Aquarius Attracted To Eccentic Co-Worker

Dear Elsa,

I stumbled on a guy at work one day and clearly I am attracted. He made a lot of eye contact with me for a while, until suddenly I noticed him. Before long we were talking a lot and laughing our heads off at work.

Soon we were taking lunch together a lot and he began doing things like taking me out to dinner, and grocery shopping for me. As for me, I felt completely relaxed with him and quite physically attracted. There seemed to be some energy drawing us together, energy that I still cannot fathom. He’s quite unique and very special, as I am. His thinking on some matters some might consider downright bizarre, but I just think his life path has given him a unique perspective.

We have had many conversations about social/political issues (my fav topics) and on more than one occasion have gotten into some pretty heated debates (another of my fav pastimes). At work he has come to me and just knelt down beside me at my cubicle for no special reason. So here’s the catch.

Why does he enjoy my company so very much if he has a girlfriend? I like him a lot… but I don’t need a lot crap from a guy who’s playing both sides or worse, doesn’t know what the frick he wants. Is there something deep going on between us, or is he merely playing games?


Dear Co-worker,

I don’t think this guy has a sinister bone in his body. I think he’s an eccentric flirt with no problem knowing what the frick he wants. He wants a girlfriend and he wants to play with you!!

And why not? The girlfriend fills one need and you fill another. You did not mention this in here, but he is 20 years younger than you. I don’t think he wants to be your man in a committed sense. I don’t think he prefers you to his girlfriend, necessarily. He just wants to play. Like a puppy! He wants you to like him, to adore him, to appreciate his oddity, his back flips, his big ol’ grin. You on the other hand have a problem with this… sort of.

You’re an Aquarius, so you have innate affinity with all weirdos, and no problem with things like age difference. However you have a Saturn contact to your Venus (relationships) and this is what is messing you up! You don’t know how to do “light fare” with a partner. You don’t know how to play. You want to define it. You want to confine it. You want to commit, and better yet you want the other to commit so you feel safe. See how this plays?

So here’s my advice:

Go ahead and define the relationship, but do it accurately. There is a younger man you work with who gives you a zing. He is not interested in giving you anymore than that. You either want the relationship in spite of these limits, or you don’t. And that, Co-Worker, is up to you.

Good luck.


12 thoughts on “Aquarius Attracted To Eccentic Co-Worker”

  1. Elsa,

    First off thanks for taking the time. Second, I don’t know if I can say I’m feeling your response. For one, young guys are always hitting on me and this guy in question is one of several at work who are always doing just that. So far, I haven’t been able to roll with that, but who knows. This guy was one of the first I felt strongly enough to think maybe. The thing is I’m fifty, but everybody thinks I’m thirty. Even when I tell them I have a 26 year old daughter, they simply refuse to believe. Astrologically, I’m told, this makes sense with my Venus and Moon in Aries and something about my retrograde Saturn which will make me seem older when I’m young and younger when I’m dols, which I have to say is absolutely true. I was such a serious soul as a teenager. Now, I enjoy life like never before and take all the flirtations from these guys in stride. Except the one I’m writing about, of course. You seem to think that the 20 year difference means I’m going through some kind of crisis in which any young thing that flirts with me will get me all charged up. I gotta tell you I blow most of them off because I have no interest in a guy whose banking on his youth to carry my interest. And many of them are just cocky enough to think they can. My daughter sees these guys in action when we’re out and about. She’salways telling me, “Go for it, mom.” She amuses me as does much of life and the little attentions. What I am is a Scorp rising, with an Aries Venus and Moon who knows her worth and doesn’t place any limitations on what the universe can and will bring to pass in my life. What gets me about this guy and is so hard to stay away from is his incredibly unique way of thinking and expressing himself. And even though you think it’s just a “thang” I know he’s incredibly drawn to me too. Better sign off now. That’s my chapter for the evening. Peace.

  2. Sometimes we are drawn to certain people because there is a trait in them that we see/feel in ourselves but is not fully developed so we wish to learn from them…

    I have had plenty of these…usually does not mean there should be anything romantically involved…

    Even so, I wouldn’t let ur Scorp ascend make you too serious…..I dare you to be playful as Elsa says….

  3. Interesting points, Rosalind. I have no doubt you’re a hot moma, either. I just have one question, however…

    If it were me, I’d seriously put into question a guy with a girlfriend. If you’re a mature woman who knows her worth, then why not find someone worthwhile who also is free? Is it perhaps the Aquarian distancing herself from more attainable bfs (i.e. people who are free and completely emotionally available). I could be stereotyping here, so I apologize.

    Anyway, even if the guy is drawn to you, I’d still wonder if I’d want the person I was with to behave in the way that he is (i.e. flirting with another woman). How would you feel if you were his gf right now and he was flirting with the ‘other woman’?

    Well, that’s just me… 🙂 No offense to you.

  4. Basically, there is nothing wrong with flirting. As a Gemini Sun, it is part of our nature and most often, it means nothing more than having fun!! Whether you are with a partner or not, flirting is OK by us and we usually know that there is nothing behind it. It is not meant as disrespectful to anyone and is not taken so serious!

