Projection – Expecting A Person To Make Real Your Imagination

“My repulsiveness, or eccentricity or my coarse nature or whatever, is going to out eventually. This is who I am…”

I wrote that on a comment on this post in 2014:

Understanding Scorpio, 8th House, Pluto Types

I’m living this now.  I met someone some months ago. I liked the woman, immediately. I don’t know that she liked me at first, but I guess I grew on her.

I’ve accepted some of her invitations and spent some time with her. We’ve talked on the phone a number of times. It seemed normal at first, but lately every conversation consists of me telling her that I am not what she’s imagined me to be.

For example, she thinks I am older than I am, disabled and not working.  Um…

I have told her over and over, I don’t have as much time as she does. I have to work / run a business, see all these doctors. I get up at four in the morning with my husband, cook three meals a day…whatever.  She refuses to “see” me or internalize these plain facts.

I am only going to be able to present these facts, nicely, so many times, before *I* feel forced to present them with force. Once I do that, I will be seen as a horrible person, who someone thought was “nice”.

I really don’t think it is “nice” or even possible for a person to behave in accord with your imagination. In case it’s a pure projection. She is older, disabled and not working.

I guess she wants to meet a peer, but I am not a peer and for this, I will not be forgiven.

30 thoughts on “Projection – Expecting A Person To Make Real Your Imagination”

  1. It sounds as though she is ignoring your communication on purpose. As though it gives her pleasure to make you feel pressured to justify your life.

  2. Dear Elsa, I’ve been reading your blog for a long time, and I love the way you expres yourself. You are a thought-warrior, always striving for clarity, trying to eliminate false thinking. You deserve to be admired for your courage. Don’t doubt yourself.

    You’re not repulsive, you’re distinct and confrontational.
    Eccentricity – your thinking is smart, clear and brave.
    Your coarse nature – you’re just telling things as you see them.
    As far as I’m concerned, these are traits of a brave, mature and sensitive personality.
    I hope you’ll never change!

    1. Thank you. I don’t think I can because this is authentically who I am. I mean, I’ve been blogging for 16 years. I am what I am! 🙂

  3. “But I thought you were…”

    “Well, I’m not. I am sorry you thought that, but it is not the case.”

    It’s so strange to apologize for not been older, not working and not disabled. And I’ve said this more than once.

    And then it happens again, two minutes later…

    “I thought you would like to do…”

    “Well, no. I do not like to do…”

    And then I am met with a sad, disappointed face.

    I mean, I said I had dogs, one of them bites.

    “No. You would never have a dog like that…”

    “I will have whatever dog comes to my house…”

  4. Neptune strikes again. You can live your truth. Live with integrity. But people will perceive you their own way. Having Neptune conjunct my ascendant from the 12th in Capricorn. I gave up trying to convince people. I choose people who trust what I tell them. But Elsa, it sure is annoying to navigate your reality alone.

    1. Thank you! What I hate is being hated once someone realizes I am not what they dreamed….and I never was and I never will be, in a hundred million years.

      “You don’t want to..?”


      “I thought you would…”

      “I’m sorry. I am not interested…”

      And the thing will be something so remote from me, I’ll be completely bewildered as to how someone could come to believe something so far-fetched.

      It would be like being surprised I do not want to go to the Oscars. I would rather stake tomatoes in my garden than go to the Oscars. Have I ever once said I was interested in celebrities?

      And then I have to apologize.

      “You don’t want to?”


      “You really don’t want to?”

      “No, I don’t. I really don’t – not at all. I’m sorry….”

      “Well I just thought you’d want to…”

      “I do not want to. I am not sure how else I can say this to you. This is not something I want to do…probably ever.”

      It just occured to me, maybe I am suppose to lie. “Oh sure! Not now, but some other time!”

      But I would never say that. It would be misleading. But people are misled by my plain self, living in a plain and visible way.

      To me this is like seeing an Amish woman and asking her if she wants to go to the disco. Being surprised and hurt and ultimately put off when she says, “No.”

  5. It’s bewildering when someone gets some things right but not others. for example, they accept I like to bake cakes but they think I’m a drug addict. How are a few things I say believable but not others? And why am I wrong about who I say I am? lol honestly. I guess a certain standard is needed for how much one can tolerate. If they believe 85% of what I tell them, I’ll continue with engaging with them. Or something like that. Just thinking out loud.

    1. Ha ha ha, I love the percentage idea.

      I usually engage until they realize they hate me…they only liked the person they thought I was. But really, as I read my own writing, there are only so many of those ^^^ conversations I will be able to stand.

      But that’s what blows it all. I will eventually confront and at that point I am the mean b or whatever. And they’re all spoiled and soiled by being around me. They thought I was nice but really, I’m mean.

      In truth I’m just human. Maybe not the kind of human they like, but whose fault is that?

      1. Oh I get that bit! Usually with the qualifier, ‘ oh, come on! You’ll love it! (no I won’t) it will be good for you! (um, no. I think I’m the best judge of that) You deserve it (oh, please…) come on! Come on! It’ll be fun! (oh gawd shoot me now). I’m all Capricorn and Aquarius. This is like torture to me.

  6. I’m kind of in a situation like this right now. If I tell this person things about myself that don’t fit with what he wants me to be like, he thinks I’m lying. I’m a very honest person, and I’m a good girl, so I have nothing to hide and nothing to lie about. So it’s very frustrating when I’m sharing information and personal things happening in my life, and my sharing isn’t being received.

    1. But it’s impossible. I work at home. She can’t come here because of our dogs.

      I have invited her on more than one occasion. But that was before I realized she didn’t like dogs…not on her and certainly not grabbing her with their teeth.

      I can’t provide a safe environment for her to come here unless I want to tell my dogs to go play on the highway.

      Lots of people come here and they are comfortable, but only if they like dogs because ours are hard to ignore.

      So if you call me and I say I have an appointment, and have to go, you have to be able to imagine that I am telling you the truth.

      I also WRITE consultations…that are timed. I don’t like to stop and start. I’m trying to communicate something enormously important to the client. This is work. But sorry, you can’t see it.

      Saturn Neptune, see? The thing she has to see is that I work, in a way that is vibrant, involved and engaging. Since she can’t see it, she has to take it on faith…and I guess she can’t.

      This is true of most people by the way. Look at the video. Do I look like I work? Not so much.

      You ought to see the house and yard and what I do here. I’ll tell you who SEES. My neighbors. I moved in here knowing nothing and pretty much kept up with the seasoned men next door, while I furnished the house, got established, ran this business and grieved. That’s a short list. A minor list.

      Honestly, look at the video. This stuff is invisible.

      1. Here’s the worst of it. I’d rather mow the lawn more than pretty much anything else.

        When I was young I was invited to Paul McCartney’s house for dinner. I didn’t want to go. Not the least desire. So I said no and this makes me a bitch?

        It’s ridiculous. I am not what people want me to be. Oops!

          1. I think part of the problem is that I am happy and friendly. It’s not really consistent with copious amounts of work. But it’s the work that makes me happy.

            1. anonymoushermit

              I would be thinking, “This girl different. She’s something, eh?”

              I would giggle at my ‘shock’ then just go to the concert! Well, then that’s the end of that. Heehee.

              I have Venus in Aquarius. I like quirky peeps. 🙂

  7. Avatar

    Some people only like you for as long as you meet whatever needs they have at any given moment. Transactional relationships have little real depth and outside of a business context are rarely worth your time and energy once you realize your value to him/her is as a tool to serve their purposes, nothing more.These people literally suck.

  8. Huh, this lady trying to make a round peg fit into a square hole (hers), sounds like some sort of controlling type and just doesn’t want to see it doesn’t fit!
    Also sounds iike
    1. She’s not listening to you
    2. In case she does, she forgets everyhting you say (or doesn’t want to know).
    Could she have Alzheimer’s???

  9. My single white female “friend” would do this. It’s attempted manipulation is what it is. And control. She used every trick in the book including this one.

    It infuriated me. And I don’t like being infuriated so I just washed my hands of her. I think that was my lesson here. To let go of control of how others percieve me. In the process I have to let go of them. Also, I don’t have to explain myself to anyone. She can keep all of her delusions. She might have even made some story up in her head as to why I’ve pulled away. I’m not going to argue with that either. Id rather have no friends than friends who think they can control me. Good luck with that anyway.

  10. This also reminds me of another friend from my past. (She ended up dying of a heroine overdose but that’s not pertinent). She set me up with a friend of hers. I gave the guy a shot, I just didn’t feel it. She was shocked that I rejected him. She kept saying how his last girlfriend was a model. I guess that was supposed to impress me or sway my feelings.

  11. I don’t like people in my life that want to control me. I need freedom in every relationship or I cut it off. I’ve had people say to me “you should call me at least once a week to check in”. Excuse me? Thats their idea of how our relationship should be, not mine.

    They don’t like it if I tell them I can’t promise that. I have a life. I have a husband. They just plain shouldn’t ask that of me. I think people like that need someone to make their life for them and when they find out it isn’t you, you’re a bad person.

    Your friend isn’t being fair to you. One thing I’ve never liked is that when you tell someone you work at home, they don’t consider that “real” work. Considering your friend’s life, it isn’t surprising that she would be a demanding person to have as a friend. I have quite a few retired friends and some of them are like that. They need to think you are going through the same things as them so they don’t feel so alone.

    1. “They need to think you are going through the same things as them so they don’t feel so alone.”

      This is astute. I think this is what it is, exactly.

      I also think I am turning into my grandfather quite a bit and I better realize it so I don’t mislead people.

      1. Its hard to say no to people or bust their bubble, but you have to. Otherwise you’re living their life and not yours. I don’t like doing it but there are a lot people, especially when they get older, that are very needy.

  12. I get this a lot. Finally decided I was a Chameleon person. Now that I’m older it works well for me in my job teaching adults English. Everyone can relate to me on some level, whether real or not, and they are comfortable. The disadvantage is in Elsa’s scenario, so I am very careful about friends!

  13. Rather steak tomato plants than go to Paul McCartney’s house for a dinner party. That is frigging awesome. So proud that Elsa is my counselor!

  14. Projection has such negative and limiting power. When someone can’t see me, and is constantly constructing their own fantasy of my life- motivations-goals I know it’s time to go. I have Scorpio Rising so, it’s not hard.

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