dont want too old; they’re not into taking care of old men. As per example my girl friend who has been single for so many years she was looking into men who were 20 years younger than her, and she’s over 50; and she has a great job working her own business and she owns her own house and just traded in her car for a new Mercedes Benz. So she’s looking for an Engineer or Architect or some kind of guy who has higher pay. There’s no way she’s going for some guy working behind the counter working at McDonalds or even at Walmart. So the flipside of that, you have men who are disillusioned because they work minimum wage jobs or jobs that theyve been in for years but their pay is not very high, and they are discouraged because women have super high standards and the fear of being left when if they ever lose their job is just not worth it. So the men tell me,” men have a better time being alone forever, than women.” Hmmm.
forgot to address, some of my other girl friends who are 30 plus, it really depends… a couple are single for a long time too, and she has a great job but she’s always looking for “Mr. Darcy” and one has been married for awhile and is OK with her relationship. It has their ups and downs. I dont think she’s the type to leave even if he loses his job. She’s Cancer sun/Pisces moon, Capricorn mars. She had a hard time leaving her ex who never had a job but her cap mars always got job interviews for him and really worked at it to get him going. It was him who left so she cried alot and wished he wouldnt. but in the end, it worked out because she married someone more stable. So i think it depends on the individual and their culture/background too. She came from an old fashioned household like I did. where i dream of the old fashioned traditional ways.
well i was told today, which is quite literally in very simple terms,
told from my husband and several eligible men, that women want “strength’ In a man. in whatever form. Interestingly enough, they said, they dont care if he is a good or nice man either. as long as he has “strength” in some form. For men, they are “simple” creatures. that sums it up.
These are the type of narratives the do people in, over time.
There is an organic spark between real partners, that has nothing to do with how much cash you have in your pocket.
i agree, Elsa. I guess in the dozens of dating sites and looking for someone, it’s hard to find the ” spark” and someone they find a “connection” with, so maybe they look for a list of things instead.
It’s also the learned presented appeal of being single, as in there’s nothing wrong with it and you can totally do it, forever. Don’t care for anyone, ever, other than yourself.
And real people do it to, adding to the disillusionment I mean. We all know the feeling of less than.. from seeing all the “perfect family/children/relationship” posts on social media. No one truly shares their full reality.
Yes… you have not take that up.
https://elsaelsa.com/astrology/rat-poison-media-saturn-in-pisces-fear-faith/
It’s embedded in everything. Learn to see it and avoid like the plague.
I meet people. I am a busy girl. I do theater, I hang out in bars, I go to festivals. I meet people who share my interests. I talk to strangers a lot. And yet, somehow, there is nobody who finds me attractive and interesting that I also find attractive and interesting. Nobody sparks, everyone is soaking wet (har). I do find most men to be very dull, and so far I haven’t really gotten interested in women below the neck either. Any decent fellow is taken and I’m not really feeling it for him anyway.
I don’t know about hijacked or sabotaged. More like, I am in an empty sea with no fish and nothing but, I dunno, trash in there. It just feels like there is literally nobody out there meant for me. I didn’t have great luck in my 20’s and the older you get, the worse the options are.
I do relate to learned helplessness though, as I’ve had a lot of that in my life. If you keep failing spectacularly, if people shame you, if you can’t do anything right–why try? Why bother? You’re just a loser anyway.
because no one hooks up with someone they “like” its always a socioeconomic agenda “and what do you do” lastly, the whole judeo christian western concept of love is so neurotic, one must crawl inside your skin 24/7 to show they love you and stand guard over your genitals
Well, you’re not no one, so you can do whatever you like.
Both my kids say they’re “Ace” (asexual) and they say I am too. I brought up to them I also feel our modern culture has normalized hypersexuality which was done so for profit. They may be Ace but I also think they understand that waiting for THE one is imperative. I’ve always felt that way. That I don’t need just anyone. Men in my past all chased me and eventually I just gave in. I learned the hard way just giving them a chance can leave you disabled and with PTSD. Every guy I’ve had, once I’m acquired…autopilot and settles for first job that supplies just enough money to support their addictions. The addictions you didn’t know they had. Divorce is initiated mostly by women. Top reasons are men are emotionally unavailable and immature, forcing the woman to make all serious decisions and if she makes more money than him, his envy makes him act out. 3rd reason as were mine.. abuse… Sad. Men are majority flaccid and unaccountable. Women, burnt from no males playing a protector loving role, becoming hard hearted and ruthless in the workplace determined to eat and destroy any apparent competition because they don’t need no man to support her. I have a Libra stellium,
pluto (12th) Saturn Jupiter conjunction ( 11th) so i hate competition and feel many hands make light work but can’t get along with women. Men are great friends but always want all or nothing. Older men want a hospice wife. People are shallow today and a good man/woman is as rare as a rheumatologist and you’re likely to see a Bigfoot first. That said, perhaps the book “silent weapons for the quiet war ” programming manual is just doing it’s job…
I was thinking about this today, there is a reason this is happening. We’ve been barking up the same tree so long but things around us have changed. I’m talking about us as a species. We’ve been living so long via human ideological narratives, human mental constructs (that yes have some basis in biology and survival) and these are becoming outdated now, are inherently distortions of truth and are now needing to fade out, with more embracing of natural laws instead. People are failing at the old narrative because the old narrative is meant to fail, it was unsustainable anyway. It’s a transition period. There are whole communities trying to live and learn moment by moment the new narratives, values, laws, but it will take a long time to go mainstream. The new narratives in terms of relationships tend to be unpopular, at least until there is enough receptivity through direct experience, which is not an easy journey. But sooner or later everyone will need to learn these ways and then will look back and see how we lived was all so outdated and limiting, so why did we cling on to it for so long.
That’s a very interesting idea.
Sex ruins everything and people are stupid bc they know they could stop perpetuating the species but they do it anyway cuz they were horny!
I’m at a point in life where I think a lot about my past. Believe me, it’s not something to write home about! When it comes to self-sabotage, I have noticed that I have certain old “loops” that I seriously need to get out of my head! I never dated during high school, so I have a lot of negative loops about that. Then 2 weeks after high school, just turned 18, I volunteered to join the Army. It was during Vietnam, but I was sent to a NATO nuclear missile base. What amazed me was the negative influence that it all had upon me. Guys (women were not allowed at that time) were constantly talking about “pussy”, in addition to drinking, and playing cards and gambling. It’s amazing that I was thank-God able to disregard most of what they said. Not all, but most. For instance, I was jokingly referred to as the President of the Dusty Dicks Club because they all knew I had never been with a woman. Fast forward through 2 disastrous marriages and divorces. Much older, I finally met a wonderful woman. But I still had that old loops that interfered with having a more perfect relationship with this woman. While I knew her, I couldn’t believe some of the stupid things I had learned during my military adventures that would creep up on me under the strangest circumstances. This woman had a Scorpio Moon that was on the same degree as my Chiron in Scorpio! She may not have consciously known that she was helping me to overcome my past, but everytime I said something that seemed so unlike me, she knew it was some bad past programming. So I thank my lucky stars for the too short of time that we had together. She died just 4 1/2 years after we had met. Too short! Been alone ever since then.
The next woman must be someone very, very special. No more settling for a relationship that is less than what I need.
I feel like this can be applied to friendships as well.
Unrealistic expectations seem to be an absolute plague at this point. Friendship, romance, Tinder, whatever – you are getting involved with another human being, and that and what it implies above all seems to be lost on most. This is how I would some it all up: dehumanizing. Generations raised this way cannot possibly be a good or healthy thing.