So as some of you know, I have had a longstanding crush on a guy friend who seemed to like me back on some level. I asked him out, he turned me down implying it was more him than me and he thinks he has too many issues to get into a relationship, then later really hurt my feelings on the topic when people mistook us for a couple and he ...flipped out, basically. He might not have meant to do that, but it broke the friendship for me to see that deep down he was acting publicly horrified by the idea of us together. You couldn't say "just friends" like you do with other people, sir? Obviously he's a fearful avoidant and there's really no point in trying with one of those.
It's been two years since then. I can't entirely cut him out of my life/friend circle since we have a lot of friends/hobby life in common and I run into him about once a month, but we don't do gifts any more, I hardly ever contact him and vice versa, I say hi when I run into him and that's kind of about it, dialed down to "friendly acquaintance." I've done a lot of work trying to get over caring about him, and so far, it hasn't worked enough. I've done two cord cuttings on him--one he came back into my life after less than a week, the second time he did not--and yet, I still care. I have been browbeating myself over the incident, trying to use it to make me hate him and get over him already, but that does make me feel like shit. My therapist said I've been doing this for two years and it hasn't worked and maybe I just need to learn to live with still caring about him even if about a fourth of me wants to bail already.
I'm starting to wonder if there's some kind of karmic connection going on as to why I haven't been totally able to Get Over It Yet. My new therapist (not a fan of his, thinks he's probably autistic and that's why he doesn't get it/blew up) did say that sometimes we just love/care about someone inexplicably and sometimes we never do stop loving/caring about the person. This concerns me. But I'm starting to wonder if there's some spiritual reason why I haven't been able to just stop caring beyond the obvious reasons of being lonely and clingy. I've been getting signs and card readings of late to Just Talk To Him About The Incident Already, and I'm trying to figure out what to say/how to get up the nerve.
Anyway...where I'm going with this is, has anyone else had some kind of weird inexplicable connection with someone? I don't think this is a soulmate (or god help me, twin flame) situation since we probably are not that compatible, don't read minds, he's a fucking enigma anyway, etc. But we do have physical connection (I never have this with anyone!) and sometimes even he seems to have the physical/emotional pull towards me that I do towards him, even if most of the time he's a Pisces drifting off in outer space. I've never had this with anyone else, including exes, and if it's never going to be a romantic connection, I don't get the point of it. I don't really know how to cope with caring about somebody who isn't going to reciprocate like that, or how to get over it, or how you tell exactly that this is a connection you can't get rid of.
Anyway, any advice or stories of how you dealt with similar weirdness would be helpful. It feels like this connection is never going to end or come to fruition and there's no point to it. I've worked hard on not having it with him or trying to develop it further, but part of me continues to be pulled towards him even if it's apparently not mutual.
Good to see you! I do vaguely remember this.
I don’t know how this will help, but reading your post reminds me the way some parent-child relationships can be. I’m in no way saying this is you and this man. It just reminds me of this tupe of relationship: you love and have a deep connection with your child. They do something that makes you so hurt. But you will never stop caring and loving them. You just need to be in a position to protect yourself and not get hurt again.
Maybe it’s too much to say parent-child but it is a relationship where there is deep connections but one party is hurting the other (on purpose, not on purpose, it doesn’t matter). That can’t keep happening so the hurt person must protect themselves by somehow changing something: themselves, their feelings, thier reactions, etc.
So I think there must be some karmic connection. Something either of you needs or needs to learn to do.
I hope someone can give more helpful insight.
Hiya jenfullmoon 🌝,
You are not alone in this situation you find yourself in. I think these scenarios are pretty common and I’m of the belief that we each have multiple soulmates/karmic bonds. Not being in a relationship with these people, does not undo the eternal tie we may share with them.
I personally think resistance is futile, and can often have the opposite effect. For example, if I said “you must not think of him anymore”, you would naturally begin to think of him and possibly even more so.
I think the key is surrender and acceptance. I know this is similar to what you’ve heard from a therapist. I really think just accepting how you feel and knowing that this is okay, is a realistic option. Providing you are functioning well, and are rather content otherwise, I don’t see the harm in this. If you just go with it, over time your feelings may decrease. Meeting someone else would be ideal but we can’t always control this. Just like we can’t always control the magnetic chemistry with another.
I have personally experienced a strong, mutual attraction a few years ago when transit Pluto was on my natal Venus. The attraction is still there, and we both have partners. I am forced to see him occasionally in a professional capacity. There is much tension in the air and there always will be. I accept we are not meant to be in this lifetime, and try to see the humour of the situation after each meeting.
You know what? Maybe I'm just deluded. I just want A Connection to someone and I cling to this one because nobody else wants to connect with me and otherwise I'm Rocket Man, out in space, all alone, with nobody wanting me back on earth. I want a Red String of Fate and this is as close as I've ever gotten, since I never had that feeling with my few exes.
I read a poem today about not wanting to move on because moving on means accepting a future without the person and maybe that's not something you're ready to do. I don't want to have to accept that I will be tetherless and unconnected to anyone on a partnership level my whole life, but it is the truth. I want hope and clinging to this is my hope, and giving up hope means I'm alone since god knows nobody else is coming.
I will note that this week has been hard and that's probably influencing my mood, but right now I'm feeling very "why bother" about things. I've lost my motivation to talk to him about it--I kind of want to and have been trying to figure out how--and maybe just being hopeless and letting things go in general is the answer. Maybe it's not karma, it's just my own emotional starvation and desperation.
@jenfullmoon I carried a torch for someone for a long, long, long time. More than ten years.
I had to dump this connection, in order to create a void, so someone else could come in.
That's what I did and that's what happened.
@elsa I know that in my head, but I had 15 years of complete void and this one was the only one who came along. I truly think that there's nobody out there for me after twenty years of this. I know I've got Moon/Saturn and Venus/Saturn and all of that, but truly it feels like I'm destined to want partnership and nobody wants it with me.
you're still feeling the connection because he's probably still attached to you, and you both have the connection together. Maybe he is just a friend and he feels you are someone he still likes but not romantically? Can you withstand that? Just to be around him as a platonic/ friendship?
@elisa I've been trying to. I hope he still feels attached to me since I've been trying to break it, or at least lower my caring to the same amount as his.
This helps, thank you. It's felt like just me being too much for awhile now.
I really should just talk to him about it, but i haven't been able to.
i'm glad it helps. Maybe a good talk will help you both 
in the meantime, it's good to get busy and find yourself, if you focus on yourself, find things you enjoy very much that time goes by so fast and you've grown as a person. ^^
I've had many of these, I have Pluto Rising, so many of my situationships were painful.
My opinion is it was my abandonment wiring that was hard to overcome because the rush of chemicals made the feelings seem real, but what I've learned is if a man hasn't earned your love, then it's fantasy and usually driven by childhood stuff.
I had to do a lot of work to rewire and become aware of what I attract. For me, it was father issues that, in adulthood I'd made peace with on the surface. But, rewiring is a long process.
His flipping out could be autism, or it could be as simple as he's commitment-phobic and lashing out at your attempts to get closer. Regardless I agree with Elsa about creating a void.
Those chemicals I mentioned can really make it seem like it's more than it is...which can enable you to waste a lot of energy and years.
@belladonna Agreed...but the chemicals are the only way I can get even a tiny crumb of what I want, it seems.
@jenfullmoon I disagree! I think the chemicals are what distract us from who is actually good for us.
Until we can learn to reprogram and stop settling.
@belladonna I've been single for twenty years. In all honesty, if I could stomach settling, I would because waiting and waiting and waiting for the right one to come has not.
I was in a similar situation many years ago. The interest was mutual, I knew from his friends and from the way he looked at me. However, the guy didn't make any move… I was also shy in my younger years. I liked him a lot. He liked me a lot. But nothing came out of that. He never made a move and I never made a move. Both of us for different reasons, I guess or I don't know. I never understood or knew his reasons. We were not friends, but had some acquaintances in common and his friends all knew and told me how much he liked me. This went on like this for some years… Finally, both of us dated other people.
I don’t know the astrology with this guy, but I can tell you it was obsessive and intense and I was sure we were going to end up together, but we didn’t.