Many replies here, but some funeral directors are strict about the lineup.  No significant others in the lines or the limos or the church - closest relatives first, siblings or kids or grandkids and the significant others are next w/the general population--doesn't matter even if the significant other is living w/a close relative of the deceased.

I would say the family is paying the bill and should decide the order, not the funeral director.

Dori, yes i expect my husband and family members to stand next to me, infact i would tell them before funeral started to do that. However, i tend to make a scene like a drama llama if it's not done right because it's wrong and bad to me that they would do that. I dont want to, so i avoid wanting any drama (my Sagittarius part really tries to keep it calm but sometimes it can run hot) so the capricorn pisces and aquarius oh and also virgo and taurus in me, tell myself dont make a scene. (edit) i'm up against only one fire element with lots of earth. some water and one air. Of course it's up to them, but i would hope they have some sense and moral duty or feel that the bereaved is suffering and needs support. 

i'm sorry you had to go through it alone, and you are very strong to stand there. Sorry about your brother too, and maybe he was suffering inside to notice your own suffering. Maybe he didnt want to cry openly and break into tears (from reading how he has close connection with your mother) so standing back in the shadows can perhaps cover up his own pain. I dont know. im just guessing as i dont know. 🙁