Your Friend Or Partner Is Doing Something Morally Wrong…

I’ve got a lot to navigate in my life, all the time. I figure that if I were doing something my husband thought was morally wrong, he’d tell me.

Last night I asked him this directly because I also know that he does not believe that he is the moral judge of me or of anyone but himself. Based on this, I wanted some clarity on this rather than to just assume he’d blow a whistle if he saw me crossing a line.  I thought it possible he’d let me make my own mistakes and wait for me to directly ask for his opinion.

As it turns out, he said he would say something if he felt I was doing something morally wrong.  I would do the same for him, or for any close friend.  I will offer my opinion to clients as well, if directly asked to. Otherwise, no. I don’t think it is my place or my business to judge what someone is doing. I am not even sure it’s possible when I don’t know them well.

If your friend or your partner were to do something you feel is morally wrong,  would you say something?

22 thoughts on “Your Friend Or Partner Is Doing Something Morally Wrong…”

  1. If a friend asked, then yes. Unless I saw them going down a path that could physically endanger them. In that case, I would speak up regardless of being helped. As for my partner, that is a definite yes. I wouldn’t speak to him in a judgemental way, but I would ask for clarification about what it is he was doing or whatever and then offer my opinion. I’m sure we would discuss. Ox is very structured toward doing what is right, so I don’t think he would be deliberately immoral. If I thought he were geared that way, I wouldn’t be with him in the first place.

  2. I would make a distinction here between ethics and morals. Ethics are much clearer – that’s about an outward kind of behavior that I’m clearer on saying something about because, honestly, it’s easier and less personal. I certainly count on my partner to say things (and he does in ways that are very helpful) about ethical matters often, and I try to do the same for him and others if I think what I’m going to say is constructive. Morals, on the other hand are much tougher, and more personal. I don’t know how much you can help people on morality, unless they’re really endangering themselves or others.

  3. I would have to address concerns and distance myself from the person. I wonder why the situation presents itself to begin with. What’s my part in the scenario? I think it depends on the situation, although wrong is wrong, and moral integrity is a sound foundation. I try to keep my focus on the person learning a lesson by actions. I know I have! Talk talk talk isn’t how some people learn. They have to take a punch sometimes to get it.

  4. I would and I have. When I was younger I was afraid and hesitant to speak up for fear of what my friends would say but ignoring it or dropping a friendship without an explanation isn’t the best way to go either.

    Case in point – My best friend’s sister and I became friends as well although we never are as close as my best friend and I are. Over the years I get to know her, attend her wedding, am with her and her husband the night their child is born. Not even a couple of years later she leaves her husband and abandons her child for a fling with another man who dumps her a few weeks later. Seeing the pain her family was in naturally I felt her behavior was disgusting and wrong. I stopped talking to her but I didn’t confront her or explain – but she knew the reason.

    Many years later our paths crossed again because of my best friend/her sister. At that time she apologizes for her behavior and what she had done to her ex-husband and child. She attributes it to being young and not knowing how to handle things better and swears that she would not act that way if she were in the same situation. I know everyone makes mistakes so I accept her apology and although cautiously at first, renew a friendship with her.

    After we are friends again, over the years she admits during all those years we weren’t friends she had flings with married men including one of her supervisors and broke up at least 3 marriages. When the men would leave their wives and want to commit to her, she would dump them. She did this to her supervisor and when their superiors found out, this unprofessional behavior got them fired from their jobs (she told them she liked to do this for fun – she had no real feelings for the man). I saw she had questionable morals and behavioral patterns she could not seem to recognize or change. I was shocked that she would admit this but wondered if she shared this because it was part of her immature “past”. Maybe she had moved beyond this.

    Many years later – she is in a singing group with a married man. She tells me that she’s offered herself up to him and that he is flattered and interested. He tells her that he loves his wife and is happy with their marriage but she asks him to be with her. He says doing so would mean he would have to leave his wife and family. I ask her why she would want to do this? Does she actually care for him? Does she really want a relationship with him? Is it worth breaking up a family? She says it is up to him if he wants to break up his family – it’s not on her head. She also says she likes him but if they do start a “relationship” she can’t imagine it would last long. I am astonished at her callousness and see that she has not changed at all.

