Trouble Maintaining Friendships: Saturn in the 11th House

Saturn patchHi Elsa,

I’ve always had trouble making and then keeping friendship alive. Sometimes friendships have ended so suddenly it feels akin to a break up. Relationships appearing and disappearing without warning.

Anyhoo, for a long time I beat myself up about it, but now I think I’m okay. I’m toying with the idea that there’s nothing wrong with not having friends. I’ve got a close relationship with my fiancÆ’

Dear Friendless,

My editor, HQ who told me once regarding friendship, “Life is hard and I can’t see trying to go it alone…” I agree with him! And though I understand there are lots of people who manage to get along with no close friendships, I don’t think this is healthy. Human beings need other human beings.

Now specific to you… well I see Saturn in your 11th house (friendship). Saturn restricts until and unless you face your fear and work on whatever issues are thwarting you. So reading this, I am left feeling you are trying to avoid your work. And since you are writing a Saturn figure… me, what do you think I am going to tell you? I’m going to tell you, wrong-o! You do not get to cop out.

And if you need reinforcement on this: your natal Saturn is in Taurus (relationships). Capricorn AKA as Saturn rules your 7th house (relationships) and further, Saturn is transiting your 2nd house (Venus / relationships).

So considering this theme repeats everywhere I look, what do you think? Think you’re really a nomad? With a dependent Cancer rising? ::smiles:: I don’t. I think you’re hurting and your attitude is a defense mechanism.

I think you’re hurting and trying to skirt this issue. And I don’t think it’s in your best interest. Though painful short term, I think you will be much better off to ask yourself, “Why don’t I have friends, and what am I going to do about it?”

Sorry. 🙁

I know this hurt, but there is a path to comfort. You need only choose to do the work.

Good luck.


12 thoughts on “Trouble Maintaining Friendships: Saturn in the 11th House”

  1. Avatar
    Strawberry Fields

    I also have Saturn in 11. With a Pluto transit to it.

    And a Saturn transit to my 7H.

    Boy am I ever learning how to get along with people!!

  2. To Friendless in Seattle;

    Thanks for opening up and asking these probing questions. There’s a vunerability in your email that I hope is richly rewarded. It can be difficult to be so sensitive; it can be amazing too.
    I don’t know you, but I’m rooting for you!

  3. Friendless. Actually what you’re describing is common among people who have spent lots of time overseas. They aren’t necessarily nomads but anyone who has been gone from their home country for more than 6 months can relate to the return being rough. Your world perspective has shifted so very much that what entertains your friends, well most likely, doesn’t seem fun to you anymore. I’ve seen it happen to more than one! It’s a combination of reverse culture shock and a significantly adjusted lifestyle and outlook. I recommend you try to find a foreigner in your town trying to fit in – befriend her. Try to find someone in a language class (Barnes and Noble) studying the language you know. Likely they will want to travel or someone in the group will have travelled. Finding other women who have travelled will help you settle back into life here.

    I also recommend reconnecting with old friends. They were your friends for a reason. You have to shut up about your travels and talk to them about their life. Very often there is a real “grass is greener” sort of thing going on with your old friends. Showing interest in their life instead of going on about your travels will go a long way to healing what they feel (left behind, abandoned) and will revive your friendship!

    I’ve been there before and I’ve been on the receiving end too. I’m sure you’ll get through this. It’s worth it. Your friends will carry you through the rough times in life.

    As a friend of mine who recently returned from a stint in Mexico said “mucho lucko” 😉

  4. I usually have a small group of ‘real’ friends and a bit larger group of ‘friendly acquaintances’. These groups change over the years, for one reason or another.
    I learned long ago to give up trying to maintain the old (I’m on my fourth BEST-BEST friend in 20 years). It’s not that I no longer care for my old friends, but situations change and so do people.
    When I made a big move a few years ago, I told my friends, “I know I won’t keep in touch. I’ve tried it before and I have good intentions but I’ve learned it just won’t happen. You’ve been important to me so you can be assured that I will think of you often and remember our time together. I just won’t pick up the phone or send an email. But I WILL miss you.”

  5. That’s odd. I have the exact same configuration as the letter writer: Saturn in the 11th in Taurus. And while I had a hard time making friends as a kid, I have lots of friends now. Yes, I only have a handful of excellent friends whom I would trust with my life but a handful is still better than none. That Saturn squares my Leo Sun in the 2nd, too. What I have hard a really hard time with is finding my path in life, which is also an 11th house issue, no?

    I have a friend with Venus in the 5th and she is very happily married. This makes me wonder about the other ways that Saturn manifests. IN other words, how come some people have an easier time with their Saturns (even if afflicted) than others?

  6. There are great electional tools that you can use to make that 11th house Saturn work to your benefit. Most Astrologers aren’t trained in this, and even if they say they are they don’t use Solar Charts or Declinations – and that can make or break your success with these things

    But to gain quick benefits from your 11th house Saturn, find a date when Mercury or Uranus makes an exact trine (within 3 degrees) and open a networking account or join a club or organization. You will be surprised at how well this works.

    But without a complete look at any situation, this suggestion is limited and I can’t look at the other aspects that will influence your experience. Electional Astrology is the key to using Astrology for your benefit – rather than being thrown around by the stars daily whims.

    Good luck and I always root for the person who takes command of their own destiny.

    ‘Astrology Chick’

  7. Well for me my saturn is in the 12th house. I have a packed 12th house by the way. Lots of karma ^-^. With my saturn in the 12th house I think my lesson is learning how to open up to people more. With uranus in my 11th house I tend to make friends all of a sudden and some times they disappear the same way, but I’ve been lucky to have a handful of loyal and dedicated friends who have been there for me for years. But yes…saturn is kind of like a father who gives out tough love, teaches you about’s there to help you grow in a way…you might not think so at first.

    Good Luck.

  8. whoosh,

    there’s a lot of stuff to gnaw on in here [including the comments] and, as usual elsa, you’ve got it right: i DO have some work to do.

    oh, and speaking of saturn–in my relocated chart for seattle i’ve got saturn/taurus rising AND my progressed sun recently passed over my natal saturn. what with all the permutations above–talk about repetitive themes! it’s funny, even though it’s all there in front of me, sometimes it takes someone else’s “framework” to actually get the message.

    thx all!

  9. I have Saturn in the 11th too…! But I also have Venus in the 11th as well which is funny, kinda contradicting…like I make friends easily and meeting new people is my forte especially with my Gemini moon but keeping them is another thing…..mostly cos of my lazy Leo sun lol… I figure it doesn’t matter as I can just make some more new ones….lol..

    I don’t envy your ur Cancerian ascend. on top of it tho…ooh my new bf is that and you guys are sooo sensitive…

    I recommend learning to enjoy your own company usually that air of independance and easy-goingness attracts people to you the most…as Cancerian can cling and people don’t like to be suffercated….

  10. Yesterday I was reading the Village Voice and there was a book listed by Joseph Epstein called Friendship: An Expose.

    Here’s a summary:

    Just as his best-selling Snobbery argued that contemporary American snobbery isn’t what it used to be, Friendship: An ExposÆ’

  11. Hi, I have Saturn in Saggitarius, in my 11th house. I make friends quite easily, I am a taurus and quite a giving person. I am also a healer. I am not sure why, but my friends are forever screwing me over….lying, cheating, stealing…..and this led me to this page….I am starting to think that perhaps the heartache is less severe if I don’t have any… expectations,

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