    The way Rosalind wrote, it appears that she is interested in this guy. However, her secondary replies above appear different than her original question. If you are asking the question here at Elsa’s Blog, then it implies you are more than just curious. Yes?

    So it seems like the guy really likes your friendship. He likes your personality. OK. People can like the friendship of the opposite sex for just that-Friendship. Just accept that.

    I do not think that Rosalind is distancing herself from available partners. This guy just intrigues her and she is hopeful for a more personal/physical level perhaps. This is where she may be wishing for more…and it most likely will not happen in the direction of commitment. Maybe a ‘fling’ perhaps…but nothing more.

    Some guys just like the thrill and attention from a pretty lady…and that may be all that this lovely friendship comes to on a physical level-Simple flirtations.

    Have fun with it and ‘lighten up’ on any expectations….we never know what life will bring to us!! For now, what you have is simply a friendship.

  5. Well, it appears the guy has everything he wants here. He has fun flirting at work, and he has a girlfriend to go home to. He’s not moving to change anything, right? If he wanted something different or more, it’s not like he has no idea how to go about it.

    I don’t know. When I was single, about the most unattractive feature any potential date could have was another woman…

  6. So true Kathy, I have Gemini moon and I work with guys and some of them I just know are Gemini…so we flirt a lot but that is all it is – light happy banter to help the day progress and keep us in good spirits…I also have many online that I flirt and chat about everything with….then, I have my love interest ‘to go home to’ and they have their wives/significant others…!

  7. All of your comments are interesting and helful, especially 5 & 6. Here’s the thing: I’m not interested in anything deep with this guy as in marriage. In fact, I’ve never been married and frankly, in my heart of hearts, I don’t want to and really never have. I’ve had 3 proposals in my lifeime from nice, successful, affluent men and turned them all down because there was not love on my part and I didn’t want to be ’til death do us part with anyone I didn’t have passion for. With this guy, I’d like nothing more than hanging out on a regular basis (we have so much fun together) and having wild sex (truth be told), cause I know we’d be hot together. As far as marrying him or committing, I don’t think so. I’d be committed to us being partners together but not to getting married and we’d have to have that understanding that the relationship was probably not going there. For those of you who keep insisting that he’s just flirting at work, let me say again that this guy has spent time with me after work and on weekends (dinner, movies, drinks at night, conversations over the phone and in his car that lasted hours and hours). Many times we have talked for hours over a meal or a drink and he’s dropped me home afterward and we’ve sat in his car and talked for another hour or two. He’s told me about his disappointments, his growing up, the fun times he’s had and interesting people he’s met (he’s Eastern European and I’m African American). He pays for everything when we go out (even when I insist on doing it) and of course, there’s that fun factor where we match wit for wit, quip for quip, and laugh til we cry because his mind is so incredibly sharp. He even invited me to a Sunday BBQ over one of his friend’s houses, but I was busy and couldn’t go. A truly unique guy that I appreciate, but agree, is probably not for me – at least not the way I want him. Also, some of you have have made reference to Geminis being flirtatious and that’s the way they are. This guy is a Taurus with Sag rising and a Virgo Moon. He doesn’t have any planets in Gemini. As I mentioned, I am an Aquarius with Scorp Rising and Aries Moon. Thanks to all of you for your comments. They demonstrate a caring about my situation that I do appreciate. Best to all of you. -Ros

  8. Dude, Rosalind, so you want to hang and have wild sex with him. And I can dig that. But here’s the thing, lady: Do you really want to be the Other Woman, even if he’s not married? Bc that there is some really bad karma. Sooner or later, what goes around comes around.

  9. ok, i will continue to butt in because that’s something i do… 🙂

    by your description of the relationship and in your comments, it HAS already gone beyond flirting. which means he IS already playing both sides, and you already ARE the other woman.

    it’s just getting confusing what you’re looking for here. you already know you feel something for this man. he certainly acts like he feels something for you. AND he hasn’t moved to give up the girlfriend. whether you call it a deep, meaningful soul connection or an emotional affair, it’s the same thing. you’re dating a man who has a girlfriend already.

  10. This situation is a bit confusing. To me it sounds like this- you are a bit different, probably have felt like an alien your whole life. Then you meet this person, who also feels like an alien. Hurrah! Someone who understands and doesn’t judge. BUT the comrade alien has a third wheel. It can detach, but can’t be removed completely.
    You probably don’t have a problem having a relationship with somebody in another one. We all assume that this guy’s girly is in the dark and she would be mortified to know about his dealings with you. But we don’t know FOR SURE. Actually, in all the info you’ve written about your feelings and situation you have only mentioned once that he has a girlfriend. Maybe that’s why everyone is getting so hung up.
    We don’t know anything about her, or her connection to him. Is it because you don’t think that she has anything to do with you, or you don’t want to think about it? I’d appreciate any more info on the girlfriend: obviously you know something about her if you are aware of her existence.

    (Interestingly, I have a girlfriend in the same situation as your fancied beaux. I didn’t judge her at all. So why when it comes to men playing both sides to I turn into judgy-la-rue? Don’t know yet..)

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