    At the same exact time- she is unemployed and begs a friend of hers to help her get a job at his company. He is able to get her an interview but they are hesitant because of her work history (5 jobs in 2-3 years). She asks for him to plead her case, that she really wants and needs this job. She swears that she will stay put for at least 3 years. He sticks his neck out for her. They offer her the job and she signs the offer and is to start in 5 days. 2 days before she starts her new job she is invited to interview for another position which pays more but would mean working for a controversial figure. She accepts the interview. During the interview, when asked, she says she would have no problem working for this man, that she read up about him and thinks he was wronged. She is offered the position the next day and takes it – leaving her friend high and dry.

    She keeps the information about this new job a secret from her friends but details start emerging. Turns out she took a job with a man who had a very high position in another country and used his power and his position to not only steal money (millions) from his fellow citizens, but he’s also responsible for ordering the killing of more than 60 of them and injuring 300+ more. Among the dead- women, children, and the elderly many of whom were in their homes.

    I confronted her on how she could work for someone who is on every Human Rights abuses list and is being charged not only with the same but also with genocide (the victims are all from a small indigenous group) and instead of admitting that she’s doing it for the money, she defends him. She ignores all facts which are public record and claims he would never do that because she “knows” him, even though at the time she was only working for him for about a month. I told her that the only reason she sees nothing wrong in working for a murderer is because she has no morals and that this isn’t the only example of that. Harsh but true. I ended my friendship with her and would never travel down that road again.

    BTW – I have Pluto, Uranus, Sun, Mercury and Venus is Libra. (Sorry my story is so long.)

  5. Omg… Libra Venus that is the point where you have to speak morally to someone like that. I wish someone spoke to me when I went off with another woman’s man at 19 years old. He lied about his whole past and only told bits and then he wonders why I don’t want him now he’s single. As well as being a cheater, he’s a liar!! I messed up my morals and I’m not afraid to admit it but its like your ex-friend is living in the twilight zone on a cloud. Messing up peoples lives isn’t nice and it isn’t fun. That isn’t even a joke. Smh!! It may sound rich coming from myself but its a lesson learnt for sure.

    As for myself, I would open my mouth and speak. I had a friend who kept cheating on her girlfriend and didn’t realise the damage they were doing not only to their girlfriend, themselves and the girls they were sleeping with. The girls fell in ‘love’ and when they wanted them they would say no and cry that they broke their heart. *rolls eyes* That’s bad morally. Ethically speaking, yes I still would. I’d prefer to be prim and proper and associate with those who at least have some basic standard of being prim and proper. In the case of Libra Venus, if I was in a similar situation, I would drop the friend too. I don’t want to be guilty by association or lie for them. Friends and family I’d always do it.

  6. Very tricky. The people in my life who I feel are doing morally wrong things these days have so much Aquarius, anything I’ve said gets brushed off.

    I did tell a friend recently “well since you are ambivalent and don’t care (her words) and it pains me to hear this, let’s not talk about it.”

    I will state my displeasure once but I’m not going about hitting anyone and everyone over the head with my morals. It’s just not my style.

    Asked for an opinion I would give an honest one.

  7. I don’t like to be judged, and I believe unless it is my child or someone I am responsible for taking care of, I would not pass judgement on anyone…we are all on our own path and everyone is not at the same train station :0)

  8. I would definitely not say something unless my opinion was asked for or unless it was a big one. If someone is being victimized I help them, no matter what I’m up against. But for the most part I don’t care what even my close friends do with their lives. It’s the beauty of this country, we’re free to do whatever. We don’t legislate morality and as far as I’m concerned it’s enough work for me to upkeep my own moral system and principles, much less worry about others.

  9. …this post just let to a small conversation (in person!! LOL) with my husband and I.

    Yes we would say something; one of the main reasons we married each other we both said, was that we thought the other had integrity and was a person of their word.

  10. It is easy to say one does not judge or care what others do with their lives but those we keep around us, actually reflect on us and how we think. I personally don’t want to be associated with any kind of “bad energy” or anything illegal or immoral. Of course others are free to make decisions in their lives but it doesn’t mean I have to approve of their actions/decisions or keep them in my life. They can keep on their path and I, on mine.

    Japanese Proverb, “When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.”

  11. Yes I would say something to my partner or close friend. Just as I hope they would say something to me. I value the way those close to me navigate through the complexities of their own lives- so i would sit up straight and listen if they were to call me out on an action they thought was morally wrong.

  12. If it was my husband or kids, yes, I would definitely and pointedly say something. Anyone else, that’s their problem unless they ask me directly.

  13. When my husband and I broke up as a couple I hoped to remain friends. I subsequently discovered that he had seduced the virgin 19 year old daughter of our closest friends, who had found us a brilliant position in Italy where we had our own farm. We owed them a lot. He was 46 at the time; and he lied about it to them, and to me, and then got her pregnant. I was disgusted and appalled. Shortly after he lied to me about property we owned in common, saying he’d made his share over to me when he had done no such thing. Affection quickly turned to somenthing close to hatred, for his immorality, not his failure to keep his promises to me.

    I married his Capricorn Moon – and divorced his heartless Aquarian Sun. It was the second time in a row I’d been betrayed by the immorality and heartlessness of an Aqua Sun – never again I thought 🙁 Then I fell in love iwth an Aqua Moon and was betrayed all over again – and he has very few morals at all, when it comes to women.

    Sorry to be pedantic btw, but there is no essential distinction in meaning between ‘ethics’ and ‘morals’. One word is from the Greek root, the other from the Latin: both deal with the distinction between right and wrong. An ‘ethical system’ and a ‘moral system’ are one and the same thing – and you either subscribe, or you don’t.

  14. Blessed Place – Ouch.

    I keep reading here how Aquarians play so loose with the truth. I have Aquarius ASC with Pisces Moon. I’m honest to the point where when people have done something wrong, they don’t want to talk to me because they know I’ll call them out.

    Now my ex also has Aquarius ASC, but Capricorn Moon. Funny, Blessed, but I feel it’s the Capricorn Moon along with the Aquarius ASC that makes him able to be a pathological liar. He always displays the negative side of all his planets, it seems.

    I have to amend my earlier post because when it comes to breaking up a family, that is something I despise. HOW DARE someone mess with a family? In that case, I always speak up. If a man wants to cheat (or woman,) get divorced first and then suffer the consequences.

  15. Both the first two men were Aquarius Suns, Isernia, and the third one an Aqua Moon. All were liars, but my ex husband not for several years. I was just shocked how he behaved during the breakup – it was totally contrary to everything he’d been before that. I don;t think Asc energy is at all the same thing as Sun (or Moon)

    I don’t believe it was his Cap Moon making him seek pastures new, in a way which was irresponsible and dishonest – ie immoral! – evne though Cap is Cardinal and Aquarius supposedly Fixed. In my experience those characteristics are far more commonly displayed by Aqua than Cap. But I’m biased of course, having a Cap stellium… Seriously, I’ve never found Aquas very fixed in their emotions; all those I’ve been close to have been able to detach and move on – and sometimes it’s a case of “damn the consquences to anyone else’.

  16. I agree with the ability to detach and move on – thankfully for me that has come in quite handy several times in my life. I guess it helps that my Uranus is in Virgo, which I think gives the energy a bit of an anchor.

    Although I just don’t know if I can look at anyone with a Capricorn Moon without suspicion, or a Scorpio male for that matter. I do believe it is all in how the person chooses to use the planetary energies.

    My friend has told me my ex will always choose to express the energy displayed in his chart negatively. It’s just how he rolls. So far, I’ve seen that to be true.

    Our own biases, to be sure, with what we’ve experienced.

  17. @ Blessed Place wow! the story blew my mind , but your strength and character show thru keep on telling stories that awaken that strength. I have been thru alot too and my stories have been burned and left behind thats how I dealt with them .

  18. Yes I would definitely tell them..just as I would like them to tell me. I believe its a huge part of a person’s character so I would like to hear their opinion on it -if they think I am doing something morally wrong-. Especially if they are people I love and respect.

  19. depends on how interconnected we are. for the most part i’d leave up to maybe asking “have you thought about X?” with my spouse or close family sometimes i’ll go into more detail…
    i assume people have their reasons. and their own path. which is not mine. but if their behaviour made me uncomfortable i’d probably ask…. if for no other reason than to decide if i should start backing away….

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