it sounds like you're trying to heal your father, and it transferred over to the men you want to "heal". Well it seems that way to me, in that subconscioius way.
we all have our own pathology, and there is a reason why i chose the men i chose in the past. and why i was also seemingly a 'victim' but not really. i just didnt know how to break it. My mother had a father who was absent alot, because he had to travel overseas and work in different countries and send money while my grandmother took care of the children and household; old fashioned times too. so i dont know, why with my mother, maybe because she wants to feel useful in her life, to heal those till death. Because feeling useless is the most awful feeling.
Interesting. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that. We have similar situations. I am going to say this.. if you have INTENTIONS to heal from this, you will.
It is hard to heal yet rewarding. Rewards come when I stepped out of comfort zones.
The only way I have been able to see my wounds from a different perspective is through intentionally meditating to heal. For example, I've been wounded from my parents divorce. Actually I've realized it is not even really the divorce that hurt me but rather the environment I lived in. Recently I went through all my childhood pictures and belongings and cried for 4 hours straight. Just felt the pain so deeply and let myself relive it all. It was almost like I re- hurt myself on purpose to feel the worst feeling i've ever felt and cry it out instead of hold it in. I welcomed the pain n dared it to hurt me deeper than it ever did.. I've felt relief since then.
When you are at rock bottom the only way to go is up.
As far as limerence, my experience does not have anything to do with my father but rather friends. People I find interesting but can't get enough of. I guess I am kind of obsessed with talking to people about the deepest parts of them and when someone wont open to that point I become obsessed with trying to crack their code. I have Uranus and Neptune in 8th house.. & others.. & a lot of scorpio energy. So I'm thinking that is where this stems from.
Wow. If I hadn't pretty much aged out of it by now I'd be changing my screen name here to Lifelong Limerant.
I'd trace the origin of mine to a quest for an eternal, immortal, tangible bond, a need to transcend the mundane, the intoxication of fantasy life, the lure to capture the unobtainable, the intensity of that "fund of energy," the inclination to cast myself as the protagonist in an unfinished script...
I wonder how many writers, artists, composers have successfully converted theirs into a commodity.
I'm definitely very limerent prone. Can trace it back to childhood. Had a tendency to escape from reality through fantasy and still do.
It must be horrible to go through years and years of this feeling!
Sounds like a never-ending teenage crush.
It seems it might also be something Venus square Saturn - I read somewhere described as "affective bulimia". There's never enough "love" (caring/recognition/attention/etc.). You feel you can't exist without this, projecting on someone, even if it's not real.
And agree it's probably based on childhood unmet needs. Have a girlfriend who's going through something like this right now. She wants to be in love, but has no love object. She's been in depression for several years, to different degrees, and is going around in circles. I think this is terrible.
My guess is its nothing like a teenage "crush" . I think you meant no harm by this, but saying its like a teenage crush minimizes what individuals who are going through this experience, because we are not all teenagers and by no means is it anything like a crush. That is like saying "you love in an immature way" its not even equivalent to infatuation, so it definitely isnt equivalent to a crush. Again, I realize you probably did not mean to offend and I'm not trying to attack you, just pointing out how that can be taken hurtfully by someone who goes through this.