It happened to my boyfriend. His mother passed away right as his Saturn return hit. I was there. I couldn't stop thinking about it: how his entire life had been characterized by an extreme closeness with his mother and family, how in some key ways it stifled his personal growth, and how the universe was forcing him to grow in an unimaginably cruel way. I watched her die, and subsequently my boyfriend's childhood. It was just last October. It hit me in an incalculable way. She wasn't my mother, but I loved her. 

My own mother has been sick since the exact day that Uranus and Pluto squared over my Moon in Neptune and my Capricorn Neptune and Descendant, in May, almost exactly on my birthday. She has kidney failure, and since her kidneys failed, she's had a string of really severe illnesses. Presently, shingles. Her doctor over-prescribed her an anti-viral that caused her to severely hallucinate for almost a week. And, in the stranger moments of her hallucinations, the doctors came in to tell her she was dying... that they couldn't save her. Perhaps it was a manifestation of her inner fears and thoughts.

Today we found out that the shingles virus is in her spinal fluid, and she has brain inflammation... though her lesions have cleared up, thanks, in the strangest way, to the overdose. She's on IV drugs to fight the shingles virus that remains in her brain.

My Saturn Return is fast approaching. I don't rely on my mother the way my ex did with his, but I know deep down inside that my identity is comprised partly of her (Cancer ASC), in a strange, unchangeable way. I don't know what the hell to think, anymore.