blue_rose said
I was thinking more in line with a unifying groan at the Thanksgiving dinner table. Which usually results in Aunt Gina giving me an ulcer with her disapproving looks. 
I took a personality test today that was developed, in part, by proff. Jordan Peterson (Gemini and he is one smart person) who im just amazed by. He has a lot of stuff on youtube.
The results of this test were not shocking but still what i would consider harsh truths. They compare your results with ten thousand others and its broken into categories. According to this test i am: high in neuroticism, extremely high in volatility 97th percentile (mars conjunct Uranus), extremely low in enthusiasm 1 percentile. Room for improvement:)
Theres some good stuff too though. I am over the nintieth percentile for both intellect and openness to experience.
My harsh truths came about via a health scare. T. Mercury/Saturn square N. Venus/Pluto in the 6th.
I recently passed a tiny kidney stone. What a horrible experience. Most of them are caused by dehydration. That's what I got for drinking coffee instead of water at the farmer's market. Four years of that caught up with me.
I cut way back on my coffee consumption since. I'm down to one or two cups a day vs my usual for years, four or five a day.
I also found out I have a stable anyeruism on my spleen, discovered with the kidney stone via CAT scan. I'm getting it checked out.
Don't take your health for granted.
@Libra Noir - Yes, I'm learning that relief can be found in not resisting what is.
If I resist it, I suffer. If I accept it, it becomes a portal for my awakening. 
@anonymoushermit - Too funny! I adore your sense of humor! 
@blue_rose - LOL! I love that gif!
I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time! (((blue_rose)))
The best advice I can give is when the Saturn bullies and haters start to come out of the woodwork and push you...PUSH BACK! Do NOT take anyone's shit!
Trust me.
My Sade Sati, the period of Saturn (on the Moon) in Vedic Astrology, recently ended on October 26th. That monumental foulness lasted for SEVEN AND A HALF YEARS!!!!
My life finally started to take a positive turn around the 6 and a half to seven year mark.
Saturn is relentless.
PUSH BACK!!!!!
@LisLioness - Yes, I agree!
To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson: "The first wealth is health."
I hope you're feeling better. (((LisLioness)))
Since the Scorpio New Moon, I have had the slow realization of the fact that almost every day of my entire life I have tried to control my feelings and the environment around me so that others would not have a negative reaction. This is a fear response I guess but it seems repulsive as well. I don't know if I'm sick or the people that made me want to act in this manner are sick or both simultaneously.
Tam said
Since the Scorpio New Moon, I have had the slow realization of the fact that almost every day of my entire life I have tried to control my feelings and the environment around me so that others would not have a negative reaction. This is a fear response I guess but it seems repulsive as well. I don't know if I'm sick or the people that made me want to act in this manner are sick or both simultaneously.
You are doing your best. And the people who made you want to do that were too. You should pat yourself on the back for having such great survival skills. Theres a lot you can do with that realization. I personally am confronted almost daily with my tendency to walk on eggshells. But at one point i had to do that to survive because Relaxation was punishable. It was all we could do at that point.
I think its easy to feel, though, that somehow youve wasted your life or its been a lie. But those are just other layers of the same shit, not the conclusion.
At any rate you are not alone i can assure you. Watch how others have been enslaved by fear and you wont feel like an outcast or a fool. Its everywhere. That might make you feel worse or better, but at least youll know that you are not the only